Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 39, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 October 1895 — THE JOKER’S BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKER’S BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Nothing to Point the Way--A Heavy Blow--Proof of It--Out of Hi« Depth, Etc., Etc. NOTHING TO POINT THE WAY. “I don’t see,” said Mr. Maguire, as he sat in the stern of the vessel, “how the captain can find his way across the ocean. If he were going the other way all he’d have to do would be to follow that white streak behind there, but in front there’s nothing to point the way. ”

A HEAVY BLOW. "Henry, you look worried ; what is the trouble?” “I was stung to the quick by an adder this afternoon.” “Heavens! How did it happen?” "Why, I went to the bank this afternoon, and the bank clerk, after adding up the ledger, told me my account was overdrawn.” PROOF OF IT. Nell —Hell seems to be infatuated with Jack Rappide. Bell —Yes, I saw them in a dark corner of the potch last night, and she seemed to bo quite wrapped up in him.—Philadelphia Record. OUT OF HIS DEPTH . They were telling of books that they had read, and the man with the forehead asked what the other thought of the “Origin of Species.” The other said he hadn’t read it. “In fact,” he added, “I'm not interested in linancial subjects.”—Boston Transcript.

PREPARED. FOI! ANYTHING. First Desperado—Bill, is the front gate propped open, aud have you got some red pepper all ready to throw at the dog? Second Desperado—Yes. Go ahead. First Desperado (at front door a few moments later, protected by coat of mail, base ball catcher’s mask, and drum major’s bearskin cap) —I am taking orders, sir, for the Authorized Edition of the Harr-Harvey Debate on the Silver Question, sir.— Chicago Tribune. A NATURAL MISTAKE. City man (mistaking the saw-miller for the farmer) —What kind of boarding can I get at your place? Saw Miller (innocently)—Mostly weather boardin’, but there’s a little floorin’ left over, you kin hev. TRIUMPH. “Ha! ha! hal ha!” laughed the great detective, “I have’em now!” For five days he had been on trail, and had neither eaten nor slept. JJJHe had done nothing but drink. Under the circumstances his joyous assertion that he had 'em bore the similitude of verity.—Detroit Tribune. MONETARY. Ragged Rube—Boss, I just heerd you suyin’ to your friend that you believe in free silver. Mr. Spouter—Well, what of it? Ragged Rube—l hain’t seen nothin’ but copper for a month. Gimme a quarter to get on the silver basis.— Truth. KNEW FROM EXPERIENCE. “I think I’ve a pretty good story here,” remarked the occasional contributor, as ho seated himself and lighted one of the editor’s cigars. The editor glanced over the stor y. “\"es,” he said, "I think this is a pretty good story. I tell it myself occasionally.”

A NECESSARY INFERENCE. Skilton—l don’t have very much confidence in that medical specialist who’s treating me. Hallen —Why, what’s the reason? Doesn’t he seem to understand your case? Skilton —Yes,but ho doesn’t charge me enough.—Chicago Record. THEIR LITERARY ACHIEVEMENTS . “So she rejected Herbert and chose Will.’’ “Yes. They both did their best to please her. She has literary tastes you know, and Herbert sent her a beautifully written volume of poems.” “That should have made a good impression ." “It did. But Will showed her liis carefully edited bank book.’’—Washington Star.

THE DIVISION. “It cost me SSO to ascend Mont Blanc,” said the man who has travelled in Europe. “You know, the law requires that one shall be accompanied by two guides and a porter.” “Oh,” said the man who has travelled in sleeping cars, “$4 to the guides and sl6 to the porter, I suppose?”—lndianapolis Journal.

A KLEPTOPHOTOGRAPHER. He—See that nice looking chap over there? She—Of course I do. Would I miss anything like that? He—Well, you want to watch him ; he’ll take anything in sight. She —Gracious ! Is he a kleptomaniac? f He—No; ho’s an amateur photographer.—Detroit Free Press. YOUNG AMERICA. Irate Father —I can’t understand you giving your mother so much impudence. I never dared talk back to my mother. Henpeck’s Son (with a sneer) —No, you would’t dare talk back to my mother, neither!—Puck. I APPROPRIATE. • Customer —Why, this is a new shade of red. Assistant—Yes, madam. That is the Anarchist tint. Customer—How did it come to get that name? Assistant—lt won’t wash. —Louisville Post. WORTHY SCIONS. “Jack writes that the steamers were so crowded that some of New York's swell set had to come over just as their grandfathers did.” “How does he mean—in sailing vessels?” “No, in the steerage.”—Brooklyn Life.