Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 June 1894 — Page 4

TO-DA Y. 1$ not this day enough for all our powers If Its exE£Hoi£s'Were'but fairly met— If not one unpaid debt Were left to haunt the peace of future hours, And sting us with regret? Unbounded blessing lieth in To-day, If we but seek we find it hidden there; It is the golden stair, Leading,# may be, by an unknown way To all we hope or dare. Prom sun to sun let us this lesson learn; Upon To-day our fairest chanees wait. And, whether soon or late, Our destiny upon its hinge may turn— To-day, sweet friends, is Fate. —[Annie L. Mozzey in Youth’s Companion.

Tradegar’s MistaKe.

It was at Lady Horsham’s regatta at Dippington that Gordon Melrose met Lady Sciva on his return from Japan after an absence of nearly two years. Lady Sciva was the youthful widow of a sexagenarian peer, and Gordon Melrose well, everybody knows Gordon Melrose. The two were old friends —but friends who had seen very little of one another for years. There was almost a spice of strangeness to season the friendship. Melrose secured a dance and begged that they might sit it out. “The terrace is beautifully cool,” he said, “and this room is so terribly hot—and, truth to tell, I am no great dancer.” And Lady Sciva consented readily enough. And so, when the time came, the pair left the noise and riot of the ballroom for the fragrant silence and darkness of the terrace. “How very dark it is!” said the beautiful widow after awhile —and she peered out at the night and its thousand frets of fire. They were seated at the end of the terrace, which overlooked the bay, where innumerable’ flotilla of yachts lay smoothly at anchor under the midnight ityl * “I love darkness,” replied Melrose. “It is like the enchanter’s wand, which can invest with beauty and mystery even the most commonplace of things. I remember once, in the Tavundra Valley, some engineering person had run an iron bridge Commonplace people call this’a Triumph of something or other. But to me it was a mere modern abomination. clumsily shaped in iron, a nightmare of rivets and girders, destined to end in mere rust—that is, by day, But at night—when the magician waved his wand —the clumsy brick towers stood out like giants on the heights, and they seemed to be swinging huge chains across the abyss for Titans to skip to. It was a wonderful sight. I never shall forget it.” He paused awhile, and then continued : “But there is one dark place on this earth which is not made beautiful by darkness, and that is the corner where they keep the reasons why women do unaccountable things.” She shot a glance at him, but his fgC£ seemed inscrutable in the darkness^T*’ , ‘-‘What do you mean?” Bhe demanded. “I will tell you a story. If you have heard it before, or don't like it, stop me. Once upon a time —it is a fairy tale, only a fairy tale, you understand—there were a man and a girl—in Japan. The girl was the most beautiful thing that the world had ever seen—a fair, delicate flower grown in the very garden of Venus’s own self. And the man was devoted to her; The lover said, “For one touch of her •hand I would give Balkh.l would give Samarkand, Bo sweet she is!” The Bulbul sang be- j tween, “ Rose oi rare sweetneiM. Shirin! Shirin!” “Is that the way you used to talk to the Japanese ladies?” “Not quite that way. In the first place, they would not he worthy. And the man ” “Was lie a beautiful thing, too?’ struck in Lady Sciva with a sarcastic note—“a poetical prince of fairyland,” “No. He was a real man. Not like me, you understand, who am not real, however attractive, but a real man, who did things, and wished to do things—the kind of man I like, though I don’t do things myself—and who fell in love like a raging madman—of six feet two, with a mustache—furiously, unreasonably, wavering between breaking somebody else’shead and blowing out his own brains on the slightest provocation—or none, for choice—quite regardless of the inconvenience to others. Does the story bore you?” “No.” replied Lady Sciva, in a faint voice. “For three months he was the devoted slave of the girl, now madly exulting in the belief that he was loved, and anon thrust down in the blackest gulf of despair, when he thought he was being played with. I know this because the man had one friend, whom he confided in and even consulted —though only with the view of rejecting advice—and this was an aged man, who lives on the slopds of the great mysterious mountain Fuji—-in a flat—and ho mentioned the story to me.” “Continue,” said Lady Sciva, in hushed tones. “This man Tradegar came to m — my aged friend one day, and said, with a ghastly face and eyes that glittered like points of ice, and a voice like the spectre of a dead voice, ‘lt is all over. Bhe has sent me to the right about. Led me on, encouraged me in every way, told me that she loved me in everything but actual words, and now she tells me that she cannot marry me, and is going to marry old Lord- , ’ that is, a • great Daimio, who was potent in wealth and venerable in years. It was a terrible scene. Tradegar was nearly mad. His friend watched him closely, took him home, and remained with him hours till the fit had worn itself out by its own efforts. There was the awful dread of Buicide.” 4 *Ah!” gasped Lady Sciva. “Yes. Tradegar himself suspected at last, and he swore solemnly by all he held sacred that ho would never llkOT » finger on himself. I am tired

