Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 July 1896 — THE JOKER'S BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKER'S BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS OF THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Perhaps He Favored the Home TeamHard on the Hotel—Onto It at Last—the Exception to the Rule. according to nature. She—Don’t you always pity a girl who is frightened in the dark ? He—Naturally, 1 cannot help feeling for her. rivals. “Well, what do you think? That <> goose offers himself in this letter.” “I don’t blame him. He’s tired being refused.” A REMINDER. He—Miss Edgerton reminds me of delicate piece of china. She—Hand-painted ? HE LOOKED TO THE RIGHT AND LEFT. Miss Wheeler—lsn’t the scenery beautiful along that road ? Ryder—\ ery! I’m using court plaster and arnica on account of that scenery. HARD TIMES. “Where are you going to take you family this summer, Hicks?” “To Coney Island.” “What! For the summer?” “No; for a day.”

wouldn’t have the chance. Mrs. Newife—l acknowledge that have my faults and am sometimes cross, Jack, dear, but if 1 had the last two years of my life to live over again I should marry you just the same. Mr. Newife—l doubt it PROOF. “I tell you, I drank nothing but soda.” “But you tried for five minutes to light your cigar at—” “I couldn't reach it ” “ —At an electric light." he couldn’t help it. Old Longnecker (severely)—Young man, do you love your neighbor as yourself? Young Tutgall (enthusiastically)—You bet! And, say, you just ought to see her curlv hair, dimples in her cheeks and not a day over nineteen! FROM BAD TO WORSE. Arthur—l think we had better 'TW further in and hug Emily—Why, Arthur! Aren’t you ashamed of yourself! Arthur—the shore. Emily—Mr. Merriam, take me to shore at once 1 AT THE SUMMER HOTEL. May. —And you told your mother that he had been introduced to you? Ethel.—Well, he was introduced to me. May.—By whom? Ethel.—By himself. FOWL LANGUAGE. Chick—Ma, that hen setting over there has laid seven eggs to-day. She’s quite a phenom, isn’t she ? Old Hen—My son, I wish you would refrain from using such vulgar slang. Why do you not call her a phenom hen on? PERHAPS HE FAVORED THE HOME TEAM. First Girl—She doesn’t understand baseball at all. Second Girl—No? First Girl—No, Whv, the other day she went to a game and fell in love with the umpire.

HARD ON THE IiOTEI.. “What sort of climate have you?” inquired the prospective guest. ‘ First rate,” said the proprietor of the summer resort. “Cool and bracing; creates a great appetite. Why, our guests declare that they are as hungry after a meal as before. ” ONTO IT AT LAST. “Great Scott!” said the mosquito, as the jet of air from the punctured bicycle tire struck him, “what a low trick these cyclers are putting up on us! But then ” He hummed meditatively. “ luckily I’ve got wind of it!” THE EXCEPTION TO THE RULE. ‘‘Everybody is grumbling about the hot weather.” “Not everybody. The summer hotel keepers haven't made any kick as yet about the hot weather. ” SEEMED TO NEED AN OPIATE. City Boarder.—Can't anything be done for those poor chickens of yours ? Farmer.—What is the matter with ’em? Boarder.—lnsomnia;—none of them could sleep a wink after four o'clock this morning. ONE OF JOHNNIE'S SISTERS. Johnnie Chaffie's sister, Lillie, is somewhat given to flirting. A few days ago Mr. Phoneyman asked her; “Miss Lillie, were you born in March?” “Why no, Mr. Phoneyman; why do you ask ?” 4 “I didn’t know but you were born it* March, as you have some arch ways about you.” ALL THE REQUISITES. ‘ So you have written a novel?” ‘ ‘Y es. ” “Has your heroine satin skin, velvet eyelashes and hair like threads of spun gold ?” “Yes.” “Is her name Gwendoline?” “It is." “Then I don't see why it shouldn’t - a success.”