Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 July 1896 — Page 6

SOME NOTABLE SIEGES OF IS TORY

BY FELIXL. OSWALD

IT is said to be a noticeable fact all along the course of memorable historical sieges that about the second month several legions of demons get 4nto the besieged, as well as the besiegers. And when the latter happen rto be barbarians, the result is often jnltra-infernal. as after the capture of [Kherson, where Gougar Khan, the leader of the Mongol invaders, ordered the (survivors to be flung into a pit that had [been loaded with explosives, and then put fire to the fuse. Hence also the sensation of horror (that thrilled the civilized world at the (report that the mining town oL.Buluwayo had been surrounded by the vindictive nice of ttte Dark.-Continent. Sir jtlaiupel Baker mentions a case where .that same tribe of savages disdained do make use of their spears, but leaped inpon their prisoners like wild beasts >to tear them with their claws and rteeth. The trouble is that protracted sieges are always apt to rouse the beast under ithe skin of every male human being. The loss of relatives and friends turns political adversaries into personal enemies. The besiegers feel that every day of unsuccessful effort increases the *lur upon their prowess, and long to be ■revenged. Alexander the Great was in •oltcr moods anything but a savage, but rthe seven months’ siege of Tyre exhausted his reserve funds of generosity, and when the city had been taken ■by storm he answered the appeals for mercy by showing the spokesman of the deputation a list of his own loss in dead and wounded, and then ordered an equal number of the captives to be crucified. The yells of the thousands of victims writhing on crosses and trees could be heard at Sadurbal, at a distance of a league and a half. Another instance of barbarian severity attended the last siege of Carthage. The Romans were not satisfied with the complete demolition of the city, but Employed several thousand carts for a week to scatter the many ruins, and then plowed up the site of the main

BAGDAD STORMED BY THE HUNS.

town 'and covered the ground with eoarse salt, to diminish its attractlveaess Jo future settlers. The, barbarity of those ages has been equalled, if not excelled, by some Of the JiorroES of modern sieges. The storming of Bagdad was an instance where ithe fierce onslaught of ravenous Huns iwas faet by all the obstacles, missiles and projectiles that desperation could suggest. and later at the storming of .the ba stile. In Paris, it semeed as if (brute ’ frenzy had taken the place of iutmaa iiisfincts, driving the outside (participants to rend stone front stone, and ty.ush, mutilate and disfigure every enemy. Of all the sieges of late times, (however, none can show such marvelous enduYanbe, such ferocious determination as that attending the ten ■norths' siege and inch-by-inch capture of Saragossa, tn December, ISOB, MorAier and Monsey Invested the city with an army of 33,000 regulars, 8,000 auxiliaries, besides teamsters and sappers and an artillery train of hundreds of anortars apd siege guns. The outside (walls crumbled like brick, but thousands ot volunteers closed every breach (with hillock of rubbish, even when the shotted their advanced batteries with grape and cannister. “Gravel or bones, ’tis all the same,” as long as the gaps get promptly closed, yelled the Cannon balls showered into these ramparts of debris, but could ji&ver demolish them altogether. Like tbesand bulwarks of Fort Fisher in our eivll war, rubbish heaps proved more Inexpugnable than granite. The collapse of some lofty buildings like the convent of San Jose opened, however, * gate of access, and the division of (Geh. Dujardin rushed up, dragging itheir cannon across stones and corpses and thep opened fire into the gathering mob with such effect that the ground ponld be held till two additional brigades entered the city and instantly entrenched themselves among the smoking ruins. But all that they had nhus gained was the change of operations to a close range fight. Missiles of all spjrts descended from the windows, lalcoales and doors of the next street