of life,’ he said: ‘I have bid adieu to the world, but I promise you that. Still look on me as dead.’ Two days after that he left England, and the next heard of him was a paragraph in the papers telling of the slaughter of a handful of English by the Khandu Khor. “His name was in the list of dead. It seemed, too, that he might have escaped, for his horse was better than the rest and unwounded; but he stayed behind to pick up a wounded comrade, and he was the first to be speared by the savages. If he had lived he would have had the Victoria Cross, but he died—and then I understood. ' ’ “What?” “That Ire meant to he killed. He would not take his own life, but he threw himself in the way of death — and that is all.”

Lady Sciva had pulled at the laoe of her fan until it was torn in several places, but she seemed not to be aware of this ruin. When Melrose had finished —and It was strange to note how all the levity had vanished from his voice and manner—she turned to him abruptly. “Why did you tell me this horrible thing?” she demanded with fierce intensity. “Do you mean to fix the guilt of his death on ” “On no one. Believe me. The guilt, if there is any, lies with the dead—may he rest in peace now!' For I hold that no one human being has a right to hang his life on the favor of another, and blame the other when the support gives way—by time, or natural change, or ” “How little you know!” she interrupted passionately. “ The support did not give way.” “Indeed!” replied Melrose, with slow deliberation. “The aged man did not tell me all, it would seem.” “He told you all he knew, perhaps, but the girl told me ” “A curious proof of telepathic power,” murmured Melrose, “for the girl, of course, was in Japan.” “Theman was a very singular man,” continued Lady Sciva, “ passionate, capricious, excitable, in some respects almost like a woman, in others almost a perfect man —so the girl said. She was young, you understand, and knew little about men. She fell in love with him at first sight, and from that moment she was entirely swayed by his influence—lived only in the yioughj I have said that he was capricious. --•—. . — ~ “One evening he would danoe half the night with her and the next morning would pass her in the street with an expressionless face and a distant movement of the hat. He would be with her several times in the day for awhile, and then would not be seen for a fortnight, perhaps. He would ask her if she would be at home at such an hour, and when he came would talk to her mother, or sister, or friend—any one rather than her. Oh, the tortures she went through! for she was in love with him, you must remember. “If she had not been so much in love, she might have managed him better, hut she was like the foam on the wave which is tossed and buffeted between the sea and the storm, until at last it is dashed on the rocks. Then the old man—wliat did you call him?”

“The Daimio which means ‘LorDaimio!” echoed Lady Sciva, with quivering lips. “The Daimio was kind to her—always kind; and when Jack—l mean the man—was unkind, she went to the Daimio, because sho could trust him, and she thought that no one could say a word, as he was so old.” “What I cannot understand,” replied Gordon Melrose, with a judicial air, “is, why, if she loved him, didn’t she accept him—the man I mean?” “Why! because lie never asked her!” “Never asked her? But he said she had refused him.” “He never said a word to which she could give either refusal or consent. He had told her again and again, in voice and manner, and above all with his eyes, that he loved her; but never said so, and he never said a word that could be construed into a proposal of marriage. Could she accept him before he had asked her? That would have been rash, wouldn’t it?” and the beautiful lips curved in a wan smile.

