Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 36, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 September 1895 — Page 6

MOONSHINE STILIS.

HOW THEY ARE RAIDED BY REVENUE OFFICERS. WhUky Quietly Made Within Thirty Feet of the Traveled Public Highway— Mr. Hall Found Preaching Didn’t Pay, So He Took to the Jug. Drove Him Out by Strategy. When a “moonshine” raid is made there are always two departments of the government represented—the internal revenue and the department of Justice. The revenue officers locate the illicit distilleries and destroy them,

While the department of Justice is represented by the United States deputy marshal and occasionally a United States commissioner. The latter corresponds with the office of magistrate in the State and accompanies the raid for the purpose of issuing warrants when an arrest is to be made; the deputy marshal’s office corresponds with that of the sheriff, and his duty is to make the arrest. A raid was being made by a large party of revenue officers and deputy marshals in the Pea Ridge country, on the Tennessee aud Kentucky line. We

A MISSISSIPPI COFFEE POT STILL.

(A—The boiler In which the mash is stewed, if—The pipe and worm passing through cold water cylinder C. "Water is introduced at E and and drawn off at F. The steam condenses and escapes as whisky at H. J is the cover which swings open.]

came into a neighborhood where were three houses, about one-half mile apart, and forming almost a triangle. The marshal had capiases for the three men who occupied them. I belonged to the revenue department, and had no authority to arrest There was but one officer present who had the capiases, but upon an occasion of this kind men do not stand much on the strict letter of the law. Our force was divided into three parties, and each one repaired to * house for the purpose of making an arrest. It fell to my party’s lot to arrest

Bob Shaw, who was charged with being an accessory before the fact to the killing of a revenue officer, had been arrested, indicted and had given bond for bis appearance and forfeited it Now Bob was a character in that section of the country. He weighed about 200 pounds, was a perfect specimen of physical manhood, and had the reputation of being recklessly brave and scrupulously honorable. He lived in the center of the enemy’s country, and in order to make an arrest it was necessary to have a good force. Just before court a raid was organized and all the capiases were placed in the hands of a marshal, who accompanied the party, the revenue department assisting the judiciary and vice versa.

Apprised of the dangerous character of my man our party carefully surrounded the house, a story-and-a-half log affair, with a log kitchen at one angle and a rough porch in front of the door of the dwelling extending around in front of the kitchen door. There was but one window below and two small windows above in the dwelling. Between the eaves and the walls of the house was an open space all around of about four inches. A person upstairs could pass around the wall and cover any object with a gun or pistol for a distance of ten or twenty feet from the house. Beyond that distance one could not be seen except from the two end windows’.

It was known all over the country that we were somewhere on the ridge and everybody was on the lookout for us. As luck would have it, Mr. Spurrier charged one of the other housies with his squad of men before I could get my crowd in position, but was discovered in time for the moonshiner to ran out of the house. He was fired upon by three or four of Spurrier’s men, but got away. This directed the attention of the man that I was going to surround, and I was able to place my men in a safe position before they were discovered. As I walked to the front gate apparently unarmed, Shaw’s wife, a beautiful little woman, with a baby In her arms and a little girl by her side, came out of the building. She went to the kitchen door and fastened it just as I stepped up on the porch. I asked her if her husband was in. She said to me in a low tone: “For God’s sake do not attempt to go into that house.” I asked her to go in herself and tell her husband to qgme out She said she could not do it neither was it necessary, for he intended to die before he would be taken, and I noticed the tears running down her cheeks. v J hereupon ahe left with the childrqjt * I went to the door and found it fastened on the inside. I heard a voice upstairs asking who I was and what I wanted. I looked up over my head and

I could see a man's hand and the barrel of a pistol on theiop <ll, but I, was so close to the house, in fact. Inside of the door facing, be could n<st shoot with any degree of accuracy. I told him who I was andthat we had a eapias for him, intended to take him and that he would do well to come down and surrender and not force us to resort to desperate means. He told me that he did not Intend to surrender, and that if I forced the door and entered the house he would kill me. He said that he bad been forced to kill one revenue officer, and had had a difficulty with two or three others, and didn’t want any more trouble on his hands. I told him that I had the house surrounded and that the firing of one shot by him would be the signal of his death. He replied that he

