Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 September 1894 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phaaec of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day —A Budget of Fun. ■ Sprinkles of Sp'ce. When a man commits suicide by drowning can - it be said that he liquidates the debt of nature? Quips. A text for dress-reformers: “Woe to the women that sew pillows to all arm-holes. ” —Ezekiel, xiii. 18.— Truth. The trouble is that a girl in love never looks into the future any further than the next night he is coming.—• Atchison Globe. The donkey carries three-quarters of his own weight long distances. This proves beyond all doubt that he is a donkey.—Boston Transcript. Prophetic—Has she given you any encouragement? Oh, yes.' She says she will get all of her father's money when he dies.—Life's Calendar. It is quite natural that the actors in seashore companies shou d mistake for applause the noise made by people killing mosquitoes. Philadelphia Kecord. x “llow’d it come that such an allaround rascal as Lusherly took the pledge?” “Fr—l suppose nd one happened to be looking.” Buffalo Courier. Badburn—l hear Olcott has been discharged fiom the police force. Do you know what for? Cbesney—Yes. Befusing to accept a bribe.—Brooklyn Life. The Georgia rattlesnake is out in all his glory, and the snake liars are 6ewing on the buttons and rattling away at a great rate.—Atlanta Constitution. We imagine that a woman who studies to be a doctor would have to be examined as to how quick she could get up at night and dress.—• Atchison Globe. “A bad hoy seldom gets his badness from his father,” says the Mar.ayunk philosopher. “The old man usually hangs on to all lie has.”— Philadelphia Becord. The bicycle girls who wear bloomers are better riders than their skirted sisters, for it is appaient to every one that they get on better.— Philadelphia Becord. Never Drink—“My wife calls me Ducky because I take to water.” Old Soak—“My wife calls me Camel because I can go so long without it.” —Philadelphia Becord. “George, father has failed.” “That’s just like him! I told you all along, darling, that he was going to do all he could to keep us from marrying.”—Life’s Calendar. The Biddleby family at Newport (they bathe at Easton’s beach): Mr. Biddleby—“ay, Emmaline, these bathin’ suits haint no protection; I’m wet clear through!—Harper’s Bazar. She—They thought the world of each other. He reigned in her heart and she reigned in his. He—And they didn’t know enough to go in when it reigned. Boston Transcript. SEAsnoitE Morality. Dan What’s the matter, old man? Can’t you find your bating suit? Yan— Gad! I’m not trying to. I’m looking for a better one.—Kate Field’s Washington. Cheer up, people! Cane-grinding is getting mighty close to us, and caady-pulling time is not more than six blocks away. There’ll be life in the old land yet!—Atlanta Constitution. Mr. Kilbradge (a visiting Englishman) —By the way, Boston is within a few hours of New York, isn’t it? Miss Vinton (of New York) —Oh, dear, no; it isn’t within twenty years of it.—Vogue. An artist being asked, “Is sculpture difficult?” answered: “Why, bless you, no! You have only to take a block of marble and a cnisel, and knock off all the marble you don’t want.”—Tid-Bits.

Physician— “ You must avoid all excitement; avoid beer or wine entirely, and drink only water.” “But, doctor, the idea of drinking water excites me more than anything else.”— Fliegende Blaetter. Mbs. De Style— Have you noticed the quiet dignity and repose of our new footman? Bachelor Brother (a traveler) —Y-e-s, I think he must have been a waiter in a railroad resj taurant—New York Weekly. —Jimmy— “What is this moral courage that the Sunday school teacher was tellin’ us about?” Tommy—“As near as I kin guess it, it’s the kind of courage that kids has that’s afraid to fight.”—lndiananolis Journal. Mamma (engaged in correcting Johnny)—“You know I hate to do it, Johnny. I sympathize with you, but ” Johnny—“ Haven’t there been enough sympathetic strikes without your beginning?”—Boston Transcript. What’s all dis kickin’ ’bout arbitration?” asked one man of another on the train that was headed for the race track. “Well, ye see, it’s a kick for decisions, see? Dey t’ink dat if de gov’ment goes in an’ umpires de game dey won’t be so many strikes called. ” —Washington Star. i Idle Ike— “ Walk right by dat feller sellin’ shoestrings widout noticin’ ’im.” Lazy Luke—“ Why?” Idle Ike —Cuz he ain’t recognized by our set no more.” Lazy Luke—“ How’s dat?” Idle Ike —“Dis is de third time dat man’s been caught tryin* ter earn his livin’.”—Brooklyn Life.

It costs the United States a good many .hundreds of dollars to rescue Gen. Ezetas and his officers from the successful Salvadorean revolutionists, and it is going to cost a good many hundreds more to return them to their enemies that they may be shot after the approved Gentral American fashion. . All of which teaches us that it is very good policy for this country to keep its fingers out of the domestic differences of its peppery little southern neighbors. Fashions are not made by fools, but for them.