Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 31, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 August 1896 — Page 6

PLATING THE PIANO.

MEW AND INTERESTING THEORY IS ADVANCEa Prominent Instructor Saxo the Study of Anatomy, Physiology and Knowledge of Acoustics Is Necessary for a Thorough Mastery of the Pianoforte. Hinte to Pianists. H. A. Kelso, of Handel Hall, Chicago, •resents a new theory of piano playing •aaed upon principles of anatomy, physijology, acoustics and psychology, and in Ign exhaustive article which he has pubthed on the subject undertaken to show w piano playing 'may be reduced to a jacientitic basis. He advises the study of (anatomy, that the teacher may learn to Idevetop a good “piano hand” of physljology that we mar learn the fundamental amuses which operate in velocity playing. (We learn, he says, to avoid and successfully treat weeping sinews and musileian’a cramp. By the understanding and E (plication of the laws governing muscle nervation we learn to control and huiind the potent force termed 'tnervou* (energy. Misdirected nerve energy causes [physical disease and disorders nature’s [interua 1 arrangements; sickness is the result. Misdirected nerve energy makes [sickly piano players and unhealthy music jb the result. Extracts from hia article (follow:’ i Better modes of developing the power »f memorizing and of preserving untouchiod the pupil’s individuality, are the revolt, of psychological study. That we mbonld study acoustics “goes without saying." as we cannot know too much of

MOVEMENT IN STACCATO OCTAVE PLATING, NO. 1.

» wonnd .Pedal management, tonal colorling and the science of harmony are all , (better understood through a knowledge of ithe properties of acoustics. A knowledge !®f the anatomy of the hand, wrist, fore and upper arm gives the student greater facility in individual muscular control. lln consequence of the control thus gained. the whole arm becomes more expressive. A crisply-leggiero effgfit can best

fce produced by energizing the muscles of the upper arm and those of the fingers, while relaxing the wrist musdles. This is a very important point, and is simply the application of the mechanical principle of the resistance being equal to the iorce of the blow. The outer side of the hand is naturally ■weaker than the inner side, yet it is just *s essential a factor in playing. The melody and fundamental bass notes are most frequently, played with the weakest fingers; hence the necessity of building *p the outer region of the hand. A development of the pronator muscles in the forearm renders possible a good position of the hand for playing octaves, arpeggios, scales,, chords and trills with the fourth and fifth fingers. Rolling octane playing is dependent upon a separated control of the supinator and pronator muscles from those of the fingers. Speed requires the shortening of the latent period of the muscle, and this can be accomplished only by taking up the slack of the (tendons. The..principal muscle concerned in producing a crisply staccato effect with finger action is the extensor, as upon ■ttis muscle depends, the brevity of tone.

MOVEMENT IN STACCATO OCTAVE PLAYING, NO. 2.

Bis elevating the wrist, curving the second Unger, and depressing it at the knuckle joint, the finger is infcthe best possible position for producing the effect. of velocity playing is • subjwr&rgi'eot interest to the practical piano teacher. In some persons rapidity •f movement is natural, the muscular tisane is very irritable and exercises of speed do not demand great effort. In others •the mnseles,, although energetic, obey the order* of the wHi with considerable slowfcew. A _great expenditure of nervous energy Unnecessary- to obtain a rapid movement Illustrations of these differ«nee* may be noticed in the gymnasium, In fenciggj -boxing.isowing, walking, and 4n piano playing. Pfluger is authority for the statement that when a nerve is stim«tated by action of the will or otherwise, «W stimulus received- by tije peeve ia«M*aes in intensity as it reac&es the nousgJJßp The Three attributes of tone are force, |>il had quality. Force Is dependent

upon the amplitude of the vibration*. Pitch ia dependent upon the vibrational number —the greater the number the higher the pitch. From these facta we deduct principles of atndy which are practicable to an'intelligent student of piano playing. The overtones of tones sounded in the upper registers are of snch great vibrational number that the ear fails to establish a definite pitch for them. Then, again, the waves of such tones are so short that they vanish almost immediately after sounding; therefore the pedal, which permits the tone to be re-enforced, may be used more freely in the upper register than in the middle or lower. One tone sustained by the pedal in the middle is equal In intensity to about four in the upper register, it is possible by a jdelicate manipulation of the pedal to obliterate the discordant harmonies in the upper, without losing an organ point in

