Daily News, Franklin, Johnson County, 14 September 1889 — Page 6

•I

safeesfe

A HAIR-BREADTH ESCAPE.

In 1BT0. a month or twobefore the outoreak of the Franco-German war, one pi the most promising cadets, or, as they *re commonly called, "pupils" of the military academy of St. Cyr, was Gaston ie langeais. He was the last representative sf an ancient family in Brittainy, whose traditional obstinacy and impatience to control he had inherited to an extent which rendered him mom popular with his comrades tlian with the presid* •ng authorities.

Not that he was especially remarkable for turbulence or insubordination, or that his infractions of rules were more frequent than those of a majority of his fellows. On one point alone be was intractable and exercised all his Ingenuity in repeated attempts to escape a regulation which was inexpressibly repugnant to him. Gifted by nature with an abundanceof luxuriantly curling hair, of which he was inordinately vain, the prescribed necessity of liaving it cropped short was a perpetual grievance to him, and lie looked anxiously forward to his second year at St. Cyr, and to his consequent emancipation from the too close scrutiny to which he had hitherto been periodia "In two months,"he said exultingly to one of his intimates, "my time here will be tip, and once named officer I shall t*» free as air, and no longer ashamed to •ihow myself to my cousin Ixuise. For, fou see,"* he added, lifting his cap and

Ji&play ing a thick growth of short curls .-arefully flattened down, "1 still have *ome hair left." astles in the air, however, are apt to Elapse and (iaston visionary projects were, to say the least, premature.

A few mornings later, at the usual nour for parade, tlie corps of youngsters were unexpectedly summoned to undergo the inspection of the infantry lieutenant, Bouchard, a lynx-eyed martinet, by jo means favorably disposed toward pupils destined for cavalry regiments,whom ae contemptuously designated "coxcombs. De Langeais, as the recognized eader of the band, was particularly obnoxious to him, and his keen eyes twiniled maliciously as he stopped short before the young man and examined him curiously. "Take off your cap," he said.

Gaston obeyed with an inward shiver jt apprehension. "1 thought as much," growled the lieutenant. "If that superfluous hair aas not disappeared by this time to-mor-row you will pass the next four days in he salle de police." -You are in for it now,* whispered his lympathising comrade when the terrible Bouchard had passed on. "Not a bit of it," replied Dv Langeais, ihrugging his shoulder.* unconcernedly. "Why, what on earth can you do?" "I don't exactly know: but 1 intend to out off the evil day as long us I possibly jan."

Next morning, with the aid of a couple jf'brushes well soaked in water, he»uc» needed in leveling the tebellious locks so AS to deceive even a practiced ere, and Appeared on jmrade with his wonted jaunty air, although not a little nervous to the result of the coming ordeal. Presently the lieutenant arrived with an jmiiiously slow step, and punning, as before, exactly in front of (iaston, repeated ihe order of the previous day "Take off your cap."

For a moment Bouchard appeared puzzled by the apparently smooth surface of the "pupil's" head, but, bent on ascertaining the real state of the case, he un'.'erinoniously lifted a portion of the flattened hair with his forefinger, thereby .line-losing a substratum of tiny curls. Then, turning to the adjutant who accompanied him. ho briefly coiihigned the offender for four days to the "snlle de police" and continued his round of inspection with a seli'-aatlsfled grin.

During the last day of his seclusion .Sastou practically employed his leisure in decorating his knee, by a judknom mixture of blue and green paint, with a tolerably exact imitation of a bruise, which he showed to the regemental doctor, pretending that the contusion had been caused by his coming in contact with a post in the riding school. Whether he implicitly believed the statement or itoi, the good-natured medico put him on the sick list, and thus twenty-four hours were gained. His reappearance on }a iude, however, became a matter of ne-.-ewsity, and this time his continued d» obedience entailed on him a week's fur liter confinement, at the expiration of which he was again consigned to durance vile for an entire fortnight, "This will never do," thought De Lan* geals, "The earthenware pot must in the long run lie smashed by the iron one *nd I shall have to give in at last. 1 had better try old Orison once more."

