Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 August 1895 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokeleta that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born —Saying* and Doings that Are Odd, Cariona and Laughable—The Week’s Humor. Let Us All Laugh. Little fishes In the brook— 4 \. That’s no cause to flout ’em; They’ll be whales as like as not When he tells about ’em. u •—Washington Star. “Cannot we become one?” he pleaded earnestly. “That depends,” replied the new girl. “Which one?;,’—Ufa. “I can forgive but never forget this whipping,” said Tommy. “That is just what I want you to do;” said bis mother.—Boston Courier. > 1 • “Jones is always at the world.” “Yes; made before he was born; an’ he didn’t have a chance at 1L” —Atlanta Constitution.' <«■ - t “The coming woman doesn’t seem to arrive,” said Binks. "jNo,” said Tubley. “She’s probably .putting bn her hat”—Harper’s Bazar. Hotelkeeper—What’s the matter here? You’re just raising the deucel Waiter—No, sir; I just dropped the’ tray.—National Hotel Reporter. “No, Maude, dear, we do not think the cat’s voice is musical even if the animal is full of violin and banjo strings.”—Philadelphia Record. “I see that John’s speakin’ on the financial question.” “Oh, yes.” “What’s the old man doin’?” “Furnlshlh’ the finances.”—Chicago Times-Herald. Tramp—Say, boss, could yer give a feller a dime fer a square meal? Kind Gentleman—Certainly, If the meal Is a good one. Where is It?—The State. '“What In the world shall I do with baby, John? She’s crying for tne moon.” “That’s nothing. Wait till she’s 18, and then she’ll want the earth.” —Truth.

“If within the business world You make yourself a berth. Let printers’ Ink the fact unfurl That you are on the earth.” —Dalton Argos. Carleton—Did you dally with the breakers at Asbury Park? Montauk— Yes; I met three charming girls, and they broke me In a week.—Brooklyn Eagle. The Mother—How do you know that he has ceased to love you? Marriageable Daughter—He buttons my gloves twice as quick as he used to.—Syracuse Post Dorcas—My dear, you remind mo of the new patent folding bed you bought Mrs. Dorcas—How so, love? Dorcas— Because you are so hard to shut up.— Judge. In a New England restaurant. The Guest—What can I get here? The Matron—We have coffee as mother used to make It. The Guest—Well, gimme tea. —Pittsburg Dispatch. ’Tls the same old picnic sorrow That comes as the seasons fly; The man with the whitest pantaloons Sits down in the pinkest pie. —Washington Star. “Some people,” remarked the cannibal chief, as he passed his plate for a second supply, “have a mission in life* while others only have a missionary.” —Chicago Times-Herald. Peddler—That little book on “How to Preserve the Hair” is the key to the entire situation. Baldy—l am very sorry; but I haven’t a single lock that It would fit—Household Words. He —Do you think blondes have more admirers than brunettes? She—l don’t know. Why not asirsome Of the girl* who have had experience in both capacities?—New Haven Union. She—Surely, my dear, you will consider the matter carefully before consenting to Clara’s marriage t» old Mr. Cashman. He—Certainly. I shall have his books examined by an expert—Life* “You seem excited, dear, what has happened?” “Poor Jack Murray, I have Just rejected him.” “Ob,>,don’t.tqjpd a little thing ilka that • Why, I reject him every six rpopths!” —Louisville JouruaL There was a man In our. tps^ii, And he. was wondrous wise, He never bragged to hTs dear wife About his mother’s pies. —lndianapolis Journal. First Tramp—What.would you (Jo if you had a hundred t.b6usasd dollars? Second Tramp—ln that think I’d feel it absolutely necessary to go to work to make it a million,— Roxbury Gazette. •t | jj& < “A mortal cad going to be next in this life,” said the moralist '"No,” replied thermah, with a bandage over his eye, "especially if he’s learning to ride a bicycle.”—Washington Star: “What is the greatest difficulty you encounter in a journey to the arctio regions?” asked the Inquisitive man. “Getting back home,” was the reply of the professional explorer.— Washington Star. Little Elsie (looking at the giraffe at the Zoo)—“Oh, mammal They have made that poor thing stand in the sun, haven’t they ?” Mamma—“Why do you say that, my dear?” Little Elsie—- “ Look at all its freckles,”—Philadelphia Record. Landowner (to party bobbing In the stream)—“Hello, there! don’t you see that sign, ‘No Fishing Here’?” Angler —“Yes; ain’t it ridiculous? Fine fishing here; just look at that f6r a string (holding up a dozen or twenty big fellows); beauties, ain’t they? The chap who stuck up that sign evidently didn’t know what he was talking about”— Boston Transcript