Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 July 1895 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO> INGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Jokeleta that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Saying* and Doing* that Are Odd, Cur ion* and Laughable-The Week’* Humor. Let U* All Laugh. Man with the gloomy liver. Cease to deplore thy fate} Get out toward the river And go to digging bait! --Atlanta Constitution. Visiting New-Yorker—Have you read “Trilby” yet? Philadelphian—No, but I have beard of it.—Somerville Journal. Son —Father, is the position of Senator higher than that of Congressman? Father —It comes higher, my boy.—• Boston Post Kingley—Does your wife try to boss you as much as she used to? BingoNo; she doesn’t even have to try now.— New York Herald. Figg—Are you at all interested In secret orders? Fogg—Only in connection with the soda fountain at the drug Store.—Boston Transcript Biggs—Why does Brown always write his jokes on such thin paper? DiggsSo the editor can see through them, I suppose.—Albany Journal. “Well,” said the monkey to the organ grinder as he sat on top of the organ, carried away with the music.”—Philadelphia Record. “Have you read my last poem In the magazine?” “No; but if it’s really your last just name the magazine, and I’ll buy it!”—Atlanta Constitution. “Yass,” said Cholly, “the guvnah gives me money to burn, but I don’t do it, y’ know. Going to the races is quickah.”—New York Recorder. Cholly—Why do so many of the girts get married in June? “June brides,'* you know. Polly—That’s easy. It’s because they’re asked.—Chicago Record. “What makes you think he cares sos you?” “Why, mamma talked to him for more than an hour last evening, and he really seemed to enjoy it.”—Punch. She—l was playing whist also lasi night It was the first meeting of our Young Ladies’ Whist Club. He—l wondered what made you so hoarse.—Harlem Life. Tommy’s pop—Why is It the little boy who lives across the street seems to have no friends? Tommy—Why, his father's a base-ball umpire.—Philadelphia Record. “When an 18-year-old girl says her mother won’t let her accept an invitation to a party it is certain that the wrong person has asked her to go.”— Atchison Globe. He —You see, the free coinage. of >sll» ver would inflate prices She—Would it? Then you’d better let me have some money so I can get in at once.—Brooklyn Life.

Casey—Phat made Mulligan fall off de ladder? Did his fut shlip? Reilly— It did not. Oi told him a joke an hour ago, an’ sure he jist now tumbled.— Philadelphia Record. Willie —What does alimony mean, pa? Does it mean all the money? Pa (bitterly)—Yes, all the money a man can scrape together, and more, too, sometimes.— Npw York World. “Talk about daylight robbery being the height of imposition,” said the man as lie shook his fist at the gas meter, “it Is not in it with gaslight robbery. No.”—lndianapolis Journal. I love to swing upon the gate, Say, just at eventide; That is, if it will bear the weight Of some one else inside. —New York Herald. “Do you know?” gushed Miss Mayflower, “I think Jack is very much interested in palmistry. He told me he paid $25 one evening last week just to look at another man’s hand.”—Boston Bulletin. She (in the art gallery)—l wonder If my hat is on straight; everybody stares at me so. He—Naturally they do; you're the most perfect picture here. And now the cards are out.—Philadelphia Record. Mrs. Mcßride (entering the kitchen)— Bridget, didn’t I see that policeman kiss you? Bridget—Well, mum, sure an’ yez wouldn’t hev me lay mesilf opin to arrlst for restrainin’ an officer, mum? —Harper’s Bazar.

Alberta—l do wish it were not the custom to' wear the engagemerit ring only on the third finger of one’s left hand. Alethea—So do I. I can’t get more than half my engagement rings on at one time now.—Life. Bass—Do you know that Fenderson is a regular lady-killer? Cass—l suspected as much from what he said about the woman in the big hat-just in front of him at the theater the other night.—Boston Transcript Blobbs—They say .an actor is never afraid to live in a haunted hpnse. Slobbs—l suppose because he is usually fuIL of “spirits.” anyhow. Blobbs— Yes, and then he always likes to see the ghost Record. Husband—This cake is very good, my dear; but it, seems to me there ought to be a little .tpore—— Wife (in ejear, incisive tones)—That cake came by mail and was made by your mother. Hus-band-Yes, as I was saying, there ought to be & little more of it.—New York Weekly. “You have been a good while getting upstairs,” said Mrs. Smarte, who with her lord and master was stopping at one of our hotels. "Yes,” replied Smarte; “I stopped to take an elevator.” “Oh, you need not have taken the trouble to tell me,” said Mrs. S., tossing her head. “I smelt your breath the moment you entered the room.”— Boston Transcript.