Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 October 1896 — Page 6

Regarded purely as a means of amusement the capacity of the sea is almost as boundless as itg extent, and who goes to the seaside for no other purpose than to pass the long sumaner days will have no difficulty in finding employment for every hour. As a summer resort the seashore has always been popular; those who live near the ocean are not tempted to leave it during the season wfien It is most attractive and dwellers inland find the aea and shore a pleasant change from the city streets or landscapes in which water plays a small and quite subordinate part. For, after all, there is In the sea an infinite variety of aspect He who conceives of the ocean as slmpiy a level stretch of water knows nothing of it Even when calm it Is never twice the same, for the expe-

FUK FOR THE BOVS.

rienced eye will detect in its surface appearances changes of color here and there, relics of a storm that has gone by, omens of a storm that is to come. To sailors and fishermen and those who, in one way or another, make their Hvlng on its waves, it is a problem that never has been solved, a ques-

Hon that never can be answered, and they never tire of watching its surface, gazing out upon it by the hour at a time, speculating upon its changes, for its moods outnumber those of a woman and . its variations are more uncertain than those of a stock market At the summer resort however, there Sa little thought of either art or senti-

A TOO ATTENTIVE

ment jn connection with the vasty deep,, which is regarded by the denizens purely as a source of revenue, and by the visitors simply as a means •f amusement The hotel keeper thinks •f it solely as a means of drawing trade; the man who owns boats thinks the world of it because if there were

no sea there would be no boats, and be would have to hunt another Job; the fisherman, who knows the habits of every individual fish on the coast and where It goes, to get its breakfast, dinner and supper and to take its exendse, and can conduct the eager amateur to a place where you can pull them eat as fast as you can throw In your

SUMMER BYTHE SEA.

hook. Is, In his Inmost soul, convinced that the sea exists for no other purpose than to furnish a place to fish in, while the bathing-house bran is equally well satisfied that the Illimitable ocean was made Illimitable simply that it might provide endless facilities for bathing. With all these classes, the visitor warmly sympathizes, and fur-

th er concludes that the ocean exists, perhaps not primarily, but incidentally to the end that he may be amused during a few weeks in the summer when It is too hot to stay at home, and he has not enough money to go to Europe. So, each and all compel the ocean to serve with subjects, the poet with similes, the preacher with symbols, and the scientist with material so vast In quantity that, even now, after hundreds of years of research, he is forced

to confess himself but on the threshold of the knowledge that remains. He has only, here and there, gathered a handful of sands; the ocean remains almost unexplored. If a visitor enjoys fishing he may employ it as a steady avocation day after day, if he enjoys rowing he may blister his hands and strain his intercostal muscles and the light and left hypochondria and his hypogastrlum in a boat of almost any size and quality, from a paper racing shell to a craft which, In size, is first cousin to a whale boat, and, in immobility, is brother to a washtub. If he likes association with those who go down to the sea in ships, he can get it, for about such places there are always tars of the vintage of 1849, who can tell him tales of shipwreck and cannibalism, of service ashore and afloat, of adventures undergone in any part of the world he is interested in, and with equal readiness and yolubility will describe to him their shipwrecks on the Barbary coast, and how they were made slaves and escaped by running away with , .the Sultan’s favorite wife, or how they fought pirates oft the coast of Tonquin, and had to blow up the ship and get away on a plank. He can visit the forecastles of ships, the oldfashioned sailing variety, and hear nautical wonders until his hair, will stand on end like quills of the fretful porcupine, and his eyes stand out like those of a crawfish, as sailors, for ways that are dark and tricks that are vain, are as peculiar as Ah Sin himself.

WHEN A WRECK IS SEEN.

Even if he has no higher motive than that of utilizing old ocean as a means of health and cleanllrfees, he may find amusement in that, though the first bucketful of cold salt water dashed on his unprotected person by a humorous bystander is apt to fill his mouth with cursing and cover his back with goose pimples. Even such an experience as

FUN IN THE BREAKERS.

