Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 48, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 December 1896 — Page 6

HOW GREAT NEWSPAPERS HANDLE ELECTION RETURNS

NOT more than one out of a hundred of the great number of American citizens, who, on the mmrmmg following a national election, permit their breakfast to grow cold while they rend the complete storv of the batballots, has even the vaguest lowwledge of the tremendous task impanrd upon the great newspapers of the mmntrr when a presidential election OMBes around. Quite in line with the progress of the day are the interesting methods by which the printing press produces a perfect mirror of events politico! within a few hours after the last ballot has been cast, giving telegrams from •very State in the Union, the vote for ]?resident by counties in tabular form, the Tote on the various State tickets, the poßtical complexion of the different LegtaUturv.-. the standing of the next United States Senate, returns from every Conpreesicinas district, a list of the new members to the blouse of Representatires, the legislative returns for each State, and. anally, a complete report of the election in the city and county where the aewspaper is published. How the News Is Obtained. The methods adopted for rapidly and effectively accomplishing all this have been reduced to an accurate system by an the great da iiies. but those employed by the Chicago Tiines-Hcrald are partie«tar!j efficient. To carry them out re<*ires week* of preparation, the most Sberal Mpenditure of money, the empiaymec: of the most skillful labor, the axerase of the keenest intelligence, and the utmost economy of time in every direction. The details are almost inwamcraMc. yet ail of them have to be cxecsted to the letter, so closely are they caoaected with each other in the system which has been devised for handling the tatnrtss. First iu its importance is the

wart of the Associated Press. Through this great agency the paper receives tele-graph-c reports of the election from all parts of the Union. At least a week before ejection the correspondents are forwarded printed instructions, giving them the fonri in which tirey shall prepare their dispatches, and other rules for their guid-' mnoe iu handling the news from their localities. These instructions are detdgaed chiefly to insure promptness, accuracy and brevity. Iu addition to this force the special correspondents of the aewspnper itself form an army which any general would be proud to command if assembled in a body. The Times-Her-ald has more than ’_*,ooo of these vigilant news gatherers scattered from the Atlantic to the Pacific, aud from the Gulf In the frontier line on the north. These wutch the polls, ready to record the figures of the election as soon as they are ■anonoced. They supply the news from those towns and cities in which the Associated Press has no representatives, and perform other special duties devolving upon them should the election be marked by way unusual incidents in their respective localities. , Am avalanche of telegrams begins to | get » motion very shortly after the polls uce closed on the night of election. Each apecinl correspondent, impressed with the necessity of getting his dispatches on the wires as early as possible, rushes to the telegraph office. Each correspondent the Associated Press, animated by the •nme desire, enlists the aid of electricity «i the earliest moment. Thousands and thottsacds es telegraph operators click •GT the messages thrown upon their desks. Ai the same hour the City Press Association, upon which falls the task of colliKting the returns for Chicago And Cook County is busily employed. There ure some States in the Unipn which can uot boast of having more election pfe«iacts than are included in the territory covered by this association on election uight. Chicago has almost a thousand precincts, in addition to which must be counted more than a hundred precincts for other townships. Yet the complete returns from every precinct in this vast territory, populated by more than 3,000,1100 souls, are in the offices of the several newspapers before midnight, ami the majority of the figures are in type before tfant hour. The polls close at 4 o'clock in the afternoon in Chicago. The reporters of the City Press Association watch every votSog place in the city an hour later. These reporters are not necessarily newspaper ■ten. In the city proper they are mostly poEccmeu, detailed for the special ddty «f carrying the news to the city hall. In the remote precincts of the county are other messengers, employed to facilitate tbe handling of the returns. All are anAer the most specific instructions to

EXPERT ACCOUNTANTS AT WORK.

