Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 August 1895 — Page 4

The Passing of the Spirit. The wind, f£e world-old rhapsodist.goes by And the great pines, in changeless vesture gloomed, And all the towering elm trees, thatched and plumed With green, take up, one after one, the cry; And as their choral voices swell and die, Catching the infinite note from tree to tree, Others far off, in long antistrophe, With swaying arms and surging tops reply. So to men’s souls, at sacred intervals, Out of the dust of life takes wing and calls A spirit that we know not, nor can trace; And heart to heart makes answer with strange thrill; It passes, and a moment, face to face, We dream ourselves immortal, and are still. —fArchibald Lampman in the Century.

A fateful Partnership.

Even a stranger to the big town walking for the first time tiirough London secs on the sides of the houses many names with which he has long been familiar. His precognition has cost the firms those names represent much money in advertising. The stranger lias had the names before him for years in newspapers and magazines, on the hoardings and on boards by the railroad side, paying little heed to them at the time; yet they have been indelibly impressed on his brain, and when he wishes soap or pills his lips almost automatically frame the words most familiar to them. Thus are the lavish sums spent in advertising justified, and thus are many excellent publications made possible. There was the firm of Danbv & Strong, for instance. The name may mean nothing to any reader of these lines, but there was a time when it was well known and widely advertised, not only in England bat over the greater part of the world as well

Curiously enough, during the time the firm was struggling to establish itself, the two members of it were the best of friends, bat wbej prosperity came to them causes of difference arose, and their relations, as the papers say of w ariike nations, became steamed. Whether the fault lay with John Danhy or with William Strong no one has ever been able to find out. They had mutual friends who claimed that each one of them was a good fellow, but those friends always added that Strong and Dauby did not “hit it off.” Strong was a bitter man when aroused, and could generally be counted upon to use harsh language. Dauby wa3 quieter, but there was a sullen streak of stubbornness in him that did not tend to making up of a quarrel. They had been past the speaking point for more than a year when there came a crisis in their relations with each other that ended in disaster to the business carried on under the title of Danhy & Strong. Neither man would budge,and between them the business sunk to ruin. Where competition is fierce no firm can stand against it if there is internal dissension. Danby held his ground quietly but firmly, Strong raged and accused, but was equally steadfast in not yielding a point. Each hated the other so bitterly that each was willing to lose his own share in a profitable business, if by doing so he could bring ruin on his partner. When Strong found himself penniless, he cursed, as was his habit, and wrote to a friend in Texas asking if he could get anything to do over there. He was tired of a country of law' and order, lie said, which was not as complimentary to Texas as it might huve been. Hut his remark only goes to show what extraordinary ideas Englishmen have of foreign parts. Strong got himself out there somehow, and in course of time became a cowboy. He grew reasonably expert with his revolver,

and rode a mustang as well as could be expected, considering that lie bad never seen such an animal in London, even at the Zoo. The life of a cowboy on a Texas ranch leads to the forgetting of such things as linen shirts and paper collars. Strong’s hatred of Dauby never ceased, but he began to think of him less often. •One day, when lie least expected it, the subject was brought to his mind in a manner that startled him. He was in Galveston ordering supplies for the ranch when in passing a shop which lie would have called a draper’s, but winch was there designated as dealing in dry goods, lie was amazed to see the name 1 ‘Danby & Strong” in big letters at the bottom of a huge pile of small cardboard boxes that filled the whole window. At first the name only struck him as familiar and he came near Asking himself “Where have I seen that before?" It was some moments before he fealized that the Strong stood for the man gazing stupidly in at the plate glass window. Then he noticed that the boxes were guaranteed to contain the famous Piccadilly collar. He read in a dazed manner a large printed bill which stood beside the pile of boxes. These collars, it seemed, were warranted to he the genuine Danby