I buildings In ceaseless volleys. The I defenders appeared to have no end of I ammunition, and had, indeed, stored ■ up sulphur and saltpetre enough to 1 manufacture all the powder they need- ! ed. They also improvised howitzers, I and every now and then a gang of i youngsters would emerge from some I attic trap upon the top of a flat roof, ’ Naze a bushel of stones from a strange- . looking carronade and vanish the way they had come. These volleys bad a ; limited range, but fired squarely Into a : crowd of trench digging soldiers they ' did terrible execution, t.’l the French devised a plan to checkmate that game, I and kept eannister-shotted guns of their own ready aimed, to be fired the mo- | ment a group of amateur cannoneers I ventured to show themselves on the 1 housetops. Incessant night alarms wore out the I advance corps of the besiegers. For | the first few weeks hostile surprise pari ties were foiled by the plan of keeping | up blazing watch fires, but that expe- [ dient, too, had its disadvantages, since | the glare of the flames revealed the wherabouts of sentries and patrols and made them an easy prey to sharpshooters prowling in the dusk of surrounding ruins. Besides the woodwork of the captured buildings had all been consumed, and the inclemency of the weather was aggravated by a fuel famine. In the fourth week of the siege the French at last pushed their outworks to the threshold of the Cosso, and coupled their summons of surrender with the threat of blowing up the principal buildings of the city. “War to the knife and to the last shanty wall,’’ was the reply of Gen.' Palafos. Many of the hopelessly wounded shammed paralysis, and on being carried to the improvised hospitals suddenly rose upon their knee's to attack the French surgeons with dagger knives. In the beginning of February the French sapeurs discovered the subterranean galleries of the defenders,'and to the havoc of the siege were now added the horrors of an underground war;

whole blacks of buildings were shattered by the forces of volcano-like explosions that often hurled mangled corpses to the top of the highest steeples. When finally surrender was. made the dead list had’reached the portentious tqtal of 53.727, and the work of murder never ceased till 'the skull-bones of the last infant had been shattered on the breast of the last womaq—as an eternal and eternally unanswerable argument against the fortifications of large cities. >

Auroras in the Arctic Regions.

The light was lessening day by day, though the beauty of this ice world did not wane. I think I never felt the strength, the glory*, of silence so vividly as on the 26th of the month, standing on a rocky height above the bay. Across the heaven beautiful auroras streamed at frequent intervals in colors of faint orange, green, and blue, scarcely dimming the myriads of brilliant stars that glittered in the deep blue vault, which lightened to turquoise at the horizon. Majestic cliffs swept away across the bay, with its shadowy, greenish-blue bergs, all bathed in one shimmering veil of transparent gold from the'llght of the moon. In a silence- that made the beating of the heart and the pulsation of the blood in the veins seem, almost audible, I was suddenly attracted bytlk peculiar, occasional crackling sound. Presently the sound came very near, and, turning, I perceived a yellowish-white object, about three feet in length, steadily approaching. The little creature gradually circled about, until it paused about fifteen feet away. As I had remained motionless, its. curiosity led it to sit down upon its haunches and deliberately stare at' me." Twice it seated Itself, and then, running behind a boulder, peeped over the edge, uqtil, satisfied or alarmed, it disappeared. It was an Arctic fox.—Century. ' How times change! A few years ago to speak of a nit implied that the speaker must have them.

MEN WHO FIGHT FIRE

HOW THEY ARE TRAINED FOR THEIR WORK. Drilled in the Art of Scaling High Huildtnca Handle Long Ladders with Wonderful Ease and Celeritybio Time Is Lost. Powerful and Agile Athletes. Every piperaan, engineman, and truckman in the service of the tire department of Large cities is drilled week-

ly <n the duties of a hook and ladder company. Not only the men serving on the hook and ladders know how to lower a man or woman by means of a rope from a burn--1 n g building, but when a pipeman or eng inc man is needed he is as well trained as any to take an active part In saving life, and can do it as well as he can handle an engine or turn a hose where it does the most effective work. Although this

FOUR-MEN LADDER DRILL.