MOVEMENT IN STACCATO OCTAVE PLAYING, NO. 3.

the lower register, which sometimes of necessity must be sustained by the pedal. A point which is of equal importance with the manner of striking is that of the manner of leaving the keys, for upon this hingea the entire system of legato octave playing. Wide skips, such ns a bass note and its chord, and broad intervals either in the accompaniment or melody, may be made to sound legato without the use of the pedal, by releasing the finger from the key slowly, thus damping the tone gradually. Many beautiful effects may be produced by this use of the pedal. All movements of the body are either natural, habitual or hereditary. In certain states of consciousness we bring into play certain muscles just as naturally as water seeks its lowest level. It is for this reason that a pupil is sometimes taught to play a passage with widely differing’ movements of the hand and arm by different teachers? Thus it not infrequently happens that an instructor scatters broadcast over the land, through hia pupils, peculiar mannerisms which he’ inherited from his ancestors. It may readily be seen that this is radically wrong, and that such would not be the case were all teaching based on philosophic principles. In playing the piano habits will necessarily be formed, and movements based on the natural laws of expregibn of the body are more easily acquired, and, when acquired, enable us to express musical

WHAT SHALL I PLAT?

thoughts more clearly and more forcibly than habits formed at hap-hazard. Technic, ns applied to piano playing,’is the power to express musical thoughts. This involves not only the ability to play the proper notes with correct fingers, but requires such cent/o} of the muscles and nerves that nil gradations of tonai coloring may he expressed. Piano playing has been compared to an electric current—the musical thought emanates, from the, brain, pnsses through the nerves which move the muscles to be used, the finger strikes the key, the hammer strikes a wire, which in its turn produces a tone, the enr convoys the tone back, to the brain, thus completing the circuit. Weak oy sluggish muscles, therefore, not.readil.v yielding themselves to the nervdus stimulus flowing from the brain, will, break the circuit, and the musical phrase will fall short of the ideal conception. In piano playing the purely mental intellectual jihrase finds its -expression in the circumscribed movements of the fingers and hand, using the knuckles or wrist ns the center of motion. Passages from Bach’s “Fugues and.-Inventions’’ admirably, illustrate this statement. An emotional phrase demands more freedom of movement, which tile firmness of the eiboV—the emotional center— and length of the’ forearm .readily supply. Clitnaxes and passionate outburst's of musical feeling demand the added strength and wider swing through space of. the entire arm from the vital center of the shoulder. From a teShnicil'-standpoint I'classify all under five general ..heads—octaves, chords, arpeggios, embellishments—and theae-asg|fr||jsin subdivided.. 'Octaves are varieties, namely, legato, staccato, broken, interlocking and deceptive. Chords'are either broken or soljd. In order to play an arpeggio properly it most be taught in ten or twelve different ways, and the pupil,, will then understand haw- ko edfrectly practice all arpeggios. I usually teach the principles of arpeggios before ■ attempting scales, as the movements of the arm, wrist and fingers are vary much same in both, and are more easily comprehended in the former than in the latter. Under the head of embellishments I imelude all varieties of trills, mordents and appogiatnras. I consider the wrist the distributing centerffor the energy. 9! the upper andforearm. It is impossible for the aervpus stimulus from the brain to.be properly conducted to the fingfer tjpg when the many tendons that pass through the wrist are tense. Almost every pupil beginning the study of the piano has some unconscious mannerism dr trick peculiar- td hitn- * J| *clf of using tfee agAits- of expression. Before eradicating these bad habits and ,building up-those which are correct,' n certain condition of passivity or relaxs-

tloo must ba achieved, just as tbe potters’ clay must be rendered soft and plastic before it can be modeled into the desired forms. 1 1 find for .this purpose the Delsarteair exercises known as relaxing or devitalizing of inestimable value to the beginner and advanced student alike. We can utter so many words with one breath, and when that is exhausted we must draw upon the reservoir—the air—for another supply. We can play a rapid succession of notes with a given supply of nerve energy, and when that is exhausted we must draw upon the reservoir —the brain —for another supply. This necessity of our physical natui* is the basis of rhythm, and if the regularly recurring inclination to build up the waste is unheeded, health and strength will be impaired. Do not wait until a sensation of weariness is felt before renewing the energy, as we should no more play with exhausted strength than speak with exhausted breath. While conscious technic kills expression, the very core of the true system of technical expression is embodied in Hamlet’s advice so the players, “Suit the action to the word,” which, freely adapted, may bo made to read, “Suit the technical interpretation to the musical thought” Copyrighted.

