Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 21, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 May 1895 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokea and Jokeleta that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born-laying* and Doing* that Are Odd, Cnriaua and Laughable—The Week’s Humor. Let Ua All Langh. The statesman’s brave who singly dares To fight a clique or ring. But braver far Is he who wears The first straw hat of spring. —Boston Courier. Hobson—What do you suppose a dog's pants are made of? Wigwag— Probably of a sort of very light bark.— Philadelphia Record. “In my business, lady, It’s Impossible to get a day’s work.” “You don't sayl What’s your business?" “I'm a night watchman."—Scribner's. Green Gates—ls your son doing well at college? Halsey Putnam—Not as well as I expected; he is only playing center field.—Brooklyn Eagle. “All,” said the magazine reader, contemplating his friend's new baby. “Fine child. Is it a Napoleon or a Trilby?"—Cincinnati Tribune. She—There's no use In talking, It’s the small things that annoy one most. He—Yes. Even a little mosquito bores mo frightfully.—Philadelphia Record. "Why was the bee selected as a model of Industry?" asked TUllnghast “Because business with him is always humming,” replied Glldersleeve.— Judge. Trolley car conductor—Settle now, or get off. Dignified citizen—What do you tako mo for, sir? Conductor—Fl’ cents, same as anybody else.—lndianapolis Journal. Mrs. Norris—ln this book I have written down most of the little Incidents of our married life. Old Bonder—Ah! Sort of fumily scrap-book, eh?—Brooklyn Life. Sad-faced tramp—Madam, I am a homeless man. Patient housewife— Well, If you are home less than ray husband Is, I pity your poor wife.—Tammany Times.

Judge—And you are accused of throwing a mug of beer at tho plaintiff. Plaintiff—Anybody who knows mo will tell you tliut that Is lueoaceiveable.— Fllegendo Blaetter. Gaggs- Self-made Is a man who thoroughly believes In himself. Waggs— Then ho must ho next to an Infidel, for nti lulldcl believes In nothing.— New York Trlbuno. Hobson—Don't you think that Martin girl Is frightfully dull? Jobson—Well, hardly. You should lmvo seen the way she cut mo on tho avenuo yesterday.— Philadelphia Record. Wigwag—There is at least ono time of tho day when I am sure of my standing. llobson—When’s that? "When I go homo at (J o'clock In the trolley car.” —Philadelphia Record. First wall flowor—How gracefully Miss \Vostern holds up her train. Second wall flower—lt ought to come natural, for they say her father started life as a road agent—Truth. Mrs. Bellefleld—Mrs. Oakland has a great secret. Mrs. Bloomfield—Oh, no! She can’t have. "Why not?” “If she had sho would havo told It to me.”— Pittsburg Chronlclo-Telegraph. Mr. Fosdlck—l want good tea. Is that genuine Boliea? Honest, now?” Mr. Peck (as ho weighs It out)—Yes, sir; I will guarauteo it. I believe that honest tea is tho best policy.—Judge.

“Emily, If William to-day asks you to marry him you must toll him to speak to me.” “Yes, mamma; but If ho does not?” "Then tell him I want to speak to him!”—Fllegende Blaetter. Gent—Mademoiselle looks more beautiful every dayl Lady—You have been telling mo so for a good many years; what a horrid fright I must have been to start with.—L’Hlustratlon. “I understand that your son went West, Intending to rise with the community,’ said the neighbor. “Yes. An* ho did what he started out lor.” “How?” “Ho hadn't been there a week before a cyclone struck tho town.”—Washington Star. Adam Dunn—Good morning, Mr. Wunt; I have called to collect that little bill. Willy Wunt—And so you are a collector, too! I have no doubt I have one of yours among my collection. What do you care to pay for It?—Boston Transcript Bello—Why on earth Is Bess going to marry Mr. Lostalle now that he Is ruined financially? Della—lt’s all her bargain-counter mania. As soon as she heard that he was terribly reduced she felt that she must take him.—New York World. “Pa,” said a small boy, “what are the penalties of greatness?” “Well,” replied tho eminent officeholder, with a sigh, “one of them is having the Income tax collector know, off hand, just how much money you get a year.”— Washington Star. Mrs. Gadd—“Oh, have you heard the news? Miss de Ledger and her father’s bookkeeper were secretly married six months ago.” Mrs. Gabb—“Dearie me! How did It leak out?” Mrs. Gadd—“Some one overheard them quarreling.” —New York Weekly. Wick wire—What a beautiful whine you use in asking for adime. You really ought to have that voice cultivated. Dismal Dawson—Well, I don’t know but I might be willin’ to hev it cultivated—say, under the Irrigation system.—lndianapolis Journal.