Whereupon, having previously, by way of precaution, added a few touches to the pictorial embellishment of hi# knee, he limped into the consult ing-room of Dr. Grisen, who was fortunately too much engaged with other patient* to give more than a very cursary glance at the bruise, and, not knowing precisely what to make of the case, gave the newwmer an

order

Gaston

of admission to the in-

tlrmarv, then under the charge of a half* do*en sisters of eh rity, presided over by a lady superior.

Gaston had hardly changed his ordinary attire for the loose gray coat and cotton night-cap, when Pi trot, the *or of the establishment, was announced* bearing an enormous pair of eciawor* and a laconic note, which ran as follows: "The pupil De L*ng«»is hair is to cut off immediately.

BOCCHARIX

Hie poor coiffeur. unwilling to lose excellent a customer for pomades and other capillary unguents, and yet con* peiled to obey the imperative lusmtaie* was in despair. •Would it not be possible, monsieur* he suggested, "to obtain rrom the lady luiwrior a certi ftc®,de that the effect of the opermttett might be injurious tom invalid?"

could not l*lp smiling at the

dent ^uite seethe said, "what a cropped head lias to do with a bruise on the knew but there ow» be IW

TTYUU.

AM good luck would have It, Sister Anjjelique, in whose memos perhaps sfill Ungered the fondly chenshed recollection of some romantic episode of her youthful days, listened with interest to the handsome Breton, while he related to her his hopes and fears, and his attachment to his cousin Louise. Being oaturallv kind-hearted and sympathetic, the agreed without much persuasion to his rather incongruous request, so that Pere Pitrot, relieved from his disagreeable responsibility, went on his way rejoicing.

A quarter of an hour later the lieutenant buret into the infirmary in a paroxysm of fury. I" i/ "So youngster!" he cried, it seems fou are bent on braving me Well, we ihall see. You can not stay shamming here forever, and, mark my words, when you do come out I'll have that head of yours as smooth as a billiard ball!"

With this parting threat he bounced jut of the room, and next day every one of the future cavalry officers—the prisoner alone excepted underwent the summary operation of "cropping" at the hands of the tonsor, Pitrot

Meanwhile. Gaston position was by no means an enviable one. Through the grated windows of the infirmary he could see his comrades mounting their horses in the courtyard, and caracoling gaily as they passed, and on Sundays— most painful trial of all—could hear with a pang of envy the joyous shouts of his more fortunate colleagues, emancipated for a few hours from duty, and on their way to catch the first train for Paris.

The day of deliverance, however, was at hand. Early on the 14th of July —a date never to be forgotton by De Langeais—-the occupants of the infirmary were suddenly startled by the tremendous uproar immediately under their windows, and, looking out, imagined for a moment that pandemonium had broken loose.

Such a spectacle had assuredly never oeen witnessed at St. Cyr. Ihe entire quadrangle was thronged by an excited mulitudc rushing to and fro in tumultuous disorder, flinging their capa high iu. the air and bursting every now and then into aloud and prolonged hurrah! Was it revolt,marveled the sisters and their patients, or what could it possibly mean

A few minutes sufficed to explain the mvsterv. A hasty step "a* heard outride the door immediately followed by ihe entrance into the sick room of an adjutant hearing in hishaud an official document, the contents of which, recited by lum in a sonorous voice, were greeted with an enthusiasm bordering on ireiizy: "War is declared with Prussia. By imperial decree, the seniors are henceforth sub-lieutenants."

Before the sitters, deafened by the jlamor, had recovered from tlieiV stujtefaction, they found themselves alone in the infirmary the invalids, one and all, having mustered strength enough to throw away their wraps and make the Dest of their way down stairs.

Gaston, whose instantaneous cure Sifter Angelique afterward descrilwd as tittle short of miraculous, was the first to rejoin his comrades and descrying his persecutor, Bouchard,! standing apart from the rest and apparently in no very good humor, went up to him with out,tretched hand

and

wWell,

Each of the seniors entitled to promotion having notified

the

-Bravo!"

a frank, cheery smile.

lieutenant," he said. "you

won't have me cropped now! ^4

MSo

it seems," grimly replied the oilier, returning somewhat reluctantly the proffered grasp. You have more luck iban you deserve for, depend ».pou it, I holt Id have shown you no mercy?''

adjutant on duty

the regiment to which he was desirous jf being attached, the preparations for Jeparture were speedily completed. At an early hour in the afternoon the band jf exultant youngsters started lor Paris, ntent on making the most of the three jays allowed them before joining their *e» pec live corps. Gastou's regiment being stationed at Lille, he had ample leisure, after partaking of a farewell repast at Brebant with his old companions, to carry into execution his long-cherished project of paying a flying visit to his cousin Louise, at Trouville and, repairing on the third day to headquarters, reported himself to »he colonel of the fortysecond dragoons, who received him most cordially. «&•. **You are dispensed from duty, said his chief, "until you have got your kit in jrder. Ma foi, young man, you have arrived in the very nick of time, for be*ore the week is out we shall be on our way to the front.

