Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 August 1895 — The Comic Side The News [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Comic Side The News

Banker Lewis, of Ohio, began life poor, but kept forging ahead until he was $400,000 ahead of the game. Before this thing goes any further we advise Grover to insert a “Boy Wanted” advertisement in “want” columns. At Lawrence, Kan., a Chinaman has sued an American girl for breach oil promise to marry. Whither are we drifting? Sol Smith Russell, who has just come home from Europe, says that “London is a wonderful place, but it isn’t Minneapolis.” Nor Oshkosh, Sol; nor St. Louee. Atlanta’s exposition has a board of lady managers, but no Colonel Phoebe Couzins. The outlook is pretty gloomy; but perhaps the Mexican bull fight may save the show. A St. Louis man has been forced to pay S2OO for putting a bent pin in the chair of a visitor. He tried to convince the jury that it was only a joke, but they couldn’t see the point. It has just been discovered that the Philadelphia City Council has expended SIO,OOO for “dictionaries.” The taxpayers are now saying a few words which cannot be found in them. An Indianapolis girl has sued a banker for $50,000 for breach of promise to marry. The “new woman” is every bit as eager to more the previous question as the old girl used to be. The city physician of Fergus Falls, S. D., recently analyzed the city drinking water and found it contained “monobranchiate zoophytes.” And the waterworks immediately raised its rates. A Pittsburg boy aged 64 eloped with a girl aged 56 and they were married in Cumberland, W. Va. But what are young folks to do when they are in love and can’t get their parents’ consent?

A Buffalo paper remarks editorially that “two former Rochester reporters now have their feet under a desk in our office.” Perhaps they left them there while they went out to see the town and forgot to call for them again. A new variety of watermelon containing a pint of whisky has been discovered in a prohibition town in Indiana. Some day a genius will hit upon the idea of loading a melon with Jamaica ginger and nothing can stop his march to immortality. Prof. Gallaudet, the Washington deaf mute teacher, celebrated his golden wedding the other day. Many of his pupils called and before leaving gave the Professor and his wife a substantial present. Prof. Gallaudet responded in a few happv. well-chosen motions.