drill usually takes place at every hook and ladder house on some day of every week, It never teases to be an Interesting sight to the. neighbors and passersby. Men and boys are never too busy to Stop and watch the blueshirted men as they nimbly run up the ladder, and then pass it on to the window above. When Marshal Horan and Capt. Thomas O'Connor, of hook and ladder No. G, at Chicago, gave the order for

n drill one day last week four men immediately began to get themselves ready. They were Lieut. James Cunningham, John Tierney. Patrick Sullivan. and William Thompson. The first thing done by the quartet was to bring Into tiie alley upon which the engine house is situated four long ladders. Then they all fastened a broad leather belt about their waists. These were about six inches wide, and in front had i tremendous hook of steel. *Tp you go,” called Capt. O’Connor, and the four-men pompier drill began. Tiie sixteen-foot ladders, with which the men practice when playing that lives are to be saved and that all egress by stairs is stopped by smoke and flame, were seized as though but a featherweight. At the top of each ladder is a long iron hook. This is notched so that it will catch in any width window sill. The first man to mount fastened the ladder securely to the sec- < nd story window and swiftly ran up the rounds. As soon as he reached the top he opened .the big hook at his belt and snapped it about the top round. Then he put out his hands for the next

SINGLE MAN LADDER DRILL.

ladder, and it was quickly handed up to him! This he raised high in the air, hand over hand, fastened it on the third floor window, tried its strength to see that it was secure, then quickly ran up. As he went up this he wjs followed up the first ladder by the second man wafting below. As he reached each floor his manoeuver was the same. When he reached the<top of the secund ladder the second man was at the top of the first. Both men hooked themselves safely and put out their hands for the ladder below. Quickly it was [Missed from the third man at the foot to the one on the top of the first ladder. By him it went to the fireman above. Then the third man ran briskly up and the fourth and last one began the mount. By the time he had reached the top of the ladder that stood firmly upon the ground his brother firemen lias passed the fourth ladder to the man at the top. Here it was fastened to the summit of the tower, and .the first man to mount was soon looking below to Capt. O’Connor for orders. “All the way down!” shouted the Captain. . - ■ And without one niom»T',t for breath the descent began.

Each man came down from the top I of. the ladder upon which he had stood, land snap wfht three hooks upon the round of the ladder. The ladder at the I top was as a wisp of hay lu the powI erful arms of the man at the tb’rd floor i windp«j£ lie took it from its place and qjMckly lowered it to the man below. ! This one passed it on with the same rapid movement, and in a second more it was on the ground and resting against the building. Down ran the three men. The one who had removed the ladder stepped aside, and his place was taken by the next to dismount The same course was taken until the

three others were safely on the ground ence more and the four ladders standing against the firehouse. The “two men drill’ is very similar, except that only two ladders are used, one man passing up the lower ladder to the man above him, and then running up the two ladders and in turn receiving the lower one from his comrade. The “one man drill” is perform-

SAVING LIFE WITH THE NET.

ed with one ladder. The fireman fixes it to a window above him, mounts to the sill of the upper window, raises the ladder another story, and so on until he has reached the height desired. The rope drill, likewise, always attracts curious crowds. The noose of a rope is placed around the waist of the person to be lowered, and the fireman who lowers him gives the rope two or three turns around the hook in his belt. Then he pays it out as slowly or as fast as desired. Persons are taken from buildings with ropes, or dropped into nets, when flames or smoke prevent the use of stairways or ladders. The net is a circle of woven rope about four feet across. The rope is an inch thick and the meshes are close. Ten or more men take hold of the net, and the persons rescued are dropped into it. When the firemen execute this drill they drop from a hole feet first into the net with the precision of circus acrobats. “It’s a fine thing,” said the Marshal. “But it don’t always work. On a dark, black night we hate to use it, for we can’t always tell that we are directly under the one that is to jump, and then it is fatal.”

LOWERING MAN FROM A WINDOW.

She Respected His Dignity.

