Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 May 1895 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO* INGS HERE AND THERE. Jdkea and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born-Sayings and Doings that Are Odd. Carious and Laughable—The Week’s Humor. Let Us All Laugh. ‘ Strawber—Was her father willing to help you out? Singerly—That’s the way he acted.—Brooklyn Life. “Tom, who did you say our friend Lawley married?” “Well, he married £40,000. I forget het other name."— Tit-Bits. “Do you think the new boarder is permanent?” “Yes, indeed I fie threatens continually to leave.’’—Chicago Inter Ocean. “Is your editor a man or letters?" “Don’t know, stranger, but /birxlhi find out by axin’ the Constitution. Applicant—Please, mum, the lady wot washes the steps for that woman which lives opposite says as you wants a girl. —Pall Mall Budget “Oh, doctor, how do you do? You look killing this evening." “Thank you; but I’m not; I’m off duty, you know."—Brooklyn Life. “I wonder why taxes are generally due In March?” said the suburban. “It’s easier to raise the wind then, I suppose.”— Harper's Bazar. . Tommy Asker—Now, If you was to git to be a artist, what would you like to draw? Andy Quick—A cheek on the bank.—Philadelphia Inquirer.

“De man dat comes roun' makln' de mos’ noise,” said Uncle Eben, “doan’ ginerally hab ’nuf time let’ ter make anyt’ink else.”—Washington Star. Squildig—He’s a great criminal lawyer, isn’t lie? McSwllligen—Well, I believe he always stops short of actual criminality.—Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. First Boarder-What’s the star boarder making all that hubbub about over that berry pie? Second Boarder—l guess lie found the berry.—Syracuse Post. Johnny fools his parents— It’s very sad to state— ' They think he's making garden WJien he’s only digging bait. —Washington Stafv Mrs. Jackson—Do you call this sponge cake? Why, It is as hard as a stone. Cook—Yes, mum, that's the way, a sponge Is before It Is wet. Soak it In .your tea.—Truth. Figgs—My! but isn't that a picture? Fogg—Quito stylish. But what Is it? Looks rather large for a parlor lamp, and rather too small for a woman.— • Boston Transcript. She—So Gio count’s relatives consider It mesalliance? "ife—Decidedly. The girl has only a qudVter of a million, and the count owes three times as much as that.—Judge. Professor (to his wife)— Ellse, I have promised to deliver an address to-mor-row evening on the rational exercise of the memory. Don’t let mo forgot about It—Fliegende Blaetter. “Oh, my dear Mrs. , how glad I 1110 to see you. It Is four years since we met, and you recognized mo immediately.” “Oh, yes. I recognized the hat.”—Fliegende Blaetter. She—l know I’m cross at times, John, but If I had my life to live over again I should marry you just the same. He —I have my doubts about that, my dear.—Philadelphia Times. The lady arrives a little lute at the sewing circle. Servant—Excuse me, madam, but I'd advise you to wait a few minutes. Just now they are talking about you!—lldmoristicho Blaetter. Gussy—Why do you so persistently wear the hair of another woman on your head? Beatrice—For the same reason that you wear the skin of another calf on your feet.—The Great Divide. Artist—l’m half distracted trying to think up a subject for my picture, "The Queen of May." Practical FriendWhy not paint a picture of a servant girl taking up carpets?—Chicago Record. Goutran burst like a whirlwind In upon his friend Gaston. “Will you be my witness?” “Going to fight?” “No, to get married." Gaston (after a pause) —Can't you apologize?—Los Angeles Herald. She—l can’t help thinking I have seen your portrait In the newspapers somewhere. He—Oh, no doubt; It’s often been published. She—Then I am not mistaken. What were you cured of?— Judge.

Mrs. Klcksey—l see by the head line in this paper that Spain has her hands full. Klcksey—Yes, and if she fools with this country she’ll have her whole anatomy full—of holes.—Philadelphia Inquirer. “Here comes the carriage, Maud! Fancy having to go and pay calls in such weather! It’s enough to give one one’s death of cold!” “Worse than that, mother! Everybody’s sure to be in!”—Boston Budget. Nurse—Sure, ma’am, the twins have been making a fuss all day, ma’am. Mrs. Olive Branch—What about? Nurse —It's because they can’t have a birthday a piece, like the Dawson children next door.—Tit-Bits. Mother—“ Don’t you feel able to sit tip to-day?” Boy—“No, mamma, I am too weak.” Mamma—“Well, let me ■ see, I guess you will be able to go to ■school Monday. To-morrow is Saturday,' and ” Boy (jumping out of bed)—“Saturday! I thoughtwas Friday.”—Harper’s Bazar. ■ .affy She (after the unmasking)—l see that strawberries are on the bill of fare, George. He (nervously)—Yes, but they are very sour at this season of the year. She—Of course; but I think I will take a few. One cannot expect strawberries to be’ at their best in March, you know.—Harlem Life. The only friends who are'not ashamed of you in your shabby clothes are the friends whose clothes are shabbier than your own. So few women know how to use dry goods after they get them.