IN THE ’SHINER COUNTRY.

could wbfp a whole regiment where he was. I finally told him that if he did not come down I would burn the house. He told me to burn and be d—d. I went into the kitchen-r-it was just after dinner—and, getting a frying pan full hot coals and a few green chips, I went back to the dear. I set the frying pan upon the door sill, and, lying down close to the wan, where Shaw could notsbootme, I commenced blowing the smoke under the door, occasionally telling that I hated to burn the house on account of his wife and children. The stairs were Just to the right of the door, and, the smdke ascending, soon filled the upper part of the house. Shaw concluded that I was burning him out, and finally said: that if I would extinguish the tire he would come down and surrender. I answered“ All right,” and then went to ihe'kitchen, apparently to get a bucket of water. When I returned I removed the fire, told him to leave his weapons upstairs, and come ahead.

When he stepped down he asked me where my authority was for arresting him. The truth was, I had none, the marshal being probably a half mile from his bouse. I laid my left hand on my revolver that I held in my right, and told him that he would have to be satisfied with that until Mr. Brown, the marshal, came up. He then asked me where my men were. I blew my whistle and they left their places of concealment and surrounded him. Clergymen and Moonshiner. “I have had my share of moonshining,” said Captain Cromwell, of Cincinnati, Ohio, as he paused in his labor of packing up a raft of traps and papers in preparation for Ids immediate departure for his new post on the Pacific slope. “I have tackled some pretty nasty customers and been in some

pretty rough parts of the country, and yet I have a friendly feeling for these people, who are honest in all other things, and who really believe that a tyrannous government is trying to deprive them of an inalienable right. “About thelbst still, that I seized was well nigh undigcoverable, and had I

not had positive information that the still was there, I would have passed it by. It was this way. Last year I was notified that a certain Tom Hall was operating a still somewhere in Northern Mississippi, fie was even then out on ball, two good lawyers 1 being on his bond for 1500. These lawyers did not

“PUT THAT GUN DOWN!"

A MOONSHINE DISTILLERY.

believe that Hall was a moonshiner for he was a plausible sort of a fellow and had put up a good story. I knew that he would not be hard to locate, so I got a man who was familiar with the ground to do some detectbm work for me. This man went out into’ the country and in the course of a short time wormed himself into the confidence of the moonshiner. “Hall had a house on the side of a mountain, alongside the road, and entertained neighbors somewhat in the manner of an innkeeper. My man went to Hall’s place and bought whisky, and drank and played cards until 4 o’clock in the morning. After he had gone to bed he got up and prowled around and after a long search found where the still was hifldejj. He even went so far as io Bute a diagram o? The placed He came into town, where I was waiting for him, and gave me the intelligence that I wanted. “I got the posse together and set out at once, arriving at the spot in the early morning. My information was so that I arrested Hall at once. As jtfie-house he edged around behind his wife, who grabbed her husband's pistol from his pocket and I saw that I had a determined woman to deal with, and knew I would have to treat her like I would a man. “ ‘Put that pistol down,’ I commanded. “‘I won’t do it,’ she said, looking at me in a dogged fashion. “She stood her ground for a full minute, but saw that we could not be trifled with, and did not dare raise the gun. “ ‘Put that pistol down!’ I again ordered. ‘Put it on the table!’ “She laid the weapon down, but stood close to It. “ ‘Now go over to the other side of the room,’ I ordered. She moved away slowly, and one of my men grabbed the revolver. Then I breathed easier, for while I was fully determined not to be bluffed by a woman, there is small satisfaction in fighting one, and there is no knowing what one will do once she Is roused to desperation. "I searched the house, but could not locate anything suspicious, and went over to the smokehouse. Mrs. Hall

MOUNTAIN BUSINESS HOUSE.