A PATH FOR THE CYCLERS.

How tho Indianapolis Wheelway League Bnilt an 18-Mlle Hoadway. Two month* ago the Wheelway Leagueof Indianapolis was incorporated for the purpose of building a bicycle path to be open to tbe public. It was capitalized at 510,000 and the rider* of the city were asked to take stock at $5 a share. Subscriptions came in quite rapidly and work was soon begun* on the first section of the path, which occupies what was once the towpath of tbe old Indiana canal. This path had not hen used for many years, and when

A BIT OF THE PATH.

work began on It it was little more than a mere levee, with a rank growth of trees and shrubs on one side and the slow running waters of the canal on the other. The canal is on the east side of the path, which gives the full benefit of the shade of the trees during the afternoon. •The path extends to a suburb ten miles distant. All of this Is so well shaded that except early in the afternoon a rider can scarcely get a glimpse of the sun after 12 o’clock. The path varies in width, conforming to the top of the levee, hut is not less than eight feet wide at any place, and in some places as much as twelve feet. The levee was first dresed off with a road scraper and then a coat of gravel, slightly mixed with earth, was weli packed with a heavy roller. On top of this was rolled a thin coating of cinders and sand mixed, making as smooth a coat as could be desired, and one that has no suction to cling to the tire. At many places along tho path rustic seats have been placed, and at one point, where there are two very fine springs, there are a number of long rustic benches and a bicycle rack that can accommodate nearly 100 wheels.

ART AMONG THE ESKIMOS.

Clever Carvers in Ivory and Some Who Can Sketch, We did much entertaining, ns we were continually visited by different members of the tribe of two hundred or more. They were content to sit and share the warmth and shelter of our house, and gaze on the curious things It contained. They would turn the pages of a magazine by the hour, and, holding the hook upside down, ask questions about the pictures. What particularly pleased them was anything •in the shape of a gun, knife, or ammunition. Of eating they never tired. The amount of food they consumed was astonishing, and they particularly reveled lu our coffee, biscuit, and penvnican. This love was manifested by a little ditty that they sang quite often: “Uh-bis-e-ken, Uh-pem-e-kem.” The women are very clever with the needle, and as most of us had adopted the Inuuit hoc, of sealskin, which required frequent mending, they were always in demand. In mechanical Ingenuity they are remarkable. Both men and women are carvers in ivory, and the tiny figures—human as well as animal—that they fashion In this material, although somewhat crude, show no mean ability. This skill is also to be remarked in regard to the use of the pencil. One of them, As-sey-e-yeh, drew from memory a steamer in perspective, with the reflections in the water, and that, too, in a suggestive and artistic way.—Century.

A Back Biter.

Stranger—ls. the submarine diver at home? The diver’s wife—He’s down at the river, but I don’t think you can see him this morning. Stranger—Why not? The diver’s wife—He’s Immersed In business.—Port Jervis Gazette. Except In the little differences in crankiness, all men are exactly alike.