& Strong collar and the public were warned against imitations. They were asserted to be London made and linen faced, and the gratifying information was added that once a person wore the D. & S. collar be never afterward relapsed into wearing any inferior brand. The price of each box was fifteen cents, or two boxes for a quarter; Strong found himself making a mental calculation which resulted in turning this notation into English money. As he stood there a new interest began to till his mind. Was the firm being carried on under the old name by some one else,or did this lot of collars represent part of the old stock? He had no news from home since he left, and the bitter thought occured to him that, perhaps, Danby had got somebody with capital to aid him in resuscitating the business. He resolved to go inside and get some information. ‘•You seem to have a very large stock of these collars on hand,” he said to the man. who was evidently the proprietor. “Yes,” was the answer, “You see, we are the State agents for this make. We supply the country dealers." “Oh, do you? Is the firm of Danby & Strong still in existence? I understood it had suspended.” “I guess not,” said the man. “They supply us all right enough. Still, I really know nothing about the firm except that they turn out a first-class article. We’re not iu any way responsible for Danbv & Strong; we’re merely agents for the State of Texas, you know,” the man added, with sudden caution. “I have nothing against the firm,” said Strong. “I asked because I once knew some members of it, and was wondering how it was gettiug along.” “Well iu that case you ought to see the Americau representative. He was here this week. That’s why we make such a dismay in the windows; it always pleases-tbe ■’teat. He’s a<»«■ working up the State

and will be back in Galveston before the month is out." “What’s bis name? Do you remember?” “Danby. George Danby, I think. Here’s his card. No, John Danby is the name. I thought it was George. Most Englishmen are George, you know.” Strong looked at the card, but the lettering seemed to waver before his eyes. He made out, however, that Mr. John Danby had an address in New York, and that he was the American representative of Danby & Strong, London. Strong placed the card on the counter before him. “I used to know Mr. Dauby, and I would like to meet him. Where do you think I could find him?” “Well, as I said before, you could see him right here in Galveston, but if you are in a hurry you might catch him at Broncho junction on Thursday night?” “He is traveling by rail, then?” “No, he is not. He went by rail as far as Felixopolis. There he takes a horse, and goes across the prairies to Broncho Junction—a three days’ journey. I told him he wouldn’t do much business on that route, but he said he was going partly for his health, and partly to see the country. He expected to reach Broncho Thursday night.” The dry goods merchant laughed as one who suddenly remembers a pleasant circumstance. “You’re an Englishman, I take it.”

Strong nodded. “Well, I must say you folks have queer notions about this country. Danby. who was going for a three days’ journey across the plains, bought himself two Colt revolvers and a knife half as long as my arm. Now, I’ve traveled all over this State and never carried a gun, but I couldn’t get Danby to believe his route was as safe as a church. Of course, now and then in Texas a cowboy shoots off his gun, but it’s more often his mouth, and I don’t believe there’s more killing done in Texas than in any other bit of laud the same size. But you can’t get an Englishman to believe that. You folks are an awful law-abiding crowd. For my part I would sooner stand my chance with a revolver than a lawsuit any day.” Then the good-natured Texan told the story of the pistol in Texas; of the general lack of demand for it, but the great necessity of having it handy when it was called for.

A man with murder in his heart should not hold a conversation like this, but William Strong was too full of one idea to think of prudence. Such a talk sets the hounds of justice on the right trail, with unpleasant results for the criminal. On Thursday morning Strong set out on horseback from Broncho Junction with his face towards Felixopolis. By noon he said to himself he ought to meet his former partner with nothing but the horizon around them. Beside the revolvers in his belt, Strong had a Winchester rifle in front of him. He did not know but he might have to shoot at long range, and it was always well to prepare for eventualities. Twelve o’clock came, but he met no one, and there was nothing in sight around the empty circle of the horizon. It was nearly two before he saw a moving dot ahead of him. Dauby was evidently unused to riding and had come leisurely. Some time before they met, Strong recognized his former partner and he got his rifle ready. “Throw up your hands!” he shouted, bringing the rifle butt to his shoulder. Danby instantly raised his hands above his head. “I have no money on me," he cried, evidently not . recognizing his opponent. ‘ “You may search me if you like.” “Get down off your horse; don’t lower your bauds, or I fire.” Danby got down as well as he could with his bauds above his head. Strong had thrown his right leg over to the left side of the horse, and, as his enemy got down he also slid to the ground, keeping Danby covered with the rifle. “I assure you I have only a few dollars witli me, which you are quite welcome to,” said Dauby. Strong did not answer. Seeing that the shooting was to be at short range, he ir>ok n six-shooter from his belt, and, cocking it, covered his man, throwing the rifle on the grass. He walked up to his enemy, placed the muzzle of the revolver against his rapidly beating heart, and leisurely disarmed him, throwing Danby’s weapons on the ground out of reach. Then he stood back a few paces and looked at the trembling man. Ilis face seemed to have alreudy taken on the hue of death, aud his lips were bloodless.