On his first appearance at mess De Lan£tais discovered to his astouisliuient that •very one of his uew companions, without exception, was closely crop|ed. "A very necessary precaution. said the president, "in war time: the less incumbrance we carry about us the better, A long beard, and as little hair as possible no comb or ra»»r wanted, nothing hut a simple brush up.*4 "Not to mention," chimed in an old

.-auipaigner, "that a heavy helmet plays the verv deuce with oue's hair." .: ,/i

Gaston listened with due it^jH-cl to these well-meant exhortations, but wiih?ut the slightest iuteutiou of being influenced bv them and, on tlie arrival of kis division at Met* #ome days later, liad Already more than once declined to avail himself of the services of the regimental jarber.

Nevertheless, he instinctively felt thai continued refusal to conform to the general custom must inevitably endanger his popularity, and that the only way to atone for this obnoxious singuferity w»« to distinguish himself by some exploit which might obtain for him an honorable mention in tl»e order of the iiiy.

An opportunity soon came. On the 18th of August h» w«iii*ent, posted

m*x

St, Private behind an avenue of poplars bordering the road to Saarbruck, had been exposed for sever*! hours to a gallingtireof the German artillery, and had suffered severely from an incessant storm shells which were beginning to set the been on The po^Um of the French xjrps became untaaable^ *ndthecx»kmei, deciding that the enemv guns must at inf eost be silence*!, sffdwd a •will detachment of dragoon^ «mimamled by jpe iauigeal*, to dharge, and cat tbewt OB

TERRE HAUTE DAILY NEWS, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 1889. SUPPLEMENT.

bom the main body, Th* Gentians, taken by surprise and imagining they were about to be attacked by the entire regiment, ceased firing and li^tily retreated. leaving one of their guns on the field, which Gaston, at the head of fifteen men, bore down upon, and, sabring the gunners, carried it triumphantly into the French lines.

cried the colonel, warmly

grasping the

sub-lieutenants

hand: you

have deserved the Cross for this, and I will take care that you get it." Stimulated by this first success, and eager to justify by some further act of daring the good opinion of his cliief, DeLangeais neglected noopportunity of proving himself worthy of it. Dispatched on a foraging expedition, and attacked by an outpost of infantry, lie completely routed them and brought ten prisoners into camp: and a few days later held his ground for half an

hour,

unsupported,

save by his own men. against an entire corps of tlie enemy. His gallantry did not pass unrewarded. No only was the Cross of the Legion of Honor conferrea on him, but bis name was three times mentioned for exceptional bravery in the order of the day, and.his speedy promotion to tlie rank of lieutenant was generally regarded as a certainty.

At this juncture the unexpected calculation of Metz was a severe blow to him, and, unwilling to accept comparative liberty on parole, he conceived a project which, although extremely hazardous, might enable him to join the army of the Loire. His design being approved by the general commanding under Bazine, who intrusted him with a letter to nis colleague, Aurelle de Palladine, informing him that the army of Prince Frederick Cliarles would shortly march toward tlie Loire, Gaston exchanged his uniform for a blouse and a peasant's straw hat, and, carrying a basket of eggs, pursued his way coolly in the direction, of the enemy's lines. "It is a terrible risk," he thought, "but better be shot at once than rot in a German prison."

Challenged by the first man he mei and arrested on suspicion, lie was taken before the colonel of the regiment, who, iurrounded by his officers in council, scrutinized the prisoner attentively. I "Where do you come from?" he inquired in tolerable French. "From Ladonchamps, on my way with these eggs to Grigy," was the young man's replj "Are you aware that you run the risk of being treated as a spy?" pursued the interrogator.

Necessity has no choice," retorted De Langeais, with a perfectly indifferent air.

