Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 June 1894 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokelet* that Ara Supposed U Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doing* that Are Odd. Curioaa. and Laughable—The Week's Humor. Let Us AU Laugh. One must first learn to think to stop before he can stop to think.— Galveston News. Little Girl—“ You bad cat, where’s my bird?” Cat—“Oh, he’s just gone inside. ’—Life. Someone who believes that “brevity is the soul of wit” writes: “Don’t eat stale Q-cumbers. They’ll W un " Tid-Blts. Paddy’s latest feat was to pawn his gun, preparatory to a day’s shooting, in order to buy cartridges.—London Truth. _ This is the season when the man who has been at peace all winter has a falling out with his hammock— Atchison Globe. No smile is so genuine as that of the hen which, perched on the fence, watches the man next door making his spring garden.—Yonkers Statesman.

When you go in to collect a bill, the man at the counter is less apt to inquire about the health of your family than when you go in to pay one. Atchison Globe. Judge Guffey—What passed between yourself and the complainant? O’Brien—l think, sor, a half-a-dozen bricks and a piece of pavin’ stone.— Raymond’s Monthly. Smythe—Do the hard times affect your business? Landlady (theatrical boarding-house)—Not at all; my boarders wouldn’t pay anyhow.— Raymond’s Monthly. Wife (at party)—That decollete waist of Mrs. Shapely fits her perfectly, doesn’t it? Husband (looking intently)—lt would if there were enough of it—Judge. From the barracks: Sergeant—On account of two short days of arrest that fellow makes a face like a zebra whose stripes have been washed away.—Fliegende Blaetter. “Did you tender your resignation?” said a man to an ex-officeholder. “I resigned by request, sir, but there was nothing tender about it. It was tough.”—Pittsburg Chronicle. The razor-toed shoe is the proper thing in footwear just now. Unfortunately, however, the prices are such that a man is liable to get strapped in buying a pair—Buffalo Courier. “What is Congress talking about now, dear?” said Mrs. Dukane to her husband, who was reading the paper. “About all the time, love,” was the comprehensive reply.—Pittsburg (Pa.) Chronicle. She—“l tell you, it won’t be long till we have our rights. ” He—“Oh, you are one of those revolting women, are you?” “Sir-r-r!” “Er—l mean you are in revolt, don’t you see?”— Indianapolis Journal. Mr. Grumpps—What Idiotic things they do print on the women’s page of this newspaper! Mrs. Grumpps— Yes, I wish they would discharge the fellow and put a woman in charge of it.—New Yoik Weekly. Mr. Casey (Aiderman) —Phwat do yez t’ink of these refarm clubs? Officer Klubbum (twirling his baton) — Well, they’re lighter to handle. But I t’ink ’twas wrong to do away wid der night-stick.—Puck. Parent—“ Aren’t you ashamed, daughter, to be seen in such a low dress?” Daughter—“ Why, papa, you said yourself that you wanted me to cut down in my clothes while the times were so hard.”—Judge. Old woman—l am sorry to hear little boys use such bad language. Have you thought what becomes of little boys who use bad language? Street urchin Yes. Dey become hoss-car drivers.—Brooklyn Life. Demonstrator (in clinic) —“You will notice that the subject’s right leg is longer than his left, which causes him to limb. Now, what do you do in such a case?” Bright Student—“l’d limp, too.”—Philadelphia Record. “Well, Mary, what did you think of the pictures at the Academy?” “Oh, mum, there was a picture there called ‘Two Dogs,after Landseer,’ but I looked at it for nearly half an hour and I couldn’t see no Landseer.”— Spare Moments. Managing Editor—“ Where’s our foreign letter?” City Editor—“l’m just going to send the boy up to Mrs. Hasher’s boarding house to get the copy.” Managing Editor—“ All right. Tell him to come back on the Broadway road with it. I want it headed ‘By Cable. ’ ” —Puck. Kirby Stone Good heavens! Haven’t you enough ball dresses now, without buying any more? Mrs. Stone—Yes, my dear, for ordinary occasions. But this is to be a “Hard Times” party, and will require something out of the usual. A couple of hundred will do, I think.—Puck. “Remember, witness,” sharply exclaimed the attorney for the defense, “you are on oaJh!” “There ain’t no danger of my furgettin’ it,” replied the witness. “I’m tellin’ the truth fur nothin’, when I could have made $4 by lyin’ fur your side of the case, an’ you know it.”—Chicago Tribune. Mrs. Chatt—l’m so sorry you hurt your fingers, Johnny. How was it the cracker went off in your hand? Little Johnny—lt was alidad’s iault. He was coming up the street, and I was going to drop it out of the window on his head, but he walked so slow that the thing went off before he got underneath the window.— Tid-Bits.