“I see you recognize me at last, Mr. Danby. This is an unexpected meeting, is it not? You realize, I hope, that there are no judges, juries, nor lawyers, no mandamuses and no appeals. Nothing but a writ of ejectmeut from the barrel of a pis tol and no legal way of staying the proceedings. In other words, no cursed quibbles and no infernal law.” Danby, after moistening his pallid lips, found his voice. “Do you mean to give me a chance or are you going to murder me?” “I am going to murder you.” DaDby dosed his eyes, let liis bands drop to his sides, and swayed gently from side to side as a man does on the scaffold just before the bolt is drawn. Strong lowered his revolver aud fired, shattering one knee of the doomed man. Dauby dropped with a cry that was drowned by the second report. The second bullet put out liis left eye, and the murdered man lay with his mutilated face turned up to the sky. A revolver report on the prairies is short, sharp and echoless. The silence that followed seemed intense and boundless, as if no where, on eaitli there was such a thing as sound. The man on his back gave an awesome touch of the eternal to the stillness.

Strong, now that it was all over, began to realize 'his position. Texas, perhaps, paid too little heed to life lost in fair fight, but she bad an uncomfortable habit of putting a rope around the neck of a cowardly murderer. Strong was an inventor by nature. He proceeded to invent his justification. He look one of Dauby’s revolvers and fired two shots out of it into the empty air. This would show that the dead man had defended himself at least, and it would be difficult to prove that be had not been the first to fire. He placed the other pistol and knife in their places in Danby’s belt. He took Danby’s right hand while it was still warm and closed the fingers around the butt of the revolver from which be bad fired, placing the forefinger ou the trigger of the eocked six-shooter. To give effect and naturalness to the tableau he was arranging, for the next traveler by that trail, he drew up the right knee and put the revolver and closed hand on it as if Danby, had been killed while just about to fire bi 3 third shot. Strong, with the pride of a true artist in his work, stepped back a pace or two for the purpose of seeing the effect ofhis work as a whole. As Danby fell, the: back of his head had struck a lump of soil or a tuft of grass, which threw the chin forward on the breast. As Strong looked at his victim his heart jumped, and a sort of hypnotic fear took possession of him and paralyzed action at its spurce. Danby was not yet dead. His right eye was open and it glared at Strong with a malice and hatred that mesmerized the murderer aud held him there, although he felt rather than knew be was covered by the cocked revolver he had placed iu what he thought was

a dead band. Danby’s lip* moved, but no •ound came from them. Strong could Dot take his fascinated gaze from the open eye. He knew be was a dead man it Danby had strength to crook his finger, yet be could not take the leap that would bring him out of range. The fifth pistol shot rang out and Strong pitched forward on his face. The firm of Danby & Strong was dissolved.—Black and White.

Electrical Window Signs.

The manufacturer of electrical window signs is doing an active business. He has established the fact that if an object in a store window can be kept in motion long enough some one will be sure to stop to look at it. An uptown window sign electrician adopts his own apparatus for pushing his business. In his window he has a central disk, from which three arms radiate. At the end of each arm is a signboard containing a legend commending the advantages of window sign advertising; for instance, one board sets forth: “ If your sign moves and attracts attention your goods will.” These boards are so hung as to maintain a perpendicular position as they revolve with their face always to the street. The motive power comes from a cell battery seen in the window. Another novel device which never fails to attract a ciowd isthe idea of a venderof electric pianos. Over the sidewalk is fixed a large circular case containing a number of white, flexible, sinuous arms, moving from a common center. These are connected with the keyboard and follow the motion of the keys on a piano inside the store. When a lively tune is being played the bewildering gyrations of the tumbling bars in the case seetfiC- to have a constant fascination for the passersby.

A Costly Fan.

“I can tell you a few things about fans, seeing that I have been in the business all my life,” said M. Ducollet, a Frenchman. “The finest in the world are made in Paris. Once in a great while my house lias an ordej for a very costly one. Last year the Marquis D’Uzes ordered one as a bridal present for his prospective daughter in law that cost him 5,000 francs. It isn’t often that such expensive ones are purchased, even by the wealthy. This one was exquisite, of real lace, hand painted, with diamond monogram. The average rich woman in Paris, however, hardly ever pays over $25 for a fan intended for personal use, and I find that about the same limit prevails in this country. If it were not for the heavy duty of 40 per cent., imposed by this Government, we would sell a great many more fans in America.”

A Gospel Trolley Car.

