Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 36, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 September 1894 — Page 5

THE JOKER'S BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. He Knew-•‘The Questions a Girl Asks-'Not Quite Und«rstood--ln Business*'Etc., Etc. HE KNEW. Caller—Can I see Miss Snuggrt ? Servant—She’s engaged, sir. Caller—Of course she is, and I’m the man she’s engaged to. Servant —Oh. —[Detroit Free Press. THE QUESTIONS A GIRL ASKS. %“Are you certain that you love me?” “I am.” “But are you sure that you are certain?” NOTHING CHEAP ABOUT IT. Squildig—Didn’t Timberwheel feel cheap when Miss Frisky sued him for breach of promise? McSwilligen—Cheap? Well, I guess not! The girl secured a verdict of $25,000. —[Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele-graph. IN BUSINESS. Police Judge—What is your occupation ? Everett Wrest—l am a promoter. “A what?” “A promoter—promoter of charitable impulses. See?” —[Cincinnati Tribune. HE wasn’t AT ALL GRATIFIED. “They say a woman can’t keep a secret,” she said to her lover, who had run down from the city for a day to see her at the beach, “But you can, my darling,” he said, tenderly. “You bet,” she laughed; “I have been here a whole week and none of .Hie young men know yet that I am engaged.”—[New York Press. EXTREME PATERNALISM. “And you would prefer to have me visit you les4 frequently,” he said. “Yes,” she answered. “Father objects to my receiving so much company.” “And you won’t wear my engagement ring?” “No. Father objects to my receiving presents from young men.” “And you decline to meet me occasionally at the front gate?” “Yes. Father has just purchased a bulldog, you know.” His face took on a shade of deep annoyance. “It is as I feared,” ho muttered. “The country is going all. wrong through too much [Washington Star. OVERSHADOWED HIM. “How dia you like the young woman from Boston?” asked the young man’s sister. “Oh, very well. Only she uses such big words. I gave her a flower and she wouldn’t call it by anything but its scientific name.” “But you always liked botany.” “It wasn’t her botany I objected to. It was her haughty-culture,”— Washington Star. A FLAW SOMEWHERE. rte—Y ou refuse me ? She —I do. He—Do I look all right? She— : Yes. He (decidedly)—lt can’t be possible. I’m going back to my rooms and discharge my man.—[Puck. NOT IN HIS ETHICS. Mrs. Husslff—And now, having had a good lunch, I want you to saw that wood. It won’t take you more than an hour. Rural Ragges (with dignity)— Y r ou’ll excuse me, madam, but in makin’ a mornin call I stick ter social etiquette. Twenty minutes is my limit, an’ that space has elapsed. ONE EXCEPTION. “False one!” he shrieked. “Not wholly so,” she moaned. He became calmer. “No,” ho remarked in quieter tones, “that red on the end of your nose is natural, I have no doubt.”— [lndianapolis Journal. THE OLD man’s OCCUPATION. “What’s Dick doing now?” “Well, Dick, he’s a-doctorin’.” “And John?” “He’s horse-tradin’.” “And William?” “He’s a savin’ of souls.” “And Tom?” “Well, Tom—he s sorter politicianin’ aroun’.” “And you?” “Well, I’m sorter farmin’ an’ afeedin’ of Dick an’John an’ William an’ Tom!”—[Atlanta Constitution. NO EQUALITY FOR HER. Mrs. Scaird—The marriage relation needs reform. Don’t' you think that bqtli parties should have an equal voice in regulating their joint affairs? Mrs. Graymare—What! Let my husband have as much to say as I have? Not much.—[Puck. FAMOUS ENOUGH TO BE HONEST. Jinks (on the rail)—l was talking with an eminent in the smoker. Mrs. Jinks—What is his name? “He didn’t mention it, and I did not like to ask.” “Then why do you think he is an eminent physician?” “I asked him what was the best cure for consumption, and he said he didn’t know.” —rPuck. NOT OVER-SENSITIVE. Willie—An’ wliat did Clawence do when Bob Slugard kicked him? Algy—He simply said, ‘Gweatmen are not sensitive to cwiticism,’ and walked swiftly away.—[Judge. NOT QUITE UNDERSTOOD. Little Ethel —When are you and sister Nell going to be married, Tom? Tom—l don’t know, Ethel, I’m not an augur. Little Ethel (brightly)—Well, she says you’re a bore. ' DIDN’T/ UNDERSTAND HUMAN 1 NATURE. “Yes,” said the proprietor of the barber shop, “he was a very good barber, but we had to let him go. He didn’t understand the business. “What did he do?” “He fcrgot to say to a baldheaded ■customer that his hair needed trimKoing to-day.”—[Washington Star.

