Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 29, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 July 1895 — Page 6

MEMOIRS OF BARRAS.

NOW TO feE PUBLISHED AFTER FIFTY-FIVE YEARS. Written by Napoleon’s Bitterest Enemy, s Singular Irony of Fate Places tke Work of Editing in the Hands es an Uncompromising Admirer. Hia Star Not Obscured. The French Government Intends to •War” the Napoleonic revival at the exposition in Paris in 1900 so thoroughly that it has even intimated that it

JOSEPHINE.

will remove the beautiful statue of the Empress Josephine from its pedestal at Fort de France, on the Island of Martinique, for exhibition in one of the halls of the exposition. This announcement has provoked a loud cry of protest from the inhabitants of the little Island, for the statue of Josephine, called the “Marvel of Fort de France,” Is said to be one of the most beautiful

NAPOLEON AND JOSEPHINE IN THE GARDEN AT MALMAISON.

In the world, and the islanders naturally object to its transportation, which they declare would be an act of “unconscionable vandalism.” The people of Martinique cherish the memory of Josephine with all the fervor of the tropical creole temperament, for the Empress was born there and at different periods of her life kept up a modest establishment in Fort de France.

It is interesting that at just this time, when the Napoleon cult is growing apace daily both In and out of France, that the long expected and eagerly awaited “Memoirs of Barras” should at last make their appearance, or, at least, that the first two volumes of the work—there are to be four in allshould be given to the public. It Is a singular book and it Is probable that no modern manuscript has passed through more complicated vicissitudes. Paul Barras, a former member of the directorate, died in 1829 and bequeathed the manuscript of the memoirs to one M. Rousselin de Saint-Albln. By reason of the nature of the subject matter of the memoirs M. de Saint-Albin

considered it prudent for political reasons to delay their publication. M. Eousselin de Saint-Albin died in 1847 and the portfolio became the property of his eldest son, M. Hortensius de Saint-Albin. The latter died in 1877 and the “Memoirs of Barras" passed into the possession of his brother, M. Philippe de Saint-Albin, who died four years later and who bequeathed them to his sister, Mme. Achllle Jublnal. Mme. Jubinal followed her brother to the grave after a few years’ interval, and the memoirs were turned over to the present editor, M. George Duruy. who had become connected by marriage with the Saint-Albin family. Thus by a singular Irony of fate these memoirs, which were written by Barras in a spirit of the bitterest hatred of Napoleon, after fifty-five years find as their editor an uncompromising partisan and ardent admirer of Napoleon, for such M. George Duruy proclaims himself to be. He not only decides to publish them, but to publish them just

NAPOLEON.

as Barras wrote them, thereby resisting the temptation to them and to shield the memory of Napoleon and of Josephine from many of the wanton - slanders and vicious insults with which the bad Barras maliciously attempto to defame them. lie HUPbik the conclusion that the KmpaPr’s memory will not suffer from this vidpus attack on his character. He believes that no cloud of calumny from this or other pmrtors WITf "Mr aWe to obscurs tbs iSM' Vi L

radiance of Napoleon's star, and with this thought in mind he Invokes the Words of the Emperor hinjfelf on the subject: "Calumny has exhausted all Ha venem against my person. It can no longer affect the. It is no longer anything too re in my eyes than the poison of Mithrida,tes. lam fated to be the,food t>f pamphleteers, but I have no fears of falßn* a vletim to them. They will bite granite. My memory is entirely composed of facts which mere words cannot obliterate. If the great Frederick, or any other man of his mold, were to set to writing against me it would be a different matter—it would then perhaps be time for me to be moved; but as to all others, however much they may Inject Into their work, they will never be doing aught but firing blank cartridge. Falsehood passes, truth remains. What has, after all, been the result of the Immense sums spent In libeling me? Soon there will be no traces of them, whereas my monuments and institutions will commend me to the most remote posterity. In spite of every libel'l entertain no fears for my fame. Posterity will render Justice unto me. The truth will be known and the good I have accomplished will be set against the mistakes I have committed. I am not concerned as to the result” It Is thus that the man who “mixed the eagles of France with the eagles of the crags” routs and sends flying in all directions that army of slanderers and vlllflers of whom, the editor would have us believe, his author, Barras, was the general In chief; and so far time seems amply to have justified Napoleon’s prophecy. For the Emperor, It Is evident, could not well have had a more able or enthusiastic defender against the attack of his arch-enemy Barras than that enemy’s own editor— Duruy. In Bcourging his author the editor almost out-Barras’ Barras. At any rate, the honors may be said to be easy. It Is a singular spectacle—that of the editor arrayed against Barras

as Barras arrayed himself against Napoleon, and It speaks volumes for the renaissance of the Napoleon cult.