THE DIVING RAFT.

this, however, after It Is past, has Its comic side, for he laughs as heartily as any one at the shudder that ran through his frame from the sudden shock. If not particularly fond of bathing, he will find any quantity of amusement in watching those who are, and there are always among the bathers a sufficient number of feminine costumes to give zest to the spectacle. Whether the ladies who disport themselves on the beach of a seaside resort enjoy more the display of their bathing suits or the contact with the water is a question about which philosophers and experts will always differ, but it is quite probable that were a poll made of the female contingent at such places and honest opinions given, the suits would play quite as important a part in tho business as the billows. The love of the sea is healthy, and the nerve-stimulating blow of the brine has in a few weeks often made of an almost hopeless invalid quite another man. The unwonted exercise, the change of scene, the cheerful society to be found in these places, the fresh atmosphere, even the sight of the sea In its various

moods, all are healthful Influences and all tend to turn the channel of thought Into new directions, to divert the attention of the invalid from himself and his condition, to give him renewed hope, which, after all, is what not a few sick people need more than they do medicine. Life at the seashore is anything but humdrum. Bathing, rowing, yachting, fishing, promenading while the band plays, furnish sufficient idle employment, if such a term is allow-

able, for any one’s day, but there are often scenes of thrilling interest to be witnessed. During even a calm summer there are storms, and any storm may furnish a sensation of mighty proportions. A shipwreck, the launching of the lifeboat at the station, the booming of the minute gun, the firing of rockets, the throwing of the life line, the coming ashore of the survivors, the taking up of a collection in their behalf, are all thrilling items that, with more or less exaggeration, furnish the material for many a story to be told and retold when the seashore summer birds have flitted to their city homes, .x man who has gone through any experience of an unusual character will always have attentive listeners while he rehearses it. The most thrilling ocean experience to pass through Is a shipwreck, but, of course, If a man has never been fortunate enough to be actually in a wrcek, the next best thing is to see one, and if his imagination is sufficiently lively, he can polish up the story to such an extent as to make It quite as thrilling as though he himself had b.een lashed to the mast and made the sport of the waves for hours while the lifeboat vainly endeavored to reach the disabled ship. Tales of the sea are easily manufactured, and even if no wrecks occur at or near the summer resort to give an excuse for wreqk yarns, sharks and sea serpents are always available as material, and even if all these sources of sea narrative fail, nothing is easier than to rig up in new toggery those that will be spun on the smallest provocation by the mariners who give instructions in rowing and sailing.

The natives along the seashore seem to understand the secret of long life. Every one who has spent a summer at a seaside resort has noted the remarkable number of old men and women to be seen on every hand, and this in spite of the theory that lack of excitement contributes to longevity. These things, however, are merely comparative. Human nature can accommodate itself to almost any surroundings, and, becoming accustomed to them, regard them, however exciting they may be to others, as everyday matters. Thus it is that fishermen and mountaineers live to old age, even in the midst of excitements and alarms, for those who spend their lives on the ocean have as many dangers to confront as those who pass their days in conflict with the unspeakable Turk.

Mrs. Wheeler—My husband and I decided not to go to Europe, because it takes too long to get there. Mrs. Jones—Too long? Mrs. Wheeler—Yes; fancy being unable to use one’s wheel for six or seven days!—Puck.

BRYAN IN BALTIMORE.

THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE CHEERED BY BIG CROWDS. Largest Political Gathering Ever Known in the City of Monuments— At Washington Thousands Come to Hear Severe Criticisms of Carlisle. Again in the East. William Jennings Bryan, the Democratic candidate for the presidency, spoke in Baltimere Saturday night to two of the largest crowds ever present at a political meeting in that city. The first speech was made in the open air, and .conservative estimates place the number who heard it at 30,000. The second was held in Musie Hall, the largest auditorium in Baltimore, and the house was packed until women fainted and many had to be Temoved before the speaking could proceed. At the conclusion of his speech at Music Hall Mr. Bryan returned to Washtagton. “Our opponents,” said Mr. Bryan, “tell ns that legislation is of no importance; that the law can accomplish nothing. The law is an important matter. Law can do much, to change the condition of things that surround us. Th<? law that secures a man in the ehjoyment of his property encourages him to labor in order to acquire property; but the law that allows a few men to monopolize the business of the ‘‘country and drive the hungry members of society out of business discourages industry and enterprise aud simply encourages greed and avarice.” Reverting to the money question, the speaker asserted that the present importations of gold were for effect. “Now I have never set myself up,” said he, “as a great financier, but 1 have reasoned out this money question with the best light I have, and I have concluded that when I recognize the principle of human nature, when I recognize that each individual would be influenced as a rule by that which is good for him, I come to a conclusion which in my judgment is far more correct than can be arrived at by anybody who believes that the financiers of Wail street are philanthropists, who spend their lives sacrificing themselves for the benefit of other people. I have found that those men who have controlled our financial policy have made the best bargains with the Government that they .could. I think that in one instance lam justified in being personal. The most prominent financier in the United States is J. Pierpont Morgan (Hisses.) The Government made a contract with him, by which it sold to him for bonds [which were worth at the time 119 in the market. There was such a good chance ■for profit that I am inclined to think and believe that the money he made had more to do with his saving the Government than the patriotism that was in his heart.”

The speaker then took up the second issue of $100,000,000 bonds, and lie recounted Mr. Morgan’s course regarding them. “I don't know what you think about it,” he added, “but I believe a secretary of the treasury whose sympathies were with the masses of the people would have scorned tp associate with that man. “My friends, I am not an anarchist. There is not beneatli the flag a truer [friend of government or a greater lover of [law and order than the nominee of the [Chicago convention. < Applause, long continued.) I love government so well that. I want to make it so good that there will [not be one citizen in all the land who will not be willing to die for his government. (Applause.) I love law and order so much [that I want the law enforced against tho greatest enemies that law and ordey have jin this country; not, my friends, the little [men, but the great ones, Who think that they are greater than the government itself.” (Applause.) In conclusion, Mr. Bryan said: “If we (Win this fight now, then the reform begins at once; if we are defeated in this campaign, there is nothing before the people but four years more of hard times and greater agitation, and then the victory will come.”

Demonstration in Washington. A heavy wind and rain storm seriously interfered with the arrangements which |iad been made by the local committees for a grand reception to Candidate Bryan pt the Old Capitol baseball park in Washington, but there was no lack of .enthusiasm. When Mr. Bryan appeared on the platform he was received with such a demonstration as is rarely accorded a public speaker. For fully five minutes the .cheering continued, Mr. Bryan standing bareheaded and evidently much gratified at receiving such unmistakable evidence of approval of himself and his cause. For pom6 time before his arrival dark rain and wind-laden clouds from the west gave certain promise of a downpour, and he had not spoken more than forty minutes when the rain came down in tortrents, drenching every one exposed to it. [Still the great crowd kept their places and ■cheered and called to the speaker to go on. The scene was a remarkable one. After waiting some time, however, Mr. Bryan left the platform and drove to his hotel. Almost every sentence in the speaker’s brief address was wildly cheered, and the (crowd was especially vociferous when Mr. (Bryan declared himself in favor of home (rule and opposed to life tenure in public office. 1 Mr. Bryan said:

“We favor appointments based upon merit, fixed terms of office and such an 'administration of the civil service laws as will afford equal opportunities to all citizens of ascertained fitness, except as lotherwise provided by the constitution of the United States. My friends, we are in favor of the= civil service refprms that ,mean something, and not a civil service •law that permits the I‘resident to susipend the civil service law until he can [get his friends into office and permits another President to extend the service just tas he is going out to keep his friends in. (Applause.) We beiieve in appointments based upon merit, and such a method of appointment as will open the offices to those of ascertained fitness. (Applause.) “We are in favor of fixed terms of office in the civil department of the government. We want it so that when a man goes in he will know how long he is going to stay and when he is going out. We do not want to build up an officeIholding class and fill our offices for life. A man when he gets his appointment will then have no more concern about his country, except to draw his salary when (it is due. (Great applause.) We believe that the life tenure, which relieves a man [from all other further care, is destructive ■to the highest forms of citizenship and should not be tolerated in a country like ours. (Applause.) “Now, my friends, I want.to cail your .attention to one other subject. Our opponents are doing as much for us in this I campaign as we are able to do for ourselves. (Applause.) And of all the public jlocuments issued the most important one is a letter just given to the public written by the Secretary of the Treasury, [from which I desire to quote one sentence. “ ‘lt is the duty of the Secretary of the Treasury and all other public officials to (execute in good faith the policy declared I by Congress”—and mark these words: I i*But whenever he shall be satisfied that ' p silver dollar cannot be kept equal in Ijitrehasing power with a gold dollar, exby receiving It in exchange for a gold

dollar, when such exchange is demanded, it will be his doty to adopt that coarse.' “I want you to mark those words, because in those words the Secretary of the Treasury tells you that when the Secretary is satisfied that it is necessary, that he will commence redeeming silver dollars in gold. (Great applause.) I call your attention to it, my friends, because I want to emphasize the deception that has been practiced by this administration on the money question.

“When this administration advised the repeal of the Sherman law you were told that the repeal of the Sherman law would remedy the difficulty, and as soon as the Sherman law was repealed the same authority which promised relief as soon as that law was repealed came to Congress with a demand that the greenbacks and treasury notes must be retired by the issue of gold bonds in order to stop the drain on the treasury’s gold, and now the Secretary of the Treasury informs you that even if the greenbacks and the treasury notes were all retired it would be his duty whenever, in his opinion it became necessary, to redeem silver dollars in gold and start another endless chain that would drain the treasury. (Great applause.) “According to the doctrine laid down in Mr. Carlisle’s letter you cannot stop the drain of gold from the treasury until you retire all the silver dollars and silver certificates, and leave nothing but gold as the money in this country. I am glad that this declaration has been made. I am glad that our opponents are step by step revealing to the public their heartless, merciless, criminal policy. (Great applause.) I denounce the policy as more cruel and heartless than political dominations of a foreign power.. I would resist such a financial policy with, ns much earnestness as I would resist the progress of an invading army coming to attack our homes. (Great applause.) “Those who are expecting foreign nations, dominated bj* the creditor classes, who profit by a rising dollar, to join with us in stopping the rise in the dollar are doomed to disappointment, and it is difficult to see how any person can expect silver to be restored to its rightful place by foreign aid when we have waited for twenty years only to find our opponents more hostile than ever. They covertly threaten that they will use the notes which they hold to control our financial policy. If relief is to come to the American people it must come from the American people themselves, and on this day, when we celebrate the 100th anniversary of Washington’s farewell address, we may resolve to achieve our financial independence without the aid of any other nation.” (Great applause.)

FIGHTS GOLD WITH GOLD EAGLES

"Coin” Harvey in His Auditorium Speech Denounces Politicians. W. H. Harvey, author of “Coin’s Financial School,” used $2,500 in gold eagles as an object lesson in the course of his speech at the Chicago Auditorium Saturday night. Four thousand people heard Mr. Harvey’s speech, and applauded vigorously at frequent intervals. A large blackboard figured prominently in the speech, Mr. Harvey attempting to show with its assistance the evils of monometallism. He resurrected his argument that all the gold available for money in the world could be cast into a solid cube of twenty-two feet. Still working at the blackboard, he showed that the same amount —$4,000,000,000 —in silver, all that is available for money, would, if cast into a solid block, make a cube thirtysix feet. He then dealt out statistics to show that up to the act of 1873 the variation in the commercial value of gold and silver had never been more than 3 per cent despite the influence of great fluctuations in the amount produced. That after the act of 1873 the variation of the commercial value of the two metals has become 50 per cent. He said that the present crisis is the crucial test of American civilization and American institutions. Without money this country would, he said, relapse into barbarism again. While he admitted that the farmer could buy as much calico or sugar with his bushel of wheat now as lie could before 1873, he insisted that the farmer could not do the same thing when he came to pay his taxes. There, Mr. Harvey claimed, was where expensive dollars pinched the farmer. He asserted, too, that commodities in the control of trusts now would become dearer and dearer, and the farmer less and less able to secure them. In conclusion Mr. Harvey said:

Selfishness Is a consuming fire that burns and destroys. It will destroy individual character and it will destroy national character. Call it what you will, a dragon, an evil spirit, or a devil: it can be aptly termed a serpent, with Its tail In India, its body in Europe, and its head raised in once proud America. Will you fight it. citizens of Illinois? Then throw aside politicians. Throw aside those who have a self-interest in asking you for your votes. Study this question for yourselves, and when you have studied civilization and the effects of the law on the prosperity of mankind we will then rear here an enduring republic. “It will no longer be a question of experiment. We will erect one that will be permanent and enduring, and when we cease to scramble over the things of this earth and pile them up around us, as these millionaires are doing, who now would dictate to you and f how to vote —when we cease that, then we will come to a newer and brighter civilization, in which we will study the principles of humanity, and not the principles of selfish interests. And with such a people we will go forward, step by step, and we will make a race of great men and great women, and it will lead to a brighter and a better day.

The “Song of Sixpence” Interpreted.

The four-and-twenty blackbirds are the four-and-twenty hours, and the pie that holds them is the underlying earth, covered with the overarching sky. How true a touch of nature it is, that when the pie is opened—that is, when the day breaks—the birds begin to sing! The king is the sun, and the counting of his money is the pouring out of the sunshine. The queen is the moon, and her transparent honey is the moonlight. The maid is the “rosyfingered” dawn, who rises before the sun, her master, and hangs out the clouds (his clothes) across the kky. The particular blackbird, who so tragically ends the tale by snipping oft her nose, is the hour of sunrise.

Progress in the Art of Navigation.

Uncle Cyrus was asked by his thoughtful nephew: “Uncle, what do you regard as the real difference between the times when you were young and the present day?” “Wai, it's jest this way, Henry,” answered the old man. “When I was a young man everybody was satisfied to paddle his own canoe, but nowadays everybody thinks he has a call to steer ths ship of state!”

“By Hook or by Crook.”

This proverb is said to be as old as the English invasion of Ireland. Hook and Crook are well-known historic places in the port of Waterford; and the pilots of the invading fleet are said to have declared that they would safely land the invading forces “by Hook or by Crook.” Dr. Emil Holub, the explorer, has heard from South Africa that extensive gold fields have been found in the Orange Free State on the banks of the Vaal river, which seem to be as rich as those in the Rand.

RICHARD GORNEY’S ROMANCE.

Marries the Woman Who nursed Hia Stepdaughter in a Hospital. There is a curious romance connected with the marriage recently at New York of Richard Dorney, business manager of Daly's Theater there, and Miss Katherine Kelly, the charming young daughter of a well-to-do Irishman resident in the old country. Miss Kelly came to this country seven or eight

years ago and went to live in Boston. Thera she visited same of the great hospitals, and she became so much interested in the work that :ed to New York city to learn to be a trained nurse. She went to St. Vincent's hospital to take her course in

RICHABD DORNEY.

