Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 October 1894 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own —A Budget of Fun. _ * Sprinkles of Sp'c*. A Mild Rebuke. —He “How many conquests have you made this summer?” She—“l never talk shop." —Harper’s Bazar. “Don’t you think Bin kies has a very breezy manner?” “If you refer to the delight he takes in airing his opinions, I do.”—Washington Star. “That organ-grinder left out a portion of thetune.” “That’s all right We’re even. The dime I gave him had a hole in it”—Washington Star. Sunday-school Teacher—What is charity? Boy—lt’s a feeling folks used to have before tramps got so thick.—Good News. “I was not aware that you knew him,” said Tom Snack to an Irish friend the other day. “Knew him!” he exclaimed. “I knew him when his father was a boy!”—Tid-Bits. Engrossed—“l wonder if it is true that the Browns are keeping two servants instead of one.” “I guess so. I don’t see Mrs. Brown go out any more.”—Truth. At a Prize-shooting.—Rifleman (after repeated misses) “Donner wetter! *if those rascally fellows haven’t gone and stuck up the target in the wrong place again.”—Unsere Gesellschaft When we saw the good man standing with the twins in his arms and singing “Let Cares Like a Wild Deluge Come” we knew the great religious convention was a spiritual success.—Plain Dealer. Wife—l must go to the doctor; I fear I’ve got dropsy. I weigh 250 pounds. Husband—Where were you weighed? Wife—On your coal scales. Husband—Then, don’t worry; your weight is normal.—Truth. In the White Mountains: “By Jove, what a superb view there is from here!” said Wilkins. “Yes,” said Dawkins. “Tell me one of your jokes now, will you? I fancy I could see it up here.”—Harper’s Bazar. Enfant Terrible—Proud Father (to friend) —“This is my .voungest boy. Frank, this is Mr. Jackson!” Frank (brightly)—“ls that the man who mamma said yesterday had more money than brains?”—Truth. Mrs. Smythe—“There is one thing about the outlook I don’t like.” Mrs. Jenkyns—“Whatis it?” Mrs. Smythe —“The United States Senate may be abolished before we become eligible to membership.”—Brooklyn Life. Binaway—And young Blower, the fellow who was always boasting that he would yet do something to arouse the country; what ever became of him? Stadehome Manufacturing alarm clocks the last we heard.— Buffalo Courier.

In the Adiro'ndacks: “If you should lose your way in these woods, Jack, what would you do?” “Walk straight ahead,” said Jack. “The world is rounded, and I’d be sure to get back home that way sooner or later.”—Harper’s Young People. “J ames, have you poured the American champagne into the imported bottles?” “Ez shure ez me name is Moike, mum.” “Well, you can put the cobwebs on the bottles new, and then practice your English accent for the rest of the afternoon.”—Truth. “Youdon’t seem to think that was a very good story I just told you,” he said in a disappointed tone. “Oh, yes, indeed I do,” replied the Boston girl, reassuringly. “But I was just trying to think when that was probably translated from the Greek.”— Detroit Free Press.

“Jennie,” said Mr. Younghusband, “each of these clothes-bags has got a hole in the bottom of it.” “What clothes-bags? We haven’t any clothes-bags.” “Why, what's this I’ve been putting my collars and cuffs in allthisweek?” “Why, George! That’s the sleeve to my ball-dress!”—Har-per’s Bazar. “The sins of the father,” etc.: Tommy (studying his lesson)—“l say, pa, where does the Merrimac rise, and into what sea does it empty?” Pa—“l don’t know, my son.” Tommy—“ You don’t know? And to-mor-row the teacher will lick me on account of your ignorance.”—Harlem Life.

Mr. Meeker—lt grieves me sorely, my son, to learn that you tell untruths. Take Washington, for example. He never found it necessary to lie. Junior Meeker—l know it, father, but in his day there wasn’t anything to lie about. He never tried to trade an air-gun for a bicycle.—Boston Courier. Made it manifest: “Yes, ” said the eminent clergyman. “I nearly left the pulpit once to embark in a mercantile business, but the Lord wished me to continue his work.” “How did you know He did?” “My congregation offered me SB,OOO a year—and that was $2,000 more than I was offered in business.”—Brooklyn Life. In all policies of life insurancethese, among a host of other questions, occur: “Age of father, if living? Age of mother, if living?” A man in the country filled up his father’s age, “if living,” 112 years, and his mother’s 102. The agent was amazed at this, and fancied he had secured an excellent customer, ’cut feeling somewhat dubious, he remarked that the applicant came of a very long-lived family. “Qh, you see, sir,” replied he, “my parents died many years ago, but ‘if livipg’ would be aged as there put down.”—TidBits.