lose no time in transmitting the resjilts frm the precincts to headquarters, ▲boot three hours after the polls close tfc* Judges and clerks in most of tti£ bre«taets haVfe completed their counting. As anon as they, have ascertained the vote «f their precincts the result is given ftt the Messengers in waiting. Then begins a race from all directions. Railroad trains, afreet cars, horses and bicycles hasten the transmission of the news to the headepnrters of the Press Association, where •certs of skilled accountants are in waitto tabulate the figures for the newspapers. As fast as the figures are transcribed. a pneumatic tube carries them with lightning swiftness to the newspapers. There they are copied, as a safegwunl against any emergencies, and a aback against any mistakes that might jaagttv and are sent to the composing raesa. The earliest returns on election afeht come in the shape of bulletins from _«jSPffent sections of the country. In the " .B**& of trained observers, these bollqtips ‘ra» compared with the vote of the pfe-

tlous presidential election, and thus furnish indications of theTesult to be expected. As the bulletins increase in number they become more definite as the hour grows later, uptfi they begin to tell the story without any need of comparisons. The figures are copied and then handed over to the telegraph editors to be prepared for the composing room. Where Everything Hums. With afi army of telegraph operators, editors, reporters and typesetters all working at the game time to their utmost capacity, human intelligence is necessarily taxed to its limit to meet the situation. An able-bodied youth watches the pneumatic tnbes, through which an almost constant stream of leather-covered cylinders come Syiag. to be discharged into the glass-inclosed receiving chamber. Each of these cylinders contains from one to a dozen sheets of “flimsy.” the name given by newspaper men to the yellow tissue paper used by the press associations in the -duplication of their news by ,the manifolding process. The “flimsy is distributed by hurrying “copy” boys between the editors, reporters and

BUSHING THE “MAKEUP.”

accountants, each of whom has been assigned to some special duty by his chief. On their desks are piles of heavy cardboard, ruled and labeled ready for the tabulation of the vote in the covmty, from President down to the local officials. Each ward, precinct and township has" a separate blank, with separate blanks also for recording the Tote of the Congressional and legislative districts. One man may have several of these tables to take care of. As the returns come into the office they are passed from one to another of the clerical force, who pick out the figures for their table, until the last return is duly recorded. The expert accountants begin their work footing up the columns of figures as soon as possible. When a complete vote Is obtained for any of the candidates, the total,is quickly recorded on another tabic giving a summary of the vote, and the vote, by ward, or precinct, or outside town, is then “shot” through a pneumatic tube to the composing room

THE TIMES-HERALD REPORTORIAL DEPARTMENT.

above, to be set in type. Here it falls into the hands of the compositor, who sits before a typesetting machine and pounds away at a keyboard like a typewriter. When he finishes, the fignres on his "copy” have been transformed mt© a glistening, solid line of type. ' There are other matters to be looked after on election night, aside' from gathering and handling the returns. Along about midnight, when the result of theelection is no longer shrouded in doubt, the city editor sends a score or more of reporters scurrying around among the hotels and political headquarters. They look for the politicians and the candidates and the prominent citizens with the intention of interviewing them. The candidate is asked to tell how it happened— If he is the politician is given a. chance to say “I told you so,” and the proiniuent citizen expresses his gratification or astonishment over the result. This is about the final chapter of the story of election day, as written by the reporters. They have already recorded the scenes and incidents of the day, from the opening to the closing of the polls, with a minuteness of detail characteristic only of the metropolitan reporter. The desire to give every bit of information possible to its out-of-town readers is the reason why big morning newspaper offices on election night are about the busiest places on earth. A composing room is always a place where hustling is in fashion, but election night brings this feature out most strongly. About 9 o'clock the first election “copy” begins to pour into the copycutters' cage, and the stream never diminishes in volume until near daylight Since the adoption of the typesetting machines the work of putting the copy into type and making up the forms for the stereotypeas has been made much easier and shorter. Between the first and second editions of the paper comes the final strain of the night. This is from 1 to 3 a. m., after the editors, reporters and accountants have disposed of a hasty lunch. Later 1 and more eceurate returns make necessary a revision of a great part of the paper. Proofs are consulted; figures are stricken out and new ones inserted; headings are rewritten; totals are changed beneath the columns to conform to the changes made in their figures, and a hundred more changes have to be made in a few minutes that the paper may go out in a finished condition. When the great presses finally begin to roll off the second edition the work of handling the returns still goes on upstairs. Important news may come in at any minute changing the aspect of the election, and provision must be made for issuing an “extra” in snch an emergency. For this reason the clerical -force remains at work until the forenoon is well along, and a force of compositors is retained. Story Told by Ballet ins. The scene outside the newspapers offices, hotels and campaign headquarters on election night is one of rare excitement and interest. In a great city like Chicago “watching the returns” has become a feature of poUtics, attended with ail the

