Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 June 1895 — THE JOKERS’ BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY i MEN OF THE PRESS. His Air.-Easily Answered--Wanted a Lunch- -A Broken Engagement •-Making Success Certain, Etc. 1 ■ - i HIS AIK. “Have you ever noticed what a dls- 1 tinguished air Prof. Baretoni has?” asked the soulful girl. “I have noticed an air of garlio, if that is what you mean,” said the sharp nosed girl, and the soulful girl looked disgusted. EASILY ANBWERED. Hobson—What do you suppoae a dog’s pants are made of? Wigwag—Probably of a sort of very light bark. WANTED A LUNCH. Landsman (at a yacht race) What’s that craft out yonder? River Man—That’s the stake boat. Landsman—Row me over to it. I’m hungry. A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT. He—Do you believe in signs? She (demurely)—Yes, ice cream signs. MAKING SUCCESS CERTAIN. Footlytes—l am going to call my new play “The Baby." Grafflk—That's a queer name. Footlytes—l know; but a baby is always a howling success. WANTED SOMETHING OUT OF SIGHT. Dandy youth—What the mischief did you hire me a blind horse for? Liveryman (guilelessly) Didn’t you tell me you wanted something out of sight, because you were going to take your best girl driving. TO UNCLE SAM. If a name you want that’s sure to be lucky, Let the next cruiser be called “The Kentucky.” No doubt her guns would do terrible slaughter, And though full of holes, she’d never take water. WHY HE WAS JOLLY. Jinks—You ought to meet my friend Wittles; most entertaining fellow you ever saw; bubbling over with humor; just chock full of jokes and funny stories. Blinks—lndeed! Is he a writer of humor for the papers? Jinks—No. He's a reader of humor in the papers. AN UNWONTED SIGHT. “Oh, look, mamma, look!” exclaimed little Emerson Beens, of Boston, who was making his first visit to New York. “What is it Emerson, dear?” “Why, mamma, there goes a woman without spectacles.” ACCOMMODATING. Mrs. Richley—Please, Mr. Burglar, don’t take that diamond pin; it's a keepsake! Burglar—Dat’s all right, ma’am; I give yer me woyd as a gentleman dat I’ll send yer de pawn ticket be mail, de foyst ting in de morning. SOME HOPE. “Young man,” said the sage, “I hear you are about to be married?" “You are right,” said the young man. “Well, young man, the day will come when your wife will make the discovery that you do not know everything on earth. It will be a great shock to her feelings and your supremacy. Still, there is hope for you; you, while cheerfully admitting that you really do not know it all, may be able to persuade her that the reason for that state of things is that there is so much in the world that Is not worth knowing.” EASILY EXPLAINED. Fuddy—l hear that Strainer, the cashier of the bank, has turned up missing, along with a goodly portion of the securities. How do they account for his disappearance? Duddy—His trying to keep up appearances, I believe. THE SAME TO HIM. “I saw that Spiffins was going to ask me to lend him some money, so I checked him,” remarked Snaggs. “Well, that was all right,” replied Bellefield, “Spiffins would have a check as the cash.” COMPLIMENTARY. f Gent —Mademoiselle looks more beautiful every day. Lady—You have been telling me so for a good many years. What a horrid fright I must have been to start with. THE GOLDEN MEAN. “What is the golden mean we hear about?” asked one small student of another. “It must be a miser,” replied the latter. THE WAY IT HAPPENED. She—So you wouldn’t take me to be 20. What would you take me for? He —For better or worse.