A gospel trolley car will soon be making nightly rounds of New York ahd Brooklyn suburbs. The car made its first trip a few nights ago, loaded with a melodeon and speakers and singers, connected with the Passaic Street Mission, in Passaic, N. J., made a round trip on the New Jersey Electric Hail way, going by way of Paterson to Singad and back. Wherever they saw a group of people on the sidewalks or rural roadsides the car was stopped, and the evangelists sang hymns and exhorted the bystanders to seek salvation. The idea is a novel one, and while it is difficult to see how it could be carried out without interfering with the regular traffic of the line, it is possible that some persons might be impelled to better living who could not otherwise be reached.—Philadelphia Record.

Pneumatic Tires Not New.

Most people imagine that pneumatic tires are novelties of recent invention, and yet they were actually used on English roads nearly fifty years ago. We read that “at the Bath and West of England agricultural show, held at Guilford, a couple of carriage wheels were shown, fitted with pneumatic tires. These were made by May & Jacobs, for tlie Duke of Northumberland, forty-seven years ago, but the carriage, proving too heavy for the horse, they were disused. The tires were constructed on almost entirely the same principle as those in use on cycles to-day, an inner air chamber, with stronger outer cover. When punctured they were repaired by the same means as now adopted.

Freaks in Teeth.

Nevada City, Cal., has a negro bootblack who has four perfect rows of teeth, three in the upper jaw and one in the lower. W. A. Watt, a grain dealer of Hemying, Idaho, has but four teeth, two in the upper and two in the lower jaw. He is only 28 years of age, and these are the first and only teeth he ever had. Each tooth partakes of the nature of a tusk, being round and conical, and almost twice the length of ordinary teeth. A citizen of San Francisco has no teeth in the upper jaw, nor never had, although the lower jaw is provided with two perfect sets. The Bailiffe family ; formerly of Fairfield, Ohio, was composed of 9 boys and 6 girls, all of whom had double or molar teeth in front as well as in the back of the jaw.

Morning Dew.

A good deal of the de\y which we see in the morning coveting the leaves of grasses and other plants comes from the interior of the vegetables themselves. The extremely fine dew, as a rule, is atmospheric, but the larger drops, which we find on the margins of leaves, are in general exudations from the plant tissues.

Plainly Viaible.

A scientific authority states that by covering a bullet with vaseline its flight may be easily followed with the eye from the time it leaves the rifle until it strikes the target. The course of the bullet is marked by a ring of smoke, caused by the vaseline being ignited on leaving the muzzle of the gun. f

A BLOODLESS DUEL.

THE ONE BETWEEN RANDOLPH AND CLAY. After Emptying Their Revolvers the Hew the Great Virginian Made a Friend. The sanguinary encounter between Jackson and Dickinson finds a curious contrast in the picturesque meeting of Henry Clay and John Randolph, of Roanoke. Clay and Randolph were easily the leading orators of the land. Clay surpassed in beauty of tone, grace of person and a charm of magnetic manner, likened by some who knew both, to that gift of making and rivetting friends possessed by Blaine in our day. Randolph, on the other hand, had a repellent manner—a kind of lashing attitude, as if Congress were a plantation gang of refractory slaves and he their overseer. His voice too, was very shrill and piercing, a cross of squeak and shriek . But in bitterness of wit, in subtle ingenuity of insult, in the Hebrew prophet rapture of rhetorical invective, in fertility of intellectual resources, the result of a sholarship wider than most men then acquired, he was far above his rival. The cause of this duel, like the majority of those fought at that period, wa9 political. Randolph was a kind of Southern mugwump—a man self centered and liable to vote on any side of q question. He was nominally of the same party as Clay, a Whig, but he rarely missed a chance to air his superb contempt for party ties. “Hamilton, I have made up my mind to receive Clay’s fire without returning it. Nothing shall induce me to harm a hair of his head. I cannot make his wife a widow and his children orphans.” Hamilton naturally expostulated with his principal for such a decision, and went away to communicate it, as in duty bound, to the other second, Colonel Tatnall. The latter said, emphatically: ‘‘Mr. Randolph, if you persist in your absurd purpose, you must choose some other second. I’ll be double-damned, sir, if I go out with any man who is bent on committing suicide.” • “Well, Tatnall,” said Randolph, coaxingly, as the colonel rose to go, “I promise you one thing. If I see the devil in Clay’s eye and feel that he means to take my life I may change my mind.” When the duelists arrived that afternoon on the ground the sun was just setting behind the blue hills of Randolph’s native State, the river was murmuring its placid song and all the pleasant noises of a rural evening were beginning. Glancing at his tali opponent, for Clay, like Jackson, was a man unusually slender and lofty in figure, Randolph remarked to Hamilton: , “Clay is calm, but not vindictive. I hold to my purpose in any event.’ Randolph, always very eccentric in his personal attire, had been driven in his chariot to this meeting in a long dressing gown. What a queer figure he must have cut as he stood with the last rays of the setting sun lighting up his flowered and embroidered robe! Just before the word was given, his pistol, which he held muzzle downward, went off. Whereupon General Jesup, Clay’s chief second, angrily shouted: “If that occurs again I will take my principal away from the field.” “Nay, nay,” said Clay, bowing courteously, “I am sure it was an accident.” Randolph bowed in return. The pistol was reloaded. The word was again given. Clay’s bullet whistled through one of the folds of Randolph’s dressing gown. Randolph quietly raised his pistol, looked Clay in the face for a moment and then fired it above his hoad. Clay, greatly affected, with swimming eyes and a trembling voice, rushed forward and, seizing Randolph in his arms, exclaimed : “I trust in God, my dear sir, that you are untouched. After what has happened, I would not harm you for a thousand worlds.” Randolph returned the embrace, and thus the belligerents parted,Clay remounting his horse and galloping back to Washington. The whole country was overjoyed at the escape of both of these men from any fatal effects, for Clay was in the high noOn of that glorious popularity which, even though he lost the Presidency, can never be said to have reached a sunset, while Randolph, though not loved, was immensely admired as an intellectual giant and a man of rare personal character. He died seven years later; ahd just before this event, as he was driving through Washington on liis way to Philadelphia, in a chariot drawn by four blooded horses, each of a different color, he partly rose from the pillows that propped him and directed his course to be diverted to the Senate.

