Democratic Sentinel, Volume 20, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 February 1896 — THE LIME KILN CLUB. [ARTICLE]

THE LIME KILN CLUB.

Int*r*«tin* L*etur* by th* Hen. Whyfor* Jackson. It was known to most members of the Lime Kiln Club that the Hou. I Whyfore Jackson, of Louisiana, was in J town, the guest of Brother Gardner, ■ and no one was therefore greatly stir-1 prised to hoar the president announce, at the opening of the Saturday night) meeting that the distinguished visitor ' would consume the evening in delivering his world-renowned lecture on the subject of “Human Man.” As soon as the meeting had been duly ■ opened Giveadam Jones and Waydown ! Bebev escorted the orator into the hall, i He looked to be a short, fat. one-story man of a faded rasplierry color, hut he • had the dignity of a num who knows ■ that he has s.'» in cash in his lax-ket, ' and his board paid in advance, and no | visible sigus of emlMirrassment were | apparent as he surveyed the audience I liefore him and began: "My frens. de subjick of my orashun | to-night is ‘Human Mau.’ It is an or- i ashun dat I erected myself, widout ■ any help. I didn't steal it from I Shakespeare, an’ I didn't hire no white man to write it. (Sensation.) I was | ober ten y’ars giftin' dis orashun to- j get her. 1 went slow an’ sun*. I didn't ; propose to tall into any mistakes. I knowed dore was a heap to talk about, an’ I wanted to git it all in whar’ it belonged. I will now purceed: “Man! Who an’ wha| is man? What Was man created for? Why was he created in de form of a man instead of a hyena? What use is he? What was he bo'n fur? In seekiu’ to answer dese questions, my frens. you insensibly find yourselves delving into de regions of philosophy an' follerin’ de unknown paths of speculashun. In de fust place, what was de use of all dis world widout man? It would simply lie so much land an’ water gwine to waste. (Cries of ‘Hear! Hear!’) ’Spose al dese yere rabbits an’ possums an’ chickens war' runnin’ around widout anybody to make use of ’em—what a shameful waste of meat it would be! (Groans.) Dat’s one reason man was put yere—to eat chickens an’ sich. (‘Yum. yum!’) “What is man?” continued the speaker, as he shifted his weight to his left leg. “He's a substance composed of skin, blood, bones, teeth, toe-nails, brains, ha’r. and so on. He was created fust, an’ out of do best goods In de market. Dat’s the reason he’s a heap purtier dan a dog or a cat. (Sensatimi.) If he had happened to hev been created along about fifth or sixth he might hev bin a ground-hog or a whale. (Involuntary shivers.) Dar ar’ seberal different sorts of men, us moas’ of you probably kuow. Dey wasn’t all made of de same color nor in de same shape, kase dat would hev bin monotonous. It would hev tried de eye, same as lookin’ at a flock of white sheep. Dar' am no sort of queshun in my mind dat black used to be do moas’ popular color in de beginnin’ of things. (Hear! Hear!’) But de white man fo’ced his way in an’ got hisself boosted up to de top by some sort of gum game. (Growls and mutterings.) “Did you eber stop to think why man didn’t grow to be ten feet high an' to weigh a ton? You probably neber did, an’ yit de explanashuus ar' right to hand. If he was ten or ’leven feet high he couldn't walk around no back yard widout sawin’ bis nock on a clothesline, an’ if he weighed a ton, an’ de roof of his hen house sprung a leak, how'd he eber git up dar to fix It? (Great sensation.i Man was bo'n to walk uprightly. Why wasn’t he bo'n to go on four legs like a dog? Dis philosophical queshun probably nebber occurred to your Intelleck, but de reason is plain. You couldn’t hev crowded ober ten of him into a street kyar to once.” (Cries of; A-h-h!") The speaker here paused to wipe his heated brow and moisten his throat with a potash tablet, and after a brief rest continued:

“While man is the highest order of creastiun, he has at de same time got de moas’ low traits of character about him. While on my way from Canada some man stole my umbrella from under my very nose (decided sensation) an’ on two odder occashuns efforts war’ made to despoil me of my satchel. Dat was de work of man. Would de lion, de tiger, de elephant, or de grizzly b’ar descend to slch petty meanness? (Cries of ’No! never!’) Wolves lib together in harmony, but man is alhis in a fuss. De hyena knows when he's got a good thing, but man is alhis wantin' better. Take an old boss or a mewl, an’ you kin depend upon him ebery day in de week. Take de average man an’ you needn’t expect to find him twice alike de same day. (Applause from Elder Toots, which was broken short off by Giveadam Jones giving him a kick.) Of what use is man? He thinks he’s a heap of use, but he's dun mistaken ’bout dat. De world was heah befo’ he cum. It would hev bln right heah now if nobody had eber bin bo'n. Man Jlst comes, sloshes aroun’, kicks up a dust, an’ departs, an’ de blackberry crop of de next y’ar is Jist as large as if he had libed on.” (Samuel Shin sheds tears.) “My frens.” continued the orator as he tightened his left suspender by an inch, “man is a pore, useless, misguided critter. He’s generous one day an’ stingy de next. He’s away up on de pinnacle of greatness at 10 o'clock in de mawnin’, an’ at 3 in de afternoon he’ll dodge around a comer to git shet of givin’ a blind man a cent. (Cries of “That’s so, old man!”) One day he’ll put his hand into his pocket an’ give an orphan asylum a hundred dollars, an’ de next he’ll sue a pore man fur de value of two shillin’s. (Yes! Yes!) It ar’ my candid opinion, based upon long y’ars of observashun, dat man ar’ a failure as a man. (Sensation.) He would hev made a fust-rate animal or a bird, and would hev bin a decided success as an alligator. I hev no recommends to make. Man is as he is, an’ he can’t be no different. (Groans.) After de meetin’ is out a colleckshun will be tooken up fur de benefit of de undersigned, who’s mighty sorry he wasn’t bo’n a rhinoceros. Thankin' you fur your interest an’ courtesy, I will now bid you it percolated goodnight an' stand at de doali as you go out.” There was a roar of applause which should have made the orator proud of his talents, and he stepped down with a patronizing smile and took a position where he could shake hands with each Member as lie passed out. The collee-

tiou figured up nine cents in cash, and when he liad counted it over three times the Hon. Mr. Jackson tossed the Itennies in the wood-box and walked down stairs with his toga, wrapped about hint and disappeared in the darkness.