Democratic Sentinel, Volume 22, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 October 1898 — ANECDOTE AND INCIDENT [ARTICLE]

ANECDOTE AND INCIDENT

A Maine paper prints a story of a witness who refused to tell the amount of his gross income. Finally, when the judge ordered him to answer the question, he said: “Your honor, I have no gross Income; I’m a fisherman of Machias Bay, and It’s aU net” A Frenchman applied to a local official for a passport to visit Klatterwingsehen. In Switzerland. The functionary, who was not a fellow of any geographical society, struggled in vain with the spelling of the place’s name. Then, unwilling to confess his difficulty, he blandly asked: “Would you as lief visit some other town?” The house surgeon erf a London hospital was attending to the injuries of a poor woman whose arm had been severely bitten. As he was dressing the wound, he said: “I can not make out what sort of a creature bit you. This is too small for a horse’s bite and too large for a dog’s.” “Oh, sir,” replied the patient, “it wasn’t an animal; it was another lydy.” Dr. Field,' who was the examining surgeon for the naval reserves while the recruiting was being done in New Orleans, tells of a German recruit who was walking his post and calling the hours as required. He called, “Seven bells and all’s veil.” The next call, however, was a variation. It jvas: “Eight bells and all is not veil; I has droppit my musket oferboard.” Bishop Wilberforce, discussing foxhunting with a young curate who»rode to hounds, urged that it had a worldly appearance. The curate replied that It was not a bit more worldly than a ball at Blenheim Palace, at which the bishop had been present. The bishop explained that he was staying In the house, but was never within three rooms of the dancing. “Oh, if incomes to that,” replied the curate, “I never am within three fields of the bounds.” At an elementary examination in English which was lately held In a school near New York, two sentiences were given out to be corrected. The first sentence was to be corrected as to Its subject matter, and the second sentence as to its syntax. These were the sentences: “The hen has three legs;” "Who done It?” When the papers were handed In, it was found that one of the examinees had apparently regarded the sentences as subtly connected in thought, for his answer was as follows: “The hen didn’t done It; God done It” R. M. Munkittrick, the humorist, and at one time associate-editor of Puck, presented a check one morning at an up-town bank, In New York, where he was personally unknown. “I know the name very well,” said the cashier, “but you will have to be identified as the man.” “Well, now,” said Munkittrick, “that’s too bad. Everybody I know is down-town, and the only pair of socks I have with my strawberry birth-mark on them are in the wash this week!” “That’s all right,” said the cashier; “You’re Munkittrick. Here’s your money.” The crew of the Yankee was made up largely from New York’s naval reserve. One of these was one day doing his trick at the wheel. Commander Brownson came up alongside him, and, after watching him a few minutes, said: “You steer very well, my man.” Billy just saluted—being up on naval etiquette. “Been practicing since you joined the ship?” asked Brownson. “No, sir; I haven’t been practicing much,” said Billy. “Well, you handle this ship as if you’d steered before,” said Brownson. “Yes, sir,” said Billy; “I have.” “Where?” said Brownson. “All along the Atlantic coast,” says Billy. “Whait did you steer?” says Brownson. “My own steam yacht, sir)’ says Billy. “How big Is she?” says Brownson, after a pause. “About a thousand tons, sir,” says Billy. “I—l see,” says Brownson. “Thank’ee, sir,” says Billy, saluting. And the “old man” went to his ante-room. Lady Jersey was, one evening, the patroness of a ball at Almack’s, In London. A rule had been announced by the patronesses that no one would be received later than eleven o’clock, but persons of indisputable position were not always obedient. On the night In question, the Duke of Wellington called upon an old friend. “Are you going go Almack’s?” she asked. “Yes,” he said, carelessly, “I think I shall look in by and by.” Presently his hostess rose to make her preparations for going, and his mother, who was present, said to him: “Ah, Arthur, you’d better be there In season, for you know Lady Jersey will make no allowance for you?” But “Arthur” was In no hurry, and stayed one. A short time after bis friends had entered the ball-room, they heard one of the attendants say: “Lady Jersey, the Duke of Wellington is at the door, and wishes to be admitted.” “What o’clock Is It?” she asked. “Seven minutes after eleven, your ladyship.” She paused a moment in thought. Then she said, with emphasis: “Give my compliments—give Lady Jersey’s compliments —to the Duke of Wellington, and say she is very glad that the first enforcement of the rule of exclusion Is such that hereafter no one can complain of Its application. He can not be admitted.”