Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 September 1895 — Page 6

THE LADIES’ CLUBS.

HOW THE FAIR SEX IMPROVES ITS MIND. (literary Clubs, Their Origin and Purposes—Philosophy and Fiction Regarded as Topics of Conversation —The Literary Woman at Her Beat. “New Woman” in Evidence. The seal of the "new woman” to excel In every line of enterprise in which men have distinguished themselves has, by a most easy and natural process, led her into the walks of literature, says d writer in the Globe-Democrat. It Is no* to be understood that she Is now there for the first time, because, as everybody knows, there were literary women, and that, too, of a high order of merit, before the “new woman” was ever dreamed of, nor is it likely that the “new wbman,” try as she may, will ever succeed in doing better than Mrs. Hemans, or Mrs. Browning, or a dozen others that could be cited, who, In the -most emphatic sense of the word, were “old women,” and would have regarded the movement looking to the “emancipation of woman” as one to be heartily disapproved by the best of the sex. Looked at with strictly unprejudiced eye, the literary bias of the “new woman” Is but one indication of her tendency to societyism. She has become aware that far more can be accomplished by organized than by individual effort, and so, in literary as In other matters, she turns toward organization in order to secure the best results. In other words, societyism is the “fad” of the day, and the literary, social, benevolent and other organizations that have sprung up in such numbers among ladles, young and old, are manifestations of a tendency, rather than efforts toward a definite end in any one direction. But social organizations are of far greater antiquity than the “new woman,” and have their origin In that natural desire for social amusement

A BOSTON CLUB.

which must everywhere find its own gratification. Designed to afford opportunities to the young people to make acquaintances, to form friendship, they are, within certain bounds, highly commendable, nor can the rigid do more than cavil at some forms of the amusements they furnish for a social evening. But dancing and cards and •mall talk, all good in their way, are ®ot sufficient for the intellectual young woman of the present day, so she has gone to work and provided herself with means of sharpening her brains in quite a different direction. Exactly when or by whom the first ladles’ literary club was founded is generally regarded as uncertain, for, like the birthplace of Homer, the honor Is striven for by more than one city, and Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Washington and Chicago lay claim to the credit of being the first to establish literary clubs of which ladies were the only members. Without taking the time to balance these rival claims, however, they may all be summarily swept aside with the statement that women’s literary clubs are known to be as old as the year 1400, when a ladies’ society for purposes of culture was formed at Venice, and, for some inscrutable reason, the ladies decided to distinguish themselves from other women by the color of their hosiery, and so came to be known as the “Blue Stockings.” A hundred years later the organization appeared in Paris, where it became a rage, and in 1780 it etjpssed the channel into England, where it was still known as the Bas-Bleu Club. This was the original of all literary organizations of the fair sex, and claims of recent origin may be dismissed as unworthy of consideration.

Certain it is, however, that the BasBleus have received a mighty accession to their numbers during the last few years, and that the results have been . eminently satisfactory. The ladies' society or literary club has many forms and proposes to Itself many objects. There are ladles’ societies that do not hesitate to attack the weightiest problems of the day, and venture into the discussion of social, economic, political and religious questions with a boldness that would appall a member of Congress;'but, it should be added, clubs so pretentious in their aims as these, are not very numerous. In general, the ladles’ literary club proposes to itself no object more serious than that of hearing a series of lectures by a learned professor on some topic that appeals to the sympathies of most of the members, or the discussion of some popular work of fiction, with which most of the membership are familiar. The theory is, that, as the whole thing is done for effect, there is no use in overdoing It, so the membership do not expend any more brain tissue than is absolutely necessary for the comprehension of the lecture, or the elucidation of the plot and incidents in the novel chosen for study. As a general thing, the subjects selected for consideration by the lecturer •re such as he deems suitable to the mental capacity of his audience, for he understands well enough that his business is not to instruct, but to entertain, and If by chance he wanders from a topic they can understand into a dissertation on the cognizability of the incomprehensible, he will shortly find them with their thoughts so far away from the topic that he will never be able to get them back again. He is lucky, indeed, to hold their attention at all, for there is something about a woman’s mind that renders it difficult to fix attention on anything but all sorts, kinds and conditions of finery,