bustle, enjoyment and variety that ingenuity and intelligence can suggest. The ! plan adopted by the big dailies for I kcepingThe public posted up to midnight j scored some new and remarkable features this year. Intense.interest in the election does not permit many city residents to remain at home on election night, and from, ( o’clock until daylight vast crowds parade the principal thoroughfares, going from point to point where bulletins are displayed. These take the form of huge canvas screens tacked across the front of a building opposite the newspaper office. Two powerful stereopticons are employed to flash the returns upon them. By still another method the enterprising newspapers tell the story of the election for the benefit of the public, and this noved system of disseminating news was used on election night for the first time. I One newspaper secured a searchlight of | the greatest possible reflecting capacity, which, under the guidance of an expert, flashed a code of signals up into the sky, visible .as far as fifty miles away. The Times-llera'ld placed men on the top of its building, aud exactly on the hour, from dark until after midnight, shot up into the air bombs of different colors. These burst as high as 1,000 feet aloft, and were visible fifteen miles from any direction. Each color had its individual significance, the number fired at one time indicating city, State or national report, as the case might be, aud the color designating the political complexion of affairs at that hour. The bursting of a grand battery of bombs of all colors wound up the display, announcing that the presidential question was settled, and closing the exciting campaign of 1890 in a blaze of glory.

Circumstantial.

A curate in Anjou; a man of very disorderly habits, had a quarrel with a sergeant of the neighborhood. The sergeant having suddenly disappeared, everyone suspected the curate—his avowed enemy—of having made away with him. It happened that a criminal, who had been executed, was exposed on the gallows, within a league or two of the curate’s bouse. Ills relations took down the body secretly, and threw it, with the cord about Its neck, Into a neighboring pond. Some fishermen found the body, and tho matter being taken up by the police, everyone flocked to see the corpse of the victim. As it was much disfigured, the prejudices which were universally entertained' ngaiust the curate led them to believe that this must be the body of the sergeant. The curate was immediately arrested, fried, and condemned to be hanged-.

Wlun he saw that death was inevitable, he thus addressed his judges: ( “It is true that It was I that inur-l doped the sergeant; but I am unjustly condemned, and all those who have given evidence against me are false witnesses. The body which you have found, and on account of which I have been tried, is not that of the sergeant. The real corpse of the sergeant will be found in a certain part of my garden, along with that of his dog.” The judges immediately instituted a search within the garden of the curate, aud everything was found to be as he bad described.

Police Judge Who Fined Himself.

Alexander Laidlaw, whose name was once in every paper in the land as the judge who lined himself, died in Waldeck sanitarium, Sau Francigctff, the other day, from the effects of a surgical operation. Laidlaw in his younger days was a hail fellow well met with a band of as merry fellows as ever laughed away the hours of the night. He studied law and afterward was elected police judge in Oakland. 1 His oecasionad bibulous escapades became the talk of the town and attracted newspaper notice. After an unusually boisterous outburst there was an editorial comment in the Tribune referring to the peculiar position of a judge on Ihe bench who was called upon to sentence men for drunkenness when he himself should be in the dock. The next morning, after the calendar in his court had been gone through, Judge Laidlaw looked down at the clerk and said: “You will make this entry on your calendar: ‘Alexander Laidlaw, drunkenness.' ” “Yes,” said the astonished clerk. “ ‘Arrested by himself,’ ” the judge went on. * “Yes.” “Enter a plea of guilty.” “Yes.” “Alexander Laidlaw is fined SSO. Here is the money.” At once the country rang with his fame, but from that time forward Alexander Laidlow drank no more. A supreme court decision finally ousted him from his position on the bench and he removed to Sau Francisco. Here he entered upon the practice of law, with fair success.

A Worthy Suggestion.

A scientist recommends that every lifeboat carried by ships should be provided with a bottom of citric acid, which precipitates chloride of sodium aud converts sea water into a palatable drink.

THE PRESIDENTS “SCHOOL.”