HE WAS MIBTAKEN. “Lady,” began Mr. Dismal Dawson, “you see before you a man whose name is mud; m, u, d, mud.” “There must be some mistake in your calculations,” replied the lady. “It takes water to make mud.”— [lndianapolis Journal. LOVE’S VICTORY. “Sir,” she cried, “I spurn you!” “Hear me out,” he pleaded. She shrugged her shoulders and turned coldly away. “Adored one,” he proceeded, “do you know that your father has absolutely forbidden me to ever think of marrying you?” She started. “You do not deceive me?” she demanded agitatedly. “Upon my oath, no,” he replied, “I saw him but now.” With a glad cry she fell into his arms.—[Detroit Tribune. HOW IT HAPPENED. “We die, but ne’er surrender!” The Colonel began to brag; But he set his heel On an orange peel And promptly—struck his flag. A NIGHT OF TERROR. It was a cloudy night. Dark clouds lowered over the world, and here and there dropped a fringe of fog. A shriek pierced the night air. She clutched her husband’s nose wildly in her startled frenzy. “Heavens,” she gasped in terror, and even as she spoke the awful cry broke again upon her ears, “the paregoric bottle is empty!” There was nothing to do but walk the floor. —[Detroit Tribune. A SPIRIT OF ACCOMMODATION. A prisoner before the Police Judge secured the services of a young sprig of an attorney, who not only was a consequential young man, but he thought he knew about ten times as much as the Judge knew he knew. When the case was called the attorney arose. M“ay it please your Honor,” he said with great formality, “my client wants more time ” “Very well, very well,” interrupted the Judge in the kindliest way; “I’ll be glad to accommodate him. He was arrested for abusing his wife, wasn’t he?” “That’s the charge of the arresting officer your Honor.” “Very good,” said his honor. “I had intended giving him only three months, but since he wants more I’ll make it six. I always strive to please. Call the next case, Mr. 'Clerk.—[Detroit Free Press. f IT WAS A FINE DAY FOR HIM. “What have you got to say?” asked the judge. The prisoner looked embarrassed. He raised his eyes to the ceiling, smoothed the nap of his hat and answered : “It is a fine day, Your Honor.” “I can’t say that I am particularly impressed with the beauty 'Of the weather,” rejoined the judge, “but it is a fine day for you. The fine is $10.”

COREA AND UNCLE SAM.

Trouble Which Ended in a Naval Engagement. Corea, about which the two nations are now at war, once -had a slight difficulty with a portion of the navy of the United States. It resulted in the destruction of five Corean forts, the capture, of 481 pieces of artillery and fifty flags, and the loss of about 850 Corean soldiers. The Americans lost three men, one of whom was Lieutenant Hugh W. McKee, of Kentucky. Three of the Corean guns are now at the Naval Academy, with a large number of tlie flags. The guns are of curious pattern, and, while the dates of their manufacture are said to be 1313, 1665 and 1680, they are breech-loaders. Tlie arrangement for loading at the brech is, however, of the crudest kind, and such as would seem to make them more dangerous to those using them than to those against whom they were used. The flags are of curious design, and ornamented with all sorts of figures, reptiles and birds. Some of the flagstaffs,to which they are attached are ornamented with strangelooking tufts of feathers, said to bo the insignia of royalty, but which resemble in a marked degree the plebian feather duster of modern date. The largest of the flags and the one which was floating over tho strongest fort captured by the American marines and sailors, is twelve feet square, of yellow cotton cloth, on which are singularly-shaped blue characters. A tag shows that it was captured by Captain of Marines MeLane Tilton, Corporal Brown, of the ship Colorado, and Private Hugh Purvis, of the Alaska. Captain Tilton is now Colonel Tilton, and is at the Naval Academy in command of the marines there. Hugh Purvis is the academy’s armorer. The fight took place on June 11, 1871, twenty-three years ago, and was the first and last engagement United States forces had with Coreaus. It is also said to have been the first time a Western force spent a niglit on the soil of Corea. The engagement grew out of an attempt of ex-Governor Low, of California, then Arqerican. Minister to China, to arrange, if possible, a convention with Corea for the protection of sailors and others shipwjecked on the shores of that country, He had tho consent of China, to which Corea was then, as now, tributary, and with Rear-Admiral John Rodgers, in the flagship Colorado, and with the ships Alaska and Bernica, Mcnocaey and Palos, he ascended the Sal.ee river, in Corea, to the Boisee anchorage. <— The ascent of the river had been with the implied consent of the local authorities. A surveying party in two steam launches passed further up the river until it reached a point above the Corean forts, when it was fired upon, and two Americans were injured. The party got back to the ship in safely, and an explanation was at once demanded. Ten days passed, but no explanation was'forthcoming.) Then*the attack ordered.—[Baltimore Sun. Capetown, in South Africa, is one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world.