CAP FOR FLUE-OPENING.

Fill* the Fine and the Proverbial Long-Felt Want as Well. Here ia a very ingenious and useful arrangement, which was recently patented by a Mr. Gustafson, of Nebraska, It Is a cover for the pipe opening of a flue, and is designed to fit so neatly and closely that it will always be In place and prevent gases, smoke, soot or fire coming into the room. The cover Is dish-shaped, and has an angular flat flange,..which rests against the wall, so that the cover closes the pipe opening, and in the center of the cover turns a screw-rod, with a knob on its outer end. On the Inner end of this rod is a nut in a disk, which touches the Inner surface of an expansion cone of sheet Iron. The sides of the cone overlap each other, so that the cone may be readily expanded or contracted by turning the knob on the outer end of the rod.

When, therefore, the cover is adjusted in the pipe opening, a turn or two of the rod fixes it tight in place, where it will remain until it is desired to take it

COVER FOR THE FLUE-OPENING.

out This device seems to be a great improvement over the old-style contrivances that have been used for a similar purpose. It is illustrated and described in the Scientific American.

Would the Emperor Resign?

An exchange tells a story which may be taken as a fresh manifestation of a certain well-known Scotch characteristic: Upon his accession to the throne, the Emperor of Russia was appointed col-onel-in-chief of the Royal Scots Greys. While dressing for dinner an enthusiastic subaltern communicated the information to his soldier-servant. “Donald,” he said, “have you heard that the new Emperor of Russia has been appointed colonel of the regiment?” “Indeed, sir!” replied Donald. “It Is a very prood thing." Then, after a pause, he inquired: “Beg pardon, sir, but will he be able to keep both places?”

Prohibits Tan Shoes.

Commodore Sicard, In command at Brooklyn navy yard, who has been annoyed by the dress of some of the younger officers, has posted the following order: . “The wearing of articles of dress not in accordance with the uniform regulations, especially tan-colored shoes and highly colored neckties, is strictly prohibited.” A New Kind of Waterproof Cloth. A new kind of cloth is being made in Lyons from the down of ducks, hens and geese. Seven hundred and fifty grains q>f feathers make rather more th&a a squareyarcL of light and very warm waterproof cloth. If debts could be paid with thanks, some people wouldn’t pay them. Some men fancy they can get out of I the world by retiring Into themselves.

FATHER OF BASE-BALL.

Ha Is Still Li vina: In New Haven, and la an Octogenarian. No sport js dearer to the heart of the true-born American than base-ball. It la distinctively our national game, and

It Is destined to remain so as long as Old Glory waves. All lovers of the favorite pastime will b e interested to know that there Is still living In New Haven, Conn., the father of base-ball. Dr. Dan!. L. Adams.

DR. ADAMS.

He is now an octogenariah. but is remarkably active for his advanced years, and can enjoy a good game to-day as well as he could In the old ays. The doctor was one of the first men to join an organized base-ball club, and quickly took the lead In all matters connected with the growth and character of the sport Speaking of the early days of the game, Dr. Adams says: “In September, 1845, some New York young men formed the Knickerbocker Base-ball Club. They went Into It Just for exercise and enjoyment, and I think they used to get a good deal more solid fun out of It than the players in the big games do nowadays. About a month after the organization of this club several of us medical fellows joined it. The following year I was made President, and served as long as I was willing to retain the office. Twice a week we went over to the ‘Elysiau Fields’ for practice. People began to take an interest in the game presently, and sometimes we had as many as one hundred spectators watching the practice. The rules at that time were very crude. The pitching was all underhand, and the catcher usually stood back and caught the ball on the bound. “There was then no rivalry, as no other club was formed until 1850, and during these five years base-ball had a desperate struggle to exist As captain, I had to employ all my rhetoric to induce attendance, and often thought it useless to continue the effort, but my love for the game, and the happy hours spent at the ‘Elysiau Fields’ led me to persevere.”

