Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 39, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 October 1894 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO* INGS HERE AND TI-fERE. Jokes and Jokeleta that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Carlons, and Laughable—The Week's Humor. Let Us AU Laueh. “What did you do when he proposed?” “I lost my self-possession at once.”—Truth. There is no lack of good form at Atlantic City, especially during bathing hours.—Philadelphia Record. Dyspeptic Lady—“ Doctor, do you think oysters are unhealthy?” Doctor—“No, madam—at least, I have not yet treated any. "—Truth. Stramber—“Did you feel the late financial depression?” Singenly—“Feel it! Why, for a month I wasn’t able to borrow a shilling!” TidBits. The Wife—“ Yes, I married you to spite Fred Grigson.” The Husband (ruefully)—“l wish, my love, you bad married Fred Grigson to spite me. ” Tid-Bits.

Herdso—“Why didn’t you defend your wife’s suit for divorce , '‘” Saidso —“I had known for years that what she said was law.”—St. Louis PostDispatch. One of the funniest things at the stores is the sweet smile a woman gives a man when she wants him to sell her something below cost.—Atchison Globe. Wife—“ And did Mr. Gay really say I was positively dove-like?” Husband—“ Something of that sort. He said you were pigeon-toed, I believe.”—Boston Transcript. Summitt—“Miss Gayley seems thoroughly imbued with the idea that youth will tell.” Bottome—“Yes; you see she has three or four small brothers. ’’—Buffalo Courier. “America has no standing army, I believe,” said the foreigner. “It is clear you haven’t spent much time in the street cars of this great country,” replied the native Truth.

Tourist (in a remote village)— “Can you tell me where the station is?” Porter—“l can, but I won’t. We are glad to have a tourist here at last. ” —Fliegende Blaetter. “Es I give you your dinner,” asked Mr. Haiseed, “will you turn the grindstone awhile?” “Naw,” said Dismal Dawson. “I ain’t no crank agitator.”—Cincinnati Tribune.

“Her religion is very much like her dress; she can put it on or off, just as she pleases.” “Yes, and like her ball dress at that; there isn’t very much to it.”—Life’s Calendar. A minister who, had difficulty in keeping his parishioners’ eyes fixed upon him during the sermon solved the difficulty by placing a clock directly behind him.—Kansas City Star. Careful Mother—“ Johnny, when you leave the table before the others, you must always say, ‘Excuse me.’” Johnny—“ What! When there ain’t any company?”—Boston Transcript. “Some men,” said Uncle Eben, “is so soured on human nature dat when ’er friend returns a borrowed umbrell’ dey t’inks it am a reflection on de umbrell’s quality.”—Washington Star.

“If a dog should howl under your window at night, would you regard it as a sign of death?” “Yes; if it was light enough for me to get a good aim at the dog.”—lndianapolis Journal.

It is a strange fact that the man who sings most energetically and effectively of “A Life on the Ocean Wave” becomes seasick before begets both feet on the gangplank.—Washington Star. “De trouble wif disshere civilization.” said Uncle Eben, “am dat by de time er man gits financially fixed ter inj’y de bes’ ob eberyt’ing, he’s done worried hiss’s inter dispepshy.” —Washington Star. “What hez Congress done?” asked the rural stump-speaker in strident tones of Indignation. As he paused for a reply, a man with a big doublebass voice answered: “It hez done the American people.”—Washington Star. Teacher “They builded better than they knew.” Do you understand that? Bright boy—Yes’m. They always do. “Who always do?” “The architects, you know.” “Pop's new $5,000 house cost most SIO,OOO.” —Good News.

Was it drink that brought you to this place?” asked the young woman who was engaged in philanthropic work. “No, miss,” replied the hard ened offender. “'Twas the lack of it. I wus that done up with thirst thet I tried ter steal a keg o’beer.”— Washington Star. “After all,’’remarked the thoughtful young man, “there’s such a thing as having more money than you need. A man can’t enjoy more than one thing at a time.” “That’s verwy twue,” replied Cholly. “A fellow cawn’t smoke a cigawette and chew a toothpick both at once, can he?”— Washington Star. Old John was a shoemaker, an Irishman, and an ardent admirer of the Duke of Wellington. To describe the battle of Waterloo was his chief pleasure. He always wound up the narrative, sitting with his hammer poised, his spectacles pushed back on his forehead, and his whole appearance indicating the utmost enthusiasm, with the words: “An’ the duke sez, sez he; ‘Up. gyards, an’ at ’em!’ an’ wid that, simultaneously, at the same time, all to onct, the gyards upped an’ atted at ’em. An’ that settled it. ” —Harper’s Drawer.

The people of France are soon to see some logs which are mammoths. The Washington State Building, which was one of those at the World's Fair, was made of immense timbers. Some of them were 3 feet square and 150 feet long. These are they which have gone abroad to show what Americans can do in tree raising. It is said the building is to be set up in France, just as it stood on the World’s Fair grounds, and then the common people will feel more assured than they are how that that U the style of American houses.