There his servant laid the sick man on a sofa, and presently it so happened that Clay began to speak. As the sound of his old opponent’s oratory roused the feeble, failing senses of Randolph, he cried : “Raise me up! Quick, raise me up! I wish to hear that matchless voice ofice more.’’ This period in American history is noted for many singular duels and attempts at dueling. In New Orleans Pauline Prue and Hippolyte l’hrouet fought at “The Oaks,” placed back to back at five paces, with agreement to turn and fire on the word. Both were killed. In 1823 Colonel Graves challenged Captain Lacy, of Virginia, to draw lots as to which should make a choice of two cups, one containing water and the other poison. Captain Lacy refused. In 1880 Lanusse and Marigny met at Xew Orleans, and after firing the charges of two pistols, attacked each other with their swords. Both were severely wounded, and Marigny died while being carried from the field. A still more savage duel occurred in the same year near Philadelphia, between two doctors, Jeffries and Smith. They were placed at eight >aces. The first fire was a mutual niss. At the second Smith was wounded a the arm. Then they advanced two laces, and at the third fire Jeffries •calved a bullot in the thierh. They

again advanced and at the fourth fire both fell. When Jeffries was informed that Smith was dead, he said quietly: “Then lam willing to die, too,” and almost immediately followed. In 1885 the legislative assembly of Mississippi enacted the singular law for the discouragement of the duello, that in event of fatal result to one the survivor should pay all the debts of the victim. For public opinion he had the unconcealed disdain of an oriental potentate; for the opinion of John Randolph a profound respect. That he made a bow to himself every time he happened to glance at a looking glass, as one satirist remarks, is by no means improbable— at least, is quite possible. He plunged into debate at every opportunity. As the strong man delights to exercise his thews and sinews, the man of rare mental powers is nearly always tempted to exhibit them—to be an intellectual gladiator. He had shaken and snapped the whiplash of his tongue over Clay’s back years before, when Clay was championing the war of 1812, to which Randolph was opposed. But when the election of 1824 was thrown into the House of Representatives and Henry Clay, fearing the preponderance of the soldier over the civilian in our national scheme of government, threw all his influence into the scale against General Andrew Jackson and in favor of Adams, the rage of Randolph broke all bounds. When the great Virginian fulminated his dreadful billingsgate through the august Senate men who loved Harry Clay shivered. They knew he would send a challenge, and he was an indifferent marksman, while Randolph was accounted one of the best, if not the very best, in Virginia. Tho night before the duel General Hamilton called on Randolph and found him in & calm mood, quite disposed to be communicative and somewhat senti-mental-remorseful, perhaps, for his conduct toward Clay. After awhile Randolph said:

Mixed Relationship in lllinois.