THE PEOPLE'S MONEY

SILVER PARTY PLATFORM. Following Is the platform adopted by the National Silver convention at St. Louis: The National Silver party in convention assembled hereby adopt* the following declaration of principles: Firat—The paramount issue at this time in the United States is indisputably the. money question. It is between the gold standard, gold bonds and bank currency on one aide and the bimetallic standard, no bonds and government currency on the other. Op this issue, we declare ourselves to be in favor of a distinctively American financial system. We are unalterably ohposeo to tlie single gold standard and demand the immediate return to the constitutional standard of gold and silver, by the restoration, by this government, independently of any foreign power, of the unrestricted coinage of gold and silver as the standard money, at the ratio of 16 to 1, and upon terms of exact equality, as they existed prior to 1873; the silver coin to be a full legal tender, equally with gold, for all debts and dues, public and private, and we favor such legislation as will prevent .for the future the demonetization of any kind of legal tender money by private contract. .. We hold that the power to control and regulate a paper currency is inseparable from tho power to coin money, and hence, that all currency intended to circulate as money should be issued, and its volume controlled by the general government oidy, and should be legal tender. We are unalterably opposed to tbe issue by- the United States of interest bearing bonds in time of peace and we denounce as a blunder worse than crime the present treasury policy, incurred by a Republican House, of plunging into debt by hundred* of millions in the vain attempt to maintain the gold standard by borrowing gold; and we demand the payment of all coin obligations of the United States as provided by existing laws, in either gold or silver coin, at the option of tiie government and not at the option of the creditor. Second —That over and above all other questions of policy, wo are in favor of restoring to tbe people of the United States the time-honored money of the constitution—gold and silver, not one but both—the money of Washington and Hamilton, and Jefferson and Monroe, and Jackson, and Lincoln, to the end that she American people may receive honest pay for honest product; that the American debtor may pay his just obligations in an honest standard and not in a standard that hus appreciated 100 per cent, above all the great staples of our country, and to the end, further, that silver standard countries may he deprived of the unjust advantage they now enjoy in the differsneo in exchange between gold and silver —an advantage which tariff legislation cannot overcome.

We therefore, confidently appeal to the people of the United States to leave in slieyanee for the moment, all other questions, to sunder, if need be, all former party ties and a (filiations and unite in one supreme effort to free themselves and their children from the domination of the money power—a power more destructive than any which has ever been fastened ,'upon the civilized tnen of any race or in any age. And upon the consummation of our desires and efforts we invoke the gracious favor of Divine Providence. Outside the Cities. The greatest cities of the country, the places where capital is stored, and where the entire country looks to for loans, are the headquarters of tho principal support of the single gold standard. It is uudeniable that tho farming element, a section whioh comprises 47 per cent, of the country’s population, is strongly in favor of more money. While it would he wrong to assert that every farmer is an earnest advocate of free silver, it is nevertheless true that the agricultural class is very restless, and insist upon some soft of a change which will lift the pall off of business, and give to the masses more money, so ns to create a demand for the products turned out by the tiller of the soil. As the great papers of the country arc published in the large cities, it is natural that they should be swayed by their surroundings aud the sentiment which they come in daily contact. For this renson the great majority of the leading American papers look upon all business ns being transacted In the cities, and imagine that the rest of the country is subservient to tiem.

But when we come to sum up the population ol’ this country we find that of the 1>2,G22,250, according to the census of 1890, there wore less than onefourth in the cities whose inhabitants number over 30,000. Upon this basis, the country and the small towns contain three-fourths of the population of the United States. And as the small towns ha“ve very little interest in common with those.of the big cities, the claim is madetliat in business relations and especially In the question of finances, one-fourth of the population shall rule the other threefourths. During the coining campaign we are going to hear a great deal about the “business interests” being opposed to the gold standard. To-day with nearly seven-eights of the business of the country transacted on credit, it shows that there is not near enough ready tnohey to meet the demands of trades. Thousands of farmers seldom see any money. The store allows them so much credit and takes their produce in return. And it is easy to understand that the storekeeper makes from both sides of the deal. It is the farmers that feel the urgent need of more money, and it is this portion of the. population together with the toiling masses who find business prostrated and money difficult to obtain that is going to settle the coming struggle. The business interests of America arc uoUeonfined to the bauks and the large traders. It is the business interest of the wage worker and the farmer to, see more money afloat, and a rigid adherence to the single gold standard means a great stringency rather than a return to prosperity.—Philadelphia Item. From Horace Greeley. In the American Year-Book and Register for J.BC9 was an article on “Currency and Finance" by Horace Greeley. Two paragraphs sketched with a master hand the effect, upon industry and

