Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 June 1895 — Twain’s Dilemma. [ARTICLE]

Twain’s Dilemma.

Mark Twain once expressed a desire to attend the annual dinner of the Gridiron Club of correspondents in Washington; but when an invitation was sent him, his regrets were received by return mail. Meeting a member of the club later, he complained that he had been neglected. When Informed that an invitation had been sent him xnd bis regrets received. Mr. Clemens

scratched his bead, as though In perplexity for a moment, and then said: “Those were Isaac’s regrets.” “Who Is Isaac?” “He’* my keeper. He’S the man my wife hired to prevent me having any more fun.” Mark then explained that Isaac opened all his letters and invitations, wrote answers, which in the case of Invitations always consisted of regrets, and then burned them. When asked what is Isaac’s other name, the humorist replied, sadly: “I don't know. My wife hired him, and she told me what his name is, but i have forgotten. I call him Isaac, as he is doomed to the fate that nearly befell the favorite son of Abraham. When I get well I intend to cut him up in chunks and burn him on the altar, and I don’t care if the angels holler till they get diphtheria.” “Doesn’t he ever consult you about the answers to your Invitations?” “Never. He always sends my regrets and says I’m sick, and that’s going to get me into trouble. I told him so the other day. Said I: ‘lsaac, when I die and go to heaven, St Peter is likely to take up some morning and. remind me about those polite falsehoods you’re telling in my name, and then I’ll have to look all over Tophet for you to prove an alibi.’ ”