Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 September 1895 — THE JOKERS’ BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. A Clover Recovery.-Ho Meant Matrimony-- Just Bofore th* Banquet, Etc., EteA CLEVER RECOVERY. Miss Valse —How much that woman over there looks like a Chinese. Mr. Swain—You think so? She’s my wife. Miss V—Y-e-e-8. Her feet are so delightfully small, you know. HE MEANT MATRIMONY. Count Penniless—My dear Mees Banks, speak ze vord zat vill make me ze happiest of mortal* Miss Banks—Money. JUBT BEFORE THE BANQUET. Cannibal—Have you anything to say before being dished up? Missionary—Yes. I would like to testify to the advantages of a vegetarian diet. HE HAD THE OTHER KIND. Miss Take—Philander, who wrote that charming song, “Sweet Dreams are Mine?” Mr. Sinick—l don’t know, but I’ll bet nine dollars it wasn't the man who went two Welsh rarebits 1 CORRELATIVE. Tommie was looking over the puzzle column of his paper. One of the questions was, “How can you put down nine strokes in such a way that their total shall represent one?” ‘‘Ho! That’s easy," said he. ‘‘Nine strokes is about the size of one spankin.”—Harper’s Bazaar. EXPENSIVE LUXURIES. Goodfello—See here, Gayboy, you are killing yourself here at your desk. No man can stand working night and day all the year round. Gayboy—Can’t' help it. I must have money. Goodfello—Money 1 You talk of needing mon,ey. Why, you own one of the finest yachts in New York waters. Gayboy—Yes, that’s why I need money.

HAD TO WORK. Rural Ragges—lt’s no use, Tatts; I’ve got ter work.” Tramping Tatters—Land o’ labor, Roory, me boy 1 What’s de matter wid yer? Are yer losin' yer intellec’?” Rural Ragges—No; but I swallered a yeast cake in mistake fer a marsh mailer. NOT STRANGE. ‘T wonder why so short a man as Bimley should marry such a tall girl as Miss Tupper?” ‘‘Probably the same reason that induced Miss Tupper to marry a little fellow like Bimley.” GOOD FOR THE DOCTORS. Wilkins—l wonder why it is that the medical journals are beginning to take an interest in the improvement of country roads. Bilkins—l don’t know, but I have heard that bicycling has produced half a dozen new diseases. —New York Weekly. BREAKING THE NEWS. Clara—l wish 1 knew how to get out of marrying him. Maude—So do I.—Life. NOT THERE. “What I want to know,” said the early oyster, “is whether I am to be in the swim this season.” “Not this time,” said the cook, as he scooped him into a pattie. ECONOMY. “This is very pretty for a dollar,” said one fair shopper to another. “Yes. I’m determined to have one. But the price is too high. Lend me ten cents for car fare and I’ll go to Oddson’s, where they sell the same thing for 99 cents.” A GOOD DEFINITION. “Papa,” said Benny Bloobumper, “what does the word sophistry mean?”

“Sophistry, Benny,” replied Mr. Bloobumper, “is the other fellow’s argument.”—Judge. MONETARY. He was as pale as death. “No,” the beautiful American was faltering, “I will not marry you.” The scion of a noble race staggered from the room. “Capital,” he hissed, as with the instinct of a gentleman he clutched the best umbrella in the rack, “is still timid, I see.”—Detroit Tribune. IN THE MUSEUM. The Candy Butcher—The glass eater’s got cholera morbus. The Zulu Chieftain —Serves him right. He ought to know enough to let green bottles alone this time of the year. ONE TOUCH OP NATURE. “Here,” cried the war correspondent, petularjtly, “I believe you are concealing fpets from me.” The King of Dahomey led him aside. “The truth is,” whispered His Majesty, “my amazons have reported several engagements with foreign troops, but I don’t believe they care to have them made public just yet. You know how girls are about such things. Yes.” It having been a day of triumph ia the gay capital, the monarch confined himself to a club soda.—Detroit Tribune. AN EQUINE PANIC. , “When Mamie rides her bicycle in bloomers, does she seem shy?” “No; but you ought to see the horses she meets 1”