Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 June 1895 — Page 6

THE WAR IN CHITRAL.

STRANGE COUNTRY INVADED BY THE BRITISH. The Natives Claim to Be Descendants of Soldiers of Alexander the Great— Cause of Hostilities—Slaughter of Capt. Boss’ Troops. England’s Late Tronble. The military expedition sent to avenge the slaughter of Captain C. R Ross, of the British army, and forty-six Indian soldiers under his command, by the natives of the Chitral country, and to relieve the fourteen surviving soldiers under Lieutenant Jones, who were taken prisoners, calls attention to a region very little known and which is one of the most inhospitable on the face of the earth The town of Chitral, from which the district gets its name, la situated on the Kashkar, or Chitral, River, which runs along the southern base of the Hindoo-Koosh Mountains, and is only a short distance southwest

of the Pamirs. It is thus, so to speak, under the eaves of the famous “Roof of the World.” The Chitral country extends from the town away to the northeast and leads to the Baroghll Pass--12,000 feet above the sea—on the other side of' which are the sources of the Oxus, and the Pamirs. This pass Is over the eastern end of the Hindoo-Koosh, and may be said to be the point where the Himalayan range bends and runs westward through Afghanistan to the Heri Rud, on the frontier of Persia. The Hindoo-Koosh forms the northern

GEN. LOW, OF THE CHITRAL EXPEDITION.

boundary of Chitral, Kaliristan is on the west, Punjkora is on the south, and Yasin on the southeast From the southwest extremity of the territory to the Baroghil Pass is about 140 miles, and in its widest extent it is about fifty miles; but most of the space is composed of mountains at too high an altitude for people to dwell in; still, the

population is, supposed to be about 200,000. The towns and villages are situated along the valley, close to the banks of the river, which has various uaines, according to the locality it passes through. In the upper part it is called the Yarkhun River; below Chitral it is known as the Ivashkar or Chitral River; and before it joins the Kabul River near Jalalabad it is called the Kumar, from the name of a locality it flows through. What has been referred to as the town of Chitral is in reality six villages ■and a bridge across the river. The villages In this region are something like those in Afghanistan—they are surrounded by walls and towers, by which is indicated an unsettled state of society, where protection is necessary from neighboring marauders. Ever since the travels of Bnrnes in Afghanistan, we have been familiar with the Kooah who believe they are the descendants of Alexander the Great’s sol-

dlers; and the Mehtars, or ruling princes of Chitral, have a particular claim to this line of descent. The Chitral Valley la at times spoken of as Kashkar, which is its older name. The people are now Mohammedans, but they retain many old rites and customs which-were peculiar to the locality. They are supposed to have been at an early period only a branch of the Kafirs, who are still their next-door neighbors. Like the Afghans and other tribes of the region, they are divided into “zais” or “khalls,” words equivalent to our own term clans. The Immediate cause of the expedition was the outgrowth of a conflict between two clalmauts to the office of Mehtar. Amir-ul-Mulk was recently Invested with that authority, but his uncle, Imra Khan, ruler of Bajaur, Invaded Chitral In behalf of Sher Afzul, who claimed the office as his right Dr. Robertson, the British Resident at Chitral, was friendly to Amir-ul-Mulk, and Captain Ross was sent to the country by way of Gilzit to protect the Resident The little company was attacked by a large force of Imra Khan’s troops from behind stone breastworks and on

THE CHITRAL VALLEY.