so the lecturer Med not be surprised, if, while elucidating some dark point with all his might, he notices that his fair auditors are equally absorbed in the study of each ether’s raiment. But, after all, in a woman, particularly a young woman, this is to be expected, for, to her, theories of government questions of politics, considerations of philosophy, of ethics, of social science, of hamanitarianlsm, ail dwindle into insignificance when brought into comparison with a matter of clothes, for all these are transitory, while the import-

ance of finery Is conceded by the whole feminine race to be eternal. But in all probability, the learned professor is quite used to this kind of an audience, and Is perfectly satisfied to lecture to the two or three who pay attention, while the rest look at each other's garments and speculate as to their probable cost and how much better they would look If the goods had been made up In some other style. Indeed, he is In great lock to have only a negative attention, for once upon a time it happened that while a distinguished French chef was lecturing on the thrilling subject of sonps, three or four of his audience became so little engrossed in the topic that one took off her hat to show It to the others, who duly crowded round to examine it, while the soup was relegated to the background. Lectures, however, before a feminine club, furnish only a negative enjoyment to the membership thereof, for during a lecture the audience must make at least an attempt to refrain from talking, and everybody knows that nothing on earth so harrows up a woman’s soul as the necessity of keeping still. In order to gratify the feminine love of conversation, therefore, a species of entertainment had to be devised, tn which, at some time during Its progress, everybody should have a chance to talk. If all could talk at once, of course, it would be so much the better, but as this plan, pleasant enough for the participants, had manifest drawbacks, certain restrictions had to be placed on the talking, as far as possible, to keep It within limits; to say, in effect, to the ocean of discourse, Thus far shalt thou come, but no farther. The essay and recitation were excellently well suited to the needs of the literary club, for after one member had held the floor for a season all could Join In and talk to each other or to themselves until time for the next performance, but as even this plan did not prove entirely satisfactory, some genius hit upon the device of studying a literary work, generally a work of fiction, and the end was gained, for not only conld the whole club talk together on the topic, but so wide is the field opened by an ordinary novel, that any subject on the face of the earth could be brought In and discussed from any standpoint, or no standpoint at all, until all concerned were tired out, and happy In their fatigue of jaw, could adjourn to their homes with the pleasing consciousness that the meeting had been a “howling success.” Suppose, for example, that the novel chosen for elucidation were “Julia of Bologna," the discussions could range not only over the scenes of the famous Italian city where the plot of the story was laid, including the notable characters who had flgnred In the history of the same, from Julia’s unde, a respectable citizen, to the grand nobleman who

presided over the destinies of the metropolis, not neglecting the unknown genius to whom the world is indebted for the toothsome dainty, which, even now, Is justly famous under the name of bologna sausage. Historic allusions presuppose historic researches, and

PREPARING FOR AN ESSAY.

thus an additional end is subserved, for the fair literati can go to the libraries, call for all volumes contained therein, relating, so remotely, to Bologna, its surroundings, flora and fauna, sausage and the animals that reluctant-

ly contributed to the making thereof, eat a package of caramels and depart. In the pleasing consciousness of superiority to all that grovellag herd of humanity that is not literary jgd consequently has no soul. A step above the novel club Is the club that says to Itself, “Go to, let us study Browning,” and when the young lady litterateur has taken this step, she feels at once that her mind has begun to develop, for, be "’it understood, studying Browning is the next thing to studying protoplasms, and icthyosaur-

MILLINERY VS. SOUP.

uses, and biology, and the young woman whose mind can get a correct grip on these mysteries is but one grade below her who has written a book. It Is true that the study of Browning is somewhat mystifying, but woman Is fond of mystery—lt is perfectly lovely, in fact; so the trifling circumstance that even Browning once admitted that ho was at a loss to tell what he meant by some of his poetical profundities is a matter of no consequence. “It’s nice to guess, even if you don’t know,” casually explained one of the sisterhood, and the statement generally receives a hearty assent from the entire quota. It is but just, however, to say that the study of Browning is most popular in Boston, where babies wear spectacles and children know more than men and women who bad not the good fortune to be born on soil sacred to the muses. To Boston and her daughters, therefore, the rest of feminine America generally leaves the study of Browning, and Aristotle, and Kant, and Hegel, and

THOSE WHO PREFER BROWNING.

