Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 August 1896 — The Cream of Current [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Cream of Current

We’ll have no comic valentines; ’Tis cheering, you’ll allow. To see the skill spent in those line* AH turned to posters now, , „ Star. She-rAm I the first girl you ever kissed? He (surprised)—Why, no! I have three sisters, —Somerville Journal. your business? He— Looking for a wife. “You’ve got a steady job, haven’t you?”—Life. Binks—Your nephfrfv Is qutte a promising young man, isn’i he? Jinks—Well, he has never done anything else as yet. —Somerville Journal. .*-* “That was a had runaway yon had the other night, Mrs. Dash.” “Yes, but it was very stylish; we had four ho;*ses.”—Chicago Record. Mrs. Brown—Mrs.JSpnth is a woman of remarkable strensMi of mind. Mrs. Jones—ls she? “Yes. She never hays anything she doesn’t want.”—Life. Time works a strange distraction In the object of her zeal; ;>! She’s forgot to want the ballot Since she learned to ride the wheel —Washington Star. Johnny—Pa, what is the difference between a tonsorial artist and a barber? Mr. Wiggles—The tonsqrigl artist uses longer words. —Somerville Joure ®®l - .-9 r ..uotj “He lives in a brick house now, does he?” sneered the rural cynic. “I used to wipe the clay off my boots that the bricks in that house are made of.”— Truth. Her Dearest Friend: Cholly—How old do you suppose Miss Furbish is? Gertrude—You might ask mamma. Perhaps she'll remember.—Cleveland Leader. The man who thinks that women have No lively.gift of wit, Has never asked a girl to wed, And heard her answer “nit.” —lndianapolis Journal. Mrs. Gazzam—Why is the ringing of a made obligatory upon bicycle riders? Mr. Gazzam—lt gives their victims time to make an ejaculatory prayer.—Truth. Waiter (at club restaurant)—Ready with your order, sah? City Sportsman ■ back from a week’s fishing)—Give me some fish; I’m tired to death of other things.—New York Weekly. Laura —Is it a fact that your engagement with Willie is broken off? Flora —' Why, no; not broken off, exactly. It sort of tapered off, one might say,—lndianapolis Journal. Johnny—Papa, what is meant by person of sanguine temperament?” Papa—lt means—a—it means a person who expects a good many things thirt do not happen.—Puck, Dah’s lots o’ folks puts in dah time (I liahdiy kin endnre -’em) A-talkin’ ’bout dah troubles ’stid O’ hustlin’ roun’ ter cure ’em. —Washington Star. Ballinger—lt will be a sweltering summer at the shore. How will you manage to keep cool? Manhattan—l shall limit my engagements to Boston girls exclusively.—Town Topics. Osgood—l guess Matthews Intends to run for office this year.—Wawmam— What makes you think so? Osgood— He's removed the fence from around his beautiful lawn.—Cleveland Leader. Hungry Higgins—What do you think of this here eight-hour movement, anyway? Weary Watkins—Es 4 it means not movin’ moren once every eight hours I guess it's all right.—lndianapolis Journal.

Mrs. Buzbey—What’s all this talk the papers are full of about 16 to 1? Mrs. Buzbuz —Oh, it’s the score of some great baseball game, I suppose. ■ You know how crazy men ard' on that subject.— Roxbury Gazette. How strangely do life’s prizes go, , Awarded by the crowd; Some triumph by the things they know, And some by talking loud. —'Washington Evening Star. Mrs. Motherby—How are you getting on with your singing lessons, Kate? Miss Screecher—Weiijil think I.must be improving. I nofH?e, anyway, that when I practice now the neighbors don’t come and ring the doorbell to protest.—Somerville Journal. She (on the way over)—Just to think that this big ship is absolutely under the control of the man at the wheel. He—Oh, that’s nothing. The man on the wheel at home claims to hava-pow-er enough to control the whole-nation. —Philadelphia North AmerijyjUj When for a lengthy", Vacationists prepare,”' *f l p . The first inquiry ought to be As to the railroad —Washington Star. -I ” Flowery Fields—la dere any demand fer farm laborers between There an’ Squedunk? Fanner Jones— Naw; I reckon th’ faraaers*hev hired all'th’ help they need by this time. Flowery Fields (shaking his partner)—Wake up. Weary! We’ve struck de right road at last.—Judge. Mother—“ Mary, that young Spinners has been paying a great deal of attention to you of late. Do you think he means business?” Mary (with a faraway look)—“I am afraid lie does, mother. He Is the agent for a bicycle firm, and he hasidone nothing but try to sell me a cyele ever since he has been coming here.”—Puck.