Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 47, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 November 1895 — THE JOKER’S BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKER’S BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Confidence--What She Lost--A Charming Result-- Reminded of Home--Etc<, Etc. WHAT SHE LOST. She —Did Maude lose her heart when you proposed to her ? He—No; I think she must have lost her head; she said no. CHARMING' RESULT. A—Y'ou had luck with your play, dear boy: now you will be able to pay your debts. B—Oh, it’s not necessary now; niy*#editors keep all my notes for the sake of my autograph. REMINDED OF HOME. Cowboy Pete—Glad to git home, shore. Lariat Lew—. Missed yer boss up tiiere in the city, eh? "You’re right; was awfully strong reminded of him one day, tlioush.” ••How was that?” “Fell down four flights of sta ; rs in the hotel! ” HEAVILY HANDICAVI'ED. Jones—l’ve always been sorry for one man who didn’t have au opportunity to see much of the world. Brown—Who was that ? Jones—Poor Atlas; he had it on his back. NEGLECTED. ' Y isitor—Well, Johnnie. I suppose your father thinks the twins are something wonderful ? Little Johnnie—Y r es, but (in a confidential whisper) I could lick ’em both, easy: WITn EMPHASIS. Neighbor—Bertie, your mother is calf ing you. Bertie—Y r es’um, I know it; but I fancy she don’t want me very bad. Neighbor—She has called you seven times already. Bertie—Yes, 1 know; but she hasn't called “Albert” yet, SERIOUSLY AFFLICTED. Jinks—Our friend Fobsom is extremely short sighted. Oculist—He ought to come to me to be treated. Jinks—l’m afraid you can’t help him. Oculist—Why not? Jinks—lt isn’t that kind: I asked him to lend me $lO and he told me he couldn’t see it. PROGRESS OF WISDOM. “Bunkins, I guess, is about the Smartest man of his years in this community,” said the citizen who observes. ‘ ‘Knows a great deal, doe 3 he?” “Knows a great deal? I should say so; why, sir, that man kuows almost as much as his 19 year old daughter who is in the high school.” STERN PARENTAL BKSOLVE. “Father,” said Sammy, “the teacher says you ought to take metoau optician’s; he says I’ve got astigmatism ” “Got what?” “Astigmatism,” “Well, if he don’t thrash that out of you,” roared Mr. Wipedunks, “1 will.'” APPETIZING. Minnie—Mr. Y’absley says that you set the most appetizing luncheons he ever tasted. Mamie—lndeed? Minnie—Y”es, indeed, lie said that he could eat more after one of your luncheons than he could after anyone else’s. OUTRAGEOUS. Greatest Champion—l’ll meet you anywhere. lip to lip aud tooth to tooth Greater Champion —1 accept! “And I’ll bet you $20,000 I knock you out •” “Y’ou brute!” Are you talking of introducing personal violence in a modern prize fight?” A NARROW ESCAPE. Weary Watkins—Wot’s de matter, pardner? Did she throw water in yer face? Hungry Huggins—Only on me face; only on me face; I had the presence of mind to shut me mouth when I seen it coming. lIIS INFIRMITY. A recruit, wishing to evade service, was brought up for medical inspection, and the doctor asked him: “Have you any defects?” “Y’es, sir; lam shortsighted. “How can you prove it?” “Easily enough, doctor. Do you ee that nail up yonder in the wall?’’ ‘•Yes.” “Well, I don’t.” TRACES OF INSANITY, Insurance Examiner—Has there been any insanity in your family? Mrs. De Avnoo—Weil, my sister married a man who hadn’t a cent.