Fichte, and Schopenhauer, and the whatness of the whichsoever, and contents Itself with Dickens, and George Eliot, and Victor Hugo, and Lew Wallace, and other writers who can, once in a while, descend to the plane of ev-ery-day life, and think thoughts that people can understand. But not all the young ladies of the present day are literary in their tastes, so the tendency toward societyism is by no means limited to literary objects. The percentage is also utilitarian and benevolent, and not a few of those fair ones who care nothing for Browning would not give a fig for all the theories of the universe that were ever devised, and to whom dissertations on the relations of the world objective to the world subjective are mere sound and fury, signifying nothing, find that they can keep in the fashion by turning their attention in other directions. To

THE RECITATION.

these the sewing schools for poor children, the mission schools, the clubs for working girls, and other lines of effort furnish a field at once broad and fertile, and in which they have the consciousness of knowing that their efforts are In the highest degree humanitarian and benevolent But while these last are not regarded by their literary sisters as of their own number, they,are not despised, but are rather looked upon as worthy of commendation, for they are considered to be doing what they can and are not to be blamed if Providence has not endowed them with superior minds, able to grasp the problems presented by the masters of fiction and philosophy. “You say it was a runaway match?” “Partly. He tried to run away, but she brought him to time by threats of a breach of promise suit”—lndianapolis Journal. 1 “Three minutes for dinner!” yelled the railroad porter. “Good!” exclaimed the editor. “The last time it was $3.” —Atlanta Constitution.

OUR FOREIGN TRADE.

VALUE OF IMPORTS DURING THE LAST FISCAL YEAR. Retnrns Indicate that the Reduction of the Tariff Haa Stimulated Impor-tations-Republican Press Endeavoring to Fool the Farmer. Our Foreign Trade Last Year. The total value of imi>orts during the last fiscal year was $7:51,057,875, against 054,904,02” the previous year, an increase of $70,903,25.5. In view of the great industrial depression which prevailed last year the value of imjiorts was large, it having been exceeded only five times in the history of the country. On the other hand, the value of domestic exports was $793,307,800, against $809,204,047. Notwithstanding the large increase iu imports and decrease in exports, the latter exceeded the former by $61,440,015. The exports of last year have l>een exceeded eight times in our history, and once— In over $242,000,000. In view of the fact that for ten months of the last fiscal year the imports came in under the new tariff law a comparison of some of the principal items with the same for the year before will be of interest. Of art works, which were put on the free list by the new law. we imported to the value of $3,843,097 last year, against $1,724,394 the year before. Of chemicals, drugs and dyes, the duties on which were materially reduced, we imported $43,552,569 worth, against $37,553,170 the year before. Of cotton goods we Imported $33,195,338, against $22,34(5,547 the year before. Of earthen, stone and china ware, 8,956,034, against $0,879,437. Of iron and steel, $23,037,237, against $21,314,489. Of leather and manufactures thereof, $13,819,019, against $9,410,145. On all these goods the duties were considerably reduced. But while there was a decided increase iu the importation of all these articles, the duties on which were moderately redtued, there was also an increase iu imports of goods which were free under the old law and still remain free. Thus there was aif increase from $90,314,070 to $90,120,320 in coffee, from $10,780,152 to $20,122,954 in hides and skins others than furs and from $15,102,333 to $18,477,067 In unmanufactured rubber and gutta pereha. And, again, there was a decrease iu the importation of some articles the duties on which were reduced. For example, from $18,954,771 to $17,239,905 in fruits, including nuts; from $0,000,865 to $2.4.88.584 in lead and manufactures thereof and from $18,154,073 to $17,813,854 in wool and manufactures thereof. The imports of sugar and molasses fell from $126,914,104 to $76,492,302. This decrease of more than $50,000,000 was due in part to the enormous importations in anticipation of the 40 per cent, duty, and in part, and principally, to the great fall in the foreign price of raw sugars. The value of wool, which was put on the free list, increased from $6,107,438 to $25,556,421. and the value of woolen goods, the duties on which were reduced about one-lialf, increased from $19,391,&50 to $30,542,391. But the increase In these articles, as in the case of others the duties on which were considerably reduced, was in no small measure due to restriction of imports in 1894 in anticipation of lower duties. On the whole the returns indicate that the reduction of the tariff has stimulated importations.