FREE TRADE IN WOOL.

HIGH TAXERS CONFOUNDED AT RECENT DEVELOPMENTS. Where the Amerirau Farmer Sells and Buys—Two Blessings in Disguise—We Are Now Paying Revenue Instead of Blood Money. Wool Prices Under Free Wool. The wool market just ngw affords a good study for the political wool-grow-ers of Ohio. It will pay them to study facts awhile, and to forget their theories and their calamity cries. In 1890 McKinley listened to the cries of Delano, Harpster and Lawrence, and granted them greatly increased duties on wools in order to raise prices. But prices never declined so much and so rapidly as during the four years of McKinleyism. The decline has been almost steady, except that it was checked for a few months after the election of 1892, and it was changed into an advance during the last two months of McKinleyism. The decline has been from 35tot>0 per cent. High duties on wools, then, have not caused higher prices, as these wool

LET EVERY ONE PREPARE TO BE FRIGHTENED.

Higk-Tariff Artist —“There, I think that.will scaro childron into convulsions. If tho factories don t open and if wo can get a few business failures sprinkled along through the autumn it will just bo glorious. We'll cary everything. ” —Chicago Record.

prophots predicted. This is mistake number one. Nothing was rpore certain, in the opinion of the Ohio shepherds, than that free wool would greatly reduce prices of domestic wools and ruin tho wool and sheep producing industries. Fer the first time', since lßlfi, all wools are now free of duty. What now aro the facts up to date t All wools became freo on Aug. 28. We quote the following prices of foreign and domestic wools from tho American Wool anl Cotton Reporter: DOMESTIC. ,—Prices, 1831.—. July s. Au«. ;:o. Grades. Cts. Cts. 0.,Pa.& W.Va.. XX and above.2<x®.. 20:«21 0., Fa. * W. Va., No 1 I9®2n 21 <32:! Mich., Wis. & N. Y., No. l 18@19 19®21 California, No. 1 spring, free. .12<®18 18316 Texas, fine 12 moa., choice... .11(312 12(314 Idaho, fine 9@lo 10@12 Montana, line, med., choice.. .11(312 13(315 FOREIGN. Australian, combing, choloe. 30(331 19322 Australian, combing, g00d... .29(3:30 18® 19 Australian, clothing 30(332 19321 Cape and Natal 25®20 14315 Montevideo 25@27 14<@15 English, coarse 35(337 23 325 This is indeed a strange phenomenon for the consideration of national wool growers’ associations. Prices of foreign have declined about iO per cent., whi'e prices of domestic wools have advanced about 10 per cent, during the last two months. The Reporter of August 30 says that the chief feature of the Boston wool market has been “the purchase of a million and a half pounds of Montana by a manufactuier,” and concludes that “it has been, on the whole, a fair week for trade, and wools in general have been said at as high a price as at any time during the month; medium wools are especially firm. * * * The feeling in general is hopeful.” Under New York the Reporter says: “Despite the uncertainty surrounding tho markets there is no quotable change in prices. * * * There are a good many arguments favoring a steadiness in prices of domestic for some time to come.” Prices of domestic wools, then, have not tumbled with the adoption of free wool, as was predicted by the Ohio This is mistake number two. It might be supposed that after such monstrous failures Delano, Lawrence and Harpster would withdraw into their shells and never peep again on the wool question. This is, however, unlikely. The real question now is, will the rea 1 wool growers ever again believe these false prophets. “You know, for you have followed with watchful interest the virying history of our attempt at tariff reform. You have followed with rising hopes and hearty approval the action of tho House of Representatives in the framing and passage of a measure bearing the badges of Democratic principles and fraught with promised benefits to all the people. You have followed with waning hopes and angry disapproval the tedious and tortuous passage of that bill through the Senate, and seen that, despite a nominal Democratic majority in that body, Ibo great trusts and monopolies were still able to write their taxes as they bad done under Republican rule in some of its most important schedules.” —William L. Wilson's speech at Martinsburg, W. Va., Aug.' 29. A Flood of Prosperity. We had lived but two days under the new tariff law when the Iren Ago of Aug. 30 was published. It has always been a strong protection organ and its readers must have been surprised at the following in an editorial entitled, “Improving Trade in the We t:” ‘•The West reports considerable improvement in general trade. Merchandise of ail kinds is in greater demand, and in some lines the prospects favor the largest movement for years. Railroad traffic has picked up remarkably, and on seme linos a shortage of rolling stock is reported. The settlement of the tariff question is assigned as the main reason. Some look forward to an immediate return of prosperity, arguing that an immense volume of business has been dammed up by tho long prevailing uncertainty which will now precipitate a flood, with Veneficial effects to follow for many days. Others, however, take a less sanguine view of . the situation ar.d think that tho increased movement wi 1 soon spend its force, when trade will relapse into its old stato of dullness. But no one can