GEN. P. W. HARDIN.

Nominated by Kentucky Democrats for Governor of the State. The nomination of Gen. P. W. Hardin for Governor of Kentucky by the Democratic State convention at Louisville was the result of a canvass of extraordinary excitement and is likely to be followed by a campaign of unexampled activity. Hardin is the best handshaker in the State and one of its best orators. As an electloueerer he excels even Senator Joe Blackburn, another Kentuckian whom everybody calls by his first name. Mr. Hardin is a rich man and will not be hampered by a lack of money. As to the management of the campaign lift one can give him any points in the game. Hardin has been Attorney General of the State for twelve years. He be-

GEN. HARDIN.

longs to the famous Kentucky family which has been prominent ever since the State has had a history. Ben Hardin, whom John Randolph called “Old Butcher Knife” when In Congress, was his uncle. Hardin Is a stalwart sixfooter, dark skinned, handsome and of manly and Imposing bearing. He does not possess any high reputation for learning and ability, but he is a good politician. He Is 54 years old and Is a native of Adair County. He was admitted to the bar In 18G5 and for thirty years has been an active and successful practitioner.

AN ELASTIC NUT.

It Takes the Place of the So-Called Jam-Nut, or Lock-Nut. This Ingenious device is designed to do away with the necessity of putting two nuts on a bolt that Is to be kept tightly in place. The old plan was to put on one nut, and then another to keep the first one from unscrewing, the second nut being called the jamnut, or lock-nut. The elastic nut, however, locks itself. It is made from spring steel, being cut

LOCKS ITSELF.

from a bar and then bent Into a ring, the ends joining in a dovetail split. The ring Is then pressed into hexagon shape and tapped a trifle smaller than Its bolt, so that, when it is wrenched on, the split opens slightly, making a Qrm-and constant-hold on the bolt.

Caught Galvin's Only Hit.

Umpire Galvin’s decisions in the recent Chieago-Plttsburg series of ball games have eaiised a great deal of talk among the “fans” and’ihtidentally has brought out a gi*eat md£y stories about the' genial Jamfe. One of. these relates to JariHejs when he was at the zedlth 6f his fame as a pitcher. All season Galvin had been twirling In rare .bis batting 1 , never strong, had been particularly weak. The others used to say that wbeh Jimmy saw a hot one coming across the plate he WOTW shut Ms eyes qqd. “swipe” qt It The season was drawing to an end aad

Galvin had made scarcely a hit. It was a critical point In the game, with two out and the bases full, when Galvin walked to the plate. Every one expected him to shut bis eyes and fan the air. He may have closed his eyes when a swift ono came toward him, but he didn’t fan the air—he caught the ball with the end of big bat and sent a skyscraper far Into center. It was a beautiful hit and gave the fielder a race to the limits, where, as the ball came down, he reached out and gathered It In—a phenomenal running one-hand catch. Galvin had reached second when he saw the fielder gather in his solitary long hit of the season. He kept on running, straight into the cen-ter-fielder’s garden and directly for that individual, breathing fire. The player who had gathered in Galvin's only hit saw him coming, recognized his danger and scaled the fence for a safety. Jimmy Galvin never forgave him for catching what was apparently a home run.

CORBETT’S HANDSOME WIFE.

Was Once a Reigning Beauty in San Francisco’s Bohemia. Mrs. James J. Corbett, wife of the champion pugilist, whom she sued for a divorce, was one# the beauty of Santa Cruz, her nearest rival in that regard being her sister Georgia. Georgia and Ollie Lake remained iu that city until they exhausted all its possibilities of conquest. Tbeu they went to San Francisco. The beauty of the sisters created no less a sensation In San Francisco than

MES. CORBETT.

It had In Santa Cruz. Among their admirers were actors, artists, writers and men about town. They were the favorites of the Bohemian world, and their rooms were filled with a gay throng every night in the week. One evening Billy Brady brought thither as a guest Julian Mitchell, the juvenile actor of Hoyt’s “Bunch of Keys” company. Mitchell repaid Brady’s kindness by falling in love with the latter’s sweetheart and winning her. Georgia became Mrs. Julian Mitchell. A bank clerk, who added SIOO a month to his income by teaching boxing at the Olympic Chib, was often among the crowd that' thronged the home of the bachelor girls. His name was James J. Corbett. Ollie cast aside a dozen men with large bank rolls and married him.

