Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 April 1895 — THE JOKERS’ BUDGET. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Twin Thoughts--The Reason--A Hopeless Case--Explained, etc., etc. TWIN THOUGHTS. “In the spring the young man's fancy Lightly turns to thoughts of love—” And to thoughts of how his ulster Up the spout he soon will shove. THE REASON. Class teacher—How is it that it is so warm in this room? Smart boy—The professors have been making it hot for us all the morning. A HOPELESS CASE. She—l would never get married, if I had to ask the man. He —And you mightn’t if you did. MEANS HER “YES.” "She’s not so hard to understand,” HHe said with tenderness. “She very seldom means her ‘no,* But she always means her ‘yes.’” EXPLAINED. Bobbie—How was it that Tommy Jones reached the head of the class and you didn’t? Dickey—’Cause he got to guess at all the questions ’fore I did. NOT EASILY SCARED. Carleton—What happened when the mouse ran across the floor—did she faint? Montauk—Great Scott, no; don’t you know she’s a widow? A SURE SIGN. Sneeze, sneeze, sneeze, Till the tears to our eyes ’twill bring, But then it’s one of the surest signs That we’ll soon have beautiful spring. WAS ALL HE THOUGHT. Tom—So your engagement with Miss Flirty is declared off. I suppose she isn’t all your fancy painted her. Dick—Worse than that, she isn’t all she paints herself. WHAT HE FOUND OUT. He—Since I have been studying palmistry I have examined the hands of over fifty young ladies. She—And what did you find out? He—That they all had negative temperaments.

Bulkets—Don’t you think your sister will be awfully sorry to marry and leave a nice little boy like you? The Pet—Gosh I yes. She said she'd ’a’ got married a dozen times over if it hadn’t been forme. THE OLD STORY. Old friend—Did you and the count finally become reconciled through the medium of the children? Countess—No; principally through the medium of exchange. SHE WOULDN’T RISK IT. Dr. Texter—Why* doesn’ t your husband come to church, Mrs. Goodworks? Mrs Goodworks—Well, he’s a somnambulist, and I don’t want to take any chances with him, so I make him stay at home. ACCORDING TO CIRCUMSTANCES. “Good morning, Mr. Rosensmalzer. Do you do a. cash business here?” “Vant to buy goods or sell some?” “I want to buy.” “Ye do a cash pizness.” KNEW HIMSELF. Beggy—What do- you suppose a fellow's chances are for getting a good wife? Tom—l should say they were about equal to the chances of his being a good husband. Beggy—By Jove! then I guess I won’t marry. A BIG PROVISO. Algernon—Do you believe in love in a cottage? Araminta—Certainly, provided the cottage is at least three stories high, with all modern improvements and situated in a fashionable neighborhood. AN ANSWER. Sloe Poak—Why doesn’t this trolley go faster down grade? I’D be late for school. Rev. Physics—My son, the car is going down, but the conductor is ringing the fares up, and as the car is crowded, it detracts considerable from the speed. QUITE FRANK. “I suppose you will be out again to-night,” remarked Sportington’s wife, severely. *T will,” he replied with feeling, “unless I manage to hold better hands than I got last night.” INCONSISTENT GENDERS. Little Bob—What’s the gender of cow, mamma ? Mamma—Feminine, dear. Little Bob—What gender is boy ? Mamma—Masculine. • Little Bob (who has been pondering)—Then how can there be cowboys? A SAD CASE. Hostess—My dear count, you must pardon me, but I have such a very poor memory of names, it’s a real , affliction. I have forgotten yours. The Count—You shoult gonzult a

•peeiallst on mendai diseases, my tear madatue, you really ahoult, My name is Kashowow»ki»chniffingjeaki.

HE WAS A TERROR.