A lady friend of the St. Louis Republic, residing in Colorado, writes to that paper as follows . A Miss Somebody, whose name the writer has forgotten, was born deaf and dumb. On reaching womanhood, her affliction notwithstanding, she married a man by the name of Harris. who lived near Nebo, 111. Soon after this event her father died, and later on her mother married a widower named Ewing. Mr. Ewing had a son by his first marriage, who,quite naturally, thus became the stepbrother of the deaf and dumb Mrs. Harris. In the course of events Harris died, and his widow married young Ewing, and to them was born a daughter, a beautiful girl, whom they named Alice. Within a few years the deaf and dumb Mrs. Ewing’s mother, the elder Mrs. Ewing, died, and so, too, did young Ewing. In other words, the younger Mrs. Ewing’s mother and husband both died, they being the elder Ewing’s wife and son. To console each other, and, probably, in order to keep the marrying business in the family, old Mr. Ewing and the young Mrs. Ewing were joined in the holy bonds of matrimony, this being the third time that the silent bride had been led to the altar. The fruit of this last marriage was a daughter, Esther by name. Alice Harris was still living at that time, and probably is to-day, and it is between her and Esther Ewing that this complicated relationship exists. By careful thought you will see that Alice and Esther are half-sisters. Esther’s father is Alice’s grandfather, and is also her (Esther’s) half-brother. Quite complicated, isn’t it, to say nothing about the stepfathers, stepbrothers, half-brothers, half-sisters and stepsisters which this odd series of tangled matrimonial alliances brought about?

Wealth's Dizzy Heights.

By a calculation made a short time ago by an American statistician, it seems that seventy citizens of the United States possessed among them an aggregate wealth of £540,600,000. That gives an average of £7.500.000 for each person. To come to particulars : There was one estate—we refrain from mentioning names—returned as worth no less than £BO,000,000. There were five individuals valued at £20,000,000, one valued at £14,000,000, two valued at £12,000,000, six valued at £10,000,000, six valued at £8,000,000, four valued at £7,000,000, thirteen valued at £6,000,000, ten valued at £5,000,000, four valued at £4,500,000, and fifteen valued at £4,000,000. The brain reels before such figures. They express measures of wealth which the ordinary mortal is powerless to grasp. Beside these seventy colossal fortunes there are fifty other persons in the Northern States alone valued at over £2,000,000 each, thirty of them being valued in all at £90,000,000. There were some time ago published lists of sixty-three millionaires in Pennsylvania possessing in the aggregate £60,000,000, and of sixty persons in three villages near New York, whose wealth aggregated £100,000,000. In Boston fifty families pay taxes on annual incomes of about £200,000,000 each.

Odds and Ends.

Trance is the greatest wheat growing country in Europe, not excepting even Russia. The British "Isles comprises no fewer than 1,000 separate isles and islets. The flower trade of London is estimated to amount to $25,000 a day. A salmon weighing 371 pounds was caught recently near Bangor, Me. The Maine mackerel fleet lias had bad luck this year. Salem, Indiana, has an equal number of churches and saloons. Seventeen States and Territories comprise the National Irrigation Congress. Chicago’s manufactured products are valued at $600,000,000. St. Louis annually makes up and sells $225,000,000 of material. Nearly all collars used on workhorses in Belgium are made of iron.

THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Johnnie Knew A Kansas Man’s Yearning—Well Qualified —Why She Couldn’t Use Them, etc., etcJOHNNIE KNEW. The Teacher—Now, who can tell me which travels the faster—heat or cold ? Johnnie Bright (promptly)—Heat, of course. Anybody can catch cold. A KANSAS MAN’S TEABNING. Civilisation consists in putting on stiff collars and two layers of clothes in summer instead of a towel.—[Atchison Globe. WELL QUALIFIED. Farmer Jones —What hev yer lamed at yer college, son ? Son—Why, dad; I can throw the hammer further than anyone there. Farmer Jones—Thet’s good. I guess yer’ll hev no trouble in gittin’ er job in er blacksmith’s shop then. AN ENSTBANGEMENT Maude—How is your friend, Miss Flaunter, now. Ethel—She is no friend of mine. I’m not on speaking terms with her now: we only kiss when we meet. WHY SHE COULDN’T USE THEM. This is what was heard in a theatre the other night. They were in a private boz, and she was both pretty and well dressed. But she was in a bad temper because she could not see the stage. “Why,”said he, trying to mollify her, “did you not bring your opera glass ? ” “I did, but I can’t use it.” “Is it broken.” ‘ ‘No, but I forgot to put on my bracelets.”

