Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 35, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 September 1895 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE Afofr THERE. „ r ’ -or ; Joke* and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious and Laughable—The Week's Humor. last TJs All Laugh. He walked the stream the livelong day. With rod and reel and fly, And then went home and reveled in One long, luxuriant lie. —Philadelphia Record. “This reminds me of my school days,” remarked Fogg, as he dropped into his new easy chair. “Coned seat, you know.”—Boston Transcript He—l love the country, where everything so smacks of freshness. She— That may be, but freshness can gain no smacks here.—Adams Freeman. The Younger One—l wonder if I will lose my looks, too, when I get to your age? The Elder One—You would be lucky if you did.—Washington Star. Thomas—Have they named the twins over at your house yet? John—Yep; pa called them Thunder and Lightning as soon as he heard about them.— Truth. Van Twerp—l hear your daughter has reached a high place in the theatrical profession. Von Swipe—Yes; she’s singing on a roof garden.—Brooklyn Eagle. “How do you stand on this here money question, Major?” “I don’t stand at all, sir! Money's so scarce that when I strike a dollar It jest keels me over!” —Life. Weston —Do you think a young man can safely marry on $lO a week? Easton—Well, that depends on how much the girl’s father is worth.—Somerville Journal. “Say, guide, what does that memorial stone commemorate?” “I put it there. It it upon that spot where a tourist once gave five marks.”—Filegende Blatter. Carry—Why was it, I wonder, my poor husband never saidanything to me about renjarryipg? Anna—Probably you were not the person he wanted to warn.—Life. '< f Justice—What is the charge against this prisoner? Officer—Having an infernal machine in his possession, yer honor. Justice —Anarchist or bicyclist?— Brooklyn Life. In popping the question he did prefei To do it in a manner firm and steadyl He did not go on his knees to her— For she was on his knees already. -Life. Teacher—ls your father was to hear of your conduct it would make his hair turn gray. Bobby—l beg your pardon, sir, my father hasn’t any hair left— The State.

Harry—Come, Johnny, let’s play horse. Johnny—Oh, you’re behind the times; we don’t play boss any more. If you want to play bicycle, I’m with yer. —Boston Transcript. Summer Resorter—And is everything on your farm nice and fresh? Farmer —Nice and fresh? I guess yhta'd think so if you’d see some of our city boarders.—Boston Traveler. “Did you receive an affectionWe better from Bar Harbor from your wife?” “Yes, but she didn’t waste any words. She merely wrote, ‘Love! Send ma $100!’ ’’—Boston Gazette. Hobson—l hear Cholly Sappy Is out of his mind, poor fellow. Costique—l think he is rather to be congratulated. He must have been frightfully cramped In it.—Philadelphia Record. Young Lady (on the grand stand)— The umpire calls - a foul/ but I don’t even see a feather. Her Escort—But you must remember that this Is a picked nine.—Sacred Heart Review. “I don’t know how it is,” said Adolphus; “but there is always something or other running through my mind.” “How fortunate,” replied Kat®, “that it isn’t a train of thought’’—Boston Trans"lilted “I see they’ve nominated Coxey fur Governor of Ohio,” said onb' eg- Com“Yesj?’ Stiother. “But'we/won’t have fio' ez we bad last sufnßier;”—Washington Star. Cholly Chumpey—l see that earrings are coming into fashion again. Have your ears ever beeh bored? Miss Caustic—What a question! Haven’t I often listened to your twaddle?—Syracuse Post. Yabsley—Did you carry out your threat of telling Samuelson what you thought of h|m? Mudge—No. The telephone girl said she positively could not stand such language.—lndianapolis Journal. • r , .

Princely—Did you see Jaberson last night, spending money like a prince 1 “Like a prince? He blew In about $4. Do you call that like a prince?” “Sure. The money was his wife’s.”—lndianapolis Tribune. “Ah,” said the jovial friend of the man with the valise, “going for a little rest, are you?” “No,” was the reply, with a hurried glance at the time table, ‘l’m going away on my vacation.’’— Washington Star. “We must fly,” said Murat to Napoleon on one occasion when the battle had gone sorely against them. “It ia impossible,” replied the latter. “The enemy has destroyed both wings of the army.”—Harper’s Bazar. Cleff—They tell me your daughter Julia is quite a singer. Has she a good voice? Is her method Staff—Can’t say so much about her voice, but her method Is superb. She never sings when I am at home.—Boston Transcript.