Granger Shot at the Eyes.

One of these willing story-tellers told an interesting account of a queer adventure which happened to Detectives McCormick and Granger, who were attached to the Central Station at thp time the notorious Bill Allen, the negro murderer, escaped. The detective received word that Bill Allen was hiding in a West Side barn. Both of them started for the place, and when they arrived there they were told the murderer could be found in the hayloft. Granger, who was a single man, volunteered to go up first. “You- stay down here,” he said to MoOormick, “because you have a family and I have not.” He made his way to the hayloft, and In the dark he caught a sight of two eyes, which he supposed were the murderer’s. “Bill Allen,” he yelled, “I don’t want to take any chances with you; If you don’t give yourself up I will shoot, and shoot to kill.” The eyes stared at Granger for a second, then suddenly he saw them move, and then they leaped to another comer. But Bill Allen did not open his mouth. There was the same stare and the gleaming eye, but not a sound. The detective knew the negro was-a desperate man. He again asked for a surrender, and receiving no reply fired. To his surprise the eyes disappeared, but there was no cry of pain. He made his way slowly to the place where he had seen the eyes and then lit a match. Imagine his surprise when instead of the murderer he found a cat in the last throes of death. He had hit the animal square between the eyes. His partner, McCormick, came up just at Granger pulled the cat out of the haystack. Granger bought the drinks that day. —Chicago Tribune.

The Worth of His Words.

There was one occasion when Mr. Forrest received from one of the supernumeraries of a theater an answer which seemed to satisfy him. It was the man’s duty to say simply, “The enemy is upon us,” which he uttered at rehearsal in a poor, whining way. “Can’t you say it better than that?” shouted Forrest. “Repeat It as I do,” and he gave the words with all the force and richness of his 1 magnificent voice. “If I could the man, “I wouldn’t be working for fifteen shillings a week.” “Is that all you get?” “Yes.” “Well, then, say It as you please.”

His Conscience Clear.

The Comptroller of the Treasury Is an autocrat whose decision overrides even that of the chief magistrate of the nation. Some years ago, the then Incumbent of the office refused to sign a warrant for money which General Grant thought It proper to expend. “That Is right," the President said; “I admire your firmness. Where your conscience is concerned, never permit yourself to be coerced. You may consider yourself clear In this affair, for I shall appoint a new comptroller tomorrow.”

The flowers are streaming In the dew, And ice cream now abounds; While “Is It hot enough for you?” Goes on its annual rounds. —Atlanta Constitution. - *

HOW VINCENNES WAS WON.

CUrk_ and Hi* Backwoodsmen finr* prise the Garrison. In St Jftpholaa Hon. Theodore Roosevelt writes of “George Rogers Clark and the Conquest of the Northwest” He gives the following account of the capture of Vincennes: Accordingly he gathered together the pick of his men, together with a few Creoles, one hundred and seventy all told, and set out for Vincennes. At first the Journey was easy enough, for they passed across the snowy Illinois prairies, broken by great reaches of lofty woods. They killed elk, buffalo, ind deer for food, there being no difficulty in getting all they wanted to eat; and at night they built huge fires by which to sleep, and feasted like Indian war-dancers, as Clark said In his report. But when, in the middle of February, they reached the drowned lands of the Wabash, they found the ice had just broken up and everything was flooded. The difficulties seemed almost insuperable, and so their march became painful and laborious to a degree. All day long the troops waded in the icy water, and at night they could with difficulty find some little hillock on which to sleep. Only Clark’s indomitable courage and cheerfulness kept the party in heart and .enabled ttypm to persevere. However, persevere they did, and at last, on Feb. 23, they came in sight of the town of Vincennes. They captured a Creole who was out shooting ducks, and from him learned that their approach was utterly unsuspected, and that there were many Indians in town. Clark was now in some doubt as to how to make his fight The British regulars dwelt in a small fort at one end of the town, where they had two light guns; but Clark feared that, if he made a sudden night attack, the townspeople and the Indians would from sheer fright turn against him. He accordingly arranged, just before ha marched in, to send in the captured duck hunter, conveying a warning to the Indians and Creoles that he was about to attack the town, but that his only quarrel was with the British, and that if the other inhabitants would stay in their own homes they would not be molested. Sending the duck-hunter ahead, Clark took up his march and entered the town just after nightfall. The news conveyed by the released hunter astounded the townspeople, and they talked it over eagerly, and were in doubt what to do. The Indians, not knowing how great might be the force that would assail the town, at once took refuge in the neighboring woods, while the Creoles retired to their own houses. The British knew nothing of what had happened until the Americans had actually entered the streets of the little village. Rushing forward Clark’s men soon penned the regulars within their fort, where they kept them surrounded all night The next day a party of Indian warriors, who in the British interest had been ravaging the settlements of Kentucky, arrived and entered the town, ignorant that the Americans had captured it. Marching boldly forward to the fort, they suddenly found it beleaguered, and before they could flee were seized by the backwoodsmen. At their belts they carried the scalps of the slain settlers. The savages were taken red-handed, and the American frontiersmen were in no mood to show mercy. All the Indians ■sere quickly tomahawked in sight of the fort For some time the British defended themselves well; but at length their guns were disabled, all of the gunners being picked off by the backwoodsmen, and finally the garrison dared not so much*p.s appear at a porthole, so deadly was the fire from the long rifles. Under such circumstances Hamilton was forced to surrender.