Fooling the Fortner. Believing that the farmers will continue to swallow the kind of high tariff rubbish which has so long been doled out to them by partisan organs, the Republican press is picturing the ruin wrought to the farming industry by the deadly Wilson tariff. Gleefully pointing to the increased Importations of farm products from Canada during the past year, these papers claim that the American farmer has been injured to the extent of all the goods imported, and that for this reason the farmers who lu 1592 broke away from protection and elected a tariff reform administration, will next year return to their idol, McKinleyism. Unfortunately for the prospects of Republican support by the farmers, the same papers which tind fault because of increased imports of farm products also insist that the American consumer has not been in the least benefited by the reduced tariff. For instance, the New York Press complains that although the imports of hay from Canada have Increased, the price of hay is not lower, but is really higher than under the McKinley tariff. The same, it says, is true of eggs, of which the imports have increased, while prices have not fallen. And the Press might have added wool, which lias advanced from two to three cents per pound under the Wilson tariff; wheat, beef and other staple crops.

The intelligent farmer who is told that he is being ruined by foreign products will naturally ask: “How can I be injured so long as prices of my crops have not gone down? What difference does it make to me whether oue tou or 1,000,000 tons of hay are imported, if the price has gone up, as the protectionists claim it has? If eggs have not been cheapened by thp competition of Canadian eggs, then I can’t complain. Wheat has advanced nearly 20 cents per bushel since the Wilson tariff took. effect, and the price of beef has also gone up, in spite of lower duties. There is no law to prevent me taking advantage of these higher prices, and you bet I’m not going to stop selling things just because people along the northern border find it pays to buy some things in Canada. Haven’t these fool Republican papers sense enough to see that if, as they tell us, prices not gone down, but iu many cases nave advanced, under the Wilson tariff, that is the policy for us? We know that we are buying manufactured goods cheaper because of lower duties, and that our staple crops have gone up. Vote against the tariff which has brought about this state of affairs? Not much!’'

Tnriff. Another vindication of tariff reform is supplied by copper. Under the abominable McKinley law there was a duty on copper .ore, In spite of the fact that we are large exporters of copper, aud that the mine owners had made enormous fortunes out of nature’s bounty.

The new tariff put copper on the free Hat, and instead of the ruin predicted, not only have our exports largely increased, but the price of the metal has advanced more than two cents a pound and the market value of the stocks of twelve leading copper companies has Increased $30,000,000. The new campaign of education is educating.—New York World. The Political Opportunity. There is but one report from all the Industrial and business centers. It is to i the effect of increased activity in every branch of production and higher prices. The increase in wages keeps pace with the increased prices of products. In some departments of the iron industry orders from buyers are refused. The mills have more than they can do. The signs of greatest prosperity are in the industries of superior magnitude in which the investments of capital are immense, and in which, when growth commences, it is permanent. There Is no Interruption to the general and continuous report of improvement in all the branches of trade, commerce and industry. The universal revival has visited all parts of the country alike. The markets, the workshops and the farms all have felt the effects of the welcome visitation. Nowhere has the favorable business and industrial reaction been greater than in the agricultural States at the West and South. It has affected the wheat belt, the corn belt and the cotton belt with equally helpful influences. The great producing States are receiving the greatest benefit. With these fruits of Democratic policy actually visible there can be no successful argument for disturbing the situation The Democratic policy at this time should be that of awaiting opportunities, seeking every available approach to methods by which the freedom of commerce shall be established and by which a return can be effected to the traditional Democratic financial policy. The Government should never interfere, except as necessity dictates, with the business, industries or currency of the .country. The present era of revived prosperity illustrates this principle.