accurately forecast the future. Experience dees not teach in this instance, because the condit ions recently existing have been unparalleled.” Two Splendid Mistaken. It now seems probable that two ot the mistakos or over-sights in the present tariff bill will prove to be blessings in disguise. One of these is the “free alcohol in the arts" clause, which passed both houses without much discussion. If, as now seems likely, tho Treasury Department can collect the duty ou all alcohol not used in the arts no'revenue will he lost and the benefits of freo alcohol to the chemical industry will be very great. In the opinion of some experts it will revolutionize the whole industry and enable us to become large exporters of chemical products Of course the Republicans, who can see the bad, but not tho good, effects of free raw materials, are telling us that free alcohol in the mechanical arts will ruin the wood alcohol industry. Suppose it will! Thousands of cabinet and furniture makers who now work in the stinking and deadly fume 3 of wood alcohol will welcome the change to pure grain alcohol. Wood alcohol is produ ed at a cost of 50 to 60 cents per gallon, while grain alcohol is produced at only 20 to 25 cents. The tax of 90 cents per gallon on grain

alcohol has made a market for the miserable and poisonous substitute of wood alcohol—so poisonous that it cannot be used in medicines or drugs, and therefore has not been taxed. The wood alcohol industry is confinod almost entirely to Delaware, 'Sullivan and Broomo Counties, in New York, and to that part of Pennsylvania across tho lino from these counties The whole industry amounts to but $2,000,000 or $3,000,010 a year. It is stripping these counties of beech, birch and maple. Many intelligent citizens are prophesying destructive floods in spring and equally disastrous droughts in summer and fall whore tho forests have boon devasted. Thousands of dairymen will not bo sorry to see the industry go. The other oversight is in tho sugar schedule. The duty on refined sugar is fixed in the sugar clause at 40 per cent, plus I of acentper pound. Whilo the trust was fighting and bribing to have this clause woll loaded with protection, it seems not to havo noticed that in tho candy and confectionery clause, “sugar after being relined, when tincturod, colored, or in any way adulterated,” shall be dutiable at only 35 per cent, ad valorem. If, as seems clear, a slight discoloration or adulteration will save about one-fifth of a cent per pound to the importer we may bo sure that ways will bo devised of importing refined sugar at 35 per cent duty, and of purifying and clarifying it so that it can compete with the trust's choicest sugars. This would take away over one-half of the trust's hard-earned protection. This weak spot in tho sugar schedule has been the cau-e of considerable doclino in the price of sugar stocks and it is certain that sugar trust officials aro greatly worried and are kicking themselves for their stupidity. Unlo6B th6y can obtain rulings from the Treasury Department in their favor, which seems improbable, they are baaten at their own bunco-steering game. Farmers Take Notes. Let the farmers make a note of the average McKinlo.y prices for wool. Now is the time to do it. Let them also set down the average prices for lumber, shingles, salt, agricultural implements and woolen goods. Now is the time. At the end of the year they will be able to see how much they have lost in their wool sales, if anything. At the same time they can make °a computation of how much they have gained by tho lessened prices of articles on which the McKinley duties have- been reduced. By comparing their gains and their losses they may bo able to find out whether or not they have profited by the tariff changes. A little honm ciphering of this kind is worth acres of political haranguing and pamphleteering. Philadelphia Record. “No man could fitly undertake to frame a revenue bill for a nation of seventy million people, unsurpassed in wealth and in the magnitude and variety of their industrial and commercial interests: to purge injustice and monopoly from that system, to replace class exaction by public taxation, privilege by equality; to lighten the burden of the people, secure larger rewards for i heir labor and freer play for their industries, without being appalled by the greatness of the trust committed to him and the thickening difficulties in the way of its successful performance.”—William L. Wilson's speech at Martinsburg.W. Va, Aug. 29. Founded Upon Sound Principles. If the Democrats will give us free sugar, iron ore and coal, during the short session of Congress, and abolish tho duties that protect the steel rail, starch, borax, and some other of the more obnoxious trusts, they will be forgiven by the people for their shortcomings during the present long and trying session of Congress. The Democratic party is based upon sound principles and it should, and we believe will, become the great party of the future as it has been of the past, if the Democratic masses exercise greater care in choosing leaders, their party will soon have what it has not now, a working majority in both houses. “The weapons with which monopoly [the Sugar Trust] has fought us they [the Republican party 1 have forged anl tempered and supplied."—William L. Wilson’s speech at Martinsbur& West Va., Aug. 29.

NOTES AND COMMENTS.