Instruction, and there the romance began. Richard Dorney had married a widow with one daughter, who was thenceforward known as Estelle 7 Dorhey. In 1595 she fell in love with a carpenter named George A. Stappers, and they stole away and were married. Estelle went home again and kept her secret for two weeks. Then young Stappers made it known. Mr. Stappers furnished a flat for his son, who took his bride to live in it. Her stepfather’s wrath grew continually, until one day she went to dine with him. She never went back to her husband, who was not allowed to see her. By this time Mrs. Dorney had died. Estdlle made an affidavit that she had left her husband Willingly, but she afterward it. She grew ill, and her mind began to fail. Then she was removed to St. Vincent’s hospital, where Katherine Kelly was a nurse. Mr. Dorney visited

MISS KATHERINK KELLY.

his stepdaughter frequently, and met Miss Kelly. His daughter was dying. There was only one hope for her, and that was of the slenderest kind. It was to send for her husband. Stappers was summoned, and the poor girl tried to throw her arms about his n£ck, but they were powerless. She passed away, and now her stepfather, who would not let her live with a carpenter, married a nurse.

A WHITE MAN AUCTIONED.

A Kentucky Vagrant Sold to the Highest Bidder Under State Laws. Human slavery is not wholly abolished in the United States. Under the laws of Kentucky a man who does not support himself—that is, a yagrant—can be sold at auction to the highest bidder, whereby he becomes a mere chattel. For a certain time, dependent on the length of the sentence imposed by the court, his time and labor belong to the man who buys him, and he is a slave, virtually and in fact. Recently a white man, Lawrence Peak, was so disposed of at Elizabethtown. Peak was duly convicted of vagrancy and found guilty, and the court ordered him to be sold at auction for a period Of three months. On the day of the sale a crowd gathered at the court house and the district attorney acted as auctioneer. He detailed the age and qualities of the man and stated the period during which he would be the slave of the highest bidder. One dollar was the fixed offer and the sum ad-

BELLING A TRAMP BY AUCTION.

vanced until a saloonkeeper purchased Peak for $12.75. Peak will have to be clothed and supported while with his new master, and the State will see that the slave does his duty.

“The Western Idea.”

It seems just a bit strange and awkward that as we grow older as a people we cannot get away from this “Western idea,” this stigmatizing a portion of our country because it is accomplishing with certain enterprising methods what could not possibly be accomplished by any other. It cannot be that we are jealous in the East, because we attach so much importance to the West. It cannot be that we are ashamed of the West, because we like to speak with pride of it. Its people cannot differ so very much from us since half of the American West is really made up of Eastern folks. But yet we go on and on, and everything in the West that is not to our taste is “the Western idea of things.” * ♦ Surfeited with sectionalism, we arc full of tke notion that one part of our country is superior to another. We have still to learn and imbibe the idea that America is America, whether it be New York, Boston, Chicago, Denver or San Francisco. * • We have to learn in this country to accept a man as an American whether he lives in Chicago or in Portland, in New York or in Tacoma! He lives in Amarica, and that makes him not an Eastern man, nor a Western man, nor a Southern man, but an American, living not after an Eastern idea, a 'Western fashion, nor a Southern fancy, but under one central American idea: equality.— Ladies’ Home Journal. There is so much to eat in this country, and it is so cheap and good, that everybody eats too much.

The Cream of Current.