During this brief colloquy the officers glanced curiously at the stalwart individual before them, whose appearance and manner contrasted so strangely with the homely dress he wore, and were almost unanimously of the colonel's openly expressed opinion that he was no peasant, but an qjfficer in disguise, and consequently a spy. A pause, boding no good to the accuSed, ensued, and in another moment his fate would have been sealed, when a gray-haired major, who bad been intently gazing at DeLangeais, suddenly rose from his seat.

Stay," he exclaimed,'

awith

True, the major is right," assented deveral of those present.

^Jff

"It may be so," said the colonel, only naif convinced, "and in that case lie is entitled to the benefit of the doubt. Give him a pass and let him go and be hanged iomewhere else." "A narrow escape," muttered Gaston to himself, as he left the camp. "I wonder what Bouchard would say if he knew it."

A week later our hero reached his destination and delivered his credentials to the general in command, by whom the ^rade of lieutenant was immediately contended on him. At the conclusion of the campaign he "was promoted to a captaincy, and in 1871, after the final rout ,»f the commune, married his cousin Louise. In the following year, while on leave in Paris, he came across his old nemy, Bouchard, on the Boulevard des It aliens. "How goes it with you?" asked the latter, as they were sipping their absm|li| together. "Admirably," replied Gaston. "Here *m I. a captain at 22, Chevalier of ,he Legion of Honor, and the husband rff a charming wife, and all this—no lhanks to you, by the way, Bouchard— oecause I saved nfy hair. "—[Charles liervey, in the Argosy, f'Jfo

Returned with Hi* Punch.

Tliey were telling experiences th5 other sight. and Colonel Gmnnis told one of lis. He made a trip through the southern jKirt of California just after the railroad was completel. The lestive cowtoy had just begun to enjoy the sport of mining the tram in the rough region, *nd atone of the stations a formidable tpeciman of tiie tough human boarded Uie cars. The conductor came along, punching the tickets, and this cowboy did not pay any attention to him. At last the conductor laid his hand on the ,-owbov's shoulder and said: "Ticket, please. Hie cowboy turned in true cowboy style, pulled out his revolver, and pointed it at the ooncuctor. jje,

Heres my ticket." The conductor walked on said punched ftervbody ebe*s coujion. Tlien he disappeai^d. The little incident had been focn^ten by almost everybody on tine car. Hie cowboy was in a quiescent state and 0ie car was quite Mill when the conductor came in. He walkinl leisurely up tlie lisle and suddenly Mopped before the lowboy, placed a great big knife dangerH»ly contiguous to his vital part, and laid quietly

Lemme

that tieket again.

The twboy paid his fare.

An oycter bed of

HBMM

ABOOT THE HOUSE.

ZTTTLK mixes HEBE AST) TBS MX THAT MAKE LIFK SlYEETKK.

{be Endlea pleWun of Deeoration and The Ingenaltv There Is In It—Glimpse* of Home Comfort—Gt»d

Its growth Is

all sub

mission, I think you are mistaken. This man, whoever he may be, is no officer. All those we have taken prisoners have been close cropped, and no one ever heard of a French soldier,on active service with such a head of liair as that."

•w

SCDM

'faste Travel Uasd la Hand.

and Good

ET ME choose two things for a parlor," said a lady not long ago, "and I care not what else I may be in it." Vi "What are the two things, "was asked. "The lamp and the flower in the bow window," was the reply.

Sure enough, {here are hardly any two other

articles in a sitting room or a reception paror that go so far to furnish it as these two bits of ornament. The lamp now-a-days*is usually the standard or telefcope lamp and is highly ornamental The flower in the window is not always eo well chosen as the lamp. Too many flowers are out of place in the parlor. For masses and variety the conservatory or a large dining-room with large win dows toward the south are the suitabk places. But in the parlor let there be simplicity and emphasis, and to secure this a single palm in a beautiful pot if far more effective than almost anything else. You can safely trust yourself tthe choice (of such a floral ornament for it is a plant of rare grace and beauty and with ordinary care is sure to thrive.

