Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 October 1896 — The Cream of Current. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Cream of Current.

HUMOR

All unmolested through the world He walks erect and free; These words upon his coat he wears: “It’s hot enough for me!” —Atlanta Constitution. “I suppose you have music at the hotel?” “No, but we have a band.” Harper's Bazar. Dr. Jalap—Let me see your tongue, please. Patient—Oh, doctor, no tongue can tell how bad I feel.—Boston Transcript. “Now, Johnnie, go and wash your face. Auntie will call this afternoon.” “But what if she doesn’t call?”—Brooklyn Life. “Darling, you are the apple of my eye." “I don’t see how that can be. A moment ago you said I was a peach.” —New York Evening World. Hicks— My baby actually cried for the moon last evening. Wicks— That’s nothing. One of those days she'll be wanting the earth. —Boston Transcript Ethel—Did you buy that secondhand bicycle of a friend? GeorgeWell, I always considered him a friend till he sold me the “bike.’-’—Leslie’s Weekly. Miss Gowanus—l envy the way you san talk to Mr. Caustique; he never sits on any of your remarks. Miss Gotham—No; I make them too pointed.—Judge. “Why have Ashley and Miss Gushington broken off?” ’ “He thought to compliment her by saying that she reminded him of his mother.”—Cleveland Leader. Little Elsie—Ain't those cows small, ma? Ma—Yes, dear. Elsie—l guess them’s the kind that they gets condensed milk from, ain’t they?—Philadelphia Record. “Does your literary club disband in the summer, Miss Rose?” “No—we can’t waste any time; and this year it is just lovely—we are learning to tell fortunes with cards.”—Puck. “Jack Is so bashful that when he proposed to me the other night I had to assist him.” “What did yon say?" “Whenever he hesitated I would call out ‘Play ball.’ ’’—Chicago Record. * Miss Frostlque—l always have had a dread that I ehould be married for ■my money. Miss Caustique—Why, dear, I should think that would be a matter of hope, not dread.—Truth. There was a young lady of Crewe, Who wanted to catch the 2:02; Said the porter: “Don’t hurry, Or scurry, or flurry; It’s a minute or 2 2 2 2!” —Boston Courier.

Henry Peck—Does your wife scold you for coming home late? Crabbe— Not a bit of it. Henry Peck—How do you manage it? Crabbe—l don’t have any wife.—Philadelphia North American. “Above all,” said the throat specialist, “the lady must talk as little as possible.” “Doc,” eagerly asked Mrs. Greyinair’s husband, “is there any hope of it becoming chronic?”—Cincinnati Enquirer. “This blackberry pie isn’t nearly as good as those mother used to make.” “No; I told your mother this morning when she made it that you would be sure to find fault with it.”—Chicago Record. Salvation Army Apostle—M you swear at those horses, my good man, you’ll never go to heaven. Teamster (humbly)—l knows it, mum; but if I don’t I’ll never get to Tonawanda.— Buffalo Times. Teacher—Tommy, when was Rome built? Tommy—ln the night Teacher—How came you to make such a mistake? Tommy—You said yesterday Rome wasn’t built in a day.— Brooklyn Life. “I can’t see what possessed her to fall in love with him. He can’t dance, he can’t sing, he isn’t handsome, ho „ ■” “Why, don’t you know? He made a century run with one pedal.” —lndianapolis Journal. Buffalo buyer (to shoe dealer)—Why did you warrant those patent leathers to last, when one has cracked already? Dealer—My dear sir, how can we be sure there Is no infringement on the patent?—Buffalo Times. Mrs. Sweetser—George, you forgot to kiss me this morning when you went away. Mr. Sweetser—Are you sure of it? I certainly remember kissing somebody this morning. I supposed it was you.—Boston Transcript. He was once called to push the old swing with a will For the girl he had chosen to woo; But now he’s expected to push her up hill In a cycle constructed for two. —Washington Star. “Pape, what is a broker?” “A man, my son, whose chief effort in life is to reduce his customers tp that financial condition expressed by the significant term of ‘broke.’ ,Jgor this reason, Harry, he is called a Broker.”—Washington Times. “I wouldn’t be so donwncast,” slid the lady whose great heart want put in sympathy for Dismal Dawson. “How can a guy help bein’ downcast,” said Mr. Dawson, “when ’bout everybody he meets t’runs him down?”—lndianapolis Journal. Thoughtful: “My husband is the moat considerate man in the world.” “In what way?” “When he gave me my I new writing desk he had two keys made, so that if I lost mine, he. would have one. Few men would be as thoughtful as that.”—Detroit Free Press.