the cliffs above their path. They fought during two days, endeavoring on the second day to get back to Boni, constantly assailed with rifles or musketry and with stones hurled down from the heights. Captain Ross was struck by a ljtrgo stone, and he was also shot, and only fifteen of the fighting men succeeded in getting out of the defile. The news of the battle being transmitted to the authorities in India, General Sir Robert Low was ordered to proceed at once from Peshawur with 14,000 men. As is usual in similar British expeditions the guide corps preceded the main body of troops on the march to Chitral, and before the advance had been pushed very far the gallant little corps, under command of Colonel Battye, was completely annihilated by the natives. The method adopted in this annihilation was peculiar to the territory and the hostile forces which compressed it The entire region through which the relief party had to pass is of the most broken description and abounds in narrow, dark defiles between precipitous heights. While Colonel Buttye and his men were marching through one of these straitened passages a body of natives massed at the top of the cliffs and rolled down a perfect torrent of bowlders upon the devoted heads of the British, not one of whom was left alive. However, in spite of this and other setbacks, the British have succeeded in relieving Mr. Robertson and the little garrison at Chitral, Sher Afzul has been captured and an alliance has been made with the Khan of Dir. The trouble may therefore now be considered at an end, for the present at least, and the British will no doubt proceed to thoroughly subjugate the Swats and

THE FORT AT CHITRAL.

other tribes which assisted Sher Afzul aud Umra Khan. This will not be an easy task, however, since the natives are of the most war-like temperament, of splendid physical constitution and not at all Inclined to be ruled by anybody. The English do not overestimate the value Chitral might be to them. The Hindu-Kush mountains are the great barrier between John Bull and the Russian bear in Asia, and it is through the Dora pass that the Russians will pour if they ever succeed in swooping down on the British in India, unless the advance is made through Afghanistan. Time was when the Russians certainly would have adopted the latter route, bnt that is long passed. The Ameer of Afghanistan, though he and his people are nominally independent of either of the great powers, is now and for some years has been friendly to the English. Laziness is next door to wisdom.

MODEL $3,000 HOUSE.

Complete Plana and Specification* Should Be Had for Every Building. A contract for an important building Is never made without working plans and detail sheets showing what the form and details of the proposed buildings shall be. and without specifications describing how the work shall lie done and the quality of the materials

FRONT ELEVATION.

to be used. For a house of low or moderate cost, however, which should have equally careful attention, the owner is too often content with imperfect drawings and specifications. Sometimes he simply contracts for a duplicate of some other house, not knowing that the contractor can duplicate the appearance without duplicating the value. For every dollar he saves by reason of incomplete drawings" and defective specifications, the owner may be deprived of $lO of value. Example: If the specifications do not require the sheathing of the structure, why should the contractor spend S4O l’or sheathing boards and labor? even admitting that the increased strength and warmth of the building may be worth S4OO to the owner? The sheathing is all covered up anyway. Or, if the specifications do not call for the sheathing boards to be laid close together, why should not the contractor save $5 worth of boards by following the custom of leaving wide cracks? Or If the quality of the sheathing paper is not stated, why should he not put on the cheapest, saving $5, perhaps, though dampness will soon make it

FIRST FLOOR.

Worthless for the purpose intended? If the specifications do not call for a double first floor, which is essential to health and comfort, why should the contractor supply it?. In a hundred other things the contractor may save a little by reason of imperfect drawings and specifications at the expense of a great deal to the owner. Here is given a brief description of the design illustrated in this article: Size of structure: width (front) over all, 34 feet 0 inches; depth over all, 42 feet 10 inches. Materials for exterior walls: Foundations, stone and brick; first story, clapboards; second story, gables and roof, shingles. Heights of stories: Cellar, 6 feet 9 inches; first story, 9 feet 4 inches; second story, 9 feet. Interior finish: Plaster walls and soft wood finish throughout. Accommodations: The principal rooms and their sizes, closets, pantries, bath, fireplaces, sliding doors, etc., are shown by the plans given herewith. There is a cellar under the hall and parlor; the attic is floored and there is space for three good rooms, but the cost of finishing them is not included in the estimate. Special features: A striking and an attractive exterior, without display or pretense: ample and somewhat elegant interior, accommodating a large family. The cost: A fair but low contract price, built ns shown by the plans, including full plumbing for hot aud cold water, $3,500. To contract at $3,000 it is necessary to make the following changes: Omit the second story of the rear extension; with the bath-room plumbing aud back stairs, which saves $300; omit the side veranda, which saves SSO; use ordinary hinged doors

SECOND FLOOR.

in place of sliding doors, which saves sls; omit mantel fireplace and hearth tiles in the dining-room, which saves SIOO. These changes will not detract from the exterior appearance. Finishing three rooms in the attic will add $l2O to the cost A hardwood staircase, handsomely finished, would add SIOO to the cost Copyright.

