Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 June 1896 — 123 [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

123

Had I an X-ray camera 'Twould pleasant be, I’ve thought. To look up in my memory The things long since forgot. -Judge. In a Department Store —“I wank something nice in oil for a dining-room.” “Yes, madam. A landscape or a box of sardines?”—Life.. “When I lose any little thing like that I knew where to look for it.” “You do?” “Yes; it’s nearly always in baby’s mouth;”—Chicago Record. “What is an irretrievable error?” “It is getting up and dressing at 5 o'clock under the impression that the clock struck 6.”—Chicago Record. “Is she really so poor?” “Poor! Why, it’s one of the most pitiful cases I ever heard of. She's too poor even to own a bicycle.”—Chicago Evening Post. He cried: “I do not understand; I’ve met the blast of common Chilled in the freeze of failnre and Nobody said: ‘I told you so.’ ” —Philadelphia Press. Mudge—No, I shall not quarrel witfe Parsons. He Is completly beneath my notice. Yabsley—You don’t tell me? I didn’t know he was so good a fighter as that.—lndianapolis Journal. “I was around to your place last night and took the liberty of borrowing some of those new novels of yours." “That’s all right. I only wish you had come around before I read them.”—Life. “What do you consider the greatest charm of summer travel?” “Well, you meet a lot of new people and can make yourself agreeable and entertaining on your old stock of ideas.”—Chicago Record. He—Miss Bertha, do you know that I weally wode a hundred miles on my wheel lahst week? She—Encore! En* core! and in a straightaway direction, Reginald, if you please.”—Bosto* Courier.

“The weather I can oft foretell,” He said in tones of pain; “A new silk hat with no umbrell Is a certain sign of rain.” —Washington Star. Edith—Ethel’s husband Is positively mean. Grace—How Is that? “Why, he wants her to use her last year’s wheel, while everybody has the new spring styles.”—St. Louis Globe-Demo-crat. Visitor—What makes you so ugly, Tommy? Don’t you love your new little baby brother? Tommy (viciously)— Well, I did till somebody came In and said he looked like me.—Somerville Journal. Slngley—Who is this man Cleverly whose divorce suit is causing such a sensation? Margareb-Or, why he’s the author of that charming novel, “A Happy Marriage.”—Philadelphia North American. “Now, Johnny, do you understand thoroughly why I am going to whip you?” “Yes’m. You’re in bad humor this morning, an’ you’ve got to lick soms one before you’ll feel satisfied.’’—Harlem Life. “Blykins is the most modest man I ever saw!” said a friend of his. “What makes you think so?" “I never yet heard him claim that the bicycle he rides is the best on the market.”— Washington Star. Margaret—Don’t you think Maude loved Charlie? Ethel—No, dear; it is my firm belief that she only married him for his beautiful collection of striped outing shirts.—Philadelphia North American. Once more these sad conditions come To grieve the country and the town; The mercury now runneth up; The perspiration runneth down. —Washington Star. Teacher—Now, Freddie, since yon have correctly spelled Philadelphia, can you tell me what State it is in? Freddla —Yes, sir. I heard pa say the other day that it was in a Statu of coma.—Yonkers Gazette. “The price of your fish is dreadfully high here.” “Yes, we don’t have many to s*ll; we make more money renting them in strings to visitors who want their photographs taken to send home.” —Chicago Record. Showgo—What on earth is that bulky arrangement on your opera glass? Frontrow (gleefully)—Greatest scheme in the world! Fluoroscope attachment Turns all the actresses into livihg pictures.—Brooklyn Life. Wheeler—This thing of giving away franchises to the street car companies is nothing short of an outrage. The people own the streets, don’t they? Walker—The people who ride bicycles do.—lndianapolis Journal. : ' “I should think,” she said ' sympathetically to the young man who acts, “that you would get tired of saying the same thing over and over.” “No,” he answered with pensive sadness, “it isn’t that that makes us tired. It’s hearing the same thing«over and over when we ask for the salary that never came.”— Washington Star. “And are you really the gentleman wno writes those funny things for the morning paper?” asked the ingenious girl. “I am,” admitted the humorist, with as much modesty as he could command. “There Is one thing I would like to know. What makes you put the name of some other paper after the very funniest ones?”—Cincinnati Enquirer.