Democratic Sentinel, Volume 22, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 July 1898 — JOLLY JOKER. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

JOLLY JOKER.

“I guess I’ll wed and settle down,” said Krupp. He wedded, now he’s settling up.—Cornell Widow. “Did yon ever notice the expression of the face of the Venns de Milo?” “Oh, yes; she looks aH broke up.”— Truth. “Some queer poetry has sprung up out of this Cuban affair.” “Yes. Isn’t It marvelous how war has been staved off so long?”—Philadelphia North American. “Louise coaxed her mother for an hour before she secured permission to accept Mr. Widderly’s Christmas gift.” “Well?’ “And then he didn’t send her anything.”—Chicago Record. First Poet—l am going to have my revenge upon the editor. Second Poet —How? First Poet (In a hoarse whisper)— I’ve sent to him a poem, and I’ve poisoned the gum on the return envelope.—London Fun. Willie—Do grown people ever get Childish? Mamma—Yes; In old age. Why? Willie—’Cause when papa was trying to find the electric bell last night he hollered, “Button, button, who’s got the button ?’-^Judge. “It is sad,” murmured the Musing Theorizer, “to think that every man has his price.” “Yes,” admitted the Intensely Practical Worker, “and It Is a sad fact that half the time he can’t get it.”—Cincinnati Enquirer. “I suppose f classlcal music is all right In Its place,®"said Maud. “I’m sure it Is,” replied Mamie; “I don’t care to listen to it myself, but sometimes you have to play it in order to get a man to go home.”—Washington Star. “Want a situation as errand boy, do you? Well, can.you tell me how far the moon Is from the earth, eh?” BoyWell, guv’nor, I don’t know, but I reckon it ain’t near enough to Interfere with me running errands.” He got the job. —Ex. Inventor—l’m working ou an appliance that will revolutionize things in this country if I succeeed in perfecting It Friend—That so? What Is it? Inventor—An air-brake that will stop a grocery bill In half its own length.— Chicago News. “She Is very frigid In her manner,” remarked Willie Wlshlngton. “Perhaps,” was the reply, “but she has a heart of gold.” “So I have been Informed. But I am tired of trying to cross a conversational Chllkoot Pass In order to reach It.” —Washington Star. A countryman walked into a newspaper office to advertise the death of a relative. “What Is your charge?” he asked of the clerk. “We charge two dollars per inch.” “Oh!” said the countryman, “I can’t afford that; my friend was six feet three inches.”—Tid Bits. A vindication: “Have you anything to say?” asked the sheriff, as he strapped the murderer in the electric chair. “I Just want to point out what fools those people were who said I was born to be hanged,” replied the criminal, with a smile of triumph.—Philadelphia North American. - Manager—Look here, Mr. Plotz, I believfe in realism; but I don’t think it is necessary to carry it to such extremes. Author—What is that? ManagerWhy, In the second act of this new play of yours the servant is required to break fifty dollars’ worth of bric-a-brac every night!—Puck. Brother Goodman—Ah, it grieves me to hear of Brother Hunker’s death. We can ill afford to lose such men. Deacon Kinders—lt Is a great loss, but let us take It philosophically. His widow will now probably furnish the memorial window that we need to complete our set. —Cleveland Leader. “I wonder what the reason of a man's natural aversion to shopping Is,” he remarked, as his wife, with a frown, Inspected some purchases he had made for her. “It is a wise provision ot nature,” she answered, with a sigh; “it prevents a great deal of good money from being wasted.” Washington Star. A Glens Falls teacher was trying to impress on the class the lessons of Washington’s birthday, and among other questions she asked: “If the Southern Confederacy had succeeded, what would Washington have been the father of?” “Twins,” was the prompt reply of one of the boys.—New York Tribune. “You have called me a liar,” shouted the angry citizen to the offensive citizen, “and you will live to regret that speech, sir.” “That jest shows the difference in fellas,” remarked Cowboy Bill, who happened to be present; “when a man calls me a liar, he don’t live to regret it. No, sir!”—Pick-Me-Up. She was reading In a low,thrilling voice: “When the packing begins In earnest, it seems as though there could be no spot on the earth’s surface unshaken.” He roused himself from a somnolent attitude In an easy-cliair. “Who wrote that, Marie? He’s been through It, whoever he is. I wonder whom he married?” “Why, you great stupid,” said she, “it’s Nansen writing about the ice.”—Household Words. Fuddy—Talk about savink women! 1 suppose my wife is the most economical woman going. Duddy—What has she been doing now? Fuddy—She has been wanting a new cloak, and the other day she said, “I wish I had fifty dollars to get that cloak with.” Then she thought a moment, and added, “No, I won’t be extravagant. I wish I had forty dollars. Perhaps I might be able to get it for that.” Now, that’s what I call economy/’—Boston Transcript