HUMOR

All unmolested through the world He walks erect and free; These words upon his coat he wears: “It’s hot enough for me!” —Atlanta Constitution. “I suppose you have music at the hotel?” “No, but we have a band.” Harper's Bazar. Dr. Jalap—Let me see your tongue, please. Patient—Oh, doctor, no tongue can tell how bad I feel.—Boston Transcript. “Now, Johnnie, go and wash your face. Auntie will call this afternoon.” “But what if she doesn’t call?”—Brooklyn Life. “Darling, you are the apple of my eye." “I don’t see how that can be. A moment ago you said I was a peach.” —New York Evening World. Hicks— My baby actually cried for the moon last evening. Wicks— That’s nothing. One of those days she'll be wanting the earth. —Boston Transcript Ethel—Did you buy that secondhand bicycle of a friend? GeorgeWell, I always considered him a friend till he sold me the “bike.’-’—Leslie’s Weekly. Miss Gowanus—l envy the way you san talk to Mr. Caustique; he never sits on any of your remarks. Miss Gotham—No; I make them too pointed.—Judge. “Why have Ashley and Miss Gushington broken off?” ’ “He thought to compliment her by saying that she reminded him of his mother.”—Cleveland Leader. Little Elsie—Ain't those cows small, ma? Ma—Yes, dear. Elsie—l guess them’s the kind that they gets condensed milk from, ain’t they?—Philadelphia Record. “Does your literary club disband in the summer, Miss Rose?” “No—we can’t waste any time; and this year it is just lovely—we are learning to tell fortunes with cards.”—Puck. “Jack Is so bashful that when he proposed to me the other night I had to assist him.” “What did yon say?" “Whenever he hesitated I would call out ‘Play ball.’ ’’—Chicago Record. * Miss Frostlque—l always have had a dread that I ehould be married for ■my money. Miss Caustique—Why, dear, I should think that would be a matter of hope, not dread.—Truth. There was a young lady of Crewe, Who wanted to catch the 2:02; Said the porter: “Don’t hurry, Or scurry, or flurry; It’s a minute or 2 2 2 2!” —Boston Courier.

Henry Peck—Does your wife scold you for coming home late? Crabbe— Not a bit of it. Henry Peck—How do you manage it? Crabbe—l don’t have any wife.—Philadelphia North American. “Above all,” said the throat specialist, “the lady must talk as little as possible.” “Doc,” eagerly asked Mrs. Greyinair’s husband, “is there any hope of it becoming chronic?”—Cincinnati Enquirer. “This blackberry pie isn’t nearly as good as those mother used to make.” “No; I told your mother this morning when she made it that you would be sure to find fault with it.”—Chicago Record. Salvation Army Apostle—M you swear at those horses, my good man, you’ll never go to heaven. Teamster (humbly)—l knows it, mum; but if I don’t I’ll never get to Tonawanda.— Buffalo Times. Teacher—Tommy, when was Rome built? Tommy—ln the night Teacher—How came you to make such a mistake? Tommy—You said yesterday Rome wasn’t built in a day.— Brooklyn Life. “I can’t see what possessed her to fall in love with him. He can’t dance, he can’t sing, he isn’t handsome, ho „ ■” “Why, don’t you know? He made a century run with one pedal.” —lndianapolis Journal. Buffalo buyer (to shoe dealer)—Why did you warrant those patent leathers to last, when one has cracked already? Dealer—My dear sir, how can we be sure there Is no infringement on the patent?—Buffalo Times. Mrs. Sweetser—George, you forgot to kiss me this morning when you went away. Mr. Sweetser—Are you sure of it? I certainly remember kissing somebody this morning. I supposed it was you.—Boston Transcript. He was once called to push the old swing with a will For the girl he had chosen to woo; But now he’s expected to push her up hill In a cycle constructed for two. —Washington Star. “Pape, what is a broker?” “A man, my son, whose chief effort in life is to reduce his customers tp that financial condition expressed by the significant term of ‘broke.’ ,Jgor this reason, Harry, he is called a Broker.”—Washington Times. “I wouldn’t be so donwncast,” slid the lady whose great heart want put in sympathy for Dismal Dawson. “How can a guy help bein’ downcast,” said Mr. Dawson, “when ’bout everybody he meets t’runs him down?”—lndianapolis Journal. Thoughtful: “My husband is the moat considerate man in the world.” “In what way?” “When he gave me my I new writing desk he had two keys made, so that if I lost mine, he. would have one. Few men would be as thoughtful as that.”—Detroit Free Press.

Chicago.

At the postofflce, in sorting over th* letters from various parts of the world, one hundred and ninety-seven different ways of spelling “Chicago” have been found; among them were: “Jagjago,” “Hlpaho,” “Jajlgo,” “Sehecchacho /’ “Hizago,” “Ohachicho,” anda scholarly resident of Finland indulges in “Zb ■MO.”