Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 November 1895 — The Cream Of Current Humor [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Cream Of Current Humor

Among the prophets of to-day, Which men are aggrandizing, The greatest profit, so they say. Is that called Advertising. *—West Union Gazette. There is a difference - betwee^-. g pofil and-the grip, but you will not realize it until you receive the doctor’s bin.— Truth. The 'Wife —How did you come to propose to me, John? The Husband—l wanted to be different from other men, I suppose.—Life. All our Arctic explorers have enjoyed one important advantage; in their deadliest perils they always keep cooL— New York Ledger. Brown—Our candidate says the salary of the office Is no object to him. Jones—l suppose he has an eye on the perquisites.—Brooklyn Life. “See here, you impostor, you’ve begged from me four times in the last tell days.” “Huh! Yer ain’t got no kick} yer ain’t gi’me a cent.”—Chicago Re©ord.

“My rich uncle is dead.” “He left you something, did he not?” “Yes.’* “Good! What did he leave you?” “Penniless.” Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele-graph. “Going to live in the country, eh?" “Yes.” “I suppose the city air doesn’t agree with your family?” “Well, city airs don’t agree with my pocketbook." —Truth. Merritt—Under the circumstances, why don’t you go West and get a dVvorce? Cobwigger—Because if I* had a divorce I might be fool enough to marry again.—Life. “This is a hard world,” murmured the young man. “Yes,” replied she, “one doesn’t realize how hard It Is till one falls 0$ a bicycle once or twice a week.” —Washington Star.

Teacher—Can you explain how tho jworld is divided? Willie (with very important air)—Between them that’s got jt and them that would like to have it —Harper’s Round Table. “No, Willie, dear,” said mamma, “no more cakes to-night Don’t you know you cannot sleep on a full stomach?” “Well,” replied Willie, “I can sleep on my back.”—Harper’s Round Table. Once more the genial candidate, Both gracious and astute, Puts up his campaign promises In packages to suit. —Washington Star. Smith—l see that Jones was at that dinner the other night. What did he think of the speeches? Brown—When I saw him he was just going to read them in a morning paper.—Brooklyn Life.

“I suppose you have forgotten that you owe me $10,” said Phillips, severely. “No, I haven’t,” retorted Wilbur. “I meant to have done so. Give mo time, old man, and I will.’’—Harper’s Bazar. She —My mother is so particular about the young men Igo with. He—But she doesn’t object to me, does she? She— Oh, dear, no! She says she knows you are perfectly harmless.—New York Herald. Miss Ingenue (on a yacht)—ls there really a cable in the ocean? JailorYes, mum. Miss Ingenue (with conviction, after studying the.pianv.at the Wheel) —Then that' rriuSt be ! the gripman.—Brooklyn Life. She—Did you know that Miss Willowsnap has been taking lessons in Delsarte? He—Oh, yes; she showed me how to sit down the other night. She —She didn’t show you how to get up, did she?—New York Herald.

The girl to her doting father brings Her love with a fond salute; But as time goes on there’s a change in things— She brings him a lover to boot! —Judge. Ethel Gotrox —Papa, you must let me marry Jack. He says he positively cannot live without me another day. Old Gotrox —This is more serious than I thought it was. I had no idea he was so hard up as that.—New York Herald. She —Well, if I can’t live on my income, and you/ can’t live on yours, where would be the advantage in our marrying? He (thoughtfully)—Well, by putting our incomes together one of us would be able to live, at any rate.— Harlem Life. : “That was very kind of your uncle to pay your debts.” “Humph! I don't think so. He might have given me the money and let me pay ’em.” “What difference would that have made?" “It would have re-established my credit.” —Harper’s Bazar. “What we need to do,” said the new director, “is to establish a sinking fund.” “Humph!" said the old director. “When you’ve been in here a while longer you’ll have more sense. What we need is a fund that can keep lta head above water.”—Harper’s Bazar. “You can trust the man who sings at his work,” said the cheery citizen. “Yes,” replied Sinnicker; “I wish some one would persuade the man who works around my wood pile two or three nights a week to sing lopd enough for me to hear him.”—Washington Star.