For the first time in onr history corn is quoted higher than wheat. The railroads of the United States a year 60u,000,000 passengers anih. transport 800,000,000 tons of freight^ The Metnhdist Episcopal Church has 2,500,0001 members, owns over 24,000 churehep and 10,000 parsonages, worth iif the aggregate $125,000,000. Herr Lowe’s invention of the “tailor-made” armor is followed by that of _a_Hungarian, who says he can make from wood pulp a fabric suitable for clothing. Some notion may bo formed of the enormous volume of corporation law from the fact that federal courts are operating 152 railway systems, representing a capitalization of $2,500,000,000. And on all the litigation that those figures represent lawyers are collecting fat fees. The statistics of illiteracy in the United States shows that of a total population over 10 years of ago of 47,418,559, there are 6,824,702 illiterates, or over 18 per cent. The percentage of illiterates in the white population is over seven and a half, and in the colored population nearly 57. The statistics of houses used wholly or chiefly for dwellings-are vague and unsatisfactory, but it is a fact pretty well known that there aro 9,500,000 houses in the United States, against 9,000,000 in France and Russia, 6,500,000 in England, and 6,000,000 in Germany. The price of corn in Russia has shrunk so low, in consequence of the splendid prospect of tho harvest, that many farmers aro sending their cattle into tho fields, as tho cost of harvesting would exceed the price of the corn. In the Caucasus barley and wheat are cut green and given to the cattle. Forty-five pounds of corn are worth a cent and a half. A man whose business it is to solicit subscribers for soveral medical periodicals complains that doctors are feeling the hard times. Many decline to subscribe, and moro who subscribe dolay payment. I'he fact is that many sick folks aro making shift to get along without the doctor, while some are seeking advice at the hands of less expensive men than they have usually employed. There are not a few newspapers which speak of “little Korea.’’ It is true that size is relative, and ns compared with either Japan or China, it is relatively small. At the same time “little Korea” Ims an area of 90,000 squaro miles, and is consequently equal in territory to England, Scotland and Wales combined. The population of the last census was reported as 10,518,987. Its capital city is inclosed by a wall twenty feet high and contains a population of over 200,000. The increase in tho consumption of absinthe in France is one of the worst features of recent statistics of the republic. In 1885 tho reports shew that 57,000 hectoliters of absinthe were sold at retail. In 1892 theso sales had swelled to 126,000 hectoliters, and there was a corresponding increase in tho sale of all other alcoholic drinks. Whether this growth of the absinthe lmbit had anything to do directly with crime is uncertain, but it is a fact that the number of persons condemned by the courts advanced from 86,000 in 1865 to 127,000 in 1885. During tho lost fiscal year ended Juno 80, 1894, 590,662 letters from foreign hinds drifted into the dead letter office, Washington. The individuals addressed being not discovered, nearly all of theso missives had to bo sent back to tho countries whence they came. Yet the United States post office is vastly more clover at finding people than aro tho authorities abroad. Only a few days ago a letter dispatched from New York with the superscription, “Levi F. Morton, Paris, France,” was returned marked “Inconnu”—i. e., “unknown.” Nevertheless, the ex-Vice-President was in tho French capital at the time at one of tho great hotels. It is reported from Oklahoma that tho melon planters of that Territory have found an unexpected enomy in the coyotes that abound there. On account of the drouth the springs and smaller streams have gono dry; but the coyotes have found that they can quench thoir thirst on melons. When one gets thirsty he hunts a melon patch, jumps on a melon till he breaks it, and then, thrusting his