Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 29, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 July 1895 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE Joke* and Jokelet* that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Bora—Saying* and Doing* that Are Odd. Cnrion* and Laughable—The Week’* Hnmor. Let Ua All Laugh. How fishers differ as they wait And for a nibble beg; Some use an old tin can for bait And others use a keg. —Washington Star. He—l’ve a good mind to kiss you. She—You’d better mind what you’rs about.—Boston Transcript M ymble—What is the coming woman coming to? Slyler—Anything in the shape of a man.—Boston Courier. He —You say they were both wealthy, and married quietly? She—Yes, you see it was simply a love affair—New York Recorder. Mrs. Hushmore—You’ll have to settle up or leave. Summer Boarder—Thanks, awfully. The last place I was at they made be do both.—Life. “I conclude that’s a fly,” said a young trout. “You are right, my dear,” said its mother, “but never jump at conclusions.”—Household Words. “You will notice that I have -you on the string,” said the boy to the kite. “Yes,” answered the kite. “And that is what makes me soar.”—lndianapolis Journal. Nell —Why did you marry that driedup old millionaire? I wouldn’t have him with all his money. Belle—But he said he would die for me.—Philadelphia Record. Friend—ls you can’t live happily with your husband, why don’t you get a divorce from him? Unhappy Wife—lam afraid I couldn’t get anyone else.—Now York Weekly. The blossoms fill the fragrant dell, But not alone the shades they like; To urban patbs they come as well, For there are bloomers on the bike. —Washington Star. The Husband (seeing his wife off)— You must promise not to ask for money every time you write. The Wife—But that would necessitate my writing so much oftener.—Life. “Do you consider Lifter strictly honest?” “Honest to a fault. Why, he told me without my asking that he stole that dog he had with him last evening.” —Boston Transcript. He—How do you like Foppington, Miss Barrow? Miss Barrow —Not at all. He can’t pronounce his r’S, and I do detest being addressed as Miss BowWow.—Pearson’s Weekly. Mr. Asker—They tell me that the bookkeeper of your Arm is behind in his accounts; is that so? Mr. Tasker—Far from It; he came out ahead. It’s the company that’s behind.—Pearson’s Weekly.

Clerk—Yes, sir! That’s one of_tl)s best clocks we have in the store. It goes eight days without winding. Hayseed—ls thet so? How long do you figure she’ll go when you do wind her? —Harper’s Bazar. Lady—lt is strange that a strong man like you cannot get work. The Tramp —Well, you see, mum, people wants reference from me last employer, an’ he’s been dead twenty years—Philadelphia Telegraph. Leading lady (at the tragedy theater) —I don’t like the new lover a bit; he is such an ugly brute; and his playing! So clumsy and awkward! Second lady— Yes, and he is married into the bargain. —lllustrite Zeitung. “Liz,” said Miss Kiljordan’s youngest brother, “do you say ‘woods Is’ or ‘woods are?’ ” “Woods are, of course,” she replied. “Why?” “’Causa Mr. Woods are down in the parlor waitin’ to see you.”—Chicago Tribune. Maud—Were you overcome by the heat, Mabel? Mabel—No, dear; I was prostrated because I couldn’t think of a new combination in soda flavors; It surely couldn’t have been the seven glasses I had taken.—New York World. Dick’s a big man in the nation— Doin’ lots an’ lots o’ blowin'; Jerry’s plowin’ the plantation— Makes enough to keep Dick goin’l —Atlanta Constitution.

Farren—How much wealth do you think a man ought to accumulate before he can safely ask a girl to marry him? Kqoler (Inspecting him)—lt depends on the man. You will probably have to accumulate a million.—Chicago Tribune. Blobbs—l hope we have clear weather for our trip. “ Slobbs—Oh, we wilL Blobbs—Howtd6-you know? Been reading the weather predictions? Slobbs— No; but I hate just bought a new umbrella and mackintosh.—Philadelphia Record. - U >? ’ - ' ale—'That’s just like a woman. She can’t view any question impartially. All on one aide, just as she is on horseback. She—Yes, Johp, and haven’t you been on every public question the same way you ride horseback?—Boston Transcript Theodore—Tell me, now, what is the meaning of the expression, “pulling your leg?” Richard—l can’t tell you in so many words; but I will illustrate. You haven’t $lO about you that you can let me have for a week or two? Thanks. —Boston Transcript “Did your boy do well In college, Mr. Wilkes?” “Very. He led his class-da Latin and Greek.” “Good. His vacation will be a pleasant one with the consciousness of having done so well.” “Well, no; he has to study all summer. He was flunked on his English.”—Harper’s Bazar.