Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 31, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 August 1895 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokeleta that Are Supposed to Have Been Hecently Born—Sayings sad Doings that Are Odd. Carious and Laughable—The Week’s Humor. Let Us AU Laugh. This world would land in glory yet And make a lively stir, If in these days we could forget The mad thermometer! —Atlanta Constitution. The Wife—lt must be bedtime. Hue the baby hasn’t waked up yet—Life. “Hl, Jimmy, wot’s de matter?" “Back’s blistered.” “Swimmln’ or lickin’?” “Both.”—Chicago Record. “They say Hamsby Is generous to a fault” “Yes, he is, if It happens to be one of his own faults.”—Buffalo Express. Host—Never shall I forget the time when I first drew this sword. Chorus —When was that? Host—At a raffle.— Firefly. Young Man (In periodical store)—l want a Fireside Companion. Lady Clerk (archly)—How would I do?—Texas Siftings. A.—l hear that your friend X. has gone to South America. Was it upon bis physician’s advice? B.—No; his lawyer’s.—Tid-Blts. The summer girl Is great on changing her suit She goes seaward with diamonds and returns home with hearts.— Yonkers Statesman. Belle—Mr. Jolyer Is such a nice man. He said I had a voice like a bird. Nell— Yes; he told me you sang like an owl.— Philadelphia Record. Jagson—l see that your pretty typewriter Is gone. What’s the matter? Hogson—Married. Jagson—The girl? Hogson—No; ll—Syracuse Post. “Isn’t he rather fast?" asked the anxious mother. “Yes, mamma, In one sense of the word. I don’t think he can get away.”—lndianapolis Journal. How to make the new dress: Take the material for two skirts and make the sleeves, then take the material for one sleeve and make the skirt—Nashville American. Oh, sweetly tender was her look, Her hair was bright as gold; I bought three copies of her book, And then her glance grew cold. —Chicago Times-Herald. Patient—The heat is so doctor, I feel like committing suicide. Doctor—Oh, that would never do. As I said before, my friend, what you need is a change.—Life. “That woman dispenses a great deal of social lemonade.” “What do you mean?” “Simply that she is always saying sour things in a sweet way.”— Indianapolis Journal. “Papa!” "What is it, Johnny?” “I read a poem in my school reader which spoke of ‘dogs of high degree.’ ” “Well?” “Papa, does that mean skye terriers?”—Pittsburg Chronicle. Nlbbs—What a perfect poem the count’s rich wife Is!” Dibbs—Yes; the count is the only man I know of who can make poetry pay him thirty thousand a year.—New York World. Won’t some inventor, sage or mentor, Find that chief of boons, The wear-resisting, long-persisting, Non-bagging pantaloons? —New York Recorder.

She—Oh, my! there’s something gone down my back! He—lt’s one of those thundering bugs, I suppose. “No; I guess it’s one of those lightning bugs, Georgy—Yonkers Statesman. CawKcr—“Barlow made a rash prediction just now.” Cumso—“What did he say?” Cawker—“He said that the time would come when it would be respectable to be honest.”—Judge. She—Do you know, Harry, father has forbidden you the house? He—Forbidden me the house! I never asked him for his house. His daughter is good enough for me.—Boston Transcript “Have you the ‘Relics of By-Gone Days?’ ” asked the young lady, entering a book store. “Yes,” replied the polite clerk, with a bow, “we have soma of last year’s calendars.”—Yonker Statesman. If a bicycle’s known as a “bike,” A tricycle must be a “trike,” And when winter comes round It will doubtless be found That an icyele goes as an “ike." —Washington Star. Lea (sadly)—l don’t know what to do with that son of mine. He’s been two years at the medical college, and still keeps at the foot of his class. Perrins (promptly)—Make a chiropodist of him. —Puck. “Yes,” said the girl who was chewing gum, “it is simply awful the way the poor people do suffer this frightful weather. How I pity them! And the worst of it is, of course, that one’s hair simply won’t stay in curt”—New York Recorder. “And you say Dodkins is married?” “Yes." “Why, I thought he hadn’t a cent of money.” “He hadn’t But he’s all right now. The young lady has any quantity of cash. All he will have to do now is to clip the coupons off the bonds of matrimony.”—Washington Star. Little Girl—Did the newspaper reporters notice your papa was at the great banquet last night? Little BoyYes. Little Girl—Mamma said she couldn’t find your papa’s name In the list. Little Boy—No, but the list ends up with “and others." That means papa. They always mention him that way.—New York Weekly.