Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 48, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 December 1896 — THE JOKER'S BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKER'S BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. ARalytics?- Blessed Reassurance—-Th# Modern View—A Matter of Taste—No Use—Available Either Way—They Knew Her-Etc., Etc. ANALYTICAL. “What does Slyker thiuk about this silver question?" ‘ ‘There's no telling. All we know is what he says.” BLESSED REASSURANCE. Air. Frost—"l must turn you away; I have no work for you-” * Rugged htroug—“Bless yer, air; bless yer.” THE MODERN VIEW. Mamma—Why were the five virgins whose lamps lacked oi! called foolish? Tommy—. Maybe they had their bikes with ’em. DEFINED. “Wbat is an accommodation train, papa?” * ‘An accommodation train, my son, is one that stops at every station that you don’t want to get off aL” BAD RESULTS. “Binks is a sort of photographic lover, isn’t he'-*’ "Photographic? What do you mean?” ‘•vVhy, lie's always bringing out negatives.” A MATTER OF TASTE. Customer—You are using a different kind of soap from what you were, aren’t you ? Barber—What makes you think so? “It doesn't taste the same." FAIR ENOUGH. His Fiancee—Are you sure you would love me just as tenderly if our conditions were reversed—if you were rich ami I were poor ? He—Reverse our conditions and try me. LONG DRAWN OPT. “How did you feel when Charlie was proposing?” “1 felt sure I’d say yes if he ever gat through.” HIS OCCUPATION. “What are you doing down there so long?” shouted the proprietor to Rastas. “Helpin’’Lias, sah.” “What's’Lias doing?” “Nurtin.” LEFT IT TO IIIM. JoDes—Heflo, Smith! Got horns again? Smith—l suppose so. I don’t look as if I was out of town, do I? AT THE INQUEST. Coroner—ls this man whom you found dead on the railroad track a total stranger ? Witness (who had been told by the company to be careful in his statements) —No, sor. His leg was gone intoirely. He was a partial stranger. THEY KNEW HER. Mabel—How many engagement rings did you bring back from tiie seashore? Gertrude—None. Mabel—Why, how did that happen? Gertrude—Unluckily, I got in with the same crowd that I met last year. AVAILABLE EITHER WAY. Helen—He is extremely reticent about his family. Her Brother—Hum—must be a good man of bad family or a bad man of good family. You had best encourage him. NO USE. The conversation dragged. “You are worth your weight iu gold,” he ventured to observe to the girl lie so madly loved. “Excuse me,” she replied, freezingly, “but I detest politics.” Again the conversation dragged. AWKWARD, Toil KNOW. Flossie—'’an you remember whether Tom’s engagement ring had five diamonds ? Cissy—No. why ? Flossie—Because I’ve lost a ring in th; water, and don’t know whether it was Jack's or his. COULDN'T RESIST. , Old Boy—l pride myself on keeping myself to myself. For instance, I did not speak to my next door neighbor for ten years. r-'on —How did you come to speak to him first? Old Boy—He brought home a new bicycle, and 1 couldn’t resist giving him some hints how to ride it. EXPLICIT. “Patrick. I was sorry to hear that you were arrested last week. What whs thecharge against you ?’’ “Sivin dollars an’ co3ts, sir.” ‘ 1 mean, what were you charged withwhen they brought you before the Justice?” “Apple brandy, sor.” HARD TO TELL. Little May—Why do they consider marriage such au important step in life? Agatha—Because it’s so hard to tell whether it’s a step up or down.