headed me off, and said that I should not go in there. “ ‘lf you don’t open- that door I will beat it in with an ax,’ I said. When she saw that I was determined she got the key and unlocked the door. The place was filled with- boxes and barrels, and nothing was in sight that would indicate a. distillery. We moved the boxes about, and presently found a trap door in the floor, but so small that I could not get through. So I sent one of my men, who was a thin fellow, down. “In a few minutes he-called up that there was nothing, that he coaid find,

and that it was so dark that he could not see. So I passed him down some matches and directed him to make a thorough search. He was about to give up the search when I noticed that the earth floor in one spot was softer than in other places. He set to scraping the dirt away, and came upon another trap door that opened into a subcellar. He crawled down, and called to me that he had found the still, and that it was In full operation, fire going and spirits condensing. “He found another hidden door in the side of the cellar, out over the ravine, and kicked it open. Through this I was able to climb. It was the most perfect moonshine still that I ever saw, about a, hundred-gallon capacity, and worth over $7,500. The smokehouse was located ovfer the ravine, at the bottom of which a stream flowed. The refuse was run into this and carried off. The smoke from the furnace was carried under ground and up into the kitchen chimney. When the still was going the wife was apparently doing the household cooking. There, within thirty feet of the road, Hall had been carrying on his illicit distillery. “While I was taking Hall into town I questioned him, for he seemed to be a decent sort of fellow. He told me, and I later found out that he told the truth, that he started in life as a Baptist minister, but that he could not make a living at preaching, and had been drawn into moonshining. The court sent him to prison for two years.” The public spirit of the citizen is the motive power of the community.

CABALLERO’S AIR-SHIP.

Description of the Newest Device for Navigating the Upper Air. The invention shown in the accompanying illustration Is described in the Scientific American as follows: Among the many efforts constantly being made to construct a vessel which will be gble to trgvel and carry passengers through the air, those which depend largely upon the use of the aeroplane for their support in motion, and for making use of the air currents to the best advantage, seem to have of late attracted the most attention. An air vessel of this class is shown in the accompanying illustration, and forms

NEW AIR-SHIP.

the subject of a patent recently issued to Estanislao Caballero de los Olivos, New York city. In a suitable light, but strongly made, basket or car is carried the best obtainable type of engine for operating sustaining screws on the upper ends of shafts journaled in a light framework, to which is pivoted an elongated ring surrounding the screws. To the latter ring is plvotecL In a manner to form a universal joint, an aeroplane, which may be inclined in any direction relative to the sustaining screws, and held adjusted in the position desired, by means of ropes or equivalent means, the aeroplanehaving a central opening of sufficient size to allow it to be so inclined without impinging upon the framework or the screws. The ascent and descent of the vessel are designed to be controlled by the operation of the screws, aund when the aeroplane is set at an inclination to the [plane of the screws, the reaction of the affir striking the inclined surface causes a forward movemeat in the direction of the highest point of the aeroplane If the vessel is ascending, and in the opposite- direction if the- vessel is descending, the direction being changed or reversed without altering the spend- of the engine or the position of the screws.

AN OLD WOMAN’S EGGS.