Twain’s Dilemma.

Mark Twain once expressed a desire to attend the annual dinner of the Gridiron Club of correspondents in Washington; but when an invitation was sent him, his regrets were received by return mail. Meeting a member of the club later, he complained that he had been neglected. When Informed that an invitation had been sent him xnd bis regrets received. Mr. Clemens

scratched his bead, as though In perplexity for a moment, and then said: “Those were Isaac’s regrets.” “Who Is Isaac?” “He’* my keeper. He’S the man my wife hired to prevent me having any more fun.” Mark then explained that Isaac opened all his letters and invitations, wrote answers, which in the case of Invitations always consisted of regrets, and then burned them. When asked what is Isaac’s other name, the humorist replied, sadly: “I don't know. My wife hired him, and she told me what his name is, but i have forgotten. I call him Isaac, as he is doomed to the fate that nearly befell the favorite son of Abraham. When I get well I intend to cut him up in chunks and burn him on the altar, and I don’t care if the angels holler till they get diphtheria.” “Doesn’t he ever consult you about the answers to your Invitations?” “Never. He always sends my regrets and says I’m sick, and that’s going to get me into trouble. I told him so the other day. Said I: ‘lsaac, when I die and go to heaven, St Peter is likely to take up some morning and. remind me about those polite falsehoods you’re telling in my name, and then I’ll have to look all over Tophet for you to prove an alibi.’ ”

SHE WAS TOO NEAT.

And Her Husband Did Not Appreciate It Under Certain Conditions. The man on the front doorstep had about him such an air of utter woe and desolation that the passing policeman felt it to be his duty to make So, at the risk of bad form, ife spoke to him without an introduction. “What’s the matter?” in sympathetic tones. The man looked up at him disconsolately, and nodded backward. , “Domestic infelicity?” inquired the policeman, who had bad experience of this kind before. “Yes,” said the man sorrowfully. “What’s the nature of them?” “Same old thing.” “What’s that?” “High-tempered wife.” “Is that all?” inquired the officer, showing that he felt himself imposed upon. “Ain't that enough?” inquired the husband, ruefully. “Why, that’s nothing,” said the officer. “High-tempered wives are thick in this neighborhood, and they are really the best kind.” “How?” asked the man with a startled gulp. “They are good workers, and always industrious and thrifty.” “Is that so?” Inquired the man in doubting Thomas tones. “Of course,” continued the officer, “and thenthey are the neatest women in the world. They won't have it any other way for a minute.” The man eat rubbing his head for some time. “I wonder,” he said at last, in the most plaintively inquiring way, “if that Is the reason why she always cleans me out every time I try to make her realize that I am the head of the family ?”—Detroit Free Press.

An Early War Correspondent.

In 1856 Dr. W. H. Russell was a barrister, engaged on the staff of the London Times, as a leader writer, a convenient connection with journalism much less common in this country than in England, where most of such work is done out of the office and makes a convenient second string for young professional men who have not yet become established in the more profitable practice of the law. One evening in February he was called to the office of the editor, Mr. Delane, and told that a very agreeable excursion had been arranged, “to go to Malta with the guards.” At this time there was no serious thought of war, and Mr. Russell had not the faintest notion that he should ever be a war correspondent Then came the expedition to Turkey, which even then no one thought would result iu serious war. His troubles began here, the general In charge of the expedition not being able to see why a newspaper man should be on board. And after he had landed and pitched his tent in a quiet place it was summarily pulled down. The idea of giving a correspondent official recognition was regarded as absurd, and in spite of orders from the Government at home Dr. Russell had great difficulty in gaining a gi-udgiiig allowance of transportation and rations, without which he could not have remained in the field. Yet in spite of those trials he thinks the correspondents were freer in those days than now, when they are under military censorship, with tickets and badges. Later in the campaign some friends at homo seDt him a handsome portable cottage—which served, however, to rouse the ira of the oflicers in charge, who did not relish having a journalist so housed.