sharp nose into the interior of the fruit, regales himself with tho contents. Then he usually reports to his thirsty comrades,and brings them in great numbers to relievo their wants. A pack of the creatures will make havoc of a melon patch in one night. A Washington sea captain complains of the tramp nuisance at sea. There is a large and increasing number of men who make a practice of beating their way from place to place on vessels, and tho coasting craft are their favorite prey. They manage to slip aboard a vessel just as she is ready for sea, and hide themselves until she is fairly out on the salt water, when they make their presence known. Sometimes a gang of nve or six will get on p the same vessel. Of course, they have to be fed, as the captain is more or less responsible for their being there, but as no account of them has been taken in laying in supplies, they sometimes force the crew on rather short rations. Most captains put the fellows to work as far as possible, but there is little work on the sort of vessels that thoy usually select that a landlubbor can do. “Duelling in France,” said a man recently returned from the gay capital, “is in a large majority of cases farcical. Old-fashioned, muzzle-load-ing duelling pistols are used, and the quantity of powder used is graduated according to the gravity of the insult. The contestants stand thirty pacos apart, facing away from each other. At the signal they turn and lire. Owing to the small charge of powder, the bullets usually drop to the earth before reaching either man. If the lead did carry tho required distance, tho force of tho projectile would not

be sufficient to break the skin of the duellists. Having satisfied wounded honor by shooting of> the revolvers, the contestants depart in a cheerful frame of mind. The duels do not always end so pleasantly. When a quarrel is of a very serious nature the principals sometimes insist on enough powder to do actual damage. I was called on to act as second for a 'man who shattered his opponent's shoulder with a bullet. Americans have proven to be awkward customers for tho shoot-but-don’t-hurt duelists. In several instances whore Americans were challenged, and had the choice of weapons, they have selected Colt's revolvers. The invariable result was that the challengers found it inconvenient to fight.”

Tree Planting Society.

“We have a society in Brooklyn that could be imitated with much profit in Washington,” said C. F. Beckner, of tho City of Churches, at the Riggs House yesterday. “It is known us the Troo Planting Society, but it pursues a great many fothor objects besides tho mere setting out of trees.- The members are pledged to guard and protect the trees on or in front of their own promises and to use their influence with their neighbors to tho sumo purpose. It is a common sight in Brooklyn, now, to see a householder in the evening or the morning carefully removing the littlo white masses of eggs of tho tussock moth or yellow caterpillar from (lie shade trees as well ns from t ho fences and window eaves and othor places where they aro deposited. Those caterpillars aro spinning their cocoons, and their oggs will begin to hatch out about the 15th of next montip 1 have observed soveral of them here in Washington on tho shade trees, and it needs but littlo investigation to discover tho eggs in profusion. There has boon a system adopted by (ho Troo Planting Society of Brooklyn which promises to accomplish splendid results in preventing tho ravages of tho pest. The residents of each block'whore members of tho society reside unite for tho purpose of removing' tho cocoons and eggs froni t lip trees and fences over which they have supervision. It is believed a persistent observance of this custom will lead to the final extermination of tho caterpillar. Washington has the firtest shudo t rees in the world, and I should think that the pride of its people would inspire them to take tho trouble necessary to prevent tho beauty of thoir trees from being spoiled by the ugly and voracious caterpillar.” [Washington Star.