NOT WABNED IN TIME. Teacher—ls you had told me the truth I shouldn’t have whipped you. Johnnie, (whimpering)—Why didn’t yer tell me that ’fore I told tlier lie. AN INQUIRY. “Where’s the bar.” said a dirty-looking stranger of a waiter at a hotel the other day. “What kind of a bar ?” asked the latter, “Wliy, a liquor bar, of course; what do you suppose I mean ?” “Well,” drawled the boy, “I didn’t know but you might mean a bar of soap.” TWO OF THEM. Tramp—Do you know what it is, sir, to be shunned by all; to not have the grasp of a single friendly hand? Stranger—ludeed, I do. I’m a life insurance agent. IN THE WRONG PEW. “I want to take out some life insurance,” he said. “Certainly,” exclaimed the active young man as lie hastily gathered an application. “What occupation, please?” “Baseball umpire.” “You’ll find the accident company just across the hall,” coldly came the active young man’s voice as he slowly laid his pen aside. A KIND HEART. Mrs. Kindle, (reading letter) —My goodness! Aunt Hetty, your great-aunt, you know, is coining on a visit, and may be here any moment. Daughter—Yes, ina. “You are younger than i am, dear. Hurry up to the attic and bring down that green pasteboard box lying among the old clothes and things in the corner.” “There are two green boxes there. Which do you want?” “Bring the one with those outlandish Christmas presents Aunt lletty sent us, and put them on tiie parlor table.”—New York Weekly. SHE LIKED HIM. Mrs. Gray—Strange that you should consult Dr. Jalap, when your husband is a physician. Mrs. Black —I find it more helpful to consult Dr. Jalap. Whdu I begin to tell him about my bad feelings he always asks me to hold out my tongue. But mv husband only tells me to hold it.”—Boston Transcript. REWARDED. “What a charitable woman Mrs. Gabberly is.” 1 ‘lsn’t she; why, when the Hinkley failure came on, she sent for Miss Hinkley and gave her all her summer and paid her fifty cents a day for it. iTwas nice of her, I think.” . “Very; she’ll get her reward some time.” “Yes; she’s had some reward already. She saved seventy-five cents a day on all the work Miss Hinkley did.”—Harper’s Bazar. A LAW-ABIDING GIRL. Mrs. Mcßride (entering the kitchen) — Bridget, didn’t I see that policeman kiss you? Bridget Well, mum, sure an’ yez wouldn’t hev me lay mesilf open to arrist for resistin’ au officer, mum.—Harper’s Bazar. A CONSIDERATE HOUSE-BREAKER. Husband—l’m sorry that burglar got your watch last night, my dear; but there’s one thing to be thankful for. Wife—What’s tiiat? Husband—He didn’t wake up the baby. —Tit-Bits. CRAZINESS. Tommy Paw, what makes people think the moon has anything to do with anybody being crazy? Mr. Figg—l don’t know. Probably the idea started in connection witii the honeymoon.—lndianapolis Journal. BY WAY OF ILLUSTRATION. Theodore^— Tell me, what is tho meaning of the expression, “pulling your leg?" Richard—l cau’t tell you in so many words; but I will illustrate. You haven’t $lO about you that you can let me have for a week or two? Thanks.—Boston Transcript. A QUESTION OF PEDIGREE. “Now who is that?” asked a diguified lien; “That chicken'in white and gray? She’s very well dressed, but from whence did she come? And her family, who are they? “She never can move in our set, my dear,’ Said the old hen’s friend to her, later; “I’ve just found out—you’ll be shocked to bear— She was hatched in an incubator!”

An Old Prescription.

- The oldest prescription in existence has been found. It was given as a wash for promoting the growth of the hair of the mother of King Chate, second king of the first dynasty, who reigned about 4,000 B. C. This is the translation : “Pad of a dog’s foot, 1; fruit of a date palm, 1; ass’s hoof, 1. Boil together in oil in saucepan. Directions for use: Rub thorough)/ in.”

CURIOUS HORSE BLOCKS.