commerce of a diminution of the supply of gold and silver money. They are as follows: “Rome, having absorbed the then civilized world, and having, by the introduction, or toleration, of slavery, degraded labor and discouraged industrial progress, the discovery of mines and the production of the precious metals nearly ceased: while the luxurious tastes and habits of the wealthy impelled a continual importation of silks, spices, etc., from India and China, which took little but gold and silver in return. The circulating medium of exchanges and payments being thus insensibly drawn away and not replaced, the Roman Empire languished under a growing dearth of money and a steady decline of prices. As fixed property eongtufitly depreciated in value, those who bought on credit were too often unable to pay at maturity, and so sank into hopeless insolvency. Hence, labor layked employment, few chose to plant or build or improve, when the resulting property would be worth less than its cost. Population, wealth, prosperity, all declined and dwindled under the combined Influence of labor in shackles and enterprise and business devoid of money wherewith to employ and pay Hsht which was still free. And, though the silent progress of Christianity, the fruits of successive irruptions and conquests by. barbarians, and the.pressure of general poverty and wretchedness, combined to wear out slavery, scarcity of money still weighed upon the energies of Europe, down to the close of the fifteenth century. “The discovery of America by Columbus, and the consequent rapid and vast increase of money, wrought a great and sudden revolution. Prices appreciated; those who bought, or built, or in any manner improved, were almost always able to sell at an advance upon cost. I.nbor was 110 longer a drug upon the market, but in eager demand at prices beyond precedent, yet steadily augmented. The energies of the civilized world received an unwonted stimulus, and wealth increased and comfort diffused as they never before had been.”

Gold Bug Argument Exploded. Hero is an exposition Of the goldbug method of londing their arguments at both ends. It is contended Jhat the restoration of silver is going to degrade the dollar to 50 cents, and there is vo end of the play upon the favorite go'tlbug phrase, “the 50-cent dollar.” Jirtt as the silver man gets ready to mO.:t tliis objection to the standard silver dollar, he is met by another one which makes the very opposite contention. That is that the whole original fm> silver movement lias been gotten up by the silver mine owners who, unde* free coinage, will be permitted to take their product to the mint and, for every 371.25 grains of it, carry away a full value coined dollar. 'Thus the silver producer will make 100 per cent, on every ounce he mines over and above tlie natural market value of ills produce. But this thing surely cannot work both these ways. If there is to be a universal falling down to a “50-cent dollar,” then there can be no such advantage as is claimed for the bullion owners. If the bullion owners are to he enriched to the extent of half a dollar on every 371.25 grains of silver they produce, then we are not going to have and, “50-cent dollar.” The goldbugs will be forced to choose which horn of tliis dilemma they will adopt. Silver controversialists will meet either of these points, but they cannot meet both. Doubtless there is a good deal of loose talk and claiming on both sides in the campaign. Mere mouthing answers a purpose, but the purpose is not of long continuance. Never have the whole people been stirred as they now are over a purely governmental issue, and there hasjflaturally formed around the subject on both sides, a mass of misconception and erroneous notions which will have to yield under proper educational leadership.

Plight of Hungary and Russia. The struggle for gold In Europe has become sharp enough, to modify the financial course of events in a very disappointing way. Austria-Hungary’s legislation looking to the resumption of specie payments on the gold basis was enacted four years ago, with the expectation that men always have that all programs are sure to be carried out just as they are arranged. But Aus-tria-Hungary has not yet begun to pay gold, and it is not likely to do so in the immediate future. The first reason is that not enough gold has yet been accuinulatod, and it is not likely that the government would dare to resume even if it had the coin. The state of the foreign trade of the empire is such that the fear is that the gold would run but of the country as fast as it was permitted to escape from its present hiding place. The same state of things seems to exist in autocratic Russia. Komi-, nally, Russia is a single standard gold country, silver having gone through the form of demonetization quite recently. But there was no necessity of doing this, because the money of Russia has been paper since 1855. The determination made a few years ago to resume specie payment on the gold basis has residted in the accumulation of more than ?450,000;000 of that metal, but for one reason and another there is a fear of calling in The paper. The total amount of this paper is only ?530,000,000, so that It cannot be said that gold enough has not been accumulated. One-third the amount of gold that Russia has collected would be sufficient to carry all the paper in .the empire, but the conditions of the struggle for the metal make it dangerous for the Russians to let what they have get into the great world’s tender embrace. The United States will .shortly give these nations an .illustration of how unnecessary it is to care a rap where the gold goes. Whenever ybtr-mhet'a nSfca.iwho can tell you all ft’tftkh'thb'waak pilots In bis neighbors, you will find on* who need* as much watching as an east wind.

