Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 39, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 October 1895 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Jokelet* that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born-Saying* and Doing* that Are Odd, Curious and Laughable—The Week’* Humor. Let Ua All Laugh. This famous “new woman” Still charming appears. She’s “advanced” In ideas, But never in years. —Washington Star. Jones—How’s Wheeler getting along since he bought a bicycle? BrownOn crutches, I believe.—London Fun. Blobbs—Did you spend a pleasant vacation? Slobbs—No; my wife attends to all the spending.—Philadelphia Record. “I am moving to-day because I could not pay the rent!” “That’s first rate, I am moving for the same reason; let’s change quarters!”—Fliegende Blaetter. No, Maude, dear, the tailor would scarcely make a good matrimonial agent, although he does press othdr people’s suits for them—Philadelphia Record. “Emma, I just saw the lieutenant kissing you. Don’t let me see that again.” “Certainly, mamma. W T e shall be more cautious hereafter.”—Lustige Blatter. Miss Planephace (exhibiting her photograph)—Everybody says it does not do me justice. Miss Pert—Evidently the artist is a man of tact. —Boston Transcript Some joys of life make me most sad, When I think of how I miss ’em. The girls I want to kiss are those Who don't want me to kiss 'em. -Life. “What do you think of your engagement ring?” “You dear, sweet old boy, it’s the handsomest I ever had—l mean I like it ever so much.”—Chicago Times-Heraid.

“They must be having electrical stonns at home,” said Mrs. Harley, reading a letter from her sister. “Jane says they are having shocking weather.”—Harper’s Bazar. The Bashful One—They say that there are bacilli on a woman’s lips. I wonder what they are like? She (encouragingly)—Why don’t you try and find out?—Syracuse Post She sat before me at the play, She was a beauty quite; The house was full, the air was cool. The play was out of sight —Boston Courier. Mrs. Brown—Y r ou really must join our sewing circle. Mrs. Jones —My dear, I haven’t the time to Spare. I have to do so much mending for the children.—New Y’ork Herald.

Customer—A loaf of bread, please. Baker—Five-cent loaf or ten-cent loaf? Customer (precisely)—l will take one of the loaves that you sell for five cents.— Somerville Journal. Once more unto the play goes she, Serenely conscious that The man behind her cannot see A thing except her hat. —Washington Star. Boatman—No, mister, I can’t let you have a boat now; there’s a heavy swell just coming along. Irate ’Arry—Swell be hanged! Ain’t my money as good as his? —Boston’ Globe. Yeast—l never saw such a man as Jumply. He seems to get a new trunk every month. Crimsonbeak—Yes; he changes his boarding place every thirty days.—Yonkers Statesman. They set out on a bicycle built for two. Alas, ere the year was done, We found them—’tis very sat, but true— On a salary built for one. —Washington Star. The Complaining Boarder—This meat Is about she toughest that I ever came across. The Philosophic Boarder—Yes; but then there is very little of it, you know.—Boston Transcript. “You should never take anything that doesn’t agree with you,” the physician told him. “If I’d always followed that rule, Maria,” he remarked to his wife, “where would you be?”—Boston Home Journal.

A maiden writes: “Can you tell me how to change the color of my hair, which all the young men tell me is red?” Certainly we can. Get rich; they will then call it golden or auburn.—Erie Messenger. “Thirty days hath September,” The clam sang on the bar. The oyster sighed: “If I remember, It also hath an R.” -Life. And, speaking of the cup, the colored gentleman was not far wrong when he said: “Good name for dat boat ob ours, Missey. She done keep all de udded boats off, so she’s de fender!” —New York Recorder. Edwards —“Brown's system reduces horse racing to an exact science.” Richards —“Does it?” Edwards—“ Yes. In order to tell, how much money a man will lose it is only necessary to know how much he has.—Brooklyn Life. “Wonder why Jones moved away from here. He was doing a good business, wasn’t he?” “Oh, yes—there were other troubles. Ybu know how fond he was of telling stories?” “Yes, I guess I do.” “Well, he's been forced to take these stories to a new country.”—Chicago Record. Old Mercator (to little Billy Ducks, Just left school, who applies for situation as office boy, and produces testimonial from clergyman)—“We don’t want you on Sundays, my good little boy. Have you a reference from any one who knows you on week days?”— Sydney Bulletin.