Problem that Is Racking the Braiae of the- Sleepy Philadelphians. Some as- yet unidentified Philadelphian came momentarily out of his accustomed, state of peaceful trance a few days ago and proceeded to utilize the half hour-or so that elapsed before he went to sleep again by evolving the following highly characteristic problem: “An old. woman who was selling eggs, when! asked how many she had in her replied that if she took them out by twos, threes, fours, fives or sixes in each; case there would be left one odd egg la each basket, but if she removed them: by sevens there would be none remainlug. How many eggs did the old woman have?” Since then Philadelphia has been stirred as never before in its history. All the local papers accepted the-problem as one well calculated to test the mathematical knowledge of their readers—id which supposition they seem to have made no mistake—and have been devoting much space to it ever since. Curiously enough, no residenit of the “City of Dead Calm” noticed that the "sum” as stated is insoluble:. After fumbling about in the wilderness of figures for a while, the brighter-minded customers of Mr. Wanamaker and a few of his cash girls hit upon 301 as the right answer. The accuracy of this was at once admitted by all the papers and peace again brooded, on the Schuylkill. A troublesome fellow who vehemently declared that 2,401 is the correct number was sternly silenced by the information that no basket could hold 2,401 eggs, and no .old woman could carry them. A New York schoolboy to whom this enigma, was submitted looked it over for a moment, and then asked, “Why didn’t they say, ‘A woman had some eggs, how many did she have?’ ” An amateur mathematician treated the matter more gravely: “Put in exact terms,” he-said, “the problem is to find a common multiple of 2,3, 4; 5 and 6, which, increased by 1, in divisible by 7. There is not enough paper in the world, to hold all the correct answers to that question. Therefore, strictly speaking,, there is no answer. Any multiple of 60, the least common multiple of 2,3,. 4, 5 and 6, which, by the addition of 1, becomes a multipleof 7, fulfills the conditions. F&r instance, GO, multiplied by 5, 12, 17, 10 and 26, gives 300, 420, 720, 1,020, 1,140 and 1,560, and 1 added to any of these makes a- number that will do. Thereare innumerable millions more of them.” Evidently Philadelphia must try again if she wants to enter the first class in arithmetic.—New York Times,

THE AMMONIA GUN.

A Little Weapon for Protection Against Curs.

Every bicyclist in the land will rise up and call the inventor of the ammonia gnn for dogs blessed. How the gun is operated is shown by the accompanying cut. Nothing is more annoyjhgto the rider than to have a mongrel dog barking at his pedals and scurrying across his pathway in such close proximity to the front wheel as to be

AMMONIA GUNS FOR DOGS.

a constant reminder of the possible “header.” The gun is manufactured in the Ijjast, and is calculated to make an annoying dog sneeze and sniff away all future ambitions to investigate the pace of a rider. It is said to be a perfect instrument in every way. The ad-

vantages enumerated for it are: Positively will not leak; has no spring to press or caps to remove, and will shoot from five to twelve times from fifteen to thirty feet with one loading.

Cow Saved a Train.

Engineer Kirkman, who came in on the eastbound train Saturday night, reports an interesting occurrence. As he was running along at full speed, Kirkman says, has attention was attracted by a cow, which seemed to be coming straight down the track to meet the train. He put his hand on the valve and puffed out three sharp whistles. Still the cow came on, bellowing at every step and acting altogether in an unusual manner. As much from curiosity as anything else, Kirkman at length slowed up and sent the fireman ahead to see what was the matter with the cow. No sooner did the cow see that the speed was slackening and that the fireman was going to investigate than she turned and ran straight back down the track, stopping now and then, looking over her shoulder and switching her tail, as much as to say, “Come on.” The man followed, and by and by saw the cow stop short at a high trestle. Going up he discovered another cow which had fallen and got herself fastened in the , trestlewo’rk squarely across the rail. It took a few moments to release the animal, and the two friends, after plainly showing their gratitude, lost no time in scampering away out of danger.—Dallas (Texas) Dispatch to Philadelphia Times.

Physical Training of Indian Hunters.

The physical training of a hunter was a part of the education of every Indian boy, and different tribes had different modes of developing the powers of endurance. Among the Omahas the youth were taught to ran—not so much to run rapidly for a short distance, as to keep up an even pace for many miles; and the habit of careful observation was also Inculcated. The runners' services on the tribal hunt were important; it was - - necessary for them to be able to traves far in search of the buffalo' and to return quickly, so that the tribe could go forward, and the hunters encompass the* herd before it could move to any great distance. They must also closely note - the topography of the conmtry as they ran here and there in search of the game, so as to be able to direct the tribe to»the herd .over the shortest route wh?fch they might not themselves have traveled. They must also be constantly on the ..watch for tracks or signs of an enemy, lest they should bring the tribo 1 into danger. It was not uncommon.' for these young men to run from seventy to 100 miles within twenty-four hours, taking very little rest a»d food.—-Sen. tury.

Gold Or Silver.

While-the war is on the live merchant can get both by judicious advertising.

Modest.