“But what happened at that last interview, then?” cried Melrose, whose face betokened bewilderment. “There was no regular interview. He came to her suddenly at a ball. She had not seen anything of him for days before and she was indignant w’ith him. He asked her for that dance. She told him, trying to 3peak coolly, that she was engaged. He said, ‘Are you engaged to the Daimio?’ Now it happened that it was the Daimio’s dance, and so she said ‘Yes.’

“He was then very strange, made some very rude remarks, and finally ordered her to throw Daimio over. She was very angry with him by this time, especially at the way in which he spoke of her dear ojd frigpd, and she told him decidedly, ‘No.’ tie flung away without a word, and she never saw him again. That was* all.” “I begin to see,” said Melrose. “He must have heard or imagined that the girl was going to marry the Daimio. This drove him half mad, and when he found that she could not give him that dance he asked her point blank if she were engaged to the Daimio, meaning to marry him, and she replied, * Yes,’ meaning for the dance. They were at cross-pur-poses all through, and that little mistake killed poor Tradegar.” “And nearly killed the poor girl,” cried Lady Sciva, with passionate intensity. “ When he went off in that sudden and heartless fashion, people said the cruellest possible things about her. Oh, it was a sin and a shame! Because the poor girl had no brother or father to protect her, and a man had treated her badly, and every one seemed to think they might do the same. Oh, the agonies she suffered! And that was why she married—literally to get a protector, one who could really take her part, and hold her head up again to the world.” “It seems to me terrible,” said Melrose. “This happiness of two lives wrecked by one little mistake —tand that mistake due, no doubt, to some envious woman’s tongue.”

At that moment the opening bars of a brilliant waltz came pealing through the tall windows. “Perhaps so,” replied Lady Sciva hastily, and she rose to her feet. “ And now you must take me back to the ballroom quick. I am engaged for the next dance.” Gordon Melrose gazed at her in astonishment. There was a joyous note in her voice which confounded him. Silence he was prepared so the silence of sorrow which is too deeep for words, or the passionate complaint of a deeply injured woman. But not this. “Come, Mr. Melrose. I can’t go back to the ballroom alone!” she cried impatiently, and she moved toward the open windows. Melrose sprang to his feet at onoe and escorted her back to the ballroom. At the window a tall, handsome man claimed her. “I am sorry,” Melrose heard her say as she went off on the stranger’s arm. “I got up the moment the music began, but my partner dawdled and I couldn’t fly in alone.” As they whirled off in the crowd of dancers Melrose caught a momentary glimpse of her face. It was radiant as if transfigured. The man was bending over her, whispering in her ear, and his lips approached her hair. “Who is that dancing with Lady Sciva?” inquired Melrose of another man. “Oh, that’s Jack Harkness, of the Rifles, He’s a lucky dog! When old Lord Sciva died he left his widow all his property absolutely. She must be worth some twenty thousand a year at least, and has a house in Grosvenor place and a fine place in Derbyshire.” “But what has Lord Scive’s will to do with this Mr. Harkness?” “What! Don’t you know? Why, they are to be married at the end of tlai month.”—[London World.

Trees Close to Buildings.

While it is very desirable to have both fruit and ornamental tree 3 about the house and farm buildings, yet therr too close proximity is positively detrimental, as with trees that extend their branches against a building or overhang the roof. In the latter case, if of shingles, the shade from Ignvefr and branches prevents ffipia evtfporanoT), the portion tlius affected will need replacing years before the remainder. Not only this, but the leaves and litter stop up the gutters, rendering the cistern water filthy. Thick foliage also renders the rooms under its influence dark and damp. Of course no one plants trees with tlie above detrimental objects in view, yet it is always best to look a generation or more ahead in setting trees in any locality, and imagine how a well-developed specimen of tho same species would look in both height and expanse, for if the little slip now being planted should live, it may develop wonderfully. Neaer set trees about a builaing expecting to remove a certain number of them in ten or fifteen years, for you will not do so, or will remove them very reluctantly. You may crowd some trees on the lawn, but give the buildings a wide space for air and sunlight.—[American Agriculturist.

Central Asian Deserts.