Blunt Old Bismarck.

Baron Prokesch, the Austrian plenipotentiary and president of the Diet, in the early days at Frankfort, was much in the habit of bullying. One evening, when at a large social gathering, Bismarck and Prokesch, surrounded by a brilliant group of diplomats, were discussing a protocol based on certain equivocations, Prokesch said, looking straight at Bismarck: “If that were not true, then I, in the name of my Imperial master, should have been guilty of lying!” Returning his gaze without a symptom of faltering, “Precisely so, your excellency,” slowly said Bismarck. The group, thunderstruck and embarrassed, scarcely knew which way to turn. Prokesch moved away; but later, at the supper-table, he came over to Bismarck with a glass of champagne and “Well, let us make peace.” “Assuredly,” said Bismarck, “but the protocol must be altered.” And it was.

The New Shoes.

Cinderella, Goody Two Shoes and the Summer Girl alike will be interested in learning that the latest thing ih footgear is a brown glace kid with patent brogued fronts which display the foot to particularly good advantage. The shoe is. of course, most suitable for walking. A smarter sort of shoe is of black glace kid.with three straps across the instep and patent fronts, the straps beaded and the heels of the Louis XIV. order. There are revivals in shoes as in everything else just now. A bridal shoe has a high tab going up the foot and a large paste buckle, the form copied from an old Empire shoe, and the buckle placed higher than usual on the instep. The characteristics of the shoes of Edward lll.’s time also appear upon many of the modern boots.—New York Evening Sun.

SATAN WILLING TO PLEASE.

Extends All the Courtesies to a French Arrival from Chicago. Hia satanic majesty sat upon his brimstone throne fanning the muggy air with his flamboyant tail. Presently a new arrival in these parts was announced, and he was forthwith ushered into the devilsh domains, says the New York Sun. He sniffed the heavy air as if it were a familiar dose to him, and, bowing to his majesty, he observed the peculiar motions of his tail. “Three strikes and out,” he said after contemplating them for about a minute. “What’s that?” inquired Satan, resting his caudal appendage across his leg. “Ah, there, Sate, old boy,” greeted the visitor. “I was so attracted by the way you handled yourself over the home plate that I didn’t see you. How do you do?” “Who are y9u?” thundered his majesty. “Me?” asked the visitor with guileless grace. “Yes, slave.” “Come off. I’m no slave. I’m an American citizen.” “In these domains, sirrah, you are my slave. ' “Yes, I am, I don't think,” and the visitor stuck his thumb in his vest armholes and strutted up and down before the throne. “We shall see,” said his majesty, with an ominous shake of his locks, and beckoned to a host of imps. The next minute the American citizen was wondering what had become of the Monroe doctrine, and he threw up his hands.

“Give a man a chance, won’t you?” be said hotly. “Answer me,” thundered his majesty. “Where are you from ?” “Chicago, of course,” responded the visitor. His majesty rose to his cloven feet and bowed. “I beg your pardon,” he said hastily. “Come and take a seat by me. I’m afraid you will find it tame here after what you’ve been used to, my dear fellow, but don’t be too hard on us and we’ll try to make you feel as much at home as our facilities will permit” Seating himself beside his majesty, the gent from Chicago kindled a cigarette and waved his hand for the performance to begin.

HANCOCK IN BRONZE.