Relia of Desperadoes in a Small __ Missouri Town. "Not long ago a Washington Star writer had occasion to be in western Missouri. Just north of Kansas City, about twelve miles, is the littla town of Parkville. It is built up on the two sides of a valley which opens against the broad Missouri, and the hamlet might contain perhaps fifty houses. Among other matters, however, it shelters a seminary of considerable local fame, which teaches both boys and girls the higher branches of an education, but with which just now we have nothing to do. The main street of the village runs along the bottom of the valley at right angles with the Missouri river. On each side of the street are the various village stores, perhaps a dozen in all, and, as the town does considerable trade with the farmers round about, the stores are what might be termed “good sized.” To illustrate the slowness of the village of Parkville, and its calm acquiescence to a condition, once it be brought about, the following might be told: The Star writer was sitting in front of one of the stores, smoking a very bad cigar of local origin, and conversing with the merchant who had sold it. It was about 8 o’clock in the afternoon, and many of the country people were coming' into town- A country girl of the region came cantering up on a bareback horse and slid off on what, now that the Star man’s attention was called to it, he noticed was a unique sort of horse block. It was nothing more nor less than an old rusty safe of considerable size. It had apparently lain there for years, and when examined disclosed a suspicious looking hole on one side, clearly the work of explosives. At this point the attention of tho investigator from the East was called to two other safes, similarly exploded, and also lying on their sides in the street and doing duty as horse blocks. “How about these safes?” asked the Star man of the Parkville merchant. “What story goes with them ?”

“Nuthin’ much of a story,” remarked the Parkville merchant, helping himself to a thoughtful chew of tobacco. “Them safes have laid right thar where you all see 'em since ’73. They wuz dragged out there and busted by Quantrell and Jess and Frank James and the Younger brothers, along with the rest of Quantrell’s gang. They come chargin’ down the street one day in June and tuk the town in about a minut and a half, and then went fur them safes. Money wuz mighty poplar with Quantrell and the James boys, and they usually went arter all they heard of.” “How much did they get from the safes?” "I dunno how much they got from them on t’other side of the street,” said the Parkville man. “They hunted $3,800 out’n mine,” and hero he pointed sadly at the safe nearest to him ; the one on which the young rustic had just alighted. “Was that safe yonrs?” he asked. “Yes,” lie answered. "I kep’ store then right whar I Jo now. and jest as I do now.” “Why haven’t you removed the safes?” “What's the use?” observed the Parkville man. “They ain’t in nobody’s way, and they do fust-rate fur hoss-blocks. ’Nuther thing, we ain't got no carts nor tackle strong enough to move ’em, nohow; so we jest let ’em go as they lay, as they say in' faro.”

A Bank's Discretion on Checks.

The Delaware County National Bank of Media, Penn., was the defendant Monday in an action brought by M. J. Erisman to recover the amount of a four-hundred-dollar check. Aaron Tyson gave the check to Erisman with the understanding that lie was not to send it to the bank for collection until a certain date. The check came to the bank on the day designated. Tyson deposited $1,200 about the same hour. Three hours after notice of a draft for $l,lOO against Tyson was received, and was paid from the $1,200 to his credit in the bank. The check went to protest, and a few days afterward Tyson failed. Erisman then brought suit against the bank, on the ground that bis check should have had precedence over the draft. Judge Clayton, however, charged the jury that the bank authorities could use their own discretion in the day’s round of business as to what paper to honor when there was not sufficient money in the bank to the creditof the person against whom the papers were drawn to pay all. The verdict was for the bank.—Philadelphia Record.

Praising the King.

The King of Denmark, it is said, is a quiet and unostentatious man, and rather fond of traveling if his people would let him do it in peace, but they are so extravagantly fond of him that the marks of their appreciation become rather wearisome. One day not long ago, as he was on a journey, the train was blocked for a little while at a small station by an accident. A peasant who had heard that the King was on the train took the opportunity of seeing him, and walking down the platform stared at the cars until he came to a nice looking old gentleman looking out of a window. “Good morning,” said the gentleman. “Good morning,” said the peasant, “be you the King?” “Yes,” replied the, other. “Well, then,” rejoined the countryman, “I want to tell you something. You be the best King that we over had in Denmark. ’f The King lifted his hat in acknowledgment of the compliment, and said, “Thank you, but that is a matter of opinion, and I cannot judge it impartially.”

Novelty in a Department Store.

A large department store in New York not only sells about everything from the proverbial needle to the proverbial anchor, but has a sign on one side of the establishment which tell the public that there are “lodge rooms to rent.”