Mr. W. Woodville Rockhill describes in an entertaining style, in the Century, his attempt to cross Tibet. His picture of a portion of the country he traversed is not alluring. Life in Central Asian deserts is rough indeed, he says. Nature is without attraction of any kind; it is bleak and repelling; never a tree is seen, and scarcely a flower, except for a month or two in the year, Probably the Artie regions alone offer a more meagre flora. One sees only coarse grass, or bare, gravel-strewn ground of a reddish tinge. In the most favored valleys, and near some brackish lakelet, are occasionally seen bunches of long black-haired yaks, antelopes, or wild asses. A stray hare or wolf runs across the trail; a sheldrake or eagle flies slowly off at one’s approach. Were it not for the wild yaks, travel across this great plateau would be impossible, for dry yak-dung is the only fuel to be found. Should a murrain destroy the yaks, as recently it destroyed the lyre-horned antelope, traveling except along two frequented trails, would become unfeasible. Violent winds sweep the country daily, carrying with them dense clouds of alkaline dust, which parch and crack the skin and blind the eyes. When it is not blowing, it is snowing, hailing or raining. Bogs, marshes, and sandy wastes, cut at short distances by low ranges of mountains rarely rising above the line of perpetual snow (though, be it remembered, the lowest valleys are at a greater elevation above the sea than Mont Blanc), are the characteristics of the bleak country which we had to cross before the inhabited region of Tibet could be reached.

A Coasting Experience Hi the Alps.

“ I had a coasting experience during a visit to Switzerland that was as exciting as it was novel,” remarked H. P. Woodson, of Philadelphia. “One day we made up a party of four ladies and as many gentlemen to make a short trip up among the Alps. Arriving at the top of a great declivity of frozen snow, oUr guide stopped, and, addressing himself to the ladies, • asked how they would enjoy coasting down the hill? As we had brought no sleds with us or any other contrivance for coasting, they looked at him in astonishment and asked him to explain. This he did, and we followed his instructions to the letter. Each of the gentlemen folded his overcoat in four and the lady whom he was to pilot down the hill took a seat on her shawl, the ends of which she wound about her feet, directly behind him, the gentleman holding her firmly by the ankles. Then at a given signal we started off, dragging our companions, laughing and uttering little shrieks, after us. We went down the hill like a shot, and at the bottom arose a trifle giddy, but otherwise none the worse for our experience.”—[St. Louis Globe-Demo-crat.

SUGAR AND POLITICS.

HOW THEY HAVE BEEN MIXED AT WASHINGTON. The Whirligig of Time Hee Gotten la Some Fine Work Since 1890—Iron end Steel Export*—A Load Warning—Tricky Tom Seed. Then and Now. Four years ago when the Republicans of the House and Senate were increasing, step by step, the duty on refined sugar, all for the exclusive benefit of the sugar trust, the Democratic party was denouncing the Republican party as the friend of trusts and the enemy of the people. The Democrats made it perfectly clear that the duty of six-tenths of a cent per pound on refined sugars would produce no revenue worth considering, but would take $15,000,000 or $20,u00,000 a year from the pockets of the people and turn it over to the trust Against the welldemonstrated fact that the total labor cost of refining sugar was less than one-seventh of a cent per pound the Republicans insisted that the duty of over one-half cent per pound was needed to cover the difference between the labor cost here and abroad and to enable re-

Will that Tariff Reform Train Never Come.—N. Y. World.

finers to pay American wages to their employes—mostly Huns and Italians. The whirligig’ of time has got in some fine work since 1890. A few days ago thirty-five Senators—all Democrats but two or three—voted to give the trust about the same protection as MoKinley and Aldrich gave it in 1890, and twenty-eight Senators-all Republicans but one or two—voted against the measure. It is quite certain that the most of the thirtv-five who voted for this tax were personally opposed to it. It is also certain that they were insincere in 1890, or have since changed their views, which they do not pretend to have done. The exigencies of politics are responsible for the j e wonderful changes and anomalies. The majority of the Democrats have been compelled to bribe, in this way, the three or four supposed Democrats who had it in their power to defeat all tariff legislation. The hollowness and fraud of the Republican opp sition becomes clear when it is understood that if only half of them would ally themselves with the Democrats, who favor no concessions to the trust, all such concessions would be defeated. But the Republicans have made no such proposition, for the reason that they are insincere and are playing a game of bluff. If protection does not make strange bedfellows it at least offers the same bed to each of the two great parties, and they take turns in occupying it. —B. W. Holt.