not very

Revolving Mirror* for Nervous Diseases

Dr. Allen McLane Hamilton, who ha? just returned from

Europe,

shafts,

brought from

Paris a new device for the treatment of nervous diseases. It is a simple affair. There lis a little cherry box, about five inches square, above which project twe

one within the other, sleeve and

axin fashion* On cach shaft is balanc©u a black bar nine inches long, an inch wide, and a quarter inch thick, edge up. By clockwork in the box these ebony arms, or bars are made to revolve in opposite directions. Six little round mirrors are placed on each side of each bar. the patient in placed in a chair in a dark room, facing the machine. An electric light, or any bright light, is concentrated

the black arms of the machine by a convex mirror placed behind the patient, and then the arms are Bet a whirling The patient watches them whirl. The motion' and the flashing lights operate on the nerves through the eyes. Dr. Hamil* ton said he had seen patients put to sleep by tH* means, and some extraordinary cures accomplished.

The explanation of the effect of the whirling arms and flashing lights is that they change the habit of the brain. The effect is analogous to that produced by soft music on a nervous or irritated man, bnt the rythmof regularly flashing lights has a more quieting effect upon the brain than the rythm of music.[New York Sun.

tOddtrJgnoaffli.

the

Man Right*

The wife of a well-known New Yorkei recently presented him with a dress

maker's

bill of large proportions. One

it*™ was $45 for cutting a basque. The gentleman paid it without a murmur. Two days later the wife started on a visif to some friends down in Maine, and wore the new basque. Her husbant1 looked at it critically and disapprovingly. don't care about the price, Jen." he aaid, "but it don't fit" "Why, Clarence," was the astonished replv, "I'm sure it fits beautifully." -No, it doesn't fit," said the husband

She bad taken her seat and the trair was moving out of the station when sh« thrust her head out of the window am* nid with an arch smile: "It does fit, Clarence."

Tlie window closed before be could frame an answer. He at once went tf SHUgmpfc office and sent this tele

P^MRA.

site and rich-

test was dfeeovered recently by a tyanish isherman near tlie coast of Juiland. It some eleven mile frwn land and fifteen «il«8 tons* bv fMven miles wide.

JESSIE Portland, Me.—1

don't fit." On Saturday last this reply came: "JDSAR CUJUwea: Perhaps you aw right. Caroline [her cousin] says ator that ft doesnt fit

Clarence feels better now. tha grotesque will f*W silver circus clown done up in a grette.

SUe Proved aa Alibi for *ltw*

A farmer some wheat sttuss a few lights since, and he waa so sure ihut he mew who the thief was that he came Itio town and secured a warrant for a" ertain: young man living near him. •Vhen the case came up for trial the deundent said he could prove an alibi. In «rder to do this he had brought in "his prl"—a buxum lass of 82. She took the tand and swore that he sat up with her rom 7 in Ihe evening until broad day ight the next morning. "People caii be very easily mistaken," tbserved the plaintiff's lawyer. "I don't care—he was there, "she replied.

What did you talk about" -H|5 "Love!" she promptly answered. "What time did ihe old folks go to *d?" su.v"I gave "em the wink about 10.*%3 "Sure he was there at midnight, are rou?" §§S "Yes, Hi!. "Why are you sure?"

She blushed, looked over to her lover,uid laughed, and, getting a nod to go ihead, she said: "Well, sir, just as the clock struck 13 he old man jumped up out of bed up (tairs and hollered down, 'Sarah, yer iiar wants some o' that catnip tea, aid we got such a start we broke the ,»ack of the rocking chair, and went over jackward. keplunk!" "Then the jury must understand that rou were seated on Samuel's knee?"^ "I object!" put in Samuel's lawyer, md His Honor emembered the davs of lis youth and sustained the. objection. —[Preston Times.

rapid in the

North, but it is always a delight in it? bricht living green, and being a plant of long life and constant thrift, you will oonsider it something in the light of a verv dear old friend. Nothing is prettier for purposes of decoration than palm leaves which may be had in the South for almost nothing. If you have a friem who will attend to it, you can send tc Charleston, Mobile, or New Orleans,

the autumn, and get for the mere cost of expressage a bale of palm leaves tha have been trimmed from the park tha« will make a parlor or a studio a perfect bewer of beauty. They may be arranged in masses in the corner of a ceiling, grouped about a chandelier, tackcd on the wall behind pictures, or set here and there in tall vaces! Nowhere will they fail to be graceful and decorative.

The Bank Wan Busted.