A Scotch woman was returning by a train from a market town,- where she had made a few purchases. Just as the last bell rang a fussy gentleman, elegantly dressed, and with a “mind-thy-self” looking face, rushed into the compartment, flung himself hastily into a corner, pulled out an evening paper and proceeded to devour its contents. Hardly had he become seated when the woman timidly addressed him: “I am very sorry, sir, but ” “I never listen to beggars," fiercely interrupted the gentleman. “If you annoy me further I’ll report you.” The woman's eye?;flashed, then twinkled. She said no more, and the old gentleman retired with an angry frown behind his paper. All went merrily as a marriage bell until the train arrived at Cromlade, when the “auld wife,” in stepping out, again addressed the churlish individual in the corner: “I care na, sir, whether ye report me or no, but I want that pound of butter ye’ve been sittln’ on for these last six mile.”—Cincinnati Enquirer.

New Process of Making Maps.

William Kornmacher,>.-a druggist in South Scraifton, Pa., hits discovered a process of relief map-miking which marks a new era in that art. Tlrfey are made by a -chemical process, and the largest country can' be done in three hours, and,' no cut being used, the cheapness of the process is easily understood. The negative is done In plaster-of-paris, and from it the relief can be finished in one hour. The countries are accurately represented. Hie mountain ranges elevated in proportion to one another, and the river courses are shown in depression, and Hu maps can be colored and names imprinted thereon. This process can ba used in the manufacture of innumerable other articles. Brown—Have you read this article upon “How to Tell a Bad EJgg?” Jones —No, but if you have anything tot tell a. bad egg, my advice is ’to break it ger.tly.—Up-to-Date.

SERMONS OF THE WEEK

Manhood.—The world needs not mor* men, but more man.—Rev. C. W. Gulllette, Methodist, Cincinnati. Grief.—Solitary grief is the most severe burden to humanity.—Rev.' F. B. Webb, Presbyterian, Columbia, Tenn. The Bible.—We are not called upon to defend the Bible. The Bible will take care of itself.—Rev. Dr. Barron, Bap tist, Dallas. Flirtation.—Mother Eve was the first flirt, and the whole human race has been similarly afflicted ever since.— Rev. A. B. Chalmers, Christian Churen, Cleveland. Peace.—America has taught the world that the supremely good soldier loves peace and deplores the horrors of war.—Rev. A. R. Rich, Methodist, Dubois, Pa. Prayer.—Prayer is the telephone over which we talk and receive an answer. It is the lever by which the rocks are moved.—Rev. F. H. Shedd, Presbyterian, Sioux City, lowa. Secession.—Whatever may be true in earthly politics, and I am intensely Southern In my instincts and sympathies, in the kingdom of heaven there is and can be no right 'of 'SeeeSlibn.— Rev. R. H. Cotton, Episcopalian, Dallas. ■ <■ Creed. —One might as well expect to get well by handling pills as to be saved by a creed. Whether one be a Methodist or Presbyterian or Episcopalian is a ma tter of small Importance. —Rev. J. I. Vance, Presbyterian, Nashville. Happiness.—We must give ourselves to others before we shall find our own Chiefest joy. The true happiness of life is not found in the getting, but in the giving. And we can get happiness in no other way—Rev. Dr. Putnam, Presbyterian, Logansport, Ind. Devout Mothers.—A devout, pioud mother contributes more to the propagation of religion and the strength of a nation titan the sermons of Augustine or Chrysostom or the transceudant eloquence of Burke or Webster. -Rev. F. Riordan, Catholic, Lawrence, Mass. Home.—There are so-called religious homesthatareliketombs, joyless, dark, parents long-faced, sanctimonious, I igoted, forever drawing out heartless prayers and making Sunday a day to be dreade'cf allove all days of the week. —Rev. 11. H. Barbour, Baptist, Columbus, Ohio. Politics.—Tile heterogeneous composition of our American cities makes it possible for the unscrupulous leader to bargain and deliver masses of votes in great blocks. The perfectly natural result is a debauched city government.— Rev. B. E. Howard, Presbyterian, Loa Angeles.