Another incontestable proof of the rapid advance of the Japanese Im the civilization of the West Is the following advertisement which appeared to a Tbkio paper recently: “A young lady wishes- to- get married. She is very beautifitf, has a rosy face, which is surrounded' by dark curly hair. Her eyebrows show the form of the half moon, and tile-mouth is small and pretty. She is also very rich, well read enough'to admire the flowers in the daytime at the side of ar life companion, or at night to sing, to the stars in heaven. The mam whom she- will choose must also be young; haai-dsome and well educated, and be ready to share the same grave with her:"

Kissed by Henry Clay.

There is left the little girl—now no longer a little girl—the proudest recoe lection of whose life is of the kisses Mr. Clay used to give her, and < for which) with commendable business exactness, he always paid her with, a ten-cent piece deposited in her sunbonnet. She-now confesses that when .site saw the statesman approaching she learned, to lay this bonnet on the table of her father’s shop, that it might be well evidence, and the Impressive ceremoajy of the dime and the salutation might not be omitted before the Whig leader, her father, and several other old cronies settled down for their regular afternoon discussion of national affairs—for all Kentuckians.an# politicians.— Century.

Iron in Milk.

Cow’s milk is almost at the bottom of the list of the food substances that contain iron. As it Is so important to infant life, Professor Bunge has- been led to experiment on animals to see in what proportion iron is present in the system at different ages. He- finds that the younger animals contain much more iron than adults, to a guinea pig or rabbit one hour old*, for instance, there is more than four times as much Sljon as In the same animals 2% months <4d, He Infers from this that a longcontinued exclusive milk diet is not for babies, but should be supplemented by wheat preparations.

Aluminum.

Aluminum is now used instead of steel for the nails and heel plates of German soldiers’ boots. The results expected are quicker and better marching. with less fatigue to the men. Blobbs—l’m going down to Atlantic to-morrow. I’ll look Up your sister. Slobbs—Yes, do. She’s having such a dull time; sh"k wrote me she would be glad to see anybody.—Philadelphia Record. The mother of the modern girl says her daughter is like a piece of cheap calico She won’t wash. How much easier it is to tell others how they ought to walk, than it is to step right ourselves. I

"BLUE JEANS.”

The Political Career of James D. Wil' llama, Late Governor of Indiana.

FIVE miles south of Monroe City, Ind-, in Walnut Grove Oenfetery, sleeps all that is mortal °f "Blue Jeans”

“BLUE JEANS.”

the State in 1876. “Blue Jeans” Williams, as he was called by everybody, was pre-emi-nently a self-made man, being trained in the severe school of AVestern pioneer life. He belonged to a class of men who qre rapidly passing away from our midst. The arduous conditions in which they art bom and reared can never be reproduced. James D. Williams was a Buckeye, being born in Pickaway County, Ohio, Jan. 16, 1808. His parents were very poor, and hence his educational advantages were somewhat meager. What education he had was obtained outside the schoolroom. He was reared in the stern school of adversity. In after life the career of Governor Williams, was distinctly marked by the virtues which grew out of the surroundings of his early life. At the age of 10 years the future Congressman and Governor moved to Knox County, this State, with Ms father’s family. He resided here until his death. He grew to man’s estate upon his farther’s farm, and bore 1 his full share of the tolls incident to 1 the 1 ’fanning life of that period. When a young man Governor Williams showed those sterling qualities that marked hiswhole life. He was honest, industrious and upright. Tn the midst of his early labors he 1 soon began to take an active Interest iin politics, and at 30 was elected to be 1 justice of the Peace. His neighbors' always held him in high regard, and he 1 was looked upon as the leader of his-, party In Ms locality. He resigned as Justice of the Peace to take his seat in the lower hotrse of the Indiana Legislature in 1843- From that time he was almost continually in office. He did not make' a brilliant record as a legislator, yet he ted the respect of his colleagues- and approval of his constituents. He served his county in the Legislature, either as Representative or Sena-

GOV. WILLIAMS' HOME.

