Democratic Sentinel, Volume 19, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 April 1895 — THE JOKER’S BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKER’S BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Among th* 400-- Evidence--Trw* to H*r Proml«o--A Deep Man--Both Wicked--Sizing Thom Up, Etc., Eto. AMONG THE 400. Ten Brok (wistfully)—Why don’t you devote some of your immense wealth to charity? Miss Milyun—l intend to. I am about to erect a home for my rejected suitors if I can find a large enough plot of unoccupied land in the city.—[Truth. TRUE TO HER PROMISE. “Hear me out,” he implored. “Certainly,” she answered. In the struggle that ensued between the youth and her old man she did not forget her promise. She listened until she distinctly heard her suitor strike the sidewalk. Then she knew he was out —[Detroit Tribune. A DEEP MAN. “Venger was right in declaring he’d make old Gotrox take water after refusing him his daughter.” “How’d he do it?” “Bought out the man Gotrox buys his milk from.”—[Buffalo Courier. BOTH WICKED. “My husband,” said the large, fleshy lady, “has a habit of marking paragraphs in the naper that say mean things about women.” “So you will not fail to see them, eh? Still, that is not as mean a trick as mine plays. He cuts them all out. Then I have to get another paper only to find that I have been fooled again.”—[lndianapolis Journal.

SIZING THEM UP. Boy (on a visit) —Haven’t you any schools here? Aunt—We have several. Boy—That’s queer. I have been all over town and I haven’t seen a building that looks ugly enough Jo be a schoolhouse.—[Good News. ACCIDENTAL, BUT SWEET, REVENGE. The youth offended the maid one day, But she got revenge for that, For she sat in front of him at ths play When she wore her highest hat. —[New York Press. A PROMISE OF SUCCESS. “Is everything prepared for ths sewing circle?” “Yes; the tea is all ready to be made and Sophy has just gone down for the guin.”—[Judge. HOW IT WILL BE. “So you want to marry my son,” said the stern mamma to the emancipated woman. “I do.” “Can you support him in the manner In which he has been accustomed?” “I can.” “Then take him and be happy.”— jijfife. THE DOWN-TRODDEN BEX. . I Mrs. Hlghupp (wearily)—Woman’* work is never done. Mrs. Wayupp (drearily)—Too true.. A man may get rich and retire from business, but a woman must go on making and receiving calls to the day of her death.—[New York Weekly. IMPORTANT INFORMATION. Pedestrian Pete (reading from a. paper)—The difference between canvasback and redhead duck is so slight in taste and quality that even experts, are deceived. Itinerant Ike—ls that so? Then we’ll have to be werry careful when we take cold vittles from people to see that they don’t palm off redhead duck on us fer canvasback.—[New York Press.

PLAVKD WITH BOOTH. “You wouldn't think, sir, that-I once played with Booth In England?” “Dear me!” exclaimed the benevolent old gentlemen, as he handed the wretched mendicant a quarter; “what did you play?” “The bass drum, sir,” answered the mendicant ipeekly; “but this Salvation Army biz is played out for me.”—[Puck. SUGGESTING ANOTHER REFORM. Mrs. Thus! asm—l have called, my dear Mrs. Hardfax, in the interest of humanity, to ask you to join with hundreds of our best women in signing this pledge not to wear another sealskin garment of any sort. Mrs Hardfax—l shall be delighted to sign it. Oh, what lovely stuffed birds those are on your hat! Where did you get them?—[Chicago Tribune. EVIDENCE. “What makes you think he loves you, Madge?” “The size of my bank account.”— [Minneapolis Journal. HE WASN’T PARTICULAR. “Sir,” remarked the rich father to the suitor, “after the investigations I have made into your character I cannot give you my daughter. Emma.” “All right,” answered the persistent suitor; “then how about one of the others?”—[Fliegende Blaetter.