Model of an Equestrian Statue for the National Capital. A statue of General Hancock is to be erected in the autumn in Washington, and the model now stands in the studio of the sculptor, Mr. Ellicott Mr. Elllcott submitted, over a year ago, his model, in the sketch, to a committee, who at once accepted the work. The contract with the government was for the payment of $49,000, the sculptor to make the statue and pedestal and to pay the expense of casting in bronze. The pedestal will be of granite and stand about nineteen feet high. The height from the ground to the top of the rider's head is to be twenty-six feet and ten inches. The model, as it now stands, is about life-size and rests on a circular platform which revolves on wheels, so that it can be easily moved. The clay is a grayish hue, something like light metal itself, and to glance at it hastily one might imagine that the casting had already been done, The surface is

MODEL FOR THE HANCO CK STATUE.

slightly roughened, but were it polished it would gleam like metal. Just as the model now stands, the finished statue will look when completed. Plaster will be put over the figure as it now is, and when hardened will be removed in sections and thus a mold of the whole will be had. This mold will be taken to the Gorham Manufacturing Company, at Providence, R. 1., where the castings will be made.

Only Way to Escape Microbes.

Parent—Why do you advise against my boy Willie using a slate and pencil in school? Dabster in Science—Because they are covered with deadly microbes, that would undoubtedly kill your boy if he lived long enough. Parent (much impressed)—Then I suppose I had better get him a paper pad to do his sums on? Dabster in Science—My dear sir, do you wknt to commit deliberate murder? There are millions of bacilli in every page of paper made. Parent (anxiously)—Well, how will he do his sums then? In his mind? Dabster in Science—Worse yet. It has been found that abstract introspective thought over imaginary problems stimulates the growth of lethal bacteria in the brain cells. If you want your Willie to live, you had better keep him in a ro#m sprayed with antiseptic vapor.—New York Tribune.

Matting.

Pneumatic matting, for use under stair carpets, is a recent invention, it saves the carpet, and reduces the noise made in ascending or descending the stairs.

Ivory.

As the supply of ivory is becoming short, billiard balls of cast steel are being used in Sweden. By making them hollow the weight is made to correspond with that of ivory balls.

Rats!

In 1544 the cold was so severe in Holland that wine, was cut in blocks and sold by weight A woman can. always trump up a good excuse for going down town.

A FLAG IN THE CLOUDS.

Spectacle to Which New-Yorkers Were Treated. The man who flung the stars and stripes to the winds of heaven at an altitude of 2,500 feet at the dedication of the Washington arch was Gilbert F. Woglom, a Jeweler. He is, he says, a student of aero-dynamics. He is a scientific kite-flyer. The line that held the flag was suspended from six kites. The people who cheered and got themselves into a true Fourth of July spirit saw only four kites. That was because one of the kites was blue, and was literally out of sight in the sky. A second kite struck a stratum of wind that carried it away from the others so that it did not attract attention. Mr. Woglom, Prof. William E. Eddy, of Bergen Point, and Capt. Isaac Cole, an old sea dog, went up into the tower of the Judson Hotel at 2 p. m. Saturday. He took six kites into the tower with him, all stretched on light but strong frames of spruce wood aud braced with line copper wire. The wind at first was blowing at about thirteen miles an hour. The three experts on kites first sent up one covered with red China silk and for-ty-two Inches long and broad. To this kite was fastened the main kite line. At a certain distance from Grace another kite, the Lady Harriet, was attached to the main line by a whip line. The Lady Harriet is covered with white

HOW THE FLAG WAS RAISED.

China silk and is forty-six inches long. Then the kite Dainty, the sky-blue one, which is fifty inches long, was sent up in exactly the same manner; then the Bullet, fifty inches long and covered with buff-colored rope manilla paper; then the Rockwell, fifty-six inches long, and then the kite Dick, fifty-two inches long. When the six were straining at the main line, Mr. Woglom tested their pull with scales such as icemen use, and found they had a pull of sixteen pounds. The flag was of bunting, eight feet long, and with its staff weighed one and five-eighths pounds. The top of the staff was securely fastened directly to the main kite line; the bottom of the staff swung loose, save that a piece of stout twine long enough to keep the staff at a constant perpendicular was extended between it and the main line. Up went the flag, unfurled itself, and stood out stiff as a board—radiant and beautiful, 2.500 feet above Washington square.—New York World.