A Count as a Prize.

A Frenchman signing himself Comte de Clerico de St. Germain has written a letter to one of the St. Petersburg Journals proposing a lottery, with himself as the prize. There are to be 1,000,000 chances, each ticket to cost 1 ruble. Any young woman who wishes to pay that amount in the hope of becoming a countess is entitled to one chance. The one drawing the “lucky” number Count Clerico promises to marry and Install as the chatelaine of his French chateau. The proceeds of the lottery he proposes to divide as follows: Two hundred and fifty thousand rubles foi himself, 250,000 for his bride, 250,000 for the journal which conducts the lottery and 250,000 for the poor of Russia. The count argues that this will be the lowest price—l ruble—ever paid by any woman for a bona file title of countess. He declares that he belongs to one of the oldest families in France, has a comfortable fortune, unimpeachable character and an unsullied name, and that he will furnish documentary proof of his claims. His fortune, however, he says, is not sufficient for him to live in the requisite fin de siecle style.

Got Off Cheap.

A lawyer, having had occasion to summon an abusive cabman, was surprised when the clerk informed him that the cabby, not recognizing him, had called to know whether he would undertake his defense. “Oh, certainly!” was the reply, with a smile of amusement “Tell nim we’ll get him off for $5.” It was the cabman’s turn to be surprised, however, on the action being withdrawn, and his recognizing the plaintiff and the solicitor as one and the same person. “Why, hang me if that ain’t the cove I gave a $5 bill to!” he remarked, failing to see anything particularly humorous about the matter. ’

Frost-Resisting Pipe.

What is claimed to be a frost-resisting lead pipe has been patented. The peculiarity of the pipe consists in its being corrugated instead of round. The principle is that the corrugations admit of sufficient “yield” to the abnormal pressure, while a round pipe does not. Ex* periments are now being conducted by the aid of refrigerators. Within a year ffew Jersey has lost four ex-governors, namely, Bedle, Abbott, Price and Green. Ebony wood Is hardened after felling by immersion in water for periods varying from six to eighteen months.

CANNON ON A BICYCLE

How the Wheel of Pleasure May Become an Engine of Destruction. Fanciful writers have frequently given descriptions of imaginary battles in the next century, hi which the contending armies were mounted on bicycles Instead of horses. More than one of the scientific romances of Jules Verne have been realized, and it is well known

NEW BICYCLR GUN CARRIAGE.

that the military leaders of Europe and America are studying the utility of the bicycle in warfare, while the adaptability of the wheel for courier service under certain conditions has been proved. A bicycle troop has been organized in Brooklyn, r.nd it is but a question of a short time before the suburban police of all our cities will be mounted upon the silent steel steed. The first bicycle cannon ever built was exhibited in a New York city parade recently. The vehicle was a twin cycle, in appearance much like a tricycle, and known as a duplex. It is especially light and strong. The cannon, a steel rifled affair thirty-four inches in length, eight inches at the butt and four at the muzzle, and weighing about fifty pounds, is swung between the two rear wheels, resting upon the connecting axle and is further supported from above. An ingenious mechanism permits of the piece of ordnance being raised or deflected to any angle. The caisson containing the ammunition is carried on another duplex. Four artillerymen equip a battery. They are at once gun crew and motive power. Two men on the seats can propel the machines with their heavy loads at a faster gait than horses have ever shown in similar service. The work of wheeling the gun into position is the work of an instant.— New York World.