PRESIDENT FOR 20 YEARS.

And Now Dial la Again Cboaen Chief Magistrate of Mexico. The recent election of Gen. Porfirio Diaz to a fifth term in the presidency of the Mexican republic is evidence of the strong hold which this progressive old statesman has on his fellow countrymen. It Is all the more noteworthy because the election was unanimous—an unparalleled triumph in the IJistory of republics. For twenty years he has held the presidency of Mexico. It is to his personal traits and talents that his success. must be attributed. He is a man of serious character and Judicious disposition, possessed of remarkable perseverance, firm of purpose, broad minded, sincere, thoughtful and or sound Judgment. When first he entered upon office he made It his business to put an end to the brigandage and rapine by which Mexico had been disturbed for generations: and be was successful in this work. He next undertook the settlement of all outstanding disputes with foreign governments; and his sueess in this undertaking furnished evidence of his diplomatic ability, which was manifested even In the ease of the United States, and In dealing with American claims against Mexico. Since that time he has been constant in ,hl9 efforts-to advance the well being of Mis country. At the close of Presi-

GEN. PORFIRIO DIAZ.

dent Diaz’s fourth term of office the people of Mexico are better off than they ever were at any other time since the Spanish conquest. The population has advanced beyond 12,000,000, aud is probably one-fifth greater than it was at the time of his first election as President twenty years ago. Diaz, who is 06 years of age, has had an adventurous career. At the age of 17 he entered the army, and at the same time continued his education In law and the sciences. Throughout the revolution of 1855 lie was active and at its close was elected to Congress. When Maximilian established Ills empire, Diaz was one of the patriots who demurred, and in the war which ended with the young Austrian's execution Diaz was a leader. At its close he resumed a seat in Congress, was active in politics, and in 1870 was elected to the office which he now holds.

PAINTER THOMAS’ TIN HOUSE.

Probably the Biggest Coffee Pot In the United Statca. At Denison, Texas, lives Mr. John Groonfleid Thomas. John is a painter, has one-eye, had a wife and home, arid has had so much whisky that now he has nothing except an old coffee pot. But It is a big coffee pot—possibly the biggest in the country. This coffee pot was originally made to do service as a sign on Burnett avenue, and is 9 feet high aDd 3Yj feet in

MR. THOMAS AND HIS COFFEE POT.

diameter. Its days of usefulness as a sign have passed, and John has exercised squatter sovereignty and made it his sleeping apartment. For three years ho has comfortably bunked there. He doesn’t enter by the top, hut by a door cut in the bottom, the coffee pot now lying on its side.

SOMEBODY’S ABSENT DARLING.

'Where Wandering Willie la To-Night * —According to Him,

Dear Father? Have been unable to .Write lately, as have spent most of my dime in wheeling. Have succeeded iu making a very fust record for myself and am now doing great time. The machine I have,been using is one #f the old-fashioned kind, rather heavy, with non-detachable chain and ball bearing. Notwithstanding this, I expect to lead all competitors in the go-as-you-please face to-night and get way easy. Your affectionate son, JIMMY -New York World.

Hicks—Do you think it naturally follows because a man Is a politician that he Is a liar? Wicks—Oh, no; but unless a man is an expert liar 1 should not call Sim much of a politician.—Boston TranV, ' Do men wbo.bave cork legs go to bed with them ea? ■.

The Cream of current Humor

1 am placed between two issues. And 1 don’t know which I like. : If 1 go down to the seashore I shall have to pawn my bike. —Chicago Record. Lord Noeount (proudly)—l can traes my descent from William the Conqueror. Cynacus—You have been a long time on the downward path.— Truth. Mabel—And so he had the assurance to demand that you marry him. What did you say? Ethel—l told him the supply was not equal to the demand.— Truth. The deaf man no longer needs To walk the railroad ties; The scorcher finds him on the street And wafts him to the skies. —lndianapolis Journal. Cumso—Well, Johnny, how do yon like your new teacher? Johnny—Not much. She doesn’t know anything. Today she asked me who discovered. America.—Brooklyn Life. “Now, Eleanor, yoti weigh 130 pounds and* the weight gauge on the hammock registers 300 pounds. Where did that other 170 pounds come from?” “From— N-new York, I think.”—Life. “I see the Jacksons have put screens all around sieir piazza.” and I have my opinioja.gif people who are oo stingy that they won’t even'll flies sit on their Record. “Make hay shines” ‘ ' Is advice ofJtqpßi'eedM. “Make love while the moon shines” Is oftener heeded. —Washington Star.