The Stage.—Out of any 100 plays in the best theaters to-day it is acknowledged that not over three are ever of any use whatever in teaching anything for tlie good of the race. Anything taught must be good to be elevating, and then it must be true.—Rev. W. T. Euster, Methodist, Spokane, Wash. Immigration.—The gulf between the working classes and the church is largely due to foreign immigration, the people coming from countries where English is not spoken, and for that reason, when they get here, they have no desire to go to church and listen to English preachers.—Rev. A. J. Waugh, Presbyterian, Cleveland. Health.—There is nothing so-cbeap as health; nothing so expensive as disease. God’s real restoratives are very cheap. Sunlight, beauty, fresh air and water are supplied at low rates to those who go Io the right market, while the compounds of the apothecary are always costly.—Rev. Jenkin Lloyd Jones, Chicago. Religious Training.—A lack of religious training is the trouble of our times. Boys are left to decide for themselves whether or not they will go to church or Sunday school. - Going depends only on their youthful whims, which are more changeable than the winds. Parents think nothing of the absence of their children from thd church services.—Rev. W. S. Hoskinson. Lutheran. Sacramento. Education.—Education has to do with the soul of man, and religion is the attitude of that soul toward God. The former is a question of training and enlargement, the lahtiT-a question of attitude. Thus we see that trfte'religion must favbr education, And education should lead on to religion. That education which fails .to build up a pure character is dangerous to mankind.—Rev. G. H. Humason, Methodist, Duluth.

Success—Virtue and victory are wedded. No man can divorce them. The knighthood of our day must not only be chivalrous, but Christly. The flashing seimiter which will cut its way -through the serried ranks of opposing hosts is Hie sword of the Spirit. No armor is invulnerable save the enfoldings of divine love. The cross is the symbol of victory. Christliness insures celestial coronation.—Rev. A. Z. Conrad, Congregationalist, Worcester, Mass. Degeneration.—The people, the workers, are letting go of the Bible. The mass of the people are not reading tho Bible, not bearing!lt read. Park Street Church, Boston, -<sb a means of grace, cost $600,000, and seats 1,500 people who con afford the luxury. The only preacher who has succeeded in filling it in later yeans called it “a religious clufi house.” There are a great number of religious club houses in cities and villages.—Rev. M. W. Reed, Independent, Denver.

A New Reflector.

M. Henry, a French. savant of the school of higher studies, has revealed the power of sulphate or zinc to absorb sunlight and give It back In the dark. A powder produced from this mineral gives a soft luminosity to a fair young face. A cyclist dusted all over with Hie same material is in himself a on a pitch dark night. Damp will not spoil the-Effect. Rain is Incapable of diminishing its brightness.

VEST’S START IN LIFE.

fti> Joke on a Crowd of Poker Players . Drove Him West. One of the conspicuous figures In the Chicago convention was Senator Vest, Jf Missouri. A est r says a correspondent, is a Kentuckian. He began dlfe by monkeying with a poker game that was foreign to him. It was at a little village on the Ohio River. Vast was a poor boy and did not play poker. Draw poker in only for very wealthy men. That night a game was raging in the cabin of a flatboat, which was moored to the levee. The temper of the town was fitful and they Indicted folk who played poker. So the Judge and the Prosecuting Attorney and others who desired relaxation went down to this flatboat so that the town would not get onto their sinful curves and put a crimp in them. Vest came strolling along about 10 p. m. where the flatboat rose and fell on the sobbing tide. He perceived the poker game in Its criminal progress. Vest loved a good jest, so he quietly made loose the lines of the flatboat and cast the poker game adrift on the dark, shimmering bosom as the river. The malefactors played on, little heeding that they were now 1 float. At 4 o'clock a. m. old man Taylor had won S7O In Mexican mlvei money. Then he got cold feet. -Old

SENATOR VEST.

man Taylor said ho had promised his wife that he would come home early. The others jeered. This did not daunt ojd uian 'Jfaylir. He sinkered his spoil a boat his honpst old frame and saying •adols” , ioft the cabin pf the flatboat and carefujy picked his way overboard into about twenty feet of water. He was fished out and rolled on a barrel by the other players to get the water and the money out of him. When they at last were towed back to town and found tlie entire village awaiting them at the levee, they began to hate Vest for the jocose role he had played. They at once laid for the coming Senator with slxshooters. Now, if there is one thing about Vest more than another, it is the fact that he’s what they call out West “gun-shy.” Vest won’t stand for artillery a moment. So he fled westward and went so fast he simply burned up the region lying between Kentucky and Missouri. Afterward Vest grew up with the country.