Small Things He Must Learn with ■Hia Oath of Office. The die baa been cast and the choice made for the next President. The incomer. though a man long prominent in polities, begins immediately after his election to “go to school.” He has much to learn before he can really become President of the United States. His school books will be the example of his predecessors, a lesson from the Judge of the Supreme Court who administers the oath of office, and the Constitution of the United States. Certain thiDgs are prescribed for the President to do. Others lie does from long-established precedent. The first thing a President has to learn is self-denial. His oath of office is administered in the open exposure upon the east Capitol front, and from there he delivers his Inaugural address. A time-honored custom with the Weather Bureau is to provide a drizzly,

DELIVERING THE INAUGURAL ADDRESS IN A STORM.

■leeiy rain at this time, and the mew President, with bared head, promises to forget himself, his own welfare, liis opinions and his ambitions in the interests of the people. The rain baptizes, his head with this decision. The people look on from their comfortable platforms, sbeletered by umbrellas, and'applaud. The President is practicing self-sacrifice, but lie will have a cold in his head without doubt. Cleveland had a mild attack of grip after bis last inaugural. Whew, how It snowed' at the hour for the Inaugural address! The proceedings before the inauguration require study on the part of the incoming President. Ills duty is to be in Washington on March 4, ready togo to work. His term of servitude Isfour years, dating from that hour. Custom makes him do more. The day before the inauguration the Presidentelect arrives in Washington. There is always a crowd to meet him at the eta* tiou, and from the minute he registers at the hotel with his "suite”—in other words, his wife and relatives—he must' hold an informal reception. He must take his primary lesson iu affability. , No matter if they do press in while he Is taking Ms noonday bite to urge a postoffice appointment. No matter if Mrs. Brown, from Cobunkus, does arrive with the eoffee aud after-luncheon smoke to beg a button off the Presidential coat. Luncheon, coffee, cigars, all must be given up, and the President must smile' and smile again. In the afternoon the President-elect goes to call at the White House upon the President. His object is to notify him that he is in Washington, and is , ready to assume the duties of office. i He makes a call of ten minutes and goes back to his hotel. W T ithin an hour the President calls at the hotel and notifies the incoming President that he Is ready to deliver up the keys of state. In thf evening all dine together at the "White House. The next morning, the 4th of March, the new President goes to the W T hite House at 11 o’clock. In a little while the Senate Reception Committee calls there and all get into cartriages to go to the Capitol for the Inauguration. There are the two Presidents, the two Cabinets, the head of the army, the commander of the navy and' a large citizens’ escort. A few preliminaries in the Senate and the President finds himself upon the porch of the .Capitol addressing tie crowd*-in the storm.

A duty which the President has to learn early In his career is the writing of harmonious messages. Not only must he write correctly, but he must be able to word his messages and proclamations so that they go to the hearts of the people. This often requires study od his part. The most trying proclamation ever issued was the Thanksgiving message sent out by President Arthur a few weeks after Garfield’s death. There was some curiosity to see how he would word such a message at such a time. But his supreme tact rose to the occasion. The incoming President should always learn tact To be without It has made enemies for many a good Executive. The President must learn to bear physical disturbance. Grant was wakened from his sleep at 2:30 the morning the Butler “salary-grab” bill was passed. The President’s approval was necessary. By 10 o’clock the President had read the bill, approved it. and word was curried to the Capitol to that effect. That meant work In the wee sma’ hours. When the bill was repealed the President worked none the less faithfully. The President must learn to introduce. Not merely to pronounce names, hut to conduct the art of presentation In a manner that shall be acceptable to all peoples and all nations. And at dinners he must be gracious host, presenting, greeting, leading the way

to dinner, denominating places and being ready for the return trip to the drawing-room at a mystic look from his wife. All told, the I’resldent has & severe task before him.

The Electric-Storage Battery.

The electric storage battery, In whose development lies the hope of emancipation from electric light wires, trolley wires and other unsightly obstructions, has reached a point of perfection, as shown by an exhibit in Philadelphia, which makes it a commercial possibility, and promises a large extension of the usefulness of electricity in everyday life. With a further development in the direction of cheapness, it may be possible to reproduce, in towns unprovided with cheap means of motive power, the conditions existing in Great Falls, Mont. In that town electric power produced economically at a water privilege does all the mechanical work. It propels, lights and heats the street cars, runs the elevators, the printing

presses, the cranes, and all kinds of machinery, and is used for pumping, for excavating, and for rock-crushing. It is eve® applied in the building trades, it not being unusual tt> see on the streets a mortar mixer attached to an electrle wire leading down from a pole. The restaurants cook by electricity; the butcher employs it to chop bis sausages, and the grocer to grind tfis coffee. The housewives run their sewing machines and heat their flat-irons by electricity; they bake their cakes :.u wooden electric cake ovens, that cam. be set away on the shelf like pasteboard boxes. They have electric broilers, boilers and teakettles. One almost holds his breath as lie worators to what ÜBe nest this- wonderful power will, be put.