“Tools.”

“I never saw a garment too fine for a man or maid,” writes Oliver Wendell Holmes; “there never was a chair too good for a cobbler or a cooper or a king to sit in—never a house too fine to shelter the human head. These elements about us —the glorious sun, the Imperial moon—are not too good for the human race. Elegance fits man; but we do not value these tools a little more than they are worth, and sometimes mortgage a house for the mahogany we bring into it. I would rather eat my dinner off the head of a barrel, or dress after the fashion of John the Baptist in the wilderness, or sit on a block all my life, than consume all on myself before I get a home, and take so much pains with the outside when the inside was as hollow as an empty nut. Beauty is a great thing; but beauty of garment, house and furniture are tawdry ornaments compared with domestic love. All the elegance in the world will not make a home; and I would give more for a teaspoonful of real heart-love than for whole ship-loads of furniture and all the gorgeousness all the upholsterers in the world can gather.”

The Difference.

A young man who considers himself a man of resources was once in the act of pressing a young lady to his manly bosom, says the Chicago Post, when •the young lady's sister entered the room. Of course he desisted at once, but he was not embarrassed. The young lady’s sister said, “Excuse me,” and started to leave the room, when he felt that he ought to say something, and say it right away. “Don’t go,” he said, “we’ve just been measuring to seer which is the taller.” She paused in the doorway and looked at them both intently. “You’re both about the same height,” she said, quietly, “but sister is much the redder.” Then she went oiit. •• .. , . .

Astounding Presumption.

“Prince John” Van Buren was once before a jury as opponent to Daniel Lord Junior—as his name was invariably spoken and written. In the course of his address, Mr. Lord told the jury that “only a miracle or divine interposition could prevent on the facts a verdict for my client.” “Divine interposition! forsooth,” ironically exclaimed Mr. Van Buren in reply; “does the gentleman use the Junior after his name boastfully as being closely related to the Senior Lord of the universe?”

Rebuilding of Jerusalem.

Jews form a very considerable part of the small population of Jerusalem, but they are not of the most valuable class of Jews. The city contains only 28,000 Inhabitants. The building of the city, what there Is of it, has been done by the French and Germans.

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Jokeleta that Are Snppoaed to Have Been Recently Born—Saying* and Doing* that Are Odd, Carton* and Langhable—The Week'* Humor, Let U* All Laugh. Breathes there a man with soul so dead Who Joys not when the peanuts shed Their husks, and quaffs beneath the 8 hade The ruby-tinted lemonade? —Washington Star. “Algy and May have tabooed hammocks." “Why?” “One was the cause of their first falling out”—Harlem Life. Wiggles—l have Just one cigar here. Yon haven’t any objections, have you? Waggles—Not if I smoke it—Somerville Journal. “Now, Charles, let us make a list of your debts.” “One moment, dear uncle, till I have filled up your inkstand.” —Fliegende Blaetter.

Johnny—Mamma, I can count all the way up to twelve. Mamma—And what comes after twelve, Johnny? Johnny —Recess.—Harper’s Round Table. He—l’d Just as lief be hung for a sheep as a lamb. She—Well, you’ll be hung for neither; you’ll be hung for a calf or nothing.—Yonkers Statesman. Jimmy—Timmy Grogan is talkin’ of gittin’ him a bicycle. Mickey—Him? He ain’t got de price for de wind wot goes in de tires. —Indianapolis JouruaL Attorney—You say, when you asked him for the money, he used blasphemous language? Riley—l did not, sor. I said he swore at me like a trooper.— Harper’s Bazar. Simpson—How do you know that your rival and her father will fall out and fight? Jimpson (gleefully)—They’ve both Joined the same church choir.— Tammany Times. Jones—l hear that you have a good organ at your lodgings. Do you know how many stops it has? She—Only about three a day, and those are not long ones.—Boston Globe. Mr. Busy Body—ls you hang those turkeys by the feet you will keep them longer. Mr. Butcher Business—That ain’t what I’m trying to do. I want to sell ’em.—Harlem Life.