tor, untile 1874. In. 1874 the- Democrats of the- Second Indiana Congressional District sent him. to Congress, and he served one term. We now come to She climax of Governor Williams’ life —his elevation to- the Governorship of -Indiana over Benj. Harrison, afterwards a President of the United States. Beyond ail question the State campaign in' Indiana in 1876 was the most exciting; in. all her history. It resembled on a smaller scale the great national campaign of 1840, when William Henry Harrison defeated Martin Van Buren for the PresidencyGovernor Williams died Nov. 20,1880, before his term: of office expired. His funeral was. attended by thousands. His- grave i® on a knoll to sight of the old homestead. The mnaument that marks- the last resting pfa.ee of “Blue Jeans” WiHfiians is a beautiful granite structure 40 feet high and 7 by 7 at the base, Engraraed on it we- find the fob 'owihgr »*»'**»» ». • « • • * JAMES D. WILLIAMS, • * Bom January 20, 1808, * * EMetl November 20, 1880. * * A representative * * ©f the- People for Many Years. * * Was term in Congress. * 1 • Governor of Indiana from 1877 * ' * until his death. ♦ * Always a faithful public offi- * * eer, and an honest man. * * Indiana honored him in life, * * and. e&erishes his memory in * * death- * * * • »•»***»* ** In appearance Governor Williams was somewhat awkward and uncouth. He wa®fully six feet high, and slightly stooped. He was a consistent reader of the Bible, yet belonged to no church.

Furniture.

The highly polished black furniture so much in request for drawing-room, suites is prepared as follows: Smooth, wood worked into the necessary fqrm, is painted over with camphor water, and then with a solution of sulphate-of 1 iron and nutgall; these penetrate and. give a black stain. The polisher then takes a piece of smooth, fine-grained charcoal free from grit, and rubs it intothe furniture, following his work with a flannel soaked in linseed oil ajid turpentine, the result of which is a beautiful polish, and wood resembling ebon..

A Curious Lease.

A curious lease is on record 1 in Hebron, Conn. It declares that the- Society for the Propagation of the Gospel in Foreign Parts leases thirty acres of land to one S. W. Chase ami his heirs for the term of 9,999 years. The tenure is held on condition that the said “Chase, or his heirs shall pay to John Sutton and J. T. Peters, church wardens of said society, or their successors in office, one grain of pure silver or other silver, gold equivalent (is demanded), on St. John’s Day of each ensuing year.” Warfare has its romance; even the din of battle has a sort of an engagement ring. It makes no difference what a man’s first impulse is in an argument with a woman, his last is to run. ,

Williams, a man who rose from poverty and obscurity to the Governor’s chair of the great i State of Indiana. 'He was known as the farmer Governor of Indiana, and defeated Benjamin Harrison for the Governorship o f

“I am very sorry, Karl, yon didn’t admire my new frock. Everybody sayait’s charming.” “Your friends, my dear,*pay you compliments; I pay your bills.”—Lustige Blaetter. "Nature,” said Unde Eben, “doan*‘ nebber bestow all her gifs on one Indl--vijiile. De Hghtnin’ bug ain’ got nostinger, an’ de skeeter ain’ got nolamps,"—Washington Star. “Green tea or black tea, Miss?” inquired the shopman in a sort of medico bedside manner. “I don’t think it matters;.”' said the girl; “missus is color blind.”—Fort Worth Gazette. Blobbs—Your ocean voyage seems to have improved yon. You look stouter. Slobbs—l lost five pounds, just the same. Blobbe—Seasick? Slobbs—No| poker.—Philadelphia Record. Bingo—E want to change the combination of that house safe of mine. Safe Man—What’s the matter? Servants found out the old number? Bingo—No. My wife hasv—Brooklyn Life.