83 1.030,000 of Ecpartn.

Did those Senators who are showing such a fatherly interest in the iron business go to the official returns of our foreign commerce to learn that our iron industry would bj irretrievably ruined without tariff protection? Here are the figures showing the value of exports of different varieties of iron and steel and manufactures thereof during the last fiscal year; Pig Iron $ 835,339 Band hoop and scroll 7,807. Bar 63,«56 Oar wheels 100,403 Castings, n, e a 670,841 Cutlery 148,660 Firearms 713,971 Ingots, bars and rods la, 101 Locks, hinges and other banders’ hardware 2,618.919 Maohlnery 10,467,091 Nalls and spikes, cut. 83o,03« Nails and spikes, wire, otc 108, 09> Plates and sheets, iron 65,763 Plates and sheets, steel 20,459 Printing presses... v 20\805 Pallroad bars. Iron 11,113 Bailroad bars, steel 471,230 Saws and tools 1,902,423 Boales and balances 406,430 Sewing machines 2,476,446 Fire engines 75 Locomotives ; 1,794,709 Stationary engines 264,398 Boilers and parts of engines 607,768 Stoves, ranges and parts of 216.463 Wire 1,189,219 Various other 4,896,401

When one considers the variety and amount of these products of iron and steel exported he is led to conclude that our manufacturers who can sell to such an extent in foreign markets where they have no advantage of protection laws over any competitors do not need protection to keep them out of bankruptcy as sellers in the home market, where they have the natural advantage of transportation and other charges in their favor. And when one observes that we export the most highly finished products in greatest amounts—such as firearms, builders’ hardware, machinery, printing presses and locomotives and other engines, requiring the most skilled and best paid labor for their production—one sees the manifest falsity of the pretense that the tariff ia for the protection of American labor and the maintenance of American wages. We do compete in outside markets, and still pay American wages.—Chicago Herald. Tricky Tom Bwl. Tom Reed has jumped out in the lead for the nomination of 1896. He did not watch his neighbor, tho magnetic cyclone, for nothing. He saw Blaine keep in front by constantly connecting his name with a flashy bit of political expediency. Two or three years ago Senator Vest offered for discussion a suggestion to allow a deduction of 25 per cent on tariff duties to nations consenting to a bimetallic coinage. Reed tucked that idea away for use at the right time, and he thinks this is the right time. Inconsistency is no obstacle to Reed. His plan is an admission of the fallacy of protection. In fact it is two admissions. It would remove tariff ba> riers in return for a mbnetarv reform. This admits that pauper labor is no great bugaboo. International bimetallism would facilitate trade somewhat—would stimulate import*. McKinley-

lam proclaim? every Importation a robbery of American labor. But Reed knows, as Blaine did. that the masses of Western Republican voters mu3t be tickled somehow. Thev naturally dislike a high tariff which provides no market for a sing e bushel of wheat or a single barrel of pork. Free silver is also popular with them. Reed guesses that the man who holds out a premise to work for trade and silver, whether the promise will stand examination or not, will just about suit the Northwest Repub leans who are not willing to change parties, but are opposed to McKinley ism and the gold standard. If he can get the solid New England delegation and can jump into Blaine's plaoe in the Northwest, he will be in good shape to capture the nomination. And if he does, a good Western Demoorat will have fun with him. The next President cannot be from an Eastern State. —St. Louis Republic. Protection Philosophy. Eight years ago the Italian Government started out to increase the sum total of national prosperity by extracting money from one set of its subjects and paying it over to another set. The theory on which this was attempted was one with which we are very familiar , namely, that the amounts taken were so small that nobody would mind paying them, while the amounts paid over, being paid to a very few persona,

STILL WAITING.