THE WEST COAST OF AFRICA.

A Great Country for Men of Brains and' Money. Lieut. B. F. Hoyt of the Second Georgia Battalion, one of Atlanta’s ©Sd citizens, has returnedi from the west coast of Africa, where he hud, spent much time and endured many hardships while exploring that country and studying, the people, both heathen and civilized, native and foreign born, as to their moral, spiritual acid physical status-, etc. He says Africa is a great country, and especially far the colored man, and found that the- various governments controlling in Africa were anxious for good colored! men ami women to come tto- that country. They don’t need that class of colored people in this country to- come over there who won’t work for a living here. They are not- needed. There are six of the natives in- the schools in Atlanta —three girls at Spelman seminary and one girl and two boys at Clark university. Mr. Hoyt says the native® he met were very kind and hospitable to him. They were honest, sober, and gentle, and it is only among -tb* semi-civilized

KESIDENCE OF MR. J. J. THOMAS.

that you will find intemperance, dishonesty, and falsehood prevailing. He found the natives engaged in the extensive silkworm culture and the manufacturing of silk. They are also doing quite an extensive tanning business. They dye leather and silk blue, cream, yellow black, or any other color, and while it never fades, the dye never in jures the goods.' There are many verj wealthy, educated native Africans ai Lagos, Sierra Leone, and other cities. They are largely educated in England, France, Scotland, and Germany. 11801 of the native missionaries are educated in this country. They have banks and are engaged ii all the various mercantile pursuits and ship coffee and other products to tjiis and other countries in large quantities. They have many very fine residences built on the modern style of architecture. The residence of Mr. J. J. Thomas, a negro, at Lagos, is one of the most magnificent dwellings in the city, while there are thousands of others as fine, but not as large.

English Widows.

In England there are 114 widows to every fifty-four widowers.

A BOUT AT QUARTER-STAFF.

A Stoat Swineherd More than Held His Own with Robin Hood. Caroline Brown contributes a story about “George O'Green and Robin Hood’’ to St. Nicholas. Here is an ao» count of the meeting between these two characters : “How art thou called, Master Pigminder?” “George o'Green.” “Why that?” “Ho, ho, ho!” roared the churl. “So wise, and don’t know that withal! Why, I live on the green and mind the pigs!” And he wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes on the sleeve of his fustian jerkin. “I doubt me,” said Robin, “if tho-, canst play with the quarter-staff.” “Ay, but I can!” said George, quickly. “Show thy prowess, then!” said Robin, with a quick thrust at him with his white-oak staff.”

“Bide here and blind the pigs till 1 go to yon thicket and get me a staff." Robin consented, and gazed after *he brawny man as he walked with long, slow stridesrto the oak thicket on the hither side of the brook. There he carefully selected a tough green sapling, almost two inches thick, and ihen wrenched it off near the ground with a twist of his powerful hands. “This bodes me no good in the coming tilt,” thought Robin. But though lie never withdraw for any cause, rarely had he suffered defeat. George turned him about, and, coming up to Robin, said: “Canst lend that knife e thine? ’-Tin o'er too frayed for staff,” he said, looking at the fringe of splinters where he had snapped off the stem. He trimmed the staff carefully, then handed back to Robiu his knife. But chancing to look around, he saw the pigs scampering off to a distant corner of the common. “Thou’st no* minded the pigs! Now Goody Hoskins will rate me weil!" cried George with heat, yet timidly withal. “But Sandy didn’t give me warning!” pleaded Robin. “Good old Sandy! Faithful sitoat! He knows thee not. Hw’ll talk only to me!” and George's ill-natme left him at this proof of the faithfulness of his favorite.