He entered a bank in a Kapsas town ixist at noon, when the place was deerted by all save the cashier, who had a »ar-away look in his eyes a.s his pale face Appeared at the wicket. Drawing a revolver from his hip pocket, the man with Jie sombrero and buckskin shirt and .ong hair rested the barrel on the edge of he counter aud said:

I am Buckskin Joe." "Yes." "Shell out!" The cashier reached around for a $3 jill and laid it before him. "Hand out the boodle or I'll blow daviglit through you!" was tlie stern comnand. "There it is," was the calm reply. "Don't monkey with me! Hand over „he funds!" "There is every dollar we have in the jank. Come around here and see for ,'ourself." „1 "But—but—" "Easv enough explained The presiient and cashier sloped in company last light, and this is the bill they overlooked. I'm the teller, and I'm standing here in aopes to take in enough deposits to pay liv fare to Chicago." "And the shanty is busted?" "As you see. Sorry for you, old boy, jut you ought to have dropped in yesteriay. Please do me the favor to keep itill as you go out. I've been lynched iwice in this State, and I d^n admire he sensation.

A Strong Writer.

Stephen," said the colonel, speaking jo an old negro who had come to cut the rass in the yard, "I am told that you blend to give your son a good education." "Dat's whut 1 does, sah. I knows whut is ter struggle erlong without l'arnin', Mi' I is 'termined dat my son shan't travel j'af foot ober de same flint-rock road dat I did." "A noble resolution, Stephen. There something beautiful in the uncultivated mind that has a reverence for now ledge. Is your boy learning rapdly?"

Ez fast ez er hoss kin trot, sah. W ast week he writ er letter ter his aunt iatlibes mo' den twenty miles frumyere. m' atter while he gwine write ter his adder aunt dat lihes fifty miles erway.

Why doesn't he write to her now?" Oli, he kain't write so fur yit. He ten writejjtwenty miles fust rate, but iold him not ter try ter write fifty miles till he got stronger wid his pen. But he jjwine to git dar, I tell you. Wont be mo'n er year fo' dat boy can sit down at jne eenil o" de guberment an' write er .etter cl'ar ter de udder.—[Arkansas Traveler. ^, r\r

Given Aw».v by a-Ooo»#.

A voung man over in Brushvalley township was desperately in love with a farmer's daughter. She reciprocated thfe tender passion, but her father was sullen tnd obdurate, and gave the young man to understand in the most emphatic terms that if he ever entered that house it would be at his peril. He would, he said, "Kick the daylights out of him."

One night recently, when the old gentleman had gone to Indiana to be absent over night, the young man took advantage of his absence to visit the daughter. They were sitting hi the front room, both beaming with joy. It was nearly midnight. Presently the daughter heard & noise which she recognized as her fatlitr's footsteps. There was a bed in the room and the girl drew back the calico curtains and told the young man to hustle under. He did so. She liad forgotten to tell him that there was a goo-e under there engaged in a motherly effort to hatch out a dozen young gosling. Scarcely |i»ii the young man gotten himself lecurely stowed away wl»en the girls father entered.

Just

»ad 1

about this time the

did goose made a hissing noise, drew back its long neck, and struck uie al ready frightened intruder a stinging blow an the left ear, nipping a piece out. fhat was enough, he wan sure he had been bitten by a snake, and, with a bkxd: curdling yell, the young

I'm bit by

don't

&ure a dang who know* it!

And thecliaiides*h*e lover made a break for the door, and ran home with furious speed yelling at every jump.

Thf old man waa at first rery much gtartied at/the strange apparation, but ftewxm realised the situation, and boih aip daughter laughed heartily, kept txury filing the means their cz^pa.

CBIX CMVCKZEK8.

Many-fold paper—An old bank note. Alight coat often cover a heavy heart, A tars chorus is always rendered at con*rt pitch.

In Salt Lake City maritaV^unitf is

ort of E pluribus unum. The fisherman, like the actor, is^in 1 lilemma when he forgets his iine^/^^ '5

There is nothing loud about the flannel hirt. On the contrary it is very modest -and shrinking.

The custom of playing poker for beer snot strange. The players always have

omething to druw from. The rain has put a stop to the forest ires in the Northwest. And yet the b.