were so large that no one could fail to observe them with admiration. There are sixty-five million people In this country, and it is obvious to the simplest comprehension that to take one cent from each would be burdensome to no one, while the, aggregate, $650,000, would be a very handsome sum to give to any one or even any dozen persons. Because the cent apiece would matter to no one it is treated as nonexistent; the collection of these cents, therefore, into a pile easily seen by the naked eye is, according to a certain school of political economy, all the samp as the creation of wealth: the production of $650,000 out of nothing, and the production of the same number of millions of invisible particles is practically tbe same thing to Borne of our philosophers, and therefore the aggregate wealth of the nation may be regarded as increased by tbe sum of $650,000 every time a cent is abstracted from each inan, woman and child and bestowed upon some person or class with influence at the capital. Mr. Havemeyer put the thing in its concrete form when he said, in a celebrated contribution of his to the newspapers, that the profits of the Sugar Trust were large, but no one felt tho burden when be dropped his single lump of sugar into his morning coffee. The Italian peasantry are on the verge of starvation: the recent brief but bloody uprising in Sicily was due exclusively to the effort to collect taxes from people who do not have enough to eat. The Government is bankrupt; the common people are fleeing the country or shaking their shriveled fists at the beneficent Government that is trying to make them prosperous by taxing them for money with which to hire some one else to carry on a business.

Start the Revenue! Among the strongest reasons for the early passage of a tariff bill is the condition of the treasury. While the bill is under consideration it cannot be expected that any but the most necessary imports will be brought in. The consequence is a continuing diminution of the customs revenue. Last January Secretary Carlisle estimated that the deficit at the end of the year would be *2*, 000, <•00. It is now certain to be much more than that. The stock of gold has fallen to $79,000,000. It is estimated that it will fall to $65,000,ojo by the end of the fiscal year. The one thing needful to turn the scale toward prosperity and a full treasury is the passage of the tariff bill. If this is not accomplished soon the necessity of another issue of bonds- will be imminent. But the suggestion of such issue is sure to start an agitation in Congress most injurious to business interests and to threaten a reopening of the silver question.—New York World. A Loud Warning;. There was an election down in an Illinois judicial district, in which a plurality of 7,000 for Cleveland wa9 turned into a Republican majority of 4,0 X). We cannot imagine a finer comment on the vote of Democratic Senators on tne sugar schedule than this vote. It followed it as fitly and quickly as thunder follows the lightning’* Bash. If the House doesn’t want the dose repeated in every Congressional district north of the Ohio River this fall the members will have to e£ow the Senate's overdose of protection out of their mouths when it is passed up to them, and if they should go further and cut out a lot of the protection thus weakly put in their own bill, it will insure the return of every Democratic Congressman now holding a seat—SL Paul Globe (Dem.). Afraid to Attack ItA monopoly organ attributes the Democratic defeat in the judicial election in Dlinois to the proposed income tax. Considering that this most just and least burdensome of taxes is so popular in the East as well as in the West that even the Republican conventions have not dared to denounce if, the explanation is absurdly lame. The inoome tax is coming and coming to stay. The late Bishop Reichel, although a prelate of the Irish Protestant Church, was a native of Yorkshire, England. He was a man of great learning, and remarkable for his strong common sense, and he exercised much influence in Ireland; Tell me no more of your unbeliefs. I have enough of my own. But if you know any thing, if you have discovered any truth, let me snare it with you.

THE JOKER’S BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. I««he Anarchist Club*-Not for Pt»b~ Oeatlcn - - Wh*n Skillfully Dons- - The Right Man, Etc., Etc. IS THE AXABCHIBT CLUB. Inner Guard (to Head Center>— You ordered beers for every man in the room? Head Center—Yes. Inner Guard—Well, there’s a little red-headed man who 6ays he never drinks beer. Head Center—Confusion, we aye discovered!—[Pearson's Weekly. SOT TOE PUBLICATION. Suspicious Mamma—Ethel, what detained you so long at the door just now when Mr. Spoonamore went away? Ethel (smoothing her rumpled hair) Nothing to speak of, maratna. —[Chicago Tribune. WHEN SKILLFULLY DONE. Sympathizing Friend—lt must give one a queer feeling to have one’s pocket picked. Victim—You don’t feel it at all. That’s the misery of it.—[Chicago Tribune. THE EIGHT MAN. Clara—l wish I knew of a good dentist. Maude—l can recommend you to one, dear. They say he makes splendid false teeth. PROFESSIONAL INSTINCT. She was engaged in conducting a department for a magazine, and her mind was very much with her work. “Did you receive my letter?” he asked. “Yes.” “The one asking you to be mine?” “Yes.” “Then,” he said almost fiercely, “why did you not answer it?” “Why, William,” and there was both surprise and reproach in her voice, “you know you forgot to send stamps for reply.” [Washington Star.