Mr. Droppin—ls Mr. Baite in to-day? Mr. Baite’s Partner—No, sir; he’s down at the Rangleys. Mr. Droppin—Ah! Catching fish? Mr. B.’s P.—No, sir; fishing.—Boston Courier. Guest—l would like a nice round steak, rare done, and some fresTb -fried potatoes. Waiter (in stentorian voice) —Carnage in the skillet! Fried Pingrees on the side!—Chicago Tribune. So devotedly does the Hubite love his native city that when he calls to the telephone girl, “Give me Boston,” he invariably adds involuntarily, “or give me death.”—Boston Transcript She—The man I marry must be “only a little lower than the angels.” He (suddenly flopping)—Here I am on my knees a little lower than one of them. He got her.—New York Weekly. “I will work night and day to make you happy,” he said. “No,” she answered thoughtfully, “don’t do that Just work during the day and stay at home at night”—Washington Star. Mrs. Poorman—This money question seems to be getting very bitter. How do you feel about it dear? Mr. Poorman—Bad enough. Really, I’m all broke up.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. “There doesn’t seem to be anything selfish about that man Pingree,” said 'Uncle Allen Sparks. “In that potatopatch scheme of his he has let everybody in on the ground floor.”—Chicago Tribune. Hoax—What I object to in your boarding house is the lack of tone. Joax—Huh! I guess you haven’t heard the girl in the next room singing “When Summer Comes Again.”—Philadelphia Record. Mrs. Malaprop—Who are the two young ladies playing that duet on the piano? Herr Strawitzki—One is the daughter of the hostess. Mrs. Malaprop —And, pray, who is her accomplice?— Eulenspiegel. “Georgy, dear,” said the loving mother, “I’m very proud nothing has been brought up against you this term of school ” George—So’m I! Wish’t nuthin’d been brought down agiu me! —Cleveland Plaindealer. Cobbs—That was a pretty sentiment young Masher got off the other night when bidding Miss Plumpy good night Hobbs—So! What was it? Cobbs— He said he wished she was locked up in his arms and the key lost.—Truth. Mrs. Hammand—Mrs. Hashcroft has bragged again to-day about keeping her boarders so long. Mrs. Foraweek —She doesn’t keep them long. She keeps them so thin they look longer .than they actually are.—lndianapolis Journal.

The Salesman (holding up a vellumbound brochure)—The price of the book is $lO. Mrs. Nurlcli—Nonsense 1 Yon can’t impose upon me in that way. Why, a minute ago you offered me a book of twice the size for sl.so.—Chicago Record. Mr. Billus—Maria, how does It happen that Fanny Isn’t going to church with you this morning? Mrs. Billus— You know as well as I do, John, that when Bessie and Kate and I go to church somebody has to stay at home. There isn’t room for four pairs of sleeves in our pew.—Chicago Tribune. At the table—“Do you know, Amaryllis,” asked the Cheerful Idiot, “why the letter S is like the presentation of a cigar to a colored gentleman?” The waiter girl gave it up. “I wifi tell you, Angellne,” continued the Cheerful Idiot. “It is because It pjakes the smoke.”—lndianapolis Journal, p,

New Candle.

A new candle has been brought out which extinguishes itself in an hour. This It does by means of a tiny extinguisher of tin, which is fastened in the wax by wires, and which effectually performs Its task. It Is only necessary to remove thik diminutive extinguisher when its work is done, and the candle is again ready to burn another hour. No fnfcfi*s religfon ever appears a success to those to whom he owes money.