Gnardini; Against Prosperity. The New York Tribune, the organ of Whitelaw Reid, late Republican candidate for tlie Vice Presidency, is one of the most partisan high tariff papers in America, and cannot be suspected of trying to cast ridicule' on protection. In a recent issue that paper published an interview with Mr. John Saline Smith, a prominent New York lawyer and member of the Republican State Committee, who said: “I do not think there is any room to question our success in next year’s campaign, if we can only hold on to our present chances.” Asked what he meant, Mr. Smith replied: “I have just returned from a trip to the West I was in Indiana, Illinois, and Minnesota, and the crop outlook there is almost marvelous. . . . If nothing interferes to injure that part which is yet outstanding, it will be a great year indeed, and the danger to be guarded against will be that of an overflowing prosperity, wherein the issue born of the last two years may be forgotten.” Here is a frank confession by a prominent Republican politician that he regards prosperity as a danger to be guarded against,for fear that the people will not again return to office a party pledged to a revival of the tariff issue and a restoration of the high duties of MeKinleyism. Could there be clearer evidence of the calamity-howling,ruin-predicting sentiment which animates the Republicans, than this fear of good timesV Do the business men, farmers and workingmen want an administration which depends on hard times as a reason for turning out. the party under which Republicans confess we are threatened with “overflowing prosperity?” Increases of Wages Multiply. Unfortunately for the poor protectionists and calamity howlers, reports of revival of industry and increases in wages continue to come in. Last week articles incorporating a large hat-manufacturing company were filed at Orange, N. J., and this business promises to be lively in the Oranges. At Norristown, Pa., on Tuesday last, woolen mills employing 300 hands raised wages 10 per cent., the increase to begin on Monday next, and the Pittsburg and Youghiogheny Gas-Coal Company advanced wages yesterday. At Great Barrington, Mass., a dispatch states, the Everett woolen mills, which have been idle over a year, will start up this month employing 300 hands. The Maryland Steel Company, at Sparrow’s Point, will to-morrow increase the wages of 700 employes; the increase for many of the men will be 10 per cent, and for others a restoration of the rate before the hard times caused a reduction.

These are some of the hundreds of “knockdown” arguments in reply to protectionists, which are increasing almost daily. The “free-trade” Wilson tariff, which these theorists so blatantly asserted was to ruin industry and beggar wage-earners, continues and will continue to grow in popular favor. An ounce of fact is better than a ton of theory.—New York Herald, Aug. 2. Lower Duties; More Revenue. An unanswerable argument against further tariff tinkering and against the schemes of the McKinley propagandist, schemes of the McKinley propaganTHlfc, who tin-eaten new tariff agitation as the issue in the next Presidential campaign, is found in the following brief and sound review: '“‘This increase shows that the new tariff, with its reduced duties, will yield the government more revenue than did the McKinley tariff with its high and almost prohibitive duties. Some ‘protection’ journals are clamoring for higher tariff rates, alleging that such rates would increase revenue. But it is now evident that a return to McKinley duties on imports would not increase, but would decrease, the revenue, and consequently would cripple the treasury.”—Union, Atlantic City N. J. A Boom in Copper. • Against the protests of the protected Interests the Wilson tariff reduced the duty on copper, exposing our infant copper industry (which dates back less than two hundred years) to the competition of the pauper copper of the rest of the world. The high tariffites wept over the ruin of another industry and

prepared to witness the closing of our copper mines and smelting works. Strange to say, the predicted ruin has not yet appeared. On the contrary, the copper interests are enjoying a business boom unexampled in their history. The enormous consumption by the trolley lines and other electrical developments has created such a demand for copper that the production has had to be greatly increased to maintain the supply. At the same time our exports of copper have reached high water mark. Previous to 1894 our heaviest exports during any one year were 56,453,000 pounds. In the fiscal year 1895. during eleven months of which the Wilson tariff was in force, we exported 146,000,000 pounds. And this is the kind of ruin the Democratic tariff policy has brought on our copper industries. Showing Tlreir True Colors. Tariff reformers have always contended that the theory of protection was opposed to ail foreign trade, and that if its advocates were consistent they would entirely abolish International commerce by enacting a prohibitory tariff. But the McKinleyites have been ashamed of the conclusion to which their logic unerringly pointed, and have protested that they were anxious to extend our foreign trade. So while one set of high tariff orators was clamoring for a law which would keep the foreigner out of our markets, another set were contriving so-called “reciprocity laws” for the purpose of bulldozing thqjtoreigner into trading with us. TSk failure of “reciprocity” as a means of openitm up foreign markets was so evident the McKinley tariff that the trade-hating wing of the. Republican party is coming to the front and boldly declaring for a policy of total exclusion of foreign goods. In a letter published in the American Wool and Cotton Reporter, Judge William Lawrence, President of the National Woolgrowers’ Association, tells what the wool duties are to be if the protectionists are allowed to make a new tariff. Not satisfied with the old McKinley duties, the wool-growers will demand 12 cents a pound on class one wools, 14 cents on class two, “with an annual increase of at least threefourths of a cent a pound until the duty shall be prohibitory.” And he adds: “Protective duties are only valuable as they keep out foreign goods. All the foreign products should be excluded. Why not?” That is the true position of the believers in the Chinese policy of trade exclusion. Judge Lawrence deserves credit for boldly stating the real 1 principles of protection, even though his views are worthy only of a barbarian. If the rest of the McKinleyites will he equally frank there will be no mistake as to the issue between Democrats and Republicans in the next campaign. When the people are plainly asked to decide between a policy of free and extended commerce with all the world, and one of Chinese-like trade exclusion, there can be no doubt as to their answer. In 1892 an overwhelming majority voted against the doctrine of trade restriction, A still greater majority will overthrow the party which advocates trade prohibition.

