Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 May 1896 — The Cream of Current [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Cream of Current

Si- ce the bicycle era envelops os quite. All the universe seems to seek “safety" in flight —Boston Courier. “Can yon cash a check for $5?" “Oh, yes.” “All right; lend me the five.”—Life. He—Miss McCroesus—lmogen—l—l cannot live without you. She —How did you acquire such extravagant habits? —Truth. Husband —Strange, but my wife always wants me to remember her birthday, but to forget her age.—Fliegende Blatter. “Do you lxave any idea bow many tons of cool you burn each winter?” “No; I only know how much I pay for." —Chicago Record. She —I thought you told me your salary was $25 a week? He—Oh, no; I said I earned $25, bet I get only sB. .a.musing Journal. A doctor may be' able to speak but one language, but he- to supposed to have some knowledge of all tongues.— Yonkers Statesman. Faithful portraits—s think "Nell’s new photographs must look exactly like her.” “Why?” “She- hasn’t shown them to a living: soul:”—Chicago Record. “What is- the best ‘sign of spring weather?” “That delightful feeling which makes you want to sit down and watch other people work.”—Chicago Record. “Mr. Badger, when is- a woman in the prime of life?” “Well, Mrs. Badger, when she’s 35.” . “And a man?” “Oh* anywhere from 21 to 80,’’—Chicago Record. Bryton Early—l thought you wero going to save so much money by resigning from the club. Minos CoyneWell, Just look how much I'm not In debt!—Life. 1 “I believe you’re going to fall on me,” Said the shed to the shot-tower. “Well,” said the shot-tower, “It’s trueI have a leaning that way.”—New York Press.

“Papa, what is meant by having horse sense?” “It means knowing enough to ‘make hay while the sun shines!’ Run now and talk to your grandmother.”—Truth. Frankstown—Hot weather is appropriate to tho beginning of the baseball season. Homewood —Why? Frankstown—lt gives appropriate exercise to the “fans.”—Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele-graph. “Miss Cayenne Is a very bright young woman,” he remarked admiringly. “Does she say clever things?" “Better than that. She sees the point when somebody else says them.”—Washington Star. Hairy—l cannot offer you wealth, Marie; my brains are all the fortune I' possesh. Marie—Oh, Harry, If you are as badly off as that, I am afraid papawill never give his consent.—lndianapolis Sentinel. “She,” said the adoring young man, “is an angel.” “Oh, of course,” said theelderly friend. “I have proof, almost 1 indisputable proof. Even mother thinks the will make me a good wife.” —Indianapolls Journal. “Folks hab sech er tendency ter git wrapped up in deir own sorrers,” said) Uncle Eben, “dat dey gits ter looking at de hot wedder ez er pus’nal: grievance, and doan’ symp-fize wif nobody.” —Washington Star. Patsy Finnegan—Pa, phat’s a statesman? Aid. Finnegan i (complacently)— Wal, Oi dunno thot Oi kin jest deschroibe ut, Patsy, but—Ofim wan. Patsy (disgusted)—Ow! An’ is-thot all it Ist —Harper’s Weekly. “What is your idea of an intellectual woman, Mis. Outskirts?” “Well, slie to one who never gets out the hammock andhangslt up until:after her husband makes all the garden beds she has mapped out”—Chicago Record; Duzby—What are bolls on bicycles for? Dooby—Don’t you- know? Why, the riders ring them, you know, when Wheeling through the streets, bo’s to let tho people know, they’re going to run them down.”—Roxbury Gazette. He—What, is the sense of putting all that trimming on, the back of your hat? Do you suppose any man can see the back, of your hat when he meets you? She—No; but every woman will When she passes me,—lndianapolis Journal. Teacher—James, what makes you late? James—l was pursuing knowledge, Teacher Pursuing knowledge? What do you mean? James—Why, my dog ran off with my spelling-book, and I ran after him.—Harper’s Round Table. Hobson—Wilkes, you remember that fifty I loaned you two years ago—> Wilkes—You are not going to press a friend for payment, are you ? Hobson— Certainly not. Take your time. I only wish to, borrow it for a while.—Harlem Life. Theater manager-Wours is the best minstrel show that we have had here for ten years. Where did you get on te all those new jofces?, lijiterlocutcHr One of the end men get hold of a file of one of last year’s English papers about a year ago—Somerville JournaL