American Magnificence.

Without making much fuss about It, a largo number of foreigners of rank and tillo are visiting American friends at thoir summer residences, and otherwise ‘‘looking round” at this country and its institutions. Passing by some of theso strangers’ criticisms on the present stato of affairs, it is amusing to nolo tho surprise tho modo of living hero creates in intelligent minds accustomed to much simpler forms of wealth at homo. Count Nympsche, a Gorman friend of Prince Jlntzfeldt, who married tho daughter of C. P. Huntington, expresses tho liveliest astonishment at such an establishment ns tho Huntingtons occupy for other than royalty. He says there is no luxury or magnificence to compare with that; seen in private houses in America anywhere from the Atlantic to tho Pacific, and his opinion Is echoed by foreigners of other nationality, as well as by our so-culled English cousins. A well-known huly, who has inudo Berlin her homo for many years, returned to her native land last spring to find shell an Aladdinlike change that sho says it has ulmost inado her silly. “No one in Germany, at least, dreams of tho extent of this moneyed uristocrasy,” sho paused—“l hate that phrase, and withdraw it! But it surprises me to see luxury where I left more comfort only twonty years ago. Tho emperor is not housed half so well as some of my acquaintances in thoir summer places.” Tho frugal German appears to bo most touched by American progress in the weird art of living up to a big income.—[Boston Herald.

A Costly Bed.

A Bombay man has constructed a bed-stead priced at 10,000 rupees. It has at its four corners four full-sized gaudily dressed Grecian damsols—those at the head holding banjos, while those on the right and left feet hold fans. Beneath the cot is a musical box, which extends along the whole length of (lie cot, and is capable of playing twelve different charming airs. The music begins the moment the least pressure is brought to bear from the top, which is created by one sleeping or sitting, and ceases the moment tho individual rises. While the music is in progress tho lady banjoists at the head manipulate the strings with their fingers and move their heads, while the two Grecian damsels at the bottom fan the sleeper to sleep, There is a button at tho foot of tho cot,which, after a littlo pressure, brings about a cessation of tho music, if such bo tho desire of the occupant.

Foreordination.

Tears ago an old hard-shell preacher who lived on the border in the days when the Indians were at war with the whites, was making preparations one mprning to go to his church, miles away, through a country infested with savages. He was carefully loading his old flintlock rifle to take along, when a friend present remarked : “What are you going to take that gun along for, old man? Don’t you know that if it is foreordained for the Indians to kill you, the gun won’t savo you?’’ “That’s very true,” said the old man as he deliberately rammed the ball hofne, “but suppose it is foreordained that the Indian shall be killed? Now, how would the good Lord carry out his purpose if I didn’t have my gun along?” That closed the debate.—l Summerville (Ga.) News.

A COWBACK RIDE.