Lower Tariff Reduces Trust Profits. The operations of the Sugar Trust under the Wilson tariff, as set forth in the report of Willett & Gray, the wellknown sugar statisticians, show that during the first six months of this year the trust made a net profit of $3,000,000. This is said to be the poorest showing made in any six months of the trust's history, and the report makes it clear that the German granulated sugar, which was about 32 cents per pound cheaper than the American, has been used to a considerable extent by fruit canners and preservers. This decrease in Sugar Trust profits is proof of the wisdom of the Wilson tariff in reducing the protection on refined sugars. Had the trust no tariff advantage over foreign refiners the competition in refined sugar would liavo still further benefited the American people by reduced prices. Sugar can be refined cheaper in this country than in any part of the world, but it will be dearer than in other countries so long as the Sugar Trust is protected in its monopoly by even a small duty. ' Chanced Their Tune. A few months ago all the Republican papers were crying: “Revise the tariff!” and “Wait until Congress meets; we’ll show' you how to make a tariff of enough revenue to support the Government!” And all the while column editorials kept appearing telling just how the wonderfully wise Republicans would fix up the schedules and bring back prosperity to a famishing people. Well, we’ve v r aited; and we’ve seen prosperity come immediately and impressively. We haven’t had to w'ait for a Republican schedule or a Republican policy. The new' tariff and Democratic rule have so revived the industries of the country that the Republicans have lost all their thunder. They’ve had to change their tune. The cry has now' become: “Mend it or end it!” And in time this will give way to an au'ful silence on the part of the advocates of MeKinleyism. The people will then take a hand, and set to mending and ending some of the wild vagaries of the Republican spell binders.—Philadelphia Record.

Sending Iron to England. The shipment of 1,000 tons of iron from Youngstown, 0., to England is one of the first movements In a current of trade that promises to assume in a short time very large proportions. We have not the least doubt that iron can be produced at lower prices in America than in any other part of the world, and we should make the same statement concerning steel if it were not for the limitations upon the easy procurement of needed raw supplies that the customs tariff has thrown and still throws in the way of the natural development of this industry.—Boston Herald. Running Out of Issues. The Republicans have quit discussing the wreck of American industry and are now turning their attention to the monthly deficit, which, by the way, is not as great as it was during the last year of thdt great revenue producing measure known as the McKinley bill. When the time for the fall and winter trade arrives they will also quit discussing the deficit.—Portland, Me., Argus.

