Democratic Sentinel, Volume 21, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 July 1897 — Fourth of July Advice. [ARTICLE]

Fourth of July Advice.

Be sure to get up at 4 o’clock, so that you can have all your firecrackers exploded before breakfast. Later in the day perhaps you can get your little sister

to loan you some of hers. Don’t bother about scraping out the fire in your punk. Just stick it into the pocket where your firecrackers are when you get through with it. When you light a fuse and it won’t go stoop over and blow it well. If you lose your eyebrows they’ll grow on again in a year or two. Always sit on the old barrel under which you put the lighted cannon cracker. If the head caves in and you go through you may lose both legs, but the probability is that you will lose only one. By all means drink sixteen glasses of lemonade and eat as many dishes of ice cream as you can. It doesn’t matter at all if you are groaning and tossing on the lounge in the back parlor while the other boys are watching the fireworks. Always hold a roman candle squarely by the end. In this way, if it should happen to blow out backward you can have a complete celebration up your coat sleeve. Lay your lighted punk carefully on the steps. You may want to come back after awhile and sit down on it. Qirls should wear light cotton frocks, for if they catch -fire they will make all the finer display. If you follow these simply directions you cannot fail to have a jolly Fourth, celebrated in a way 'istt tvwld make George Washington smile