STATUE OF GEN. MEADE.

To Stand in Front of the Commander’s Headquarters on Gettysburg Field. The equestrian statue of Gen. George Gordon Meade, ordered by the Gettysburg Commission of Pennsylvania, and designed by H. Iv. Bush Brown of Newburg, N. Y'., for erection on the battlefield at Gettysburg, will soon be ready for delivery. The clay model has been shipped to Philadelphia for casting in bronze. Mr. Brown, who has been engaged two years on the model, says the result is so entirely satisfactory to himself and the friends of the General that he feels the time to have been well spent. The statue is to be placed on high ground, in front of Gen.

STATUE OF MEADE.

Meade’s headquarters, overlooking the battlefield. The sculptor has treated his subject in a simple way. The horse, a beautiful aud powerful animal, is standing firmly an all feet, with head erect, evidently as much interested as tils master. Gen. Meade is quietly overlooking the battlefield. In his right hand he, holds a field glass, which is lightly-,resting on the pommel of the Baddle. In his left hand he carelessly boldsi his hat The portrait of the General is boldly rendered. The sculptor made a life-size study head, as a preparation for this work, and while doing this had the valuable advice of Gen. Meade’s family. The Gettysburg Commission and Col. Meade, one of the sons of Gen: Meade, recently visited Mr. Brown’s studio, and are cordial in their approval of the statue.

Indians Fear Modern Rifles.

“Indians sometimes face Hght firearms with great courage, but they fight shy of the attentions of any weapon that sends a large projectile,” said Col. F. A. Blake, who has had wide experience on the Western plains. “The rush and scream of the heavy bullet frightens them, and they prefer to keep away from their range. To that not unreasonable prejudice is due the fact that the buffalo hunters of the early 70's, who in following their business were constantly exposed to the attacks of hostile Indians, were molested comparatively little by them. The long, heavy rifle, with telescopic sights and the knowledge of the deadly certainty of the buffalo hunter’s aim, almost Invariably served to make the red man keep his distance, and set him temporarily free from the notion of scalp hunting. “One buffalo hunter, by the name of Murdock, that I knew, was creeping upon a herd on the Staked Plain when he spied a band of Comanches riding toward him. He instantly leveled his gun upon them as a warning that they should not approach too near. Checking his warriors, the chief of the band pointed with his hand to a buffalo in the distant herd, then mentioned in the Indian sign language that the hunter should shpot It Murdock fired as the chief Indicated and the buffalo fell. The Indians gave a loud ‘How’ of approval, waved their hands, turned their ponies and swept on past the hunter, leaving him to pursue his shooting of the buffalo unmolested.”—New York Sun.

In the Kaiser’s Nursery.

There was a row recently in the German imperial nurseiy, Frederick Wilhelm insisting on flagging his brothers because he was Crovn Prince. In the middle of it Kaiser ’Vilhelm appeared, and, picking,.up his successor, remarked: tha,t,,you shown your brothers show yott-who-te) lOaperor.” He used a birch rod. • , < v .