SCARCITY OF SILVER. Guest (facetiously)—:-There are two spoons in my teacup. What is that a sign of? Hostess’s Little Son—That’s a sign that somebody else hasn’t got any spoon.—[Good News. A GRIEVANCE. “I’d like to know what ails these spectacles!” grumbled Mr. Skinnphlint. “I’ve always taken the very best care of them, but they’ve begun to fail me. I can’t see through them well any more.” “Why don’t you take them back to the man you bought them of?” asked Mrs. Skinnphlint. “I would if I could,” he rejoined savagely, “but he died fourteen years ago*”—[Chicago Tribune.

TRIALS OF GRADUATING. Uncle George (sympathetically)— So you are getting ready to graduate, Hettie, and I suppose you are full of work. Hettie—lndeed I ami The dressmaker is here every day, and it really seems as though it were nothing but trying on from morning till night. [Boston Transcript. AN OLD ONE. “Talk of killing that elephant in Central Park reminds me of a baby that was fed on elephant’s milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.” “Goodness gracious 1 Whose baby was it? ” “The elephant’s.”—[Hallo. apparently all hump. The cyclist with an ambition to be mistaken for a racing man rode up to a wayside watering trough, steadied himself by putting one foot on it and called out to the farmer on the other side of the fence: ‘ ‘Can you tell me how far it is to the next town?” “ I can’t tell which way you’re travelin’, ” replied the farmer, “unless you raise your head so’s I can see where it’s fastened on. I’m a leetle near sighted.”—[Chicago Tribune.

PRICELESS. Her eyes, like purest diamonds, sparkle full of light; Like rubies were her lips; her teeth like pearl. I think you’ll all admit that I am in the right When I contend she was a jewel of a girl.—[New York World. ONE OF THE EXCEPTIONS. Hungry Higgins—See this here sign in the winder? Weary Watkins—Of, course, “Bathing suits.” Hungry Higgins—l jist wish to remark, comrade, that it don’t suit me.—[lndianapolis Journal.

STRICTLY FORBIDDEN. Cholly—Have a stick of chewing gum, ole chappie? Fweddie —Naw, thanks. My physician says I have got to quit my blawsted dissipating.—[Chicago Tribune. HE LOOKED SO. “Dobson claims to be a self-made man.”, ‘‘He looks like an amateur job.” A MODERN MATCH. Employer—Want to marry my daughter, eh? And next, I suppose, you’ll want your salary raised so that you can support her! Employee--Oh, no, sir! I shall expect you to support us both[Kate Field’s Washington. AN ANALOGY. “Doesn’t It seem a pity to cut these roses from their stems just to decorate a room ? They only wither and die.” "Well, they'll wither and die anyhow ; and for my part, I hope that when I wither and die it will be aftet having been plucked from the parent to decorate a household.”—[Harper’s Magazine. SHORT METRE. Say, Swoller—Why is one o’ your arms so much shorter than the other —Hu? Swoller—l uster be a short-hand writer.—[Puck. \,

VERY TT3HT. “Money's awfully tight, isn’t It?” “Yes; I haven’t even any loose change. ” ' THE BUBBTANCE OF IT. Judge Guffey—What passed between yourself and the complainant ? ” O’Brien—l think, sor, a half-dozen bricks and a piece of pavin’ stone.— [Raymond’s Monthly. DIE WAY GIRLS DO. Harry—Has Mabel’s engagement been announced yet? Ethel—No; but she blushes furiously every time his name is mentioned and says she just hates him.— [New York World. EVEN WITH HER. “Is this the smoking car?” she asked in choice Bostonese, as she peered through her girlish spectacles into the uncultured conductor’s face. “No, miss,he answered, with a glad, joyous feeling that for once he was getting even with a woman; “it is not.” She disappeared into the interior of the car, but in a few moments came out livid with rage. “You—told—me,” she said in icy tones, “that it was not a smoking car.” “It is not, miss. None of our cars smoke. It is the smoker’s car.”— [Detroit Free Press.