A Reverend Gentleman's Awkward Predicament. A college student in one of oar Western States recently returned homo after his course was finished, to find that his father, a clergyman with a small salary, was eking out his living by running a small farm. One of the udjuncts of the farm was a cow, a pretty good unimul, which, however, had a strong aversion to being milked. Hero was an opportunity for a display of tho lately acquired knowledge of the juvenile collegian. “Father,” said he, “Professor G. says if one will place a weight upon a cow’s back it will make her give down the milk.” Tho reverend gemlcman, favorably impressed with this information that his son lm:l learned from Professor («., decided to try the simple remedy. Instead, however, of placing a weight upon the cow’s back, the clergyman placed himself upon it. But then ho answered the purpose. The cow, however, was still obstinate. "Tie my legs under the cow,” said the father to tho son. Tho son did so. But the cow, unused to such unusual and arbitrary proceedings, manifested her displeasure by rearing and plunging, entiroly unmindful of tho dignity of the personage astride her spinal column. It was getting altogether too interesting for the two bipeds concerned in the transaction. “Cut. the rope! Cut tho ropel” shouted Mr. V. to his dutiful son, meaning the rope by which he was attached to the cow. But (lie son, being somewhat excited, cut (ho rope by which the cow was fastened to the stanchion. At once availing herself of tho liberty thus offered, the cow tookjan unceremonious exit from the stable, and down through the street she went. Tho minister accompanied the cow, but in a manner not exactly befitting the dignity of his profession. As it happened, one of tho sisters of tho congregation was on the street as tho race was in progress. Surprised at such a sight, tho good sistqr called out, “Why, Brother V., whore are you going?” His sense of tho ludicrous coming to his aid, Brother V. shouted back: “The Lord and tho cow only know. I don't!” Tlio clergyman was eventually rescued from iiis awkward porch, and never attempted tho feat again.— The Voice.

WASHINGTON'S COACH.

A Valuable Relic of the Firat President Found. In connection with tho restoration of tho old coach house at Mount Vernon, which wus ontlsoly rebuilt by “Michigan” during the past year, tliore is an interesting story of the soarch for one of Washington’s old coaches to ropUco in the coach liouso. Though a search wus instituted a year ago in New Yerk und Philadelphia for tho lost coach, thoro were no t races up to the date of the completion of tho coach liouso In May. At that time Mr. Dodge, tho superintendent at Mount Vernon, ascertained that a Washington couch had been sold from an auction room in Philadelphia about a year ago to Forepaugh’s Circus Company for SSO, and also that the Pennsylvania commissioners had triod unsuccessfully to get it from tho company for tho Columbian Exposition. Mr. Dodge immediately corresponded with Forepuugh’s und Barnum & Bailey’s Circus Companies,, and also with Mr. Brownfield, Chairman of the Pennsylvania Commissioners. Mr. Brownfield responded very cordially, und voluntoored his active aid und cooperation in securing tho coach for Mount Vernon. Mr. Brownfield was indefatigable in getting on tho track of the coach—but while the council of tho Mount Vernon Ladies' Association was in session in June, a letter was received from him to the effect that, the coach had boon traced to tho wreck “in the west,” of a circus train, and the coach was probably a ruin. This came with tragic effect—a coach which had hold tho august persons of General and Mrs. Washington, to bo carted around the country with a traveling show, and finally broken to pieces in a railway wreck. But the end is not yet. Suspecting that lie might have boon inislod and was on a false scent, Mr. Brownfield renewed the hunt, which ultimately resulted in finding the coach safely stowed away. Sir. Dodge at onco opened negotiations.for tho purchase of tho coach, but further proceedings were assisted by Mr. Brownfield’s reserving for himself tho privilege ol presenting the coach to tho Mount Vernon Ladies’ Association. The regents of the association will henceforth accord great honor to Mr. Brownfield’s courtesy, genorosity, und patriotism, and will do everything in their power to attest their gratitude and appreciation.—

Railroad Laborers Strangely Hurt.

While Section Foreman Michael Quinlan and a-force of men were engaged in removing a rail from the track of the Louisville & Nashville Railroad, one and a half miles north of this city, an unusual accident occurred, which resulted very seriously to Walter Walters and James Sneed, both colored. As each spike was removed the rail took the form of a bow, caused by the intense heat expanding it. After the removal of the spikes, the clamps which connect each end with adjoining rails were unfastened. A crowbar was then placed under one end of tho rail to pry it loose from its position. As soon as weight whs applied to the crowbar the rail unexpectedly jumped out to middle of the track and struck the men and Foreman Quinlan on the legs with such force as to fell them to tho ground. Foreman Quinlan’s injuries consisted of a badly mashed foot. Walter Walters and James Sneed were conveyed to the city hospital. The former received a compound fracture of the right ankle, and will be confined several months. Sneed was so badly hurt that his right leg below the knee joint and part of his left leg had to be amputated. The accident caused a great deal of comment among railroad men, it being the fft-st of its kind over kpown to have happened. —1 Nashville American.