Democratic Sentinel, Volume 22, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 October 1898 — MARK TWAIN'S APPETITE CURE. [ARTICLE]

MARK TWAIN'S APPETITE CURE.

HI. Antidote Warranted to Be Pure, Simple end Efficacious. In the Cosmopolitan, Mark Twain narrates his experience at an “appetite cure” In Bohemia. When he arrived the doctor looked him over. The doctor considered awhile, then got out a long menu and ran his eye slowly down It “I think,” said he, “that what you need to eat Is—but here, choose for yonrself.” “I glanced at the list, and my stomach threw a handspring. Of all the barbarous layouts that were ever contrived this was the most atrocious. At the top stood ‘tough, underdone, overdue tripe, garnished with garlic;’ half way down the bill stood ‘young cat, old cat, scrambled cat;’ at the bottom stood ‘sailor boots, softened with tallowserved raw.’ The wide intervals of the bill were packed with dishes calculated to insalt a cannibal.” The doctor did not press him to eat bat invited him to go to his room. When they got him there they locked him in and left him. “When I had been without food fortyfive hours,” says the patient, “I ran eagerly to the bell and ordered the second dish In the bill, which was a sort of dumplings containing a compost made of cavair and tar. “It was refused me. During the next fifteen hours I visited the bell every now and then and ordered a dish that was further down the list. Always a refusal. But I was conquering prejudice after prejudice right along; I was making sure progress; I was creeping np on No. 15 with deadly certainty, and my heart beat faster and faster, my hopes rose higher and higher. “At last when food had not passed my Ups for sixty hours, victory was mine, and I ordered No. 15: “ ‘Soft boiled spring chicken—ln the egg, six dozen, hot and fragrant!’ Then the head of the institution appeared on the scene. “ ‘lt’s a cure, It’s a cure,’ said he. ‘I knew I could do It Dear sir, my grand system never fails—never. You’ve got yofir appetite back—you know you have; say It and make me happy.’ “ ‘Bring on your carrion—l can eat anything in the bill!’ “ ‘Oh this is noble, this Is splendid—but I knew I could do It, the system .never falls. How are the birds?’ I “ ‘Never was anything so delicious lu Lthe world; and yet as a rule I don’t [cafe for game. But don’t Interrupt me, Ifon’t—l can’t spare my mouth, I really Btfi’t.’ the doctor said; ggWThe cure Is perfect. There Is no doubt nor danger. Let the poulrflPalone; I can trust you with a beefsteak, now.’ “The beefsteak came—as much as a basketful of It—with potatoes, and Vienna bread and coffee; and I ate a meal then that was worth all the costly preparation I had made for It. And dripped tears of gratitude Into the gravy all the time—gratitude to the doctor for putting a little plain common sense into me when I had been empty of it so many years.”