KNOW THYSELF. Teacher—You have named all domestic animals save one. It has bristly hair, is filthy, likes dirt, and is fond of mud. Well, Tom? Tom (shamefacedly)—That’s me! HE TALKED TOO MUCH. Mrs. Meekers (during the spat)— And why don’t you explain what kept you so late last night? Mr. Meekers—l will, but— Mrs. Meekers (sobbing(—You won’t, oh, you know you won’t. You’re cruel. Mr. Meekers—Now, Emily— Mrs. Meekers—And [sob] you treat me terribly, and I wish we’d never been married— Mr. Meekers—Emily, I want— Mrs. Meekers—There you go again, evading my question, as though I had no rights at— Mr. Meekers—l want to say— Mrs. Meekers—And talking so I can never got a word [sob] in edgewise. [Dissaves into a flood of tears.]— [Chicago Record. MAKING SURE. Waiter—l expect you to pay in advance. Guest—What do you mean, sir? Waiter—No offense, sir, whatever; but the last gentleman who ate mack- • erel here got a bone in his throat and died without paying, and the guv’nor took it out of my wages.—[Spare Moments.

A MODERN IKE. Now doth the would-be fisherman Begin his yearly wishing; While night and day we hear him say He’d like to go a-fishing. At night he looks his tackle o’er, Caresses reel and rod, Then lays them by, and with a sigh Goes out and buys a cod. —[Boston Courier. ’T 18 SAD, BUT TRUE. Johnny—l tell you, my mother is just lightning when she gets after you with a slipper. Tommy—Naw; you’re off! Lightning never strikes twice in the same place.—(Puck. ALREADY THAT WAY. Tom—l believe I’m becoming dull. Fred (who means to be comforting) —Nonsense. It’s positively absurd to speak of your becoming so.—[Chicago Record. SMALL CHANGE. Conductor (to lady passenger)— Haven’t you anything smaller than this dollar? The Lady—Why, of course. How stupid of me! Here is a five-dollar gold piece.—[Truth. A PRESENT FROM PAPA. “What did your pa give you for your birthday, Johnny ? ” “He had me hair cut.”—[Hallo. FROM EXPERIENCE. Bingham—There goes a man who has a strong pull ? Wilber—What is he ? A politician? Bingham—No. A barber.—[lnterOcean.

Proposed Ship Canals.

Surveys are to be made for a ship canal from the lakes to the Ohio river, probably by way of the Erie and Pittsburg; the agitation in favor of the Chesapeake and Delaware ship canal is growing, and the revival of the project of the Philadelphia and New York canal has revived interest in the Cape Cod canal project, which would greatly shorten the waterway between New York and Boston. There are no physical difficulties in the way that could not be surmounted by engineering skill; the question as to each canal turns mainly on the cost and possible revenue. It is conceded that such a chain of canals would be of great advantage to the Government in case of war, and that the canals would repay in value, directly or indirectly; all that might be expended upon them, provided they should be carried to completion.— [Philadelphia Ledger.

Good Value hi an Old Carpet.

A very much worn and sadly dilapidated carpet covered the floor of the cashier’s office in the Mint. A new one involved the of perhaps |75, and for weeks Superintendent Townsend has endeavored to secure permission from the department at Washington to buy one. The mass of red tape and the difficulty of obtaining jnoney for any purpose balked him, but he pegged away patiently, and a day or two ago had the satisfaction of gaining permission to buy the needed carpet, which cost him a little more thin S7O. The wretched old covering was burned; the ashes were refined, and they yielded S4OO ol ffold.— fPhiladelohia Record.