“When I first took hold of this place,” said the new proprietor of the grocery store on;the corner, “it was doing absolutely nothing, and now the business has doubled?’ I—Chicago 1 —Chicago Tribune. Incredulous Friend —Y’oull never accomplish anything by trying to reach the pole-—" Arctic Explorer—Just wait till youi see me coining down the homestretch. —(SlteveTand Plaindealer. “It was'by bein? too tender-hearted that I got. here,.” explained the gentleman behind: the-bars. “Stid of takin’ all the feller had' I left him enough to hire a lawyer and a jury on?’—lndianapolis Journal; Blabzer—Out fte the country where you live, don’t; you: find it aggravating having to hurry to catch trains? Mazner_Oh, no! fitfs hurrying to miss them that we find agravating.—Roxbury Gazette. Tramp (interviewing Herr Butherz at the front doorjs—Excuse me—yesterday you gavo me this bat and the light top coat I ann now wearing; couldn’t you let me Have a walking stick to match ?—Fremdenblatt. “Do you think-,”' said Chapple, “that a gentleman ought to speak to his barber when he meet® Mm on the street?” “Certainly,” said Briggs. “It Is about the only chenoe he has to get a word in.” —Indianapolis- Journal. Cumso—George- Washington Is re-sponsiblefor-the' dsaanage to -the wheat crop. Cawker—l thought it was the • Hessian fly which was doing the dam-;-age. Cumso—lt is; but Washington.made the-Hessian fly.—Judge. “Have your baggage checked?” said the man-wlth. a handful of brass disks. “If it’s all the same to you,” replied Familiman, “Fd prefer to have you put a check, on the- naan who handles the baggage.-”—Boston Transcript. “You> are working too hard,” said a policeman t» a man who was drilling a hole 1» a safe at 2 o’clock in the morning. “What’s that?** asked the burglar,, in a discontented tone. , “I| say yon-need’ arrest?’—Boston Globe. “How did yon feel on your fiftieth birthday?” asked one of .Bostoii’s-bach-elors- of another who is be'gltftjJiig to grow old. “Never , happier or friskier in-my fife-,”' said he, “but I had; a bad. headache next morning.”—Boston Herald. Miss De Fashion—Mother, what shall: we send to Miss De Style for-her wed. ding present? Mrs. De Fashion—Will the list be published in the paper? “No; she says that’s vulgar.” “Send her a plated saltspoon.”—New York. Weekly. / “Our side is going to spring some un-looked-for disclosures on you,” said a* lawyer to one of the- opposing attorneys. /‘We’ve been expecting soma un,. iooked-for disclosures,’" was the reply*, “so you’ll not take m unawares.”--. Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. “Jeremiah,” said Mr. Jingle’s wife* as that gentleman camo home somewhat late, yon don’t, write me touch? ing apostrophes as used to dp.” “No,” replied Mr. Jingle, “and you didn’t use io talk question marks, and exclamation points as you do now.” 1 -* Washington Star.

When Gen. Lafayette was on Ms last visit to this country, two young men were introduced. He said to one; “Are you married?” “Yes, sir,” was the reply. “Happy man!” remarked the General. He then put the same question to th# other, who replied: “I am a bachelor.” “Lucky dog!” remarked the General. There have been no entirely successful machines, invented yet tor setting type or setting hens, i

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Odd, Curious and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day—A Budget of Fa*. Sprinkles of Spice. , Neber min’ de cornin’ fros’, isl Honey, don’t you fear; When de watahmiliion's gone, De ’simmon will be here. —Washington Star. Magistrate—Now tell me why yoif stole ’that watch? Prisoner—Oh, just to while away the time.—Philadelphia Record. Adolphus— Why, Ethel, are you looking at me so intently ? Ethel (dreamily) —I was gazing at vacancy, Dolly.— Boston Transcript. _ Britisher— Are your humorists here in America generally read ? “WeH, no; those I have met have been most infernally blue."—Toledo Blade. “Don’t Jon find ft rather lonely hert?” asked Cholly, “with nobody to talk to?” “Yes,” she replied, “and if» getting worse every minute.”—Warrington Star. “Jones seemed to be awfully mad! when I overtook him this morning."’ “What’s the matter, I wonder?” “Why r you see, I had the faster horse.”—Chicago Tribune. Old Girl—You say that you would) hustle after a man? New Girl—Teej. certainly. “Why do such an unseem*ing thing?” “To reduce my weight" —Adams Freeman.

Both in Luck.