JOHN R. M’LEAN.

Man Who Came Near Beinjr a Vice Presidential Candidate. John R. McLean, who was second in the race for the Vice Presidential nomination iu Chicago, is plucky in everything he undertakes. He was a baseball catcher one time, and a more determined one never faced a pitcher. Harry Wright was one of the men he caught for, and that was before the days of masks and stomach pads. After hie base-ball enthusiasm was partially knocked out by a foul tip, which took aim to a dark room for two months to repair an impaired eye, his next ambition was to print the best newspaper in Ohio. He inherited the Cincinnati Enquire: from his father, and while there may be some question as to the realization of his efforts he has certainly succeeded in building up an extremely inuential and profitable newspaper. Then he fell a victim to the wiles of Cupid and married Miss Mary T. Beale, daughter of General Edward F. Beale, of Washington. The bride was about 25 years old at that time and the groom ten years her senior. He has one of the swellest of the swell houses in Wash ington, entertains handsomely and has

JOHN R. M'LEAN.

among his guests the biggest men of both the Republican and Democratic parties. Two or three years ago he said he would not accept any political position, but preferred the life of a private citizen. Mr. McLean is very wealthy. Some people estimate he is worth $20,000,00Q.'; He is a large holder of real estate in Cincinnati, a heavy owner of street railway stock in Washington and the chief stockholder in the principal gas plant of that city. He Is about 45 years of age, handsome, practical and far-seeing in- a business sense.

A Gland of the Sea.

A monster iceberg stranded near Hampden Beach, N. H., a few days ago. but floated away the following day. Lt was as big as a church, and it had a marked effect oh the temperature in the vicinity. Palmer—“ You can never convince me that women will succeed in politics.” Polk—“ Why?” Palmer—“ How are you ever going to keep them from talking?” —Philadelphia North American. Brown—Confound it! There’s that mosquito again.’ Smith—Well, don't slap your face like that. He’ll take It for an encore.—Puck. A man’s sins will not find him out as soon as bls wife.

The Cream of Current Humor

The glorious Fourth has passed away. The day dawns bright with cheer; The small boy’s chanees to survive Are good for one more year. —Washington Star. Poet—How do you know the editor isn’t In? Office-boy—From your looks. —Puck. First Tramp—Wuz you ever married? Second Tramp—Well, I jist wish I had all the alimony I owe.—Puck. “Weren’t you surprised when he proposed?”* “No; why should I be?” “Evwas.”—Harlem Life. Never Touched Her: He—Don’t you ever tire of talking? She (quickly}— It depends upon who is talking.—Vogue. Artist That man Bacon offered me sl2 for that largest painting of mine. Caller—Oh. then you’ve had it framed? —Yonkers Statesman. She—Young Baggie, I believe, takes his fences well? He-Yaas, splendidij , but it s a pity his horße doesn’t take ’em at the same time.—Sydney Bulletin. “There!” hissed the jealous Moor; “how do you feel now?” ’ “Down in the mouth,” gasped the irrepressible Desdemona from beneath her pillow —Puck. “It is simply astonishing-tbe way tho bicycle is displacing the horse!” “It is, indeed. Yesterday I found a jjlece of rubber tire in my Enquirer. • - ’ ■ a! ■■■■■:'. > Miss Rechore (indignantly)—Did you tell Jim Jackson dates hejpiarried rqo he’d hab q Whiteelephant on bees hands? Miss S'npiflaike—No, indeed,' I didnt! Do yo’ fink I’se Color-blind?— Puck.

