Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 29, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 July 1896 — The Cream of Current [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Cream of Current

When the season opens we claim the flag. In June we’ve got nothing to say. In August of second place honors we brag. At the end we take what comes our way. —Philadelphia North American. “How did young Downey come by tho title of major?” “Why, easily enough. Don't you remember that liis father was a colonel?”—Judge. ' ■ “They say the bicycle is injuring art.” “Yes; the man vybo owns a good wheel can't waste his life spreading'paint on canvas.”—Chicago Record. Maude—Would you marry Freddy if he asked you to? only answer that by saying that be wouldn’t be single now were J so foolish. I • / t 1 “Ball one!” yelled tlje “Good eye!” shouted Chimmy. “Siril|aip’®e!” the umpire called. “Dat's ;h» odder eye,” explained Chimney.—lndianapolis Journal. jßiy****' Mabel —I understand that there were only square dances at Mrs. Flippit’s small and early. Maud—Yes; there wasn’t men enough to go round.— Judge. Mrs. Wiggles—Was that a good box cigars, Ephraim, that I bought for your birthday? Mr. Wiggles (craftily)—l never £aw a better box.—Somerville Journal. Spencer—They told me at your office that you were only one of the clerks. And you said you were a director. Ferguson—So I am. I address envelopes.— New York Herald. “Awful accident at Jones’ yesterday.” “So? I didn’t hear of it.” “Jones hit his thumb with the hammer and immediately exploded with rage, while his wife burst into tears.”—lndianapolis Journal. Bill the Biffer—What’s d’ object of dis organization uv yours, mister? Mission Worker—To rescue the fallen, mjr man. Bill the Biffer—Well, don’t talk ter me. I’m no bicyclist.—Roxbury Gazette. “Frederick,” said she, “don’t let the baly stand alone,” A Why, she’s old enough to learn to walk.” “Old enough to learn to walk! Why, she hasn’t even learned to ride a bicycle yet.”—Washington Star. “There is no use denying it,” said the young man, who uses slang indiscriminately. “Cholly Chuggins has wheels.” “Really?” said the girl from Boston. “What make are they?”—lndianapolis Journal.

Miss Prettie—Mr. Ryder is so entertaining! He seems to, have come in contact with so many people. Mr. Wheeler (viciously)—Yes, indeed. You should watch him on hjs bike.—New York Press. “I beg your pardon!” she exclaimed solicitously. “I didn’t mean to step on your foot.” “Lord bless you, miss,” returned the man in the blue drilling blouse, “I didn't know you did.”—Somerville Journal. “I understand you stood for a,whole hour in the doorway last night talking to the policeman, Katie?” “Shure, you wouldn’t have me sthand there for an hour and say nothin’, ma’am.:—Yonkers Statesman. “Her husband is a little bit wild, I hear.” “Well, I think he had aright to be, when he came home and foind she bad traded off his last summer suit for a lot of potted flowers, don’t you?”— Indianapolis Journal. “I shall have to give up goin; on the stage.” “Why so?” “My hair is coining out in handfuls.” “I din’t see what——” “Pretty soon my strainer will be unable to drag me the floor.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. He—And did you call at Monte! Carlo while you were at Nice? She—Nd papa called on him, I believe, but fr<tu his disappointed appearance whence returned to the hotel, I think must have been out.—Public Opinion. Elsie—The report you heard About Edith’s engagement’’ must be t'ruL ‘l heard it from a number of persona. Ruth—From Whom? Tiisle—Well, ijiss Brown, Miss Jpnea Miss Robinion. Ruth—Oh,' I told them.—Brooklyn life. “How the'wind howls to-night!”>slid the melancholy boarder. “I, shouldn’t wonder if it had the toothache,” suggested Mr. Asbury Peppers. “Toothache?” “Yes. Have you never heart of the teeth of the gale?”—Cincinnati Enquirer. Slowman—There is one thing I feel glad of. AU the love letters I ever wrote to the widow are destroyed. Fligh—Are you quite sure of that? Slowman—Quite. You see, I never had the courage to send them to her.—New York Herald. A mother, trying to gpt her little daughter of 3 years old to sleep bne night, said: “Dora, why don’t you try to go to sleep?” "I am, trying,” she replied. “But you haven’t shirt your eyes.” “Well, can’t help it; dey cornea unbuttoned.’’—Answers. “May I be at liberty to quote you as indorsing the sentiment that the voice of the people is the voice of God?” asked the interviewer. “I would not like to enmurft myself to that sefitl'ment until after the convention,” answered the candidate.—lndianapolis Journal.,