Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 August 1895 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Oddi Curious and Laughable Phases of Human Nature GrapMcally Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Onr Own Day—A Budget of Van. Sprinkles of Spice. Now doth the glad reporter writ* Those interviews that burn And boom each citizen he know* For President in turn. —Washington Star. He—The lamp Is going out She-* Yes, It hasn't been filled since you came.—Life. “There goes a man that keep* hlB word.” “He does?” “Yes; no one else will take it”—Philadelphia Press. He—You can’t Impose upon me; there are no fools in onr family. She—Sir, you forget yourself.—New York Herald. Sapphira—Truth is stranger than fiction. Ananias—Yes, but that Is because we meet truth so rarely.—Brooklyn Eagle. Candidate—l can’t imagine what caused my defeat. Friend—The election of your opponent I should say.— Albany Journal. Johnny—ls It true, pa, that people live longer in the country than in the city? P&—Life seems longer there, my son.— Boston Transcript “Yes,” papa sighed, “It costs a lot To clothe ai summer lass; But when the da£a are lbng arod'ftdf, I save a heap of gas.” —New York Recorder. Edith—What? Mr. Worth asked you to be his wife? Everybody says he is a woman hater. Kate —Yes, but I don’t seem to be the woman.—Boston Transcript Bertie D’Gote—When old Gold-bag married Flo, why did she say that she was only 24? Sylvia—Well, you see she made a discount for cash.—Sydney Bulletin. People are having the same trouble they used to have. If their horse got out of wind they had to walk; now it’s the same with the bicycle—Boston Courier. Tommy—Paw, what sort of prices are fabulous prices? Mr. Figg—Well, actors’ salaries as published In the papers are usually that kind. —Indianapolis Journal. The acrobat Is a paradox, His life is both high and humble; He may be unable to see a Joke, But no one Is quicker to tumble. —Boston Budget. Physician—And you have felt this way for several days? Il'm Let me see your tongue. Patient—lt’s no use, doctor; no tongue can tell how I suffer. — Boston Transcript. Bumpus—Say, McSmith, I am acquainted with the president of this road. McSmith—Oh, that’s nothing; I am acquainted with the porter of this train.—Brooklyn Eagle. Little Dick—Miss Mamie is awfully shy, isn’t she? Little Dot—Why? Little Dick—She has most of her clothes made Just like men’s, so men won’t get In love with her.—The Sketch.

In gallantry the youth again Responds to beauty’s call, And goes away on picnics when He’d rather play baseball. —Washington Star. “Well, my dear, what did you do at the sewing circle to-day?” “Oh, nothing much. We tore up a few reputations and sowed a few seeds of discord In the congregation.”—Harper’s Bazar. “Jamie,” sharply called out his mother, “you’ve been loafing all day. Satan always finds some work for idle hands to do. Take this basket and bring in some kindlings.”—Chicago Tribune. Amateur Artist—l should like to present the last picture I painted to some charitable institution. Now, which would you recommend? Cruel Lady Friend—The blind asylum.—New York Journal; «•<» » «<«* “It seems to me,” groqnpd the sufferer, apostrophizing the reflection of his, aching tooth & the Igqhlug-filass, “that for as small a customer as you are you have IMs oi nerve.”—Chicago TribUßf. “What’s that?’ asked the public official as the package 'was handed him. •'An inferhal machine?” “Yes,” implied the clerk. “That’s exactly what it is. Somebody has presented you with one of those fountain pens.”—Washington Star. “It seems to me,” said the manager, “that you do that part of receiving'the money from the chief villain in a most •awkward manner.” “Mebbq hdo,’’admitted the actor; “it has,been s&,long sihce I had any chance to rehearse with the' real stuff.”—Cincinnati Tribune. As they passed an open gateway a dog within the enclosure growled and bristled up very perceptibly, whereupon Jester remarked: “No doubt about his being a watchdog.” “How can you tell?” inquired Quester. “Why,” returned Jester, “didn’t you see the hair spring?”—Richmond Dispatch. This budding craze for bicycles The whole broad country feels; And soon the horse thief way out • 'West Will take to stealing wheels. —Philadelphia Record. Johnny—But my teacher says so, and I guess he knows. Uncle Reuben—l don’t know about that A man what’s all the time givln’ away knowledge to other people can’t have much left for himself. I’d rather trust to a man who isn’t all the with what he knows.—Boston Transcript