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DC*. INGS HERE AND THERE. Jokea and Jokeleta that Are Supposed to Have'Been Recently Born—Saying* and Doing* that Are Odd. Cnriona and Laughable—The Week’* Humor. Let Ua All Laugh. I press my suit, to call on her My trousers are In creases; I call on her to press my suit. And find her scorn increases. -Life. Friend—Your son, I understand, hata literary aspirations. Does he write for money? Father (feelingly)— Unceasingly.—Judge. W aitef —Will you have spinach today, sir? Guest—Yes, but I don’t want it so spunky as it was yesterday. Bring me some with no sand in it.—Boston Transcript Banks—Let’s go, Rivers. Four acts of this is about alf I can stand. Rivers— Let’s sit it out. Banks. Seven of the characters are killed off in the next act —Chicago Tribune. The Wife—You are a K »1! The Husband—l know it. Anybody but a fool would have knowm enough to accept your first rejection of my proposal as final!—Syracuse Post. Sub-editor—How is Pennington on spelling, anyway? Editor—Well, he’s a little too quaint for ordinary English, and not quaint enough for dialect— Somerville Journal. “What became of that trifling fellow, Tweedles? “Oh, he went west and opened a store.” “Doing well?” “No} doing time. He was caught In the act.”—Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. Small Margery had just been stung by a wasp. “I wouldn’t a-minded its walking all over my hand,” she said, between her sobs, “if—if it hadn’t sat down so hard.”—New York Evening Sun. “Are you very busy?” “Ng, sir. What can we do for you?” “I notice that the advertisement on the window says you have 10,000 overcoats for sale. Can I try them on?”—Fliegende Blaetter. Old Soak—l’d like to be Governor of South Carolina. De Tanque—Why so? Old Soak—Because the Governor of North Carolina is always asking seductive questions.—Philadelphia Record. Editor’s Wife-—Who wrote this beautiful article on “How to Manage a Wife?” Editor—Young Quiller. Editor’s Wise —Why, I didn’t know he was married. Editor—He isn’t.—Philadelphia Record. College Freshman—Don’t you enjoy the study of astronomy? High School Girl—Oh, it’s delightful! And Ido think the constellation of O’Brien is just too lovely for anything; don’t you? —Somerville Journal. Biggs—l see Jiggs has been married. Suppose congratulations are in order? Miggs—Well, I don’t know his bride, so I can’t congratulate him, and I do know him, so I can’t congratulate her. —New York Herald. She read: “Let life be one grand, sweet song—” And then like ai first-class dolt,, She worried the neighbors all day long By practicing old “Ben Bolt.” —Louisville Courier-Journal.

Horse Dealer—You had better buy the horse, colonel. You will never find a healthier animal. Colonel Jones—l believe it If he hadn’t been healthy all his life he never would have lived so long.—Tammany Times. BJones (to Brown, who Is vigorously fanning himself)—Hello, old man. Trying to keep cool? Brown—No; I’m traveling through Greenland looking for Peary. Haven’t an extra sealskin about you, have you?—Pittsburg Dispatch. Little Ethel (horrified)—We’ve invited too many children to our tea (party. There Isn’t enough for them to get more than a bite each. Little Dot (resignedly) —That’s too bad. We’ll have to carl it a reception.—New York Journal. “You know that although a wealthy man, I never drink, smoke, gamble or swear—that I am perfectly exemplary. Then why do you refuse me?" “You certainly could not ask me to become the manager of a freak!”—Harper’s Bazar. “Father,” said the New Hampshire boy, “I want'to go to town to see the tally-ho parade.” “Never mind the town tally-ho, Ephraim,” said Farmer Grubber. “We’ll have a home show. You hoe the corn and I’ll keep tally.”—Lowell Courier. “I wonder why Cupid is always represented as a little boy. A boy couldn’t be such an unerring shot as Cu ’’ “Couldn’t he? Say, did you ever have a small boy and a catapult get a spite against one of your windows?”—New York Recorder. “I wish we were rich, John, and could do something for the world,” Mrs. B. remarked half devoutly, half Impatiently. “But, my dear,” he replied, “wo can do good in a quiet way now." “Yes; but no one will ever hear of It” —Chicago Times-Herald. “I have been almost a hermit,” sighed the successful man. “Now that my, fortune is made, and I'have a little lime of my own, I find it impossible to get In touch with the world.” “You ought to get a bicycle,” suggested his friend. —lndianapolis Journal. Miss Coyglrl—Jack Softlelgh told me last night that I ought to accept him because he was willing to prove hla love for me. Her Friend—What did you say? “I said I couldn’t see it In that light" “Then what did he say?” “Nothing. He just turned tho light out.”—Philadelphia Record.

For Future Use.

A readiness to apologize for an offense is not worth much unless It Is accompanied by a disposition not to repeat the injury . | Johnny and Jenny were quarreling, and Jenny began to cry. “Oh, well,” said Johnny, “don’t cry —l’ll take back all the mean things I’ve said.” “Yes, you’ll take ’em back,” sobbed the girl, “soyou can have ’em just resdy to use over again.” No man likes to say ~ypu” every time his wife compliments him.