Bloomer—That man Crafty, why, h# doesn’t know enough to come in out of the rain. Gloomor—Yes; but he does know how to hold on to an umbrella.—Philadelphia North American. Miss Keedlck—Did you know that the wealthy Ruth Stopaeloek was married? Miss Fosdick—No; is she? Miss Keedlck—Yes. Miss Fosdick—Now 1 know why people call it the almighty dollar. —Judge. Teacher—Willie, you are to stay in after school and do three extra examples. Willie—What! and get put out of the Scholars’ Union for workin’ overtime? I will, I don’t think!-*Jiueinnatl Enquirer. “But what makes you think that Davvher would make a success as a sign painter?” “He hasn’t the least idea of punctutation, and if he ever spells a word right it is only by accident”— Boston Transcript.

HCjtold he. - he had lost his hearty. As ne gazed in her lovely eyes; But, alas! the cruel umld answered: "Why don't you advertise?” —Up-to-Date. “Miss Fly. is so clever; she can sell women shirt waists that fit every time.” “Pooh! Miss Chipper is more clever still; she can sell them shirt waists that don't fit.”—Chicago Record. Visitor—What makes you so ugly. Tommy? Don’t you love your new baby brother? Tommy (viciously)— Well, I did till somebody came in aud said he looked like me.—Somerville Journal. She—How provoking tills is! I’ve been waiting an hour foarthe tide to get up. He—Yes; but you shouldn't get Impatient. Remember it’s boon out nearly all night.—Woonsocket Reporter.

Smithson—Hollo, Dobson, you are getting stout, aren’t you? DobsonWell, I was getting stout, but since I bought my wheel I have been falling off considerably.—Pittsburg ChronlcloTelegraph. 1 thought her mine—my rival watched Us ride away, then lie Went straight and bought a tandem, and Of course that settled me! —Cleveland Plain Dealer. She—Do you remember. Jack, this day one year ago you offered me your hand and heart and I cruelly refused you? I—l have thought better of It since. He—Urnph! So have I.—New York Herald. Hobson—How do you stand on the currency question. Dobson? ..Dobson— I’m awfully sorry, old man, and I’d be glad to accommodate you, but the fact is, I’m broke.—New York Commercial Advertiser.^* • “So you, enjoy ’belonging to_the Fat Men’s Club?’ “Oh, yes; it'ls'aenghtful.” “What are soirCe/s,6jf .tjhe ploaplifts?” “Why, every fat'man ta covers at once that all thq other men iu the club are fatter than he is.”—Louisville Courf*-JmiW:“, . “Don’t : you nothing all the time?”asked'tpevoting man who thought himself interested in sociology. “Misfer,’’ answered Pfeary PWttetie, “I git iso tttfejd do|W “nothin’ that I can’t .do nothin' else.'—Cincinnati Enquirer. Man with awful toothache meets a friend and tells him his woes. The friend—Ah, I had just as bad a toothache as. you yesterday, and I went home, and my wife pitied me, and kissed me, and made so much of me that the toothache disappeared. You take my tip. The achyue—ls your wife at home now, do you think?—Woonsocket Reporter.

London’s Oldest Restaurant.

Probably the oldest restaurant In London Is Crosby Hall, In street, In the city. This was built more than 500 years ago, was onceihe palace of Richard 111., and afterward the residence of Sir Thomas More. -It*was in this building that Shakspeare laid the scene of Richard’s plots for the murder of the young princes.

Something whizzed through the air at a distance of about ten feet from the head of William ’ the Cdnqueror. “Wasn’t that an arrow?’ J#ked the mofaarefr. “It went rather t«tt%ide for Rr narrow,” said the court ,Cfj»r; and from tihat moment bis bffice lfegan to lose in importance aud respectability.— Indianapolis Journal, ,