Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 47, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 November 1895 — THE LIME KILN CLUB. [ARTICLE]

THE LIME KILN CLUB.

Brother Gardner In the Garden of Eden. When the sound of the triangle had called the meeting to order Brother Gardner slowly arose and looked up and down the aisles and said: “If Calamity Bates am in dis hall dis earnin’ he will please step dis way.” Calamity was there and he promptly stepped out and advanced to the president’s desk. “Brudder Bates. ” 'continued the president as he looked down on him, “Yo’ went ober to Brudder Shin's cabin t’other night to pass a soshul hour. “Yes, sah, ” was the reply. ‘ ‘Arter sum lettle talk ’boul free silber, sound money, an' de treasury resarve yo’ swung de conversashun round to de ga’den of Eden. While Mrs. Shin sot dar wid her mouf open and Samuel was a soakin' his feet to cure de cold in his head, yo’ went on to tell what you knowed 'bout dat gaden. Yo put de land at 100 acres. Yo got in a ribber, two springs, a lake, and a grotto. Yo had peaches ' an’ pears 'an plums an’ grapes an apples by de cart load. Yo' had birds singin’ and possums runnin bout. Yo’ had chickens ready to b 3 boiled, fried an’ baked. Yo’ had Adam whislin’ an’ Eve singin’, and all was happiness an joy. ” ‘ Yes. sah, ”replied Brother Bates, as he wondered what was coming. “Brudder Shin hain’t much of a hand to git excited ober ga’dens, as yo’ kin tell by his own. but yo’ went on so dat he finally got roused up an’ axed yo’ whar’ dis place was. Kin yo’ member whar, yo’ located it ?’’ ‘‘l kin, sah. Dat ga’den was in Cuba, an ' Ize bin right past de place fo’ times.” ‘‘Didn’t see Adam or Eve ’round dar, did yo’ ?” “Dey was dead, sah.’J ‘ ‘Wall, when Brudder Shin reckoned dat Ga den was in Italy, what did yo’ dun do ? Called him names an’ finally hit him on de jaw ! Brudder Bates, I want to remark a few expreshuns toyo’ an’ I want ’em to surge right, ober yo’r libin’ soul like waves, rollin' down Lake Erie. In de first place, yo 'was jest as wrong as Brudder Shin bout de locashun of | de Ga’den. In de next place, it am j none of yo’r bi/ness whar’ it was,how big it was, or what it looked like ! ‘‘Yes, sah, ” was the reply. Mebbe dar was a Gaden an’ Mebbe not. Doan’ consarn yo ’ neither way. Ifsome white man, who hain’t got nuffin’ to do an’ lots of money to do it on wants to go spoonin’ ’round to find whar' de Ga'den of Eden was, dat's his own bizness. Yo’is simply a common black man. Y’o’ airn ’bout six dollars a week, an’ yo’ am de sadder of fo’ pairs oi twins. It cums mighty hard fur yo’ to pay rent an’ git three meals a day. Y’o’r debts figger up mo’ dan yo’ kin save in 6,000 y’ars. De idea of yo’r foolin’ away time an’ hittin' folks on de jaw ’bout de Garden of Eden am 'bout de biggest fool thing I eber heard of!” “Doan’l want to know all ’bout it sah?” protested Brother Bates. “What fur ?” “Fur to git knowledge. ” “What yo’ gwine to do wid knowledge?” How am knowledge bout sunthin’ way back 6,000 y’ars ago gwine to pay yo’r house rent an’ keep shoes on yo’r wife’s feet? If yo’ knowed whether Adam could jump six feet or ten, would dat buy codfish fur dem fo’ pa’r o’ twins? If yo’ kpowed whether Eve had red ha’r or black, would it help yo’ to pay me back dem two dollars yo’ borrowed ober two y’ars ago?” “N—no, sah, ” stammered Brother Bates, beginning to weaken. ” “Of, co’se it wouldn’t! It would \ jest be a leetle mo’ wind power fur ! argyment. It hain’t yo’r buzness nor my bizness,-nor any odder black j man’s bizness to keer a continental cocked hat whether de Ga’den of Eden was on a side-hill or down in a \ valley; whether it took a thousand y’ars to build de Pyramids of Egypt, j or only fifty; whether dis yere airth , was all kivered wid water six times or only twice; whether de planets i am inhabited or all grown up to scrub: \yhether dis globe was made in six days or 10,000 y’ars. None of us want to go back furder dan to remember what debts we owe an’ why we dun han’t paid up. Our bizness am to look ahead. If we knowed a man who ’s gwine to let out de job of whitewashing’ 200 feet of bo’d fence it consarns us a heap mo’ den Noah's ark eber need to. Brudder Bates!” “Yes, sah,” “Yo’ go an’ sot down, an’ sot j down hard! I shall fine y0’53,850 fur discussin’ religus matters contrary to de by laws, an’ I want dis to be a caution to all other members as well. ’Bout half of our cull’d folks’ religun consists in openin’our moufs an’ gulpin’ down de past, an’a ,good sheer of de odder half am devoted to argufyin’ ’bout what we doan’ know, can’t know an’ doan’ want to know ’bout de present an’ fucher. What we want in gineral an’ in pertickler am less religun an’ mo’ gittin’up up airly in de mawnin’ —less Ga’den of Eden an’ mo’ ’taters in de honse less Adam and Eve an’ ino’ bacon an’ codfish. We will now open one ofde alley winders to let dat smell of burnin' wool git out of de hall an’ den purceed to tackle de programme of reg’lar bizness.” “Would an appeal be in order at disjuncture, sah?” asked the Rev. Penstock as ne arose. “What sort of an appeal?”queried the president in reply. “An’appeal from yo’r decishun, sah. 'Pears to me dat if de members of dis club wish to discuss religus subjicks in deirown homes de rules an’ regulashuns can't stop ’em.” “Do yo’ wish to appeal from my decishun, sah?” “Why, I reckon ” “Hold on a minit, Brudder Penstock 1” said Brother Gardner as he began removing coat, vest, cuffs and collar. ‘ ‘Now, sah, go ahead wid dat appeal 1” “I—l hain’t got no appeal to make!” replied Penstock as he sat down. “Oh! Yo’hain’t! An appeal am alius in order in dis club. P’raps some odder members wants to kick again de decishun of dis cha’r?”

No other member did. For sixty seconds Paradiso hall was so quiet that Elder Toots’ bunion could be heard to ache. Then. as he proceeded to resume his garments the president said: "I doan’ say dat members can’t discuss religus subjicks at home, but when such discushuns result in somebody bein’ hit on de jaw den I shall take a hand in. Brudder Watkins, riz up dat winder back of yo’. and Brudder Shin, yo’put sum lemonpeel on de stove to kill off de microbes floatin’ around us.”