C. A. would have check-rains done tway with A dentist may^not be considered chickmhearted, and yet when he conies in xmtact with an obstinate tooth there is a rood deal of tlie pull it about him.

There is only one thing that can coax real man of business in subscribing to deed to give the control of his property acres to another—and that is the tooth«'he. "Your wife has gone to the country, lasn't she?" -Yes:" "Did you send her away for a rest?" "Yes: and i'm getting it, too."

Employer—Want three weeks off berpre you take your regular two wteks* vacation. What for?

Cierk—To go into training, sir. A felow can't stand two weeks holiday withut being prepared for it.

Bashful (who has proposed without he usual demonstrations)—I know 1 have nanners like a bear, but—

Miss Dovey—Indeed? I thought that jne of a bear's habits was hugging. Oh, lon't—squeeze so—tight!

A pretty pink cushion—The rosy cheek 3f a fair maid. A canal boat mule and a baby's shoe, DOth wear out on the tow.

An actor, like a billiardist, never nakes a hit when he forgets his cue. The man who is. was and might be just as bad as he could be, becomes worse A'lien he strikes a nest of wood bees. "To eat with decency and composite the final triumph of civilization," sayjs writer on gastronomy. If that lie so, hen there are many barbarians in this ilace.

^ot Docked for the Time Spent In Flt§.

A gang of men were at work on a city street when a slight, beardless youth laid lown his pick and, approaching the foreman, said to him: "Can 1 take a fit, sir?" "Take what?" asked the foreman. "A tit—I feel one coming on," replied he young man, without emotion. "Why, certainly," said the foreman.

So the young man walked over to a jit of grass under a leat'y tree—it was a xew street in the suburbs—and had a tit.

Then he went aud washed his face, and jame back to his place in the line, aud {truck into work, After the day's work vas over the youug man said to tlie forenan: "You don't mind my having fits?" "No, I guess not, if you do a fair day's *VQrk." "Well, yifti see, I used to work for a butcher, an' he wouldn't let me take fits —said it interfered with business—an' 1 ihought you might feel the same way tbout it."

And that young man works hard with jick and shovel and takes a fit ouce in a while, as you or I might take a drink of water.—|Pittsburgh Dispatch.

The Bottom all Might.

"Yes, it is pretty dull in our town just aow in real estate matters," said the Kansas man, "but I am not discouraged." "The boom has passed, 1 hear?" "Well, yes." "And the bottom dropped out?" "No, sir: I deny that. While there are io sales on record, aud wiiile prices have .alien r0 per cent., the bottom is all right, tir—all right. "What do you call the bottom?" "A sandstone ledge twenty-seven feet Jliek, sir. We may suffer a relapse now md then, hut the bottom has come to «tay."

Conclusion* I'robablf Correct.

"In Colonel Carter in eali'/" "No, sir. He went down to see tlie editor of the Press about, three hours igo." 'i

Was he going to stay "I guess not. He was pretty mad A-hen he left here." "What conclusions, sah, have you ar-

-jved at concerning his absence?"

have about concluded that he found -he editor in."—[Time.

It Lout IU Coaeeit.''

Mrs, Soaker—\ wrote home to me, William, tliat the i^h you were going to send me weighed ten pounds, but the fish I got weighed only a little over three. j| How do you account for that $

Soaker—Well, Mariah you see that gj dsh must liave been very much puffed ap with pride to think tliat I'd caught" oim.—[Ijiwrence American.

SfM- Tht 3Wo»t HttMmn*

Rollo-Uncle George, who wan the nost humorous man you ever knew Uncle

Joe—I'm

sure I don't know, un-

it was Job, and he boiled over with it. t.,!1

rushed

from his hiding pSae* screaming at the

Proat *t Itfrrttofng.

«I guppooe you are ready to subntanth te any statement your paper makes aid an angry

looking

RONT

With

caller to tlie editor,

-Qh, yea we have the compositor* jr everything tliat is set up,[Washngton Coital.

Overheard the Beaehi

Fir«t colored gentleman—Momin', Mr. lohnsing. What are you doin* now, whitewashing?

Second colored gentleman—No, sah. Cre left the field of manual labor, sah, am now earn in' my living by bead irork, ah.

F. C. O.—Preachin'? 8.

C. Q.—No: I'm the African dodger gt the shootto' gallery sah.

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