Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 October 1894 — THE JOKER’S BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKER’S BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Not Quit* th* Same--How Ho Did lt--Circumstancas Alter Cases--Eto., Etc. KOT QUITE THE SAME. Hand in band The lovers go, The moon, the silent Lake, a row. A month has passed, They’re married now; A word, a look Or two, a row. —[ Puck. HOW he Din IT. McDuff—How did Scaddsoy get his dust? McGuff—He raised the wind, and the dust was a natural consequence. —[Truth. CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES. Anna—Engaged to Bob Scott! Why, Berth, you always abuse him so much. Bert ha—Yes, but how could I know that he would propose to me? — (Truth. WELL WARRANTED. Kawler lynn—ls there any warrant for the statement thatKasherly has skipped the country? Editor—Yep; two. Sheriff’s got ’em both.—[Buffalo Courier. THE PEEKER. He heard them kissing on the sly And peeked in through the door, And then he cried in accents high, “Say, sister, what’s the score?’’ —[Detroit Free Tress. NOT AT ALL WORRIED. ' Amelia—Oh, Mr. Clasper, whore Is your arm? James—Oh, never mind my arm; I’ll look for it when I want it.— [Puck. DEEPLY WRONUED.Wild Westerner (fiercely)—ln your last paper, sir, you said I had twenty-seven men, sir! Editor Well, and wasn’t that statement correct? Wild Westerner (still more fiercely ) —No, sir; twenty-eight, sir; twenty-eight. HER EXPERIENCE WAS DIFFERENT. “Poor Evo!’’ soliloquized the philosopher; “sho is blamed for all the sins committed by her daughters.’’ “I wish that were true,” said his wife. “Is it not so?” asked the sago “No, indeed! When I do anything amiss you blame ine.”—|Ncw York Press. NOT THAT IMPRESSION. “That is a wonderful work of nature,” said the man who was visiting Niagara Falls for the first time. “Pretty big,” replied the hotelkeeper. “I don’t see how anybody could contemplate It without feeling terribly insignificant.” “Well, I suppose a good many people do feel that way. But you see, most of the people who stop at this house are brides and grooms.”—[Detroit Free Press.

NOT HER FAULT. “It’s strange that all my friends have become engaged and 1 am not,” ‘‘lt may be, my dear mademoiselle; but you have one consolation. With all their becoming engaged you have the satisfaction of knowing you have shown yourself more willing to get married than -any of them.— [Album of Fashion. THE HOOK REQUIRED. Mr. Bondstock (ten dorly)—Do you think you could learn to love me? Miss Wurkurn (shyly)—l might if you gave me lessons from the right book. Mr. Bond stock—What book shall I teach you from? Miss Wurkurn—Your pocketbook. —[New York World. OUT OF HIS LINE. Ada—Flo was just going down for the third time when Dr. Watson dived off a yacht and caught her. Grace—And saved her life! Wasn't that wonderful? Ada—Yes, for a doctor.—[Life. I’ERMITTEp 10 REFER. Cholly Chumpleigh—What do you think? Some people asked me yesterday if we were engaged. Miss Coldeal—lndeed! What did you tell them? Cholly Chumpleigh-I referred them to you. Was that right? Miss Coldeal—Quite right. I never dismiss anybody without a reference. A COUNTER IRRITANT. “The man in the next room kept me awake all night snoring. Landlady—Well it won’t happen again. I’ve put a woman with a parrot, a piano and a baby on the other side.—[Chicago Inter Ocean. UNDOUBTEDLY FOOLISH. “Yes, she is very foolish sometimes.” “What evidence has she ever given of being foolish?” “Well, I have known her to talk to a bride and try to interest her in a topic that had relation neither to the groom nor the ceremony.—[NewjYork Press. he didn’t tip. “ Haven’t you forgotten something, sir?” said the tip-expectant waiter to Uncle Abner Meddergrass, as the latter rose from the table. “Let me see,” replied the honest man, looking at his hand baggage. “There’s my umbrella and my satchel. No, they're all here, but I’m obliged to you just the same for your thoughtfulness.—[Detroit Free Press. AN IMPERTINENCE. “That was a beautiful composition,” she said dreamily. . “Y-yes,” replied (the young man who doesn’t know much about music, “it was pretty fine.” “I wornjer what key it is in?” “It’s down on the programme as a nocturne, isn’t it?” “Yea.” “Well, then, I should think it would require a night key.” And all that disturbed the air was the feeble echo of his own “ha, ha.” •—[Washington Star.

HE KNEW HIS BUSINESS. Judge—When you broke into the library and stole a lot of books, why did you take only the works of classical authors* Thief—Because, your Honor, modern books fetch hardly any price in the market!—[Fleigende Blaetter. JUST THE THING. First friend (of intending groom)— Well, we’ll have to give them a present. What will it be and how much shall we spend? Second friend—l don’t know. I’ll go as deep as you. First friend—Let’s send something that will make a big show for our money. Second friend—All right. What’s the matter with a load of hay.— [Judge. A YOUNG man’s TROUBLE. . “What’s the matter? You seem to be in a frightful rage this morning.” “I am. You remember the challenge sent to a magazine editor?” “Yes.” “Well, I have received his answer. He says that my manuscript has been received, and that it will be carefully examined in due course of time.—[Washington Star. WILL PUT THIS IN HIS BILL. Doctor (to his patient)—Pardon me, madam, but before prescribing I must know how old you are. “Oh, sir; a lady is only as old as she looks." “Impossible, madam. You certainly must be younger than that." HER GIFT. Wife—l’m so glad you like the cushion, George, for I bought it for your birthday present. You’d spoil it in your library, so we’ll keep it in my boudoir. I suppose you’ll get the bill to-morrow—it’s awfully expensive. A SURF, siotf. Mrs. Rounder—You had been drinking pretty heavily when you camo in last night. Mr. Rounder—How do you know? Mrs. Rounder—You tried to light your cigar at the reflection of your nose in the pier-glass. NOT ENTIRELY PARALYZED. “I cnn hold them, Miss Quick* stop,” said the young man by her sldo, reassuringly, us the spirited team gave another lunge forward. “You’re not afraid, are you?” “When it comes to a showdown, Mr. Hankison," ropliod the young woman, holding her hat on with one hand and clinging to the dashboard with tho other, “you’ll find I’m not nt all shy on sand.”—[Chicago Tribune. THE BLOW. Anxiously sho awaited tho decision that was to shape her future life, and when at last the old man came from the Interview with her adorer she was filled with foreboding. “Papa,” she faltered, with trembling voice, “how did ho strike you?” Tho parent gazed gloomily Into the open grate. “Broke my guard,” he growled. Tho lovelorn maiden could do nothing but rftek to and fro and moan.— [Detroit Tribune. AN EVEN CHANCE. Hausfrau (to dunning tradesman) —ls to-morrow is bud weather I shall bo able to pay you. But if It is good weather you need not call, as we shall need tho money to go to a picnic.—[Fliegende Blaetter.