Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 September 1896 — THE JOKERS’ BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS OF THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Unmistakable Devotion—With the Sum mer Girl—His Exact Condition—The Way She Took It—Lucky to be Allowed That VNMISTAKABI.B DEVOTION. “Do you love me ?” ‘•Haven't 1 told you your bloomers are becoming t" WITH TUB SCM.MKB GIRIS. 'Edith—l know it is said to be so, but there are lots of men Meg—For goodness sake! where? a io NO kidb. Miss Leftover—Yes, I am very fond of the wheel. I have ridden a half-century. Mr. Gettitrong—Really? I didn’t know they had been invented that long. a pm lb search. “Bacberly, why don’t you find some good woman and form a matrimonial alliance?” “What I want in that line is a silent partner, and I've been seeking in vain for the last ten years.” ms ONLY WISH. Young Gusbington—Mr. Grimmer, I love your daughter devotedly, madly! I cannot live without her! I Old Grimmer—Oh, all right All I ask of you is not to stay and die in the house.

WHY SHE TOOK IT. •‘My dear," said Mr, Darley, "did you take any money out of my waistcoat pocket ?" "I did,” replied she, defiantly. “Why did you?" • 'Because that is one of married women’s vested rights.” AS AMENDED. •Teople who live in glass houses,” began Mrs. Tibbetts. •'People who live in glass houses,” Interrupted Mr. Tibbetts, in a man’s dogmatic way, ••should pull down the blinds." HIS BXAOT CONDITION. Tourist (in Oklahoma!—l understand that Polecat Pete barely escaped from the mob last night. Alkali Ike—Wai, not exactly barely be had about half a coat of tar an' feathers on when he got away. ANOTHER SIMILARITY. Ho—As near as I can get at it, the general idea of heaven seems to be a place where it is always summer. She - Yes, and the proportion of men to women will be about as it is at most of the summer resorts. Am I right ? NEW TO THEM. ‘‘There is a joke in your paper this week that I heard at a variety show two seasons ago,” said the disagreeable man. ‘‘What If there is?” said the publisher of the religious weekly. "Our subscribers never goto variety shows." TUB WAY SHB TOOK IT. Mrs. Lovey (proudly)—Yes, Mr. Lovey and I have been married for twenty-five years. And we have yet to make up our first real quarrel. Miss Pert—lsn’t that rather a long time to sulk? LUCKY TO BB ALLOWED THAT. "Pa,” said little Johnny, "what’s a matrimonial bureau?” “Oh," replied pa, "I guess it must be one in which the husband is allowed to put things only in one Corner of the top drawer." THE BUIYCIB’S RETORT. "You may talk about your superiority all you please," said the horse to the bicycle; "butyou can’t go unless somebody rides you." "True!" retorted the machine; "but you never got the girls to wearing bloomers, nor did you originate the New Woman. I did all that”

ONE ON JENNIE. Fannie—“ Where is your wheel?” Jennie—“l loane I it to Dudely Canesucker.” Fannie—“Oh, yes: Dudely did write me to go out with him this afternoon for a spin; I musn't keep him waiting." HIS LOCATION. Able Editor (Hawvllle Clarion) —Did the jury find the prisoner guilty or not guilty ? Texas Ike—Neither. “Dow was that - a hung jury ?” “Nope; a hung prisoner. When they got through deliberatin’ they found him hangin’ by the neck from the windmill back of the jail. We'd got tired waitin’ for 'em to git to a focus.” farm wo nr n’t do. Caller: Say, want a petrified man? Museum Manager: Indeed I do, light fiL “Well, I can do the petrified man act so no one will ever guess It.” “You won’t do. I don't want any fake. I want a genuine, living, petrified man, not an imitation.” “Nobody’ll know the difference.” “I don't want him for exhibition. I want him for cashier." a good reason. Little Johnnie Chaffie has the habit of waking up every night and demanding something to eat. At last his mother said to him: “Look here, Johnnie, I never want you oeat anything in the night." ’ “Well. I don’t think I’d care much to eat anything either in the night if I kept my teeth in a mug of water." GETTING RID OF THE GAS. Torker I.ong (a bore)—l tell you, fellows, that tooth was a terror 1 The dentist says to me, he says: “Now, Mr. Long, you’ve got lots of nerve, and can stand pain as well as the next one, but you’ll have to inhale gas for this tooth!” And I took the gas! Yes, sir, after considerable thought, I decided to take the gas, and An Auditor—Yes, old man, and now you're getting rid of it, aren’t you?