Amicus—Why., do you use the expression funny joke? Aren’t all jokes funny? Editor —Not by a long shot. Tlie jokes that other fellows get off at your expense are never funny. Truth. “It seems to me, Miranda,” mildly observed Mr. Meeks, “these cakes would be considerably improved by the addition of a little more ginger.” "So would you, William,” briefly responded Mrs. Meeks.—Chicago Tribune. “Mell, girls, Jack and I are to ba married at last, and we are so happy!” "Did you and Jack have some trouble in getting your father’s consent?” -No, papa and I had a lot of trouble in getting Jack’s consent.”—Exchange. Mrs. Brown—l have been so annoyed at my husband. He has been at the club every night for a week. Mrs. Jones—Why, so has my husband, and he said lie hadn’t seen anything of your husband for a week.—Brooklyn Life. Wraggles—Well, Adam was a lucky man. Barker —Ip what particular way? Wraggles—He didn’t have to praneq. around the garden like a blamtd Id&t holding Eve on a hundreddollar bike.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. She—lt seems strange that men are no longer willing to do deadly combat for the love of a woman. He—Ain’t It queer, though? Especially when women have so much more money of their own these days!—lndianapolis Journal. “A woman’s no means yes,” said the man of 20, who naturally knows all about women. “That may be the rule,” assented the married onc,“but it doesn’t work both ways. Unfortunately a woman's yes doesn’t mean no.”—Cincinnati Enquirer. “I once knew a man,” said the im- ’ aginative boarder, “who was so fat that he was actually taller lying down than when he was standing up. What do you think of that?” “It strikes me,” said the cheerful idiot, “as pretty tall lying.”—lndianapolis Journal. A Dangerous Text: “Well, Uncle Rasbury, how did you like the sermon?” “Pow’ful tine sermon, Marse John.” “Where did the preacher take bis text?” “From dat po'tion ob de Scripture whar de Postol Paul pints his pistol to.de Fesions.”—Washington Times. Fair Patient—ls there no way of telling exactly what is the matter with me? Dr. Emdee—Only a post-mortem examination would reveal that. Fair Patient—Then, for heaven’s-sake, make one. I don’t see why I should be squeamish at such a time as this.—Pick-Me-Up. “Modern society,” observed the young man, contemplatively, “has revised most of the old-time proverbs.” “Yes,” observed the chaperon, to whom he had just handed an ice, “for instance, nowadays we say, ‘When tlie husband comes in at the door, the lover flies out of the window.’ ’’—Exchange. First Summer you>goin'g to that old Christian Endeavijr'meeting this evening? Second Bqmfiicr'CTrl— Yes, indeed! Hayctftjh'ou 4)ou subject to be Rummer Girt*-N6; wlm is Ity Gir|—“How to > —New York Press. tafe i&r' t ? “I was verji tpSftejyou among those who were received Into the church last Sunday.” “Yes, auntii\ but I was so provoked with the clergytnaq! He gave me the old-style, unfbstfiomttile bandshake. Ai»d he gets a salary of SO,OOO a year!”—Chicago Tribune. ! FiG’ , . • - ‘ In America: Tourist—Why can’t you'pit t a stop to these continual Insurrections? Native—We are considering a-measure now which may bare a tendency in that direction. It is proposed to reduce the President’# term of,office to three weeks, and to provide that he shall not be eligible for a second term,—Pnpk. “RastuA you Infernal' nigger, yon told me that mule was perfectly safe, and when I went into* the stable be nearly kicked' the top ftf my heid off.” “Yes, sak; I sayed de toewl wuz safe, sab. But es yo’ kin reccollect, I didn’t say nuffiii' about weddeY‘it was safe to his wlcinlty. Dat mewl, is able £e ’saf4 "titi^wtiar,”—Waahtogton Slgr. • - ■■