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE Joke* and Jokelet* that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Bora—Saying* and Doing* that Are Odd. Cnrion* and Laughable—The Week’* Hnmor. Let Ua All Laugh. How fishers differ as they wait And for a nibble beg; Some use an old tin can for bait And others use a keg. —Washington Star. He—l’ve a good mind to kiss you. She—You’d better mind what you’rs about.—Boston Transcript M ymble—What is the coming woman coming to? Slyler—Anything in the shape of a man.—Boston Courier. He —You say they were both wealthy, and married quietly? She—Yes, you see it was simply a love affair—New York Recorder. Mrs. Hushmore—You’ll have to settle up or leave. Summer Boarder—Thanks, awfully. The last place I was at they made be do both.—Life. “I conclude that’s a fly,” said a young trout. “You are right, my dear,” said its mother, “but never jump at conclusions.”—Household Words. “You will notice that I have -you on the string,” said the boy to the kite. “Yes,” answered the kite. “And that is what makes me soar.”—lndianapolis Journal. Nell —Why did you marry that driedup old millionaire? I wouldn’t have him with all his money. Belle—But he said he would die for me.—Philadelphia Record. Friend—ls you can’t live happily with your husband, why don’t you get a divorce from him? Unhappy Wife—lam afraid I couldn’t get anyone else.—Now York Weekly. The blossoms fill the fragrant dell, But not alone the shades they like; To urban patbs they come as well, For there are bloomers on the bike. —Washington Star. The Husband (seeing his wife off)— You must promise not to ask for money every time you write. The Wife—But that would necessitate my writing so much oftener.—Life. “Do you consider Lifter strictly honest?” “Honest to a fault. Why, he told me without my asking that he stole that dog he had with him last evening.” —Boston Transcript. He—How do you like Foppington, Miss Barrow? Miss Barrow —Not at all. He can’t pronounce his r’S, and I do detest being addressed as Miss BowWow.—Pearson’s Weekly. Mr. Asker—They tell me that the bookkeeper of your Arm is behind in his accounts; is that so? Mr. Tasker—Far from It; he came out ahead. It’s the company that’s behind.—Pearson’s Weekly.

Clerk—Yes, sir! That’s one of_tl)s best clocks we have in the store. It goes eight days without winding. Hayseed—ls thet so? How long do you figure she’ll go when you do wind her? —Harper’s Bazar. Lady—lt is strange that a strong man like you cannot get work. The Tramp —Well, you see, mum, people wants reference from me last employer, an’ he’s been dead twenty years—Philadelphia Telegraph. Leading lady (at the tragedy theater) —I don’t like the new lover a bit; he is such an ugly brute; and his playing! So clumsy and awkward! Second lady— Yes, and he is married into the bargain. —lllustrite Zeitung. “Liz,” said Miss Kiljordan’s youngest brother, “do you say ‘woods Is’ or ‘woods are?’ ” “Woods are, of course,” she replied. “Why?” “’Causa Mr. Woods are down in the parlor waitin’ to see you.”—Chicago Tribune. Maud—Were you overcome by the heat, Mabel? Mabel—No, dear; I was prostrated because I couldn’t think of a new combination in soda flavors; It surely couldn’t have been the seven glasses I had taken.—New York World. Dick’s a big man in the nation— Doin’ lots an’ lots o’ blowin'; Jerry’s plowin’ the plantation— Makes enough to keep Dick goin’l —Atlanta Constitution.

Farren—How much wealth do you think a man ought to accumulate before he can safely ask a girl to marry him? Kqoler (Inspecting him)—lt depends on the man. You will probably have to accumulate a million.—Chicago Tribune. Blobbs—l hope we have clear weather for our trip. “ Slobbs—Oh, we wilL Blobbs—Howtd6-you know? Been reading the weather predictions? Slobbs— No; but I hate just bought a new umbrella and mackintosh.—Philadelphia Record. - U >? ’ - ' ale—'That’s just like a woman. She can’t view any question impartially. All on one aide, just as she is on horseback. She—Yes, Johp, and haven’t you been on every public question the same way you ride horseback?—Boston Transcript Theodore—Tell me, now, what is the meaning of the expression, “pulling your leg?” Richard—l can’t tell you in so many words; but I will illustrate. You haven’t $lO about you that you can let me have for a week or two? Thanks. —Boston Transcript “Did your boy do well In college, Mr. Wilkes?” “Very. He led his class-da Latin and Greek.” “Good. His vacation will be a pleasant one with the consciousness of having done so well.” “Well, no; he has to study all summer. He was flunked on his English.”—Harper’s Bazar.

Proof Positive.,

Much has been written in ridicule of the wlld.qnswers given from the wit-ness-stand, where all connected thought seems to escape some people. But strictly to the point was the evidence of a tvoman-ln 'Maine who was striving to prove atfalibl for a boy in a horsestealing case. A "Witness testified that he had seen the hiOfy: at the viilag e on that day, when the Womafi' beit’, %nd m^.panta was bangin' on the do’es line all dayl”