| He set. off at full speed after the pigs, Robin at his heels. Whep they had got the swine back to their own feedingground they lay themselves down on the sort thyrny turf to rest. The chase had been a right merry one, and both were short of wind; for the pigs had scampered and dodged sprightfully in a way that made the men more weary than a> five-mile sprinr. George dozed off on the instant, and' Robin panted loud. In ten minutesRoliin prodded George with his stuff, and saidc “Sluggard! Art ready?” George yawned prodigiously, showing strong teeth, white as a young dog’s, rimming his jaws. Then he rose and ran his- Qngers tnrough his shock of red hair, stretched mightily, andsaid briefly: “I be. Lay ®o!” “Well, then;” cried Robin, “stand forth now and : defend thyself. I’ll warrant thou wilt be no longer sleepy when I shall have dbae with thee!” At once the sound or the clashing of staves filled tile air. As both were so deft In handling the staff, all blbws were skillfully parried. At the end of an hour Robin’s arm Degan to weary, but George’s-brawny arm was unfailing. In warding off a powerful blow Robin’s arm swerved, and George’s staff came down on his crown with a> sharp rap, the first hit made by either.. For near two hours the clashing off staves kept up,- when Robin’s foot slipped on thq thyme, and down he rolWdl into the brook;

"Accident" Swindlers.

The extension of electric traction has,brouglit upon the scene a particularly, dangerous and.offensive swarm of cals who prey, upon the street railroad,! companies by bogus claims for personal injuries received in real or imaginary accidents. They are fostered by a tribeof disreputable attorneys, who make, iv practice of communicating with all per" sons whom they can identify as concerned in any: street railway mishap,, and often without instructions issue process against the companies. Some Df these legal, sharks have a regular Staff of detectives, who prowl about the depots and termini of the lines on the lookout for-cases. False witnesses are easily procured, and juries are. usually, liberal in the matter of damages, the greater portion of which is swallowed 1 up in the attorneys’ “costs.” The ovil has become-so great that the street , railway press is. suggesting the formation, of a mutual protection society of some kind. It' is< proposed to keep a register of the names of claimants, and interchange information as to persons who, it, is-mere than suspected, make a, trade of; tihe business aud ; travel, from city to.city for the purpose,—St: Louis Globe-Democrat.

A Curiously Named Garden.

There is a garden in Brixton kept by an old: gentleman, which presents some curiosities in floral nomenclature. The owner has been seized with a desire to label his flowers after the manner of botanists, but, knowing nothing: of scientific terms, consulted an acquaintance. The result is more amusing than •appropriate, and proves the folly of i wisdom where ignorance is bliss. Scij entitle names have been affixed to all ! the flowers, but strictly on the principle [that “a rose by any other name will smell as sweet.’' One row bears the inscription “Nux vomica;" another is boldly labeled “Nisi Prius;” a third Is affirmed to be “Ipecacuanha," and another to be “Particeps criminls." The amateur gardener is exceedingly proud of his collection, and no one has enlightened him on the incongruity of the descriptions.—London Telegraph.

Original Languages of Europe.

It is said by philologists that there are thirteen original European languages—the Greek, Latin, German. Slavonic, Welsh, Biscayan, Irish, Albanian, Tartarian, Illyrian, Jazygian, Chaucin and Finnic.

Nature.

“Unnatural father,” sobbed the heroine. Indeed, he was to such an extent unnatural that the stage manager let hint go at the end of the week. Half of your worry to-dhy l* due to your neglect yesterday.

SHEAR NONSENSE

She sweetly bears the burdens That'd kill man were they his; Yet she ties quite all to pieces If her hair gets out of friz. —Judge. Howso—l can doiny best 'Work when it is hot. Cumso-WYhat a great future you have before you!—Life. She—What do you think of those cigars I bought for your birthday? He— I don’t think—l try to forget them.— London Pick-Me-Up. Judge—What is the charge against this prisoner? Policeman—He stole a wheel, your honor. Judge—What make? —Philadelphia North American. She—Do you suppose his wife really supports him? He—l judge so. He told me he didn’t know what real happiness meant until after he got married.— Puck. Louise—The bishop looked rather cross, didn’t he? Isabel—Well, no wonder; every one of the bridesmaids had on bigger sleeves than he had—TitBits. “Hello, gloves.” said Jack to Tommie and Sammie. “Whatcher call us gloves for ! asked Tommie. “Because you are a pair of kids,” said Jack.—Harper's Bazar. Winks—Bo you believe in hypnotism? Binks—Of course I do. Don't you see this necktie that the clerk induced my wife to buy the other day ?—Somerville Journal. “I tell you, these little vacation trips do a fellow an immense amount of good.” “So they do; I feel braced up enough to bluff every creditor I have.” —Chicago Record. First Bicyclist—lsn't the scenery striking along the Bryn Mawr road? Second Bicyclist—Yes; I have arnica plasters on the places it struck me.— Philadelphia Press. “I tell you,” cried the author, “I’m going to rise in this world.” The editor eyed him doubtfully for five second* and then asked: “Balloon or elevator?" —Atlanta Constitution. Miss Daisy Medders (coyly)—Do yon love me, Jason? Jason HuckleberryCourse I love you! Do you s’pose I’d have been actin'' the fool over you all this time if 1 didn’t?—Truth. “Doesn’t it strike you- that the tern--perature ®f this room is rather high?" “There isn't any doubt about It,” replied the frugal young man. “Every ton of coal eosts SB.’ r —Washington Star. There’s the bicycle face, and the bicycle back, With its qtwer, altitndinoua-curve; And the bicycle tongse, in the middl* hung. And the scorcher’s-bicycle nerve. —lndianapolis-Journal. Bacon—Did you know there were over 735,013,500,(i00 different whist bands-in a pack of cards?- Egbert—Yes; my wife tells me about each one nearly every time we play.—Yonkers Statesman. “Bilker, you-ought to be ashamed towear such good clothes when you owe me so much money.” “Not you'ought tobe proud to lend'money to-a man who wears s-uch good clothes,”—Chicago Record. “Country’s gone to the dogs; no hope for it!” “Too bad! Just had an election, haven’t you?” “Yes.” “Well, wasn’t it; a fair one?" “Oh; yes! But I was Beat, sli—plum beat I’—Atlanta. 1 ’—Atlanta. Constitution. “You. don’t make allowances for our boy,” said the fond mother. “That shows how little we are appreciated,”' said her husband, as he finished drawing a cheek, “f don't do muek else.”— Washington Star: Sageman—That waiter’s-hand always reminds me of a, race horse shortly after the Beginning of a race. Seeker— And for what reason, pray? Sageman. —Because it’s on the quarter stretch.— Boston. Courier: “There were a aouple of fellows in thehotel last night" who shouldn’t be permitted 1 to- travel alone.” ' “What did they do? Blow out the gas?” “No*, they blew out the safe- dooc.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. She—Dear me, Why don't they teach ohoruses to sing intelligibly? It is so aggravating to be unable to distinguish the words. He —You don’t know your tack. I have read the libretto.—lndianapolis Journal. “Yes;” said the tenderfoot, as he sailed rapidly through the air; “I know I am an ungraceful rider: But,” and he commenced disengaging himself from the cacti, “I don't need any points on alighting.”—Pu ck. Summer Guest—The mosquitoes were terribly had last night. Look at ray face. Jersey Landlord (reassuringly)— Oh, there’s no mosquitoes here, sir—none worth mentioning. Them’s bugs. —New York Weekly. Plugwinch —“I understand that Lameduck has several marriageable daughters.” Samjones— “U’m—he had til) lately.” Plugwinch—“Oh! then they are married.” Sain Jones—“No; he failed last year.”—Puck. “You are the sunshine of my life,” he murmured. And at that instant her father burst into the room with the remark: “Young man, do you know the sun will be up in a few minutes?”— Philadelphia North American.

A Unique Republic.

The republic of Goust is the smallest In the world. Andorra is an empire In comparison. Goust is about a mile square, and it houses 130 persons.. It has been independent these 250 years. It stands on top of a mountain by the Spanish border, near the edge of France, and it gets along very comfortably without ever mixing itself in other people’s affairs, and without reading the evening papers, or, so far as we know, the morning ones. The delectable 130 govern themselves by a council, one member of which is selected to see that the business agreed upon is executed. Matters go along very smoothly, and Goustians are all the happier because nobody knows much about them, and therefore they art ua» envied.—Kansas City Tima*