Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 November 1894 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. ttauj Odd, Cortona, and Laughable Fhaaea of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word ArtUU of Our Own Day —A Budget of Fun. Sprinkle, of Spier. The “hey-day” of life generally comes when we grow hard of hearing. —Richmond Dispatch. Teaches Is the English language language? Precocious pupil Naw, but she's murdered every day! It Isn t always the man who prays the loudest at prayer meeting that people believe in most—Ram’s Horn. The tanned shoe is going out just as the tanned summer girl Is coming in from the seaside.—St Louis Republic. • Lieutenant (admiring his image in the mirror)— “And yet they call women the fair sex. ” Fliegende Blaetter. This,” said the bachelor, as he paid for sewing on a button, “is what is meant by a single tax. ”—Cleveland Plaindealer. When6ome ministers struggle with a sermon a limited round contest is preferable to a fight to a finish.— Yonkers Gazette. He—“Pm not half as bad a husband as you thought I’d be, am I?” “No; you’ve been disappointing in everything.”—Truth. This old world is so full of beauty that a man has to shut his eyes and walk in the night time not to see it. —Atlanta Constitution. An enthusiastic person is seldom a favorite. Don’t admire anything. Always look as though you have better at home.—Atchison Globe. She —“ How fearful it must be for a great singer to know she had lost her voice.” He—“lt’s much more torturing when she doesn’t know it." —Tid-Bits. “Japan says she proposes to demolish China,” said Mr. Blykins. “She ought to have our servant girl,” replied his wife, wearily.—Atlanta •Constitution. Friend —Well, Doc, how’s business? Doctor—Fine. Got two new cases In the next room. Friend What, smallpox? Doctor—No, champagne—Truth. Dr. Emdee— Years ago the doctors used to bleed their patients for about everything they had. Van Pelt— The practice doesn’t change much, does it?—Truth. “Tell me, mammy, dear, why does papa always scold nurse when you’re there and play hide-and-seek with her when you’re not there?” New York Journal. Jilson says that since the introduction of shoemaking machinery the old-time disciples of St Crispin have had to come down a peg or two. —Buffalo Courier. Clara —“ Were there any marrying men down at the beach this summer?” Cora—“ Yes; there were two ministers and a justice of the peace.”— Yonkers Statesman.

Wan wants but littio here below. And gets a blamed sight less. For him to even get a show Is cause for thankfulness. —Cincinnati Tribune. Enfant Terrible. —Proud Fathei (to friend) —This is my youngest son. Frank, this is Mr. Jackson. Frank (brightly)—ls that the man who mamma said yesterday had more money than brains?—Truth. A man with a donkey for sale, hearing that a friend wanted to buy one, sent him the following, written on a postal car: “Dear Jack, if you are looking for a really good donkey, don't forget me.”—Tid-Bits. Mrs. McSwattkrs —“My dear, a tramp came here to-day and stole some of my freshly made biscuits. * McSwatters (getting his revolver)— “Where is he, and I’ll put him out of his agony.”—Syracuse Post. “Aren’t you afraid that statue will shrink if it be left out in the rain?” asked the cheerful idiot. “Shrink?” said his host. “What an idea!” “I didn’t know, you know. I thought it might become a statue wet.”—Cincinnati Tribune. DeHamme —Back to town so soon? Barnes Tormer—Even so. We played In Plunkville to no one but deadheads, and two of them brought suit against us for loss of their time in witnessing the play.—lndianapolis Journal. Oldskidds —Do you really believe that the sins of the father are visited upon the son? Youngscadds—Certainly. Didn’t the governor say ho couldn’t let me have that flfty this morniDg because he lost it at poker last night?—Buffalo Courier. A.Policeman’s Peril. —“Dolan wor put an duty in citizens’ clothes th’ other night,” said a member of the force. “How’d he get along?” “Ter’ble Not wan o’ the fruit-stand dagos reco’nized him widout ’is uniform, an' the poor man loike to starved to death.”—Washington Star. Mrs. Wickwire —Goodness! There are flfty-two carloads of toothpicks turned out in this country every year. I wonder who uses all of them? Mr. Wickwire—About flfty carloads of them slip down into the lining of fellows’ vests, I guess.—lndianapolis Journal. The lady of the house—Why don’t you go to work? Don’t you know that a rolling stone gathers no moss? Browning, the tramp—Madame, not to evade your question at all, but merely to obtain